One thing I hate (well okay secretly love) about networking sites is getting random messages from people. Take this little tidbit I got today for example...

"wuz up just wanted ask if u smoke green, im bored and all my boys are askeep."

I'm very impressed that he restrained himself from spelling boys as boyz.

Also I am assuming hes talking about marijuana all though I have never heard it called green before (but then again I am tragically uncool).

I'm just curious to how many people he randomly emailed in an attempt to find drugs...that just seems like a bad plan.

Labels: Stupid People

I'm half a bottle into some Reisling. Its 4am. I studied for 5.5hrs today. I'm not sure I have any brain function left to tie my shoes. Good thing I own many shoes that do not require such motor-skill memory or cordination.

Its going to be a long couple weeks.

Labels: Glass Half Empty, School, Wine

Somewhere along the genetic line my family lost the graceful trait. My mother falls down the stairs on a regular basis and my father all though typically staying upright is by no means suave. Today I was walking over to sit on the couch. I forgot I had moved my coffee table (with sharp corners) up close to the couch to use as a footrest.

I ran into it just under my knee which shocked me causing me to loose my balance and fall forward thereby hitting my knee again (more specifically my kneecap this time) on my way down catapulted forward by my massive bulk.

It really hurt. Like falling on the couch nauseous in the stomach hurting. I composed myself and went on with my day. Over the course of the day the top of my knee has swollen to a nice lump. It doesn't hurt nearly as badly but I am aware of its presence. What concerns me is while walking up and down stairs today my knee has began making a crunching noise. Well honestly I don't know if I'm hearing the crunching...or feeling the crunching its quite weird. It isn't painful per say but I'm guessing this isn't a good sign. My marathon dreams are dashed.

Labels: Embarassing Stories, Health, Weight

Sigh I had my UND cummulative final you need a 70% to pass...I did not get a 70% I would like to say I'm surprized but lets face facts here folks I didn't study at all for this test. Nope not even one page of notes. And my review semester was a joke. So I have no one to blame but myself. Have no fear though, as I was going through the test everything was familiar I just couldn't place it so I'm pretty sure all that stuff is in my brain somewhere I just have to bring it back to the surface.

I ordered a new study book since the one I am borrowing has the answers marked in it which makes it hard for me to actually use it. I also bought some study cards so hopefully that will help. Either way its going to be a tough month or so...I will get through it I've been through worse.

On the upside work has been good. I've been busy which is nice I like having a bit more work to do than I have time for makes the day go quicker. I talked to jsp today. We have gotten to the point of daily communication, even if it is just a text in passing. We are going to get together again this weekend I forgot how time consuming a relationship can be. Its nice to have something to look forward though, and jsp is certainly not needy so we have a good balance going. (PS notice jsp has earned his own tag)

I also watched the inaguration today. Well I mostly fastforwarded through about 3hrs of it to watch the speeches. It wasnt near as cool as election day but still it was important to be part of the expeience. Hopefully now if I go overseas I wont have to pretend Im canadian.

Labels: JSP, Politics, School, Work

One of my many guilty pleasures is cyber stalking. I do not expect my addiction to go over into real stalking as I am far to lazy, don't care enough and well gas prices and my gas guzzling American made SUV will not allow it. One of my favorite cyber stalking activities is my ex's sister blog, I always found it entertaining and be not being one to break bad habits I would check in on it occasionally to see what was going on in this used-to-not-be-a-stranger's life.

Several months ago I swore off the blog completely (like for real this time) because I was referenced as a soul sucking harpy, which actually kinda makes me giggle a bit. Anyways last night while attempting to relax before my big test today I breezed through all my normal blogs and was left with that one (Ed's-sister blog) I never visit left over in my favorites. Then one I hadn't noticed before all the way at the bottom Ed's old blog.

Angel: You should just delete that
Devil: Click it! Click it!
Angel: No good can come of this...either he is doing great which will just make you jealous or hes doing horribly which will make you feel guilty.
Devil: If hes doing good your still doing better....if hes doing horribly well thank god you dumped the basta-
Angel: I can't believe you are being so mean don't you have a soul?...just leave it be.
Devil: Oh come on its been about 3yrs since you've heard anything...aren't you just the least bit curious?
Angel: Dammit I can't keep up this act anymore....I'm dying over here open the damn thing

CLICK

Disappointment. The blog was dead a couple posts about nothing, but then there was a link for a new blog. I thought it over for all of about 0.003 seconds before opening the new window.

Its a blog about country music....Really? I read a few posts lots of swearing as he makes fun of the songs and well not entertaining to me but its not exactly my demographic.

Other notable things about the blog:

1. I don't remember Ed liking country music
2. His picture doesn't really look like him-Perhaps its an old picture of a country singer and the joke is just totally lost on me.

