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Damnit Rory July 31, 2008 |

So awhile ago Rory was talking about writing a book. Over a lunch which lasted 3hrs due to horridly poor service we passed back and forth story lines and character names. It was good fun. She also started a blog specifically for little fiction tidbits shes playing around with... view Rory's Writing Blog here.

Anyways my bottom line was I miss it. My blog has been getting me back into writing and quite frankly I love it. I've always liked writing but those dreams died the moment I choose science for my major. Granted I don't regret my decision but still there is that itch.

I want to write a book. If I imagined myself writing a book it would be sarcastic little snip its much like this blog but that's not the story line that came to mind. It's total chick-lit. I don't have time to start this project and quite frankly I have no idea where to begin but I have a story line and about a dozen loosely thrown together chapter ideas.

The premise:
30yr old Pella moves to the city (Chicago of course) to get her life back on track and live the life she wants to. She's a total single girl who has given up the whole knight and shinning armor thing. She has a french bulldog and is saving up to adopt a child. She works as a laboratory auditor at CAP. Pella has fun with her two bffs best gay, and married gal pal. She meets mister perfect (Max) while on a Saturday run on the lake shore. Insert whirl whin romance here. Funny meeting with the parents, proposal etc. I don't want to ruin it by giving away the twists and surprise ending . Basically its a quest by an independent girl who finds the love of her life that she never knew she needed.

I just read it and it sounds horrible without all the stuff I don't want to give away, but trust me I've spent the last two nights thinking up scenes and its a decent idea.

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Fat..so? |


I know what you all are thinking...Ava what happened to you weekly posts about goals for changing your life and being more active and healthy. Well folks life happened and its also kinda boring to talk about. However the topic has been on my mind and its monthly weight in time. My first long term goal is 20lbs in 6mos. Yeah I know people on biggest looser do that in a week but seeing as I have a little thing called a job and school and needy bulldogs I'm aiming for something a little more realistic. 3.3lbs a month I can do that. We are two months in and I am on schedule GO ME! Also the whole one goal a week thing is too much for me adding on every week whozar I'd have to give up sleeping. So I'm going to try a new method the one goal a month...and each month I'll build on it.

August Goal:
Assuming 3 meals a day...Ava only 3meals a day no second dinners. 2/3 must be eaten at home or prepared at home. That's it the only rule. This is a flexible rule. Say I ate all three home prepared meals on Monday...on Tuesday I'm allowed to go to the cafeteria for lunch and Applebees for after work dinner.

I know this seems like a lame-o rule but I'm a bit addicted weekends are the worst and I will often eat all three meals at a restaurant or drive thru. I'm going out of town this weekend I better save up tokens.

The plan: August has 31 days therefore right now i have 31 little circles in my planner on the month of august...i fill one in each time i eat out...tada.

Also have you voted in the poll yet...do it, do it now...I command you! Click Me to Vote!

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Ava the Human Dictionary July 30, 2008 |

I don't check my ok cupid account very often...only when I want to take quizzes but oddly enough when I signed in I had 3 non-spam messages. Now I must bathe just in case STD's are transmitable through WiFi...

U look delicious...
reallly got my mojo revved up..do u likie massages...feet rubbedd..and caressed..
do u Hot-TUB !!!-- wine and cheese...while hottubbing..:))
feel free to call or e-mail me off line..XXXX@yahoo.com
XXX-XXX-XXXX
u got my attention..:)) Yummy
I know, I know your head is spinning but let me help decode this suitors message.

U (noun)
  1. The 23rd letter of the english alphabet
  2. A shorthand used by persons of low intelect and pre-teens for "you" since they are simply too gosh darn lazy to add in the extra two letters.
Delicous (adjective)
  1. Of pleasing taste, desirable for consumption
  2. A person who is attractive
Mojo (noun)
  1. A Cuban seasoning of garlic, olive oil, and sour (Seville) oranges used as a dip, marinade, or sauce
  2. Something Austin Power's lost
  3. The magic one possess over the oposite sex
likie (adjective)
  1. Similar to the word like, to find appealing. Often used by toddlers when decribing thier toys.
rubbeded (verb)
  1. The act of a parasite burrowing into ones skin


Ava Need's Your Help |

I'm sick of this template. I can't get some of the graphics to work, the font is too small very hard for those of us with little screens to read. Also I think a lot of people don't "get" the pull button...you click on it folks its not that hard. My biggest beef is that its only one column. Sure it makes it look neat and clean but I want a blog roll. At first I didn't care for them but I have found so many other people's blog's through blog rolls I feel its well overdue that I give a little back. My semester shall be coming to a close on Friday and I will have 3 glorious school free week to sit on my ass and do a bit of blog revamping. I flipped through some templates today and am including the links below. Check em out and pick your favorite. Also I'm allow people to vote more than once so if you can't decide you can vote again...don't go crazy though. Poll will be open until Sunday.

I know this isn't the most fun post but don't you feel powerful?

