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Legacy May 29, 2008 |

I'm sick of people dying. Life is getting me down. Rory's dad's death at 60 seems untimely young to me but I do have to say the news I received yesterday was particularly stunning. An old high school chum died of an unexpected heart attack at 26. 26?! We were never extremely close but we had drifted even more since I finished school. I think its even been a good year since I talked to him on IM. I do have to say Greg was good people. He was funny and full of heart. I have a weird separation from his death. I'm not waiting for his calls or miss his presence but quite frankly the whole thing freaks me out.

What if I went to bed tonight and never work up? What would I leave behind?

An unfinished mess. A sink full of dishes, dirty clothes on my floor and a credit card balance that would horrify my financially conservative parents. I've made no difference. I like to think I've made a difference in peoples lives by being entertaining or pushing unsolicited advice but it all seems so inconsequential. I guess I assume these things can wait. But should I really still be in coast mode? Shouldn't I be farther by now? Shouldn't I have a clean adult house with matching door knobs? I would have thought I would have been on the way to my own family by now?

I'm really hoping that life perks up a bit for me. I promise to go back to blogging about my haphazard life.

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Snoozing May 28, 2008 |

My first day of phlebotomy class was Tuesday. I went the night before at 1am, getting there in the door at 7am wasn’t easy but I made it within the nick of time. What do they decide to do at 8am prior to my first caffeine break? Oh darken the room and show an hour long movie on drawing blood. I fought it I REALLY REALLY did around 20minutes in I felt myself nodding off as my head jerked up. I was sitting near the front of the room so I’m sure it was noticeable.

45 minutes in only 15 to go…I leaned back in my chair no resting my elbows on my table to hold up my head that was just asking for trouble. I lean back and force my eyes open….my head its so heavy and it has a kink in it ill just move let it bend to my right shoulder.

BAM….lights go on. Our leader says something that sounds like a question…but I didn’t quite catch it. What the hell happened to the last 15minutes? Was I snoring? Who noticed? Did they turn the lights on because I was still sleeping? Damnit it’s like High school geometry all over again.

I panic. My palms sweat and I look around the room. She is going person by person. People seem to be saying random things about to movie…maybe what we found interesting? I will have to answer.

Umm I thought it was interesting how the Mayo standards differ from the CLSI standards when it comes to tourniquet application and order of draw.”

Did I answer the question I’m not quite sure but I do know someone down the line said basically the same thing I did. Okay it wasn't my brightest moment but in a way I think I redeemed my 15 year old self. Hey its better than my old standby of, "What was the question?"

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Wicked Witch of the North May 25, 2008 |

I have a confession to make. I was bored today and out of curiosity I did some Internet stalking. It occurred quite by accident as I stumbled across Ed's sisters blog in my favorites on Internet explorer (which I rarely use). I waned to see what happened with her surrogacy stuff and well I didn't get that far.

I read this quote "I'm thankful that he's no longer with the Wicked Witch of the North and has gone back to being his old self." My heart dropped.

Now to be fair its been almost two years since we broke up and it is possible she is talking about someone else besides me, and I do live "south" of them. Chances are she is talking about me. I felt really bad. I wanted to defend myself to tell her my side of the story. But why? Maybe this comment is just proof that I did the right thing not only for me and him but for his family.

The wicked witch comment stung, but not as long as it normally does because well she is wrong. She doesn't have to know it or believe it but its true. I truly believe that those I love know they can count on me for anything. If any of them needed anything I know I would be there as fast as my rendezvous would take me which makes me a good witch. If I have to be labeled as wicked to get the good done so be it.

I am now going to shamelessly toot my own horn. Breaking up with Ed was a loving decision. I decision I was able to make after being destroyed by a bad relationship and in my own deep depression and self loathing. Quite frankly I can be nothing but thrilled that I was able to catalyze the change in his life that has made him a great person and uncle today and I honestly hope that he is able to achieve whatever his goals are in life.

I am happy for him. I am happy for me. I have no regrets.

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Spacebags my hero |

Vacation packing always seems easy when you are leaving for your trip coming home is always the hard part. When I went to the airport my bad was just 3lbs shy of the 50lb max. I was now returning back to my homestead with several souvenirs which included 4 bottles of wine and a bottle of olive oil. Bottles or liquid are not as light as I would have liked. I obviously cant carry them on so I had to get creative by packing everything I possibly could into my backpack to displace the added weight.

I was able to fit all of the following in my backpack. Kinda Impressive don't you think?

  1. Beach towel
  2. 4 pairs of pants
  3. 3 pairs of shorts/capris
  4. sweatshirt
  5. king size down pillow
  6. 7 shirts
  7. several pairs of underwear & bras
  8. 2 dresses
  9. Camera
  10. Tons of charging chords
  11. Sunglasses
  12. Me

I smile to much May 24, 2008 |

I have not abandoned my blog I’ve just been busy and to prevent a 20-page entry I’m going to throw out some topics I hope to include in the future so stay tuned:

1-Book Reviews
2-Jessica Simpson Moment (hopefully to become a recurring feature)
3-The magic of the spacebag
4-Vacation in Mexico
6-I want a used baby

Today’s topic however is admittedly somber. Rory unexpectedly lost her father last week. Alice and I went to the visitation yesterday. As far as these types of things go it wasn’t bad. I got to see Rory’s mom and meet her new boyfriend whom is admittedly perfect. They really did a nice job of bringing in old pictures and having typed up stories all around the room.

You would think I would be better at these things. Far too many of my close friend’s fathers have died. They have all been rather sudden and I find it horrifying that one day hopefully later than sooner I will one day get that phone call. I have never had anyone close to me die. My grandmother passed away. I was of course sad but really I only saw her every couple years. So when I’m put in these situations I quite frankly can’t even BEGIN to understand. Also I’m a nervous smile-er and laugh-er which I don’t think is received well by people in mourning. I’m glad Alice is about as good at this type of thing as I am at least we weren’t alone while sitting there not knowing what to say.

Oh pooh. Smiley just called and wants me to go to a party tonight. I much rather sit in front of my TV and catch up with my DVR.

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