The moral of the story my nosy ways didn't dig up any dirt its a good thing on facebook you have to be someone friend to peruse their profile.

Labels: Blogging, Boys, Breakups, Ed, Embarassing Stories

I have a meeting at 9am tomorrow...its 2:07am and I'm wide awake. I think there should be an outlaw on Monday meetings before noon I just can't be trusted to be dressed and awake on Monday's before noon.

To cure my insomnia I decided to open up my boards study guide book, after breaking out into a sweet and a mild panic attack I ditched that idea for catching up on my favorite blogs. This has unfortunately inspired me to write my own for the evening. Her blog was 3 embarrassing ex stories, come on who can pass that up.

Little Willy
I met little willy in college. We would IM and flirt. A couple days before moving out my sophomore year we had our one and only date. In my packed up dorm room we watched a horrible movie that was obviously catered to college boys due to the content of drinking and bare breasts. We made out for a bit before he decided to head south of the border. This is when he uttered the phrase..."You like it like that...don't you?" in a raspy trying to be sexy voice but it still came off as a timid question. It started with a giggle but I couldn't stop, before I knew it I was in a full on laugh complete with gasping for air. He did not appreciate the humor in the situation and left in a huff. No loss there. Well years...like 6 or 7 years later I was occasionally chatting with him again from idle boredom. So we decided to get together for a bit of extra curricular activity. He was a big guy about 6'7 with a large build into the evening it became apparent that his growth spurts had hit everything except his genitals. Poor guy little willy was at best 3" and I'm being pretty freaking generous. Well I didn't know how to gracefully get out of the situation especially since I was at my house I couldn't just leave....so things progress and I'm pretty much laying there like a dead fish while he attempts to work his magic. After about 3minutes of that he goes,
Little willy: this isn't really working for you is it
Me: No, not really
Little willy: I'm going to go...
Me: Ok
He dressed and slunk off again in a similar fashion to our attempted college tryst...poor guy I expect to be sued for his therapist bills any day now.

Mr.Marathon
Mr.Marathon and I had a bit of a summer romance. He was a sports guy. He would get up early to run I would sleep in and pick the chocolate out of his granola bars...it was clear the relationship wasn't going anywhere but we stayed together since school was out for summer and we had alot of free time on our hands...oh and the sex was good. One night we at his apartment doing what we always did at his apartment (wink wink) and in mid-pump he stops and let out a high pitched half-whimper half-cry. He proceeds to pant heavily. This is odd I think to myself usually he has more stamina....dammit I'm not done yet....after being frozen for much longer than expected and given the odd nature of the noise that had excaped him I questioned...
Me: Ummm are you ok...?
Mr.M: ugghhh ahh eeee mmmyyy baaack...tears streaming down his face
He extracts himself and crawls over next to me not able to straighten and lay down he flops on his side unable to straighten at the waist....you know what he didn't get up early to run that morning.

The Texter
Okay kids I saved the best for last and this is by its own right my own embarrassing story. I don't quite remember how I met the texter but I know it was Internet related. He had recently broken up with his long term girlfriend and I was only a couple months off of my big breakup with Ed so we were a perfect pathetic match for pretending we were okay by prematurely sleeping with one another. The texter was the only younger guy I ever dated and we bridged that weird gap where he was still in college and I was in real life land. We had nothing in common and he had a bad nose. I wasn't really into the F-buddy thing but it served as a way to pass the time. The texter lived about 1.5hrs away and me being the girl that I am refused to bother visiting him. One night when I was at home minding my own business he calls and begs BEGS me to come over. I eventually concede and I head over. Lalala one thing leads to another. Afterwards he doesn't really say anything gets up and goes to take a shower. Odd I think, but whatever. Some time passes, the shower stops and I hear a beep on my phone it was...a text message from him...
The texter: I feel really weird...you should just go.
Umm wtf? I knock on the bathroom door....
Me: Seriously....a text message?
The texter: Blah blah blah this isn't right...blah blah blah
Me: Fuck you!
I gather my crap momentarily contemplate throwing his tv across the room to smash his computer (I did not) and instead left unceremoniously. After getting in my car I promptly called Alice because I wasn't exactly sure how to get back to the highway. Although I do have to give the texter some credit it did end my career in casual sex land...well except for Walmart guy but we all fall off the wagon now and again.

Labels: Alice, Bitching, Blogging, Boys, Breakups, Embarassing Stories, Internet Dating, Stupid People, Thoughts

With myspace and now facebook there is a new courting ritual that happens in any dating relationship...the changing of facebook status from single to either "its complicated" or "in a relationship."