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I Heart Mac July 29, 2008 |

Dear John-

I have loved the Dells in my life and even your XP operating system. We have been together for many years and over time I haven gotten to accept your idiosyncrasies. But I think the time has come to part ways. The mini entered our lives years ago and changed our relationship forever. Suddenly I knew there was more out there for me, a computer that understands me and I'm just too young to settle down without persuing this curiosity.

Its time I came clean. I think you may have been expecting this, the mini did nothing but wet my appetite and soon came the full size iPod, and now the iPhone. Ive been cheating on you with shiny little electronics that have a trendy little fruit as their symbol (that weird checkered box does nothing for me anymore) With your broken shift key and the annoying Microsoft message "I want to download word-perfect please place the CD in the D drive" Then when I say no...when I click cancel clearly stating my needs in this relationship...you shut me out and freeze up. Its always the same story with you isn't it? You will never change.

Ive consulted the mac expert Cobie who even talked me down off the pro and has me now drooling over a powerbook. Soon it will come out in aluminum with rounded corners and it will be impossible for me to resist my carnal desires. I hope we can enjoy these last couple months together in harmony. Your not an old computer you will find someone else. I will set you up and well the rest is up to you. I'm sorry its just to late for us. You were my first and I will never forget that.

You will always hold a special place in my heart-
Ava Mazur

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Sleeplessness July 28, 2008 |

The moment I worry about having to get up early is the moment insomnia strikes, and sunday nights are the worst. I've been very content with my new schedule that allows me to waltz into work at 1:30pm showered and well rested. However being the super huge big deal that I am need to attend a meeting at 10am tommorow, and I need to take a test so I was thinking of taking the 8:20am bus so I can attend to my academic needs before starting my workday.

First thought 10am thats not bad after all I did months of showing up at 6:15 no big deal I can do this...its 1:30am and Im two "nyquil" doses in. Was it sleeping in until 3pm....maybe that wasnt such a good idea.

Maybe Ill take a showe and eat a snack.

Dear Ava (7-27-08) Part II July 27, 2008 |

Dear Ava,
Lately I've been having extreme mood swings and more road rage than normal - what's the best cure for getting rid of the grumpies?
-Hostile and Angry with morons who don't know how to merge.

Dear Hostile and Angry-

Dealing with the stupidity of others is often quite frustrating. I find the best way to cure a bad mood is liquor...no not beer hard liquor. Next time before you take to the highway I suggest a couple of shots of vodka...or if you like like smell of pine sol gin should do the trick. If you aren't calm enough to ignore the morons after that you should pack some heat (MN does have a conceal and carry law). Now I'm not one to condone extermination...especially after the whole Holocaust thing, but shooting bad drivers is more like exercising your god given right to hurry along natural selection.

Cheers-
Ava

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Dear Ava (7-27-2008) |

So I've always had a little bit of an obsession with Dear Abby. I like giving advice even if its bad advice. So I would request questions from all of my 2 loyal readers but to avoid the disappointment of having no one answer me I have decided to make up my own questions based on my stat counter search terms...which are not at all related to the content of my blog.

Today's search term "Ugly accept being alone" I imagine this persons question would go something like this...

Dear Ava,
I am a 37 year old female virgin. I have been single all my life. I weigh 300lbs, have long stringy hair which I cut myself and have a problem with acne...face and body. I don't believe in bathing as it upsets the earth god. In my spare time I read cat fancy magazine and follow men around the grocery store. How can I learn to accept that I will have to be a single parent to my 5 Persian cats?
-Catnipwhore in Ontario

Dear Catnipwhore-
It sounds like you need to invest in some proactive and a hooker. You need to get that virgin thing taken care of. Your weight can be used as an advantage download some Double-Stuffed Plumper's to get to love you body. Now we need to work on a little thing...I call crazy. Get an exorcism and take a shower (in whichever order you would like). Drown your cats and donate your magazine subscription to your local hospital's allergy department. Now your a decent enough human being and you can love yourself...even if you can't get anyone else to do it.

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Oh Puleez |

Im bored and avoiding homework on the internet and who Ims me but Red. And his IM came with exciting news his finance is pregnant. Now normally when an ex comes up and tells me they are having a happy family I think awww sigh, that could have been me. This time I though....THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME!

Who's Going to Talk me Down Off this Ledge? July 26, 2008 |


Rory, Tiff, and some girl who's blog I read (dategirldiaries.com) are all headed down "happily ever lane" thanks to a small financial investment in match.com. I haven't wanted to date lately, for nearly a year. Of course I did end up in that ill fated relationship with Smiley which only reinforced my desire to avoid all things dating wise. However after a couple months of pure singletom I'm starting to reconsider.

I could potentially be moving as soon as next summer...however with my job, tuition reimbursement, bills, housing market and everything else outside of my control that rules such major life transitions it will be more likely to be the summer of 2010. So do I really want to sit here on my hands until I'm 29?

Lets look at some worst case scenarios?

  • No one messages me: my ego takes a hit and I loose some money giving it a try....eh I can cancel after a couple months if nothing happens.
  • I only have really crappy dates: well ladies and gentleman that is the blog content you've been waiting for isn't it?
  • I fall blissfully in love with some guy who is chained to Rochester. This one would suck, but I don't completely hate Rochester and its something that would have to play itself out.
  • I get my little heart broken: I really think I've toughened up on this one and my little heart is finally decently armored.
So I am presenting to you my very first poll...oh this is exciting think of it like a quiz but allot shorter. Anyways the poll will be open until Sunday at midnight (7-27-08). Vote so I feel loved.



Photo by: My Olympus

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Wine-o Wednesday July 23, 2008 |

So I received a bottle of wine from Rory's mom for my b-day. Her mom is cute like that. The wine came with explicit instructions...

  • break all wine rules while drinking
  • serve chilled over ice in a tumbler
  • add a fresh squeezed lime (which she thoughtfully included)
Ive become just a little bit of a wine snob and asking me to break wine rules is like asking me cheat on my taxes. Somewhat tempting but I was afraid the wrath of god might come down upon me for doing so.

Seeing as it was a gift though I had no choice by to comply with the wishes. OH MY GOD was it good! It tastes like a cocktail but with that hint of wine plus the acidity from the lime...perfect absolutely perfect. I might have to go buy a case of this stuff or better yet try other wines in this manner.

I will have to send her a thank you card...all though I'm quite lazy so I give it 50/50 for a thank you card...60/40 for a thank you phone call. And because I was feeling artsy I took a picture, partially because I like how limes look and also because I wanted to show off my new glasses I got at linen's and things for 60% off. Cheers!

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Holy Smokes Batman...A Movie Review |

Go to to hell, go directly to hell, do not pass go or collect $200.

So because I had absolutely no purpose at work today I got to skip out 40 minutes early...of course I went home and studied, yeah right I'm taking Thursday off so I will surely procrastinate until then.

Nope I went to go see The Dark Knight..in digital on the mega screen. So here is my non-spoiler review and quite frankly there is nothing to spoil. It was another batman movie...there were struggles between good and evil There were cool cars, a guy dressed in black and a wacky villain. Perhaps my estrogen levels kept me from appreciating all the special effects but I spent more time picking out Chicago landmarks then paying attention to explosions.

The story line? Tepid at best. There was no real love romance that I at all cared about, I didn't get all to attached to anyone and quite frankly the movie was just too long to keep my interest. There was one point when I thought it was over but they threw in a twist that made it drag on for yet another 45minutes.

But...but Heath Ledger and his crowning performance before his untimely death. It was so excellent he deserves an Oscar. Yeah well set up my burning coals in Hades because it was Ok...he did a good job with it but I certainly didn't leave the theater saying brilliance.

Personally sexy Heath will live on in my memory for his awesome movies....such as 10 Things I Hate About You, A Knights Tale and Brokeback Mountain. You know movies where we actually saw his face and he had more than one emotion. So call me cold but personal if the guy was still alive it would be just another Batman movie...entertaining but nothing more.

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Finals July 22, 2008 |

I was supposed to get early this morning and listen to two lectures.

10:00 alarm rings 3.5 hours until i have to go to work.

I hit the snooze...5 times, I then reset the alarm

11:00 the alarm rings 2.5 hours until i have to go to work.

I hit the snooze, reset the alarm.

12:00 the alarm rings, snooze....oh fuck I have to get up.

Shower, dry, lunch...its now 1pm....I can still listen to half a lecture...oh screw it.

I have to have my semester finished up by next Wednesday.

For urinalysis I need to listen to 6 lectures and take two tests and a final.

For micro I need to Do a case study and a final...this is complicated by the fact that no one will email me back, final is nowhere to be found and I have no guidance for what this case study involves other than its worth 25pts on my grade sheet.

I do this every semester...distance learning is not for procrastinators.

The bitch effect July 20, 2008 |

I talked to birthday today who im'd me (way to go on not iming him even though upon logging in you immediately saw him on your list). He wished me a happy bday and offered a song.

Okay I admit I kinda waited by the phone....but during my waiting period I talked to my mom, my dad, Alice and Cobie...and i don't answer call waiting.

So I was going to bed somewhat annoyed that said birthday phone call was not made. How annoying I thought, why say your going to do something when your not. I would have never cared had he not said anything but the fact that he didn't follow through...red flag, red flag.

We had a very adult conversation after our un-date...basically saying yeah we liked each other but the distance...total drag. And at least for me starting a relationship long distance is just halfway crazy...not real. So we agreed we like our undates...no pressure, friends who go on dates but don't do the after date activities. If its meant to be it will work itself out down the road...and quite frankly I'm more than willing to go with the flow at the moment.

Well back to the point...I was getting ready for bed. Humm I wonder what Alice's message said when she was on the call waiting....listening...

What 2 unheard messages?

And there he was message number two no talking just a very thoughtful birthday song sung with grander like he was performing for the opera...albeit poorly.

Cute very cute.

Happy birthday to me.