I am not a fan of the "its complicated" status. In my opinion this status indicated one of the following:

• I'm randomly screwing some person
  
• I've had one date with someone and I'm taking myself off the market because I'm clingy and require announcing the the world that I have achieved of leaving my house on a saturday night.
• I am hopelessly in love with someone and they are using me but I don't want to admit that he/she is using me so I'm going to pretend we are on our way to a relationship
• My relationship is on the rocks but I'm holding on to it tooth and nail
• I don't want to date anyone from facebook to I'm using this status to scare undesirables away (the only proper use of "its complicated"

The real problem with its complicated is this is a transition status. If it goes to in a relationship no big deal but if it goes back to single the inquires tell nothing more that a pathetic admittance of stupidity. I will not use it.

That being said I'm reaching the point with JSP where I'm feeling guilty about my "single" status. We have assumed dates with one another we flawlessly trade paying for tabs without having awkward staring at the check and we assume that saturday's are spent together and no more than a day lapse in weekly communication. So things are good. But last nights date sealed the deal for status change.

We went to Menard's to get a drill bit for putting a hole in my TV cabinet. We browsed after getting what we came there for where he was happily giddy to find they were starting to set up the spring landscaping section. He goes on to gush about how he helped his dad with the yard when he was a kid and likes putting up little potted gardens on his two decks and porch.

"Well, you are welcomed to landscape my yard anytime you want." I say sarcastically convinced its last thing anyone would ever want to do.

"Oh could I?!?" He gushes then talks about installing soaker hoses in flower beds and removing bushes and transfering plants...I mean really he was excited.

Ladies I hit the jackpot.

We then went to coldstone and got ice cream for dinner and set out to bring the cable box upstairs drill the hole in my beloved cabinet. Now anyone that has attempted to do anything complicated with me knows I can be well....a bitch. I get frustrated and crabby and tend to be snappy blaming the other person in the room for whatever isn't going right.

Jsp measured the cabinet marked the spot for the perfect hole drilled the spot helped to feed the chords through and even knew to stay quiet while I futzed with cables to get everything hooked up and working right. It was a giant success.

After movies cuddling and bellies full of ice cream we were tired. After a bit of careful conversation and feeling out the situation he decided to stay the night were we cuddled into bed. Boy is not known for his forwardness, and although a visit from my less than favorite auntie flow prevented us from "watching a movie" we did get to see some excellent previews...wink wink.

So yes the date was good. He's not perfect. He likes football, he sings along with songs (ugh some being country) and I fear he thinks hes good but these flaws are more than overshadowed by his quirky sense of humor and ability to start cheesy break dancing at a moments notice. Life is good, time to take the flying leap from single to in a relationship.

Labels: Boys, Crushes, Glass Half Full, Internet Dating, Thoughts

So I've been getting tons of inquiries for an update on JSP. I certainly don't want to leave my audience hanging but there really isn't much to say. We were going to get together last weekend but he was sick...miserably sick. Even though he sounded like hell we spent most of our canceled date night talking on the phone.

We even broached the he's to gentalmanly topic. And no he isn't having a extra long herpes outbreak. No I belive he said, "I'm dying over here but I didn't want to rush you." very nice.

He then went on to admit he's a bit rusty to girlisms and is used to girls that are more direct than I. So I clued him in that when I say let's go watch a movie at my place actually means hey baby let's get busy.

Needless to say I'm going to have to be more direct with mr.jsp but that's ok because I do get more forward as my comfort level increases. Oh and I'm getting comfortable.

We have a date for Saturday maybe I'll plan a movie at my place :)


-- Post From My iPhone

So now and again I like to go in for a pedicure. For some reason whenever I paint my toenails they look like shit. Well anyways seeing as I'm poor I decided to do it myself. Now at the salon I go to you buy your own foot shaver thingy (pictured above) now the little oriental lady who does my nails says don't use it at home! I promised...I lied.

I took a shower to soak my feet and laid out a towel like they do at the nail place, put on a new blade and started out. I slid it across a heel...nothing. So I pressed a bit and swooped it down.

You know the feeling when you cut yourself shaving? You can actually feel the blade run through your skin...it doesn't exactly hurt....but it feel gross. I watch as an excess amount of blood comes rushing out of the bottom of my foot. Like really a lot. I moved my hand to cup the dripping blood.

This is not good. If I bleed on my new rug I'm going to be pissed. Fortunately I had a pair of dirty socks within arms reach (very sanitary) I put on the sock...and stuffed the other one over my heel.

I hop into the bathroom bleed all over the floor, folded and stuck gobs of toilet paper on it and wrapped it with an ace bandage. I've been sitting on the couch and elevating it ever since. I have bleed through the ace bandage but now a good 30minutes later I think it has finally stopped.

So a warning to everyone out there when a little oriental lady tells you not to do something...you might want to listen.