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Peanut Butter Knife |

OK since the last post ended on somewhat of a bummer note I thought I would regale you with an amusing tale. I have previous posted on my hatred of pooping at work or public restrooms in general however I have not exactly touched on my hatred of pooping anywhere besides my home. My home where I know exactly where extra toilet paper is located, I have disposable cleansing wipes (for a cheerier posterior) and plentiful bathroom reading material comprised of various junk mail and fashion magazines.

Pooping at a friends house never was much of an issue these people have seen a lot worse from me than a lingering smell in a bathroom however, much like a trauma victim events in my life have made me become significantly more precautious.

I present to you (not in order because I want to save the best story for last)

Case A:
I was at a party not too long ago where I ate some greasy food and I wasn't quite sure if the tummy pains would result in gas or something more productive so I headed for the powder room. Once there it because obvious that I made the right decision. In the middle of my process the handle giggled letting me know someone was waiting...dammit! I hurried myself along spritz the air freshener and left. A co-workers husband was on the other side of the door.

"Did you drop nay pom in there? Whhheewww eeeee!"

Seriously was that necessary. First of all it wasn't THAT bad and I used the air freshener and he didn't have to publicly announce it so loudly and obnoxiously so that the 15people in the other room heard it.

Case B:
I was at Cobie's house and was suffering from a case of I-haven't-poopedinalongtime-itis. To make a long story short the toilet clogged and he had no plunger. I had to walk to Walgreen's to remedy the situation. Of course in an efficiency apartment with friends word travels fast so my mishap did not go unnoticed.

Case C:
I was visiting Alice for the weekend. I had to go. Nothing spectacular but instead of going down the drain my poop stubbornly folding upon itself and wedged itself preventing already sub-par flushing action from working its magic. I remember staring at it...wishing it down. If I was going to take the fall for clogging someones toilet I at least wanted a poop worthy of pluming dysfunction. I scan the bathroom no plunger...seriously what the fuck is up with my friends not having a freaking plunger? I try the flush again...no dice although I effectively raised the water level in the tank knowing that if I tried to flush again I would have dirty water all over the floor. I would just have to suck it and take the humiliation. I washed my hands let out a sigh and entered the living room...

"Umm Alice? I kinda clogged your toilet, do you have a plunger?"

Alice: "hhhaaahhaa-hooo-hhooo snort snort.....no" That's really how she laughs

Me: Well what should I do?

Alice: I dunno push it down with something...heeheeehhh...snort

Me: Like what? I'm not just going to reach in there

Alice: Still snorting and now crossing her legs the urgent need to pee which always results from the hilarity that is at someone else expense (thereby increasing my problem). "Here use this."

Alice reached into her sink of dirty dishes and produced a butter knife with a baby blue handle. Soupy brown goo smeared the metal...peanut butter. I held the knife and looked at it. It was kinda gross half gooy half crusty and then realized that soon the knifes life would be over as it knew it. It would look back on its peanut butter encrusted time as the "good ol' days"

I went to the bathroom and knelt at the toilet and grimaced. Closed my eyes reached in and chopped up the poo like a Samaria. I then open my eyes looked at my work...and saw it was good (Genesis 2:11).

The next step was more complicated though...I stared at the knife and the bowl...how to I gracefully get rid of this thing. Like a airborne pathogen I couldn't release it from its diseased tank without a plan. Resting my wrist on the sink I used my left hand (which I had to cross over my person) to grab gobs of toilet paper....in retrospect much more than necessary but in emergencies survival takes hold and gluttony ensues. I folded it over several times before resting it on the edge of the seat. Then I made the transfer...swiftly but not too quickly as to prevent a splash hazard I placed the poopy-knife on the folded paper and flipped over the excess wrapping it up like a mummy.

Me: ALICE! I need a plastic bag...STAT
Alice: Whhooo-hheee---haaa...snort snort snort.

I drop the package in the bag roll it up and tie knots using the handles...flush the toilet...success. "I'm just going to go...throw this away." I say as I leave the bathroom passing Alice whom is on the floor in either having a grand maul seizure or a laughing fit (its hard to tell with her).

Late-Twenties Crisis |


So I headed to Lacrosse for my super awesome birthday shenanigans. The festivities were to be held on Saturday July 19th, a day premature but logistically best for the observation of such an occasion. Much like Washington's birthday is observed on a Monday to give children and people with cushy jobs a three day vacation.

Just so you get the full effect I will start at 12am...I arrive downtown, Alice is drunk and convinces me and Rory to meet her at a bar. Normally I would not object but seeing as I had left in a hurry I was still wearing my lovely burgundy scrubs complete with sensible white crocks. I had half a beer and played cards while Alice flittered about.

After the bar we got to Alice's where she set us up with a movie and passed out. Alice is frugal which is endearing in most cases, however its less endearing when it comes to her "air conditioning" which consists of a fan that used to isolate. I keep my thermostat set at 70 and pay the bill almost gleefully in summertime. It is a luxury I have come to require. I'm convinced the heatstroke lead to my headache and resulting insomnia. The movie was over at 4am, I checked my facebook and myspace then settled for some quizzes on okcupid. After taking a quiz on lucid dreaming ability I ended up on wikipedia which entertained me until the sun rose at about 6:30am and I was finally ready for bed.

I slept until 1:30pm listened to NPR while reading my book and ate a tomato sandwich for lunch. At 5:30 we were finally dressed and went to buzzard billy's for blackened chicken salad and a side of french fries with the best ranch dressing ever.

We then went to G & S's house because they have air conditioning & cable and watched T.V. until 11:45. It was then that my dream of going out died swiftly with an impromptu trip to Mc Donalds. I should have been having a free birthday shot or ringing a bell at some college bar but instead I was ordering a no.2 no onions minutes before closing and not caring that the poor schmucks serving me were most likely annoyed that they had to clean the grill yet again before frolicking off to fun and frivolity. Even though that was me only 5years ago.

So am I upset that my birthday bash was well...totally lame? No, not really because I'm not the 5yrs ago me. I would feel stupid ringing a birthday bell (although truth be told I've never rang one). I don't want people singing to me at restaurants and I don't really even care that I can get a free entree if I bring 3 other diner's with me for my birthday meal.

Ava's birthday observed started when I turned 21 and was a good summer excuse to get together and do something a little outside the ordinary. Over the years it has made up all the trauma left from never getting to sit in the birthday chair at school or passing out cupcakes to my classmates. But maybe its time to move on.

Today I am 27. I have the feeling each birthday leading up to 30 is going to be hard for me. Not that I feel any younger than that age in fact if I got to pick my age non-chronologically I would probably choose early 30's but its a reminder...of how my life is off balance.

In some ways I feel ahead of the curve: family relationships, friends, job, financial stability, mental security all that sort of stuff is good.

Then the sad lame Ava pops up where I realize that relationship-wise I may as well be 15. Really no improvement, no hopefuls. And each time I log into some wretched networking site and see a photo of a friend's baby or or a couple hugging in front of a sunset on their honeymoon I can't help but thinking. Did I totally miss the bus?

I'm told these things all happen on different time tables. I'm told I'm smart, funny, caring, hell even beautiful once in awhile but these people are my friends. I can't help but blame myself...at least a little. I find myself saying if you just lost the weight, if you didn't cry at every animated movie, if you didn't flick off that guy that cut you off in traffic, if you didn't waste so much time dating the wrong people, if you weren't as successful, if you didn't like weird music or documentaries or talking about random articles on wikipedia, you would be that girl in front of the sunset.

But in truth most of these things I really don't want to change. Which makes me feel a bit destined for a life of being perpetually single. Am I too stubborn to change? Is there really room in my life for another person? Would I even give Mr. Right a chance? My honest answer is no. Even if he showed up on my doorstep tomorrow I would probably dismiss him and not even know he was there in the first place. This is what makes me sad.

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Going for the Gold July 17, 2008 |

All right I try to avoid posting my dreams because I'm sure most people find them boring but this one was just way too weird to pass up.

I was arriving at the Olympic opener. A interviewer stops me on the way in, "Miss.Mazur winner of the 04' gold for tennis may we interview you?" Reporters came out from the woodwork and swarmed me.

I was about to object and let them know they they had the wrong girl when it hit me....Oh yeah that is me.

On the big screen this odd montage come across to the entire stadium for 100,000's of thousands of people and there I was running in the the u.s. team although I wasn't wearing a cute little skirt weighing 120lbs of pure muscle...no not at all.

I was a good 250lbs and wearing a black swim suit with big white flowers and polk-a-dots. the bottom of the swimsuit was far to small and the butt portion went to one side past the crack giving a peek-a-poo view of my very large white ass. And my lower abdomen was leaking out the sides of the suit.

As the video ran I saw myself skipping across the court....I even managed to do some gymnastic interpretive dance between sets but unfortunately this only led to a massive case of fat giggle. Especially when they brought down the speed to slow motion.

P.S. I have once again misplaced my phone for those of you trying to call me.

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Clown Hair July 16, 2008 |

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut. It was way overdue. I've been getting periodic trims but the general length of the haircut has gotten out of control. Deciding it would be best to save a little money I skipped the color, opting for a DIY box-dye.

First of all I arrived a few minutes early which allowed me to skim the hair magazines...ohh all those pretty people with bangs. Naturally side-swept skimming across the forehead added drama and intrigue...I had to have them!

The haircut was perfect...until I got into the car, the bangs which are mid cheek length flopped in front of my eyes...OK no problem I think, Ill just close the window...no wind no problem right? Wrong flop flop flop.... even bobby pins did not prove a formidable opponent.

Then I got home...the picture on the box looked perfect. When I washed and dried my own hair it was RED! Think hot-topic manic panic red...like I certainly can't go to work without people staring at me red...I will wake that guy up from a coma while I pass through the unit due to the ultraviolet rays protruding from my head...RED.

Well I went to work anyway where the responses were good, and not one child ran away from me crying so maybe its not that bad. I'm not going to re-dye it because I'm sure it will just lead to more disaster. Red fades right?