Oh and if you don't hear from me tomorrow I've bled to death in my sleep. Send an ambulance and a bunch units of O positive blood.

Labels: Advice, Bitching, Embarassing Stories

I landed on the We channel today. Sunday is wedding central and its a little guilty pleasure of mine to sit on my couch in single girl land and watch other people be happy and start thier lives together. My love of beautiful large weddings has fadded with time as has my love of diamonds. Its just so much money and not worth it. Am I the only girl in the world of her dream man sweeping her off her feet getting married in front of less than twenty people and not having a giant rock on her finger to do it? Maybe.

Allthough my love of diamonds has left my love of sparkle has not. They have so many much less expensive synthetic out there and well they look the same to me. And as a little social bonus no little impoverished children have to die to get them. You can even have these synthetic set in custom platiunm setting (love of platinum has not faded) anyways to all my friends out there if I ever get married I want you to tell my too be fiance that this is the tacori ring is the style I want ripped off and set with some fake jems. A girl can dream can't she.

I was in the bathroom at work yesterday washing my hands. I look in the mirror. The light scatters across the top of my head.

"My that one hair is really blond" I say to myself

I lean in closer. REALLY blond.

I separate it from the rest of my hair...not blond white...and wiry.

I pluck it out. A grey hair.

Fuck.

Awesome.

Okay so I've totally sucked about updating my blog but in my own defense my Internet has been out since Christmas. This proves to be quite annoying because that means I only have Internet at work and they tend to frown on blogging durring company time.

So for your benifit I'm typing out this short update via my fabulous (albeit) tiny iPhone. I hate to dissapoint but nothing much is new. New years was super. I hung out in lovely Rochester and went to a party. Many drinks and my first hangover in recent memory. Note to self don't switch from hard liqoir to plum wine at 3am.

In other news I have had two more dates with jsp and he has even taken to asuming we will have plans for the weekend. I take this as a good sign. What I take as a not so good sign is he is still being a perfect geltelman. As alice says by date 7 you should have seen him with at least some clothing removed. I haven't even seen his socks off.

I'm starting to become paranoid. He's interested that much I can tell. He gets major kudos for effort planning paying opening doors all that good stuff. So what's the problem? Lets entertain some delusional senaeios shall we...

He thinks I'm pride and doesn't want to scare me off...possible I haven't been particularilly forward and could stand to step up my own game

After his wildish past he has become a born again virgin...god I hope not

He is having a massive 2 month long case of herpes of the junk...eww

He has some odd body issue: third nipple, tiger striped chest hair, or a little willy

-- Post From My iPhone

New years is my favorite holiday. I always have new toys to play with and with the family get togethers over I am in a good mood in my own house. Since being 21 I can't remember a bad new years...its a friend holiday where I surrounded by the people who are closest to me. The people who will hold my hair if I puke without a lecture and with whom I will point out shady allyway corners perfect for pit stops. Yep its all very glamorous.

For many year's we would ring in the new year in Green Bay which is as far as I'm concerned the liquor capital of the world, but when Heff and Hairnet moved to Nebraska Alice and I were left to improvise our fun.

Two years ago Alice, Rory and I went to lacrosse. Alice spent a couple hours talking cops throwing some guy out in the street she knew into detox....she then drove him home (he didn't live in town) The I think Rory lost her walet. I probably wore bad shoes because I do belive I was alone for a long time. We went home before bar close.

Then last year we attended Cobie's bash at his apartment. We cooked, we drank, I met new people. I talked with them until 5am about utopian health care. I think we drove everyone else crazy.

Although my last two new years were good they lacked that reckless quality which I think is a must-have once a year. No one threw up in a car, no one picked a fight (ahem Alice), no one went missing for hours only to be found trashed at the bar next door. Okay none of that happened last night either but still it was closer.

Alice, George, Bag and I set out for B&K's house. I always forget where they live. It really isn't that complicated I usually get to within a couple blocks of it. There is really no excuse I've probably been to their house 20 times. Sigh. I give up my wandering and call them. No answer. So I call K&E, after being informed to look for a van with ribs written across the side...(true story) I leave the car and begin wandering the street looking in windows.

Upon out arrival we were welcomed with pomegranate martinis, dice and whiskey shots, vodka + fresca (the ORIGINAL citrus beverage), plum wine and mountains of food. The was talking in a cold smoky garage. Shocking stories, work stories, gossip, laughter, snorting and several trips to the bathroom. We played rock band, we snowboarded, counted down the last second of 08'...it was good.

I started the new year right...I woke up with a stomach ache, headache, coal-miner's lung and generally smelly. Just how it should be.

Next year....back to green bay.

Labels: Alice, Beer, Cobie, Drinking, Food, Friends, Glass Half Full, Rory, Thoughts, Wine, Work