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MN Zoo July 14, 2008 |

Saturday I slept in until 10:30, showered and discovered I had forgotten both toothpaste and deodorant. Which caused me to buy little travel sized ones at the hotel gift shop for twice their retail value. I got to the zoo a little early with no problem those detours are much easier to follow in daylight. Work friends had more difficulty, so i entered the zoo parked myself on bench and read my book while overlooking the swan lake. It was a perfect day to go...75, sunny and not a hint of humidity.

I've always loved zoos. My father and I would take yearly trips at or near Christmas eve. I've only recently be reintroduced to zoos in the summer, its busier, stinkier, but everything is open and you get to catch all the special summer goings on.

I also like taking pictures and there are endless opportunities. Unfortunately I was not smart enough to charge my battery so it died after only about ten pictures. So what was my favorite part of the zoo trip? The butterfly garden. Yeah I know I've been giving butterflies a bad rap but they had a nice little guide so I could identify them and the garden area was just gorgeous! The chrysalises were all on display and labeled and butterfly's were everywhere you had no trouble finding the ones on the list.

After 6hours of walking around we were pretty well spend and went to the embassy suites hotel. Very nice and excellent customer service... seriously EXCELLENT. It was a little pricey but well worth the added cost. There was a open bar happy hour for two hours which we participated in I got 2-screw drivers.

We then went to the liquor store to stock the fridge and bought a pack of cards and then freshened up a bit before dinner. Instead of driving around buzzed we partook in the hotel's restaurant which was 20% off since we were staying there. We had crab cakes and a warm goat cheese tart and anti-pasta platter. For my main course I had a barley risotto with mushrooms and something else in the sauce we suspect is nutmeg, Gorgonzola cheese and beef medallions. The meal was rounded off with a layered chocolate cake with Baily's and creme filling. Divine.

Back at the room I cracked open a fat-tire beer and we played go-fish and 500, then preceded to have cigarettes off the tiny balcony in our non-smoking room. The door only opened about 3-inches, just enough for you to stick your hand out. We caught up chit chatted about the people I used to work with and eventually on to the theories of friendship, love and family. I was a perfect weekend.

Photos: by me

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Friday Night July 13, 2008 |

So Friday was my un-date with birthday. We met at centennial lakes park, which did not require me to parallel park or pay an attendant for the novelty of not driving my car and it was easy to find. Major bonus. We walked around the park grounds chatting and deciding what we wanted to do. There were paddle boats, a gondola which was mysteriously plugged in, croquet and put-put. I chose put-put. I started at the first hole and barely looked at my ball while I took my first swing…hole in one. Go me. That was the highlight of my golfing. I missed holes by inches and landed in more than one sand trap and rock embankment but it was still fun because we made up rules along the one…pretty much exclusively for my benefit even though we forgo’d the formality of keeping score.

After golf we went to his car where he opened the door for me and I was greeted with a piece of paper that included weekend road closings so I would have a heads up for my commute to the zoo the next day (very thoughtful). I gave him free reign for restaurant choice and we went to Crave. A trendy spot with an open kitchen, complicated light fixtures, linen napkins and the type of food that you want to take a picture of before you eat it. Oh and it was good food.

Conversation flowed well. I learned his two favorite words are shrub and yak. Shrub because if you say it over and over again it makes your lips tickle, Yak because the animal itself makes him smile. I blame my lack of sleep but my brain failed to produce an actual vision of what a yak looks like…I was thinking a dear with horns rather than a buffalo.

My confusion led to a spur-of-the-moment side trip to barnes and noble at the adjoining mall. Where we paged thought the books until we found a picture of a yak…sure enough a buffalo with horns was a very good description.

The next part of the plan was to go to an improv show. It had started to pour but mr.planner had remembered to throw his big golf umbrella in the car. Unfortunately due to the books-store detour we were late and there are only two shows on Saturdays which didn’t do us much good.

Plan B was the movies where we saw Wall-E. It was cute but will not be making Ava’s top pixar movie list. After the movie he dropped me off at my car and I was on my way back to my hotel and lordy did I get lost. What should have been a 12-mile trip took an hour and a half and a call to alice to get me out of wherever I was.

The next morning I saw I had a missed call the message was just checking in make sure I hadn’t gotten lost…thoughtful guy.

Yes Yes I know it doesn’t sound like an un-date but that’s what I though last time I went out with him a year ago. He’s just like that I guess. Besides although single I don’t really have any desire to change the status-quo.

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It seemed like a good idea at the time |

I have managed to ruin my computer even more. I got home today determined to write up some blogs and after the first sentence in I was already annoyed. My space bar hasn’t been working properly. I have to press the key in the EXACT center of the bar. This is not exactly convenient considering my right thumb and my space bar are good friends…so much so that there is a little warn oval on the lower right hand corner. After suffering though a week of hyper extending my thumb to the center I decided enough was enough. I knew what to do I had done it before. Simply remove another key and swapping the little rubber spring thing. Easy right?

First I chose F9…who uses that key anyway? Not me well the little button was too little so then without really thinking I flipped up the shift key and swapped the part. Problem what the hell I cant get the shift key back on right….I spent 45minutes…yes 45 minutes trying to put it back on effectively breaking both plastic holder bracket and the clip on the key itself.

Now Ava no big deal you are smart enough to have been messing around with the vestigial shift key that is on the right hand side of the keyboard. Well I hate to shatter your perfectionist dream of me but I managed to break the my 2nd most used key. Oh and the other vestigial shift key has a different type of bracket so I can’t even fix it using that…I quit life.

Photo: by me. You can tell its my actually keyboard because under the key you can see a fine network of entangled dog hairs.

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Undate Part 2 July 10, 2008 |

Roomie's camping plans were canceled as a result of falling trees in Iowa taking out electrical lines. For once mother nature is ruling in my favor. So instant puppy baby sitter. So I'm on again for my annual hangout with Birthday. We are going to centennial park in Edina to play bocce ball. This could prove potential disaster.

First of all mosquitoes love me...and I don't like to use repellent it makes my nose bleed. Then there is the whole uncoordinated thing. I can walk on perfectly flat ground and fall down. Add in grass with holes, sticks and balls and its a recipe for a sprained ankle. Oh well its good for me to be out in the sun...I remember hearing something about vitamin D.

After hanging out I am going to be staying at a 4-star for the price of a 2-star....sorry I'm in love with price line.

On Saturday I will be hanging with old work friends at the zoo, followed by dinner and drinks :)

Because its funny July 08, 2008 |

Summer Love |

Message from Alice: I got and invitation Keystone's wedding....do you want to go with me?

Keystone is an odd memory at best. I knew him though Alice and the three of use were the Keystone Light drinking crew of summer a summer long ago and far away. At the time when my relationship with Ed was going from bad to ended and I was in my depressed not-at-all Ava stage. (Which fortunately Alice has since forgiven me for). Anyways its a long story that is not worth going into. Anyways time has past and Keystone has met his "one"...I guess. They got pregnant and had a baby this winter and it seems this august the wedding bells will chime. Me cynical? Okay maybe.

Similar to Alice I got a wedding invitation of my own in the mail...I mean this a little too literally. My lesbian work friends are getting married and I gifted them my blank invitation since they will do more good with them than sitting in my closet. I didn't pay any attention to the envelope but then I opened it and saw the red outer pocket..chili red to be exact with eggshell paper inlay and gold corner adornments.

I plucked out the RSVP card with out much thought and added Alice to my name on the card.

Ava: Sure I'll go to Keystone's wedding with you, your still going to lesbian work friend's with me right?

Alice: Yeah

Ava: It's kinda sad isn't it?

Alice: I suppose...Seems you have to be a lesbian or get knocked up to get married around here.

The funny thing is I'm not sad. Normally I would feel pathetic or lonely...but the only feeling I could muster is thinking this is kinda a sad state of affairs. As if the little camera crew that lives inside my duct work looked in spying on me and would shake their heads at the pathetic lump adding a best friend "date" to not one...but two weddings.

Sometimes its odd for me to not feel bad about something. Two weddings, two good friends finding people they will someday (probably soon) marry. And when I think of it all I do is shrug. This is not to say I don't have occasional twinges of jealously...but that is too strong of a word its more of an anticipation for my time one day. I'm less concerned about the time table which is very not-at-all Ava like but in a good way this time.

Photo by We the Living

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What phone? |

I have not answered my phone or checked my messages since last Tuesday night. This was partially on purpose I was home and busy and partially because my phone is on its very last legs and I'm having trouble getting the battery to charge. When I finally got around to checking my messages this afternoon I had:

  • 5 messages from Alice
  • 1 from my insurance agent
  • 2 from my mom
  • 1 from the mayo blood donors center
  • 1 party invite for a bond fire
It seems that the world managed just fine without...well except for maybe Alice.

iPhone countdown: 3days

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Morals |

I really shouldn't care.


Photo from John Maynard

I saw someone cheating and I'm stewing about it.

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Pre-meditated Animal Neglect July 07, 2008 |

I'm going to Minneapolis this Saturday to have some quality time with old work chums. We are going to go to the zoo, have a nice dinner some drinks and crash at a hotel for the evening. Not one to let an 1 1/2 drive to go to waste I thought it might be a good time to take "birthday" up on his offer to hang out.

Birthday is a guy I've talked online with for what seems like forever we met about a year ago and had a good time but well quite frankly I'm not in the market for anymore long distance friends. Anyways since I was going to be in town I thought we could hang out. He was all for it of course Friday night was better for him so it would mean another hotel charge but whatever.

Of course there was one major flaw in perfect weekend plans. The duties of motherhood came crashing down on me. Roomie is camping for the weekend which leaves me with two dogs and no sitter. I could ask some work friends but I feel odd asking them for favors because they never seem to need any from me and I just don't want to be that person. I don't particularly want to call the pet-sitter because its $30/day and Belmont always seems to throw up everywhere when someone he doesn't know well takes care of him.

So I'm just going to have to blow-off birthday guy. Feed the dogs right before I leave put out plenty of water and put down some puppy pads in the kitchen and hope they don't die by the next afternoon. I figure at worst they will be alone for 24-hours. Am I a horrible mom? Probably. Am I even more horrible for wishing I could rationalize leaving them alone for 48-hrs?...definitely. Please don't report me to the ASPCA.

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Thats it bachelorette we are over! |

Confession time. I've been watching the bachelorette. I would like to say I just catch it when I happen to be home and channel surfing...I would like to say just tivo it but its far worse than that. Not only do I Tivo it so I can watch it again but I make sure I'm home monday nights so I can watch it live. I sit through commercials wishing I can fast forward them.

You see I saw DeAnna when she got her heart broken on the bachelor...I cried. Okay now those of you who are well acquainted with me know I cry at the drop of a hat but oh did I cry for poor DeAnna's broken heart. Then when the bachelorette came she had the chance for love. My broken hearts were never on T.V. of they were I so would have gotten my own show...Lord knows I play the favorite underdog well.

I would like to say I'm mad at DeAnna. I may have started watching the show for her but over the course of the show my compulsive watching was really because I "fell in love" with Jason. A single dad, he's so warm, so caring. The guy she chose was nice enough but he wasn't my guy...I cant take reality turmoil.

Photo of DeAnna Pappas from About.com

What I did on my summer vacation July 06, 2008 |

Well my time in the lovely land of Lincoln will be drawing to a close as when I rise in the morning I will load my rendezvous and head home in holiday traffic. I've managed to co-habitate with my parents & grandmother for 4days without one argument...not bad for me. Here's what you missed...

  • Ate a cheesy beef
  • watched fireworks from my parents deck
  • bought the new-ish David Sedaris book
  • had a chicago-style hotdog
  • received a larger than necessarily bruise incurred during a pinch from a somewhat bratty cousin
  • went to another cousins 2nd birthday
  • played with bubbles
  • made fun of peoples clothing choices while sitting in traffic and watching the masses walk to their fireworks spots (now I know where I get my ornery side from)

Honk July 04, 2008 |


I picked up my grandmother in horrible Chicago-suburban traffic. I have become pretty much Minnesotan and wait until there is adequate room to turn, always use my signal and maintain a respectable following distance. I'm on a little two-lane highway in bumper to bumper traffic. Some guy in a sports car that I assume costs at least 1/2 the price of my home makes a right turn on red completely cutting me off so I have to slam on my breaks (even though I'm going a mind-numbingly slow 15miles an hour).

I fumble looking for my horn, knowing the moment has passed I sigh to myself and sink back into my seat annoyed but beaten down with defeat.

Just as I was about to let it go, my 5ft tall 82-yr old grandmother goes..."ASSHOLE!"

I couldn't help but laugh...my geriatric grandmother who has never driven a day in her life has totally one up'd my road rage. (Shrug) I blame Minnesota nice rubbing off on me.

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Temporarily Insane July 03, 2008 |

I was supposed to drive to Chicago on Tuesday night...instead I stayed home and went shopping. The theory was I wanted a new decent-ish shirt to wear for 4th of July festivities. I ended up with two way cute shirts, a summer dress and my third coach bag all on a credit card that was paid off :( sigh what was I thinking?

I couldn't resist though. They were doing a clearance so it was 30% off and it was the perfect size for me and I liked the color. I know I know it has the ugly C's all over it. But I do have to say over the course of the last year I have gotten really like the "signature" fabric. It's stain resistant, holds up, fur does not attach to it, my last one has even endured 2 separate 20-oz coke not quite closed incidences...and an additional two wash cycles.

So I have to say I don't even have buyers remorse. Its the perfect size. My tote was often too big but this one is just big enough to hold absolutely everything without being too large and in charge....oh and the best feature the plum lining. Oh an another thing...no I don't worry about my purse, and I don't think its weird taking it grocery shopping. To me yeah I know its a bunch of money....but my purse is something I use every day. I don't leave the house without it and something that gets that much use I don't feel bad about overspending. Splurge where it counts I say.

silent no more July 01, 2008 |

Well I knew it was only a matter of time until the next gay-comment happened and today was my day to say something. Hottie Jake (see above) was on Ellen today while I was in the break room. Surprisingly enough they didn't bring up Ellen (maybe they don't know) but rather broke back mountain.

A: Oh I just cant look at him the same after I saw broke back mountain
B: YOU ACTUALLY SAW THAT!
A: Yeah, I saw it, it was horrible!
B: My husband wouldn't even let it in the house....

Ava: I saw it and LOVED it, a heartbreaking love story always gets me.

A & B simultaneously turn and look at me slack jawed...

Ava: Why wouldn't your husband let it in the house? (I ask acting totally dumb)

B: Oh well he knows that people like that are out there but ugh to see it.

Ava: (visible shrug) I guess I just never saw it as a big deal, well I gotta get back to work.

Okay so I'm not going to wait up all night for a noble peace prize or anything but at least I said something.

Photo by Ungaro

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