New years is my favorite holiday. I always have new toys to play with and with the family get togethers over I am in a good mood in my own house. Since being 21 I can't remember a bad new years...its a friend holiday where I surrounded by the people who are closest to me. The people who will hold my hair if I puke without a lecture and with whom I will point out shady allyway corners perfect for pit stops. Yep its all very glamorous.

For many year's we would ring in the new year in Green Bay which is as far as I'm concerned the liquor capital of the world, but when Heff and Hairnet moved to Nebraska Alice and I were left to improvise our fun.

Two years ago Alice, Rory and I went to lacrosse. Alice spent a couple hours talking cops throwing some guy out in the street she knew into detox....she then drove him home (he didn't live in town) The I think Rory lost her walet. I probably wore bad shoes because I do belive I was alone for a long time. We went home before bar close.

Then last year we attended Cobie's bash at his apartment. We cooked, we drank, I met new people. I talked with them until 5am about utopian health care. I think we drove everyone else crazy.

Although my last two new years were good they lacked that reckless quality which I think is a must-have once a year. No one threw up in a car, no one picked a fight (ahem Alice), no one went missing for hours only to be found trashed at the bar next door. Okay none of that happened last night either but still it was closer.

Alice, George, Bag and I set out for B&K's house. I always forget where they live. It really isn't that complicated I usually get to within a couple blocks of it. There is really no excuse I've probably been to their house 20 times. Sigh. I give up my wandering and call them. No answer. So I call K&E, after being informed to look for a van with ribs written across the side...(true story) I leave the car and begin wandering the street looking in windows.

Upon out arrival we were welcomed with pomegranate martinis, dice and whiskey shots, vodka + fresca (the ORIGINAL citrus beverage), plum wine and mountains of food. The was talking in a cold smoky garage. Shocking stories, work stories, gossip, laughter, snorting and several trips to the bathroom. We played rock band, we snowboarded, counted down the last second of 08'...it was good.

I started the new year right...I woke up with a stomach ache, headache, coal-miner's lung and generally smelly. Just how it should be.

Next year....back to green bay.

Labels: Alice, Beer, Cobie, Drinking, Food, Friends, Glass Half Full, Rory, Thoughts, Wine, Work

My adventure to depart to Green Bay for the weekend was very last minute. The night before my roommate said she was staying for the weekend and would take care of the dogs so I grabbed my stuff and was out the door.

Originally I was going to stay at Alice's parent's house but after stopping at Hairnet and Heff's house and learning they were going to infamous "club" XS I bailed and stayed with them. I had $15 dollars to my name but we departed and knowing they took credit cards I was confident in my ability to pay for a fun night on the town.

I had so much fun. We played dice I saw some old acquaintances met some new folks that were part of the group and after about 10 shots and five drinks somehow managed to come home with $5 dollars. I'm not exactly sure if I was stealing or perhaps giving blow jobs under the bar but a night out for $10 dollars is priceless regardless of the loose morals it takes to get me there.

And because I'm far to lazy to tell you EVERYTHING that happed I present to you...Random quotes from a drunk night out.

Scene: Very drunk shirtless guy (VDSG) at the bar his eyes are literally just about rolling back in his head. He had already bought a round of shots for my "posse" 15 seconds later..

VDSG: Let me buy you a drink

Ava: Oh, no thank you...you just bought me a shot, I can get this one.

VDSG: I did?

Ava: Yeah, you bought us all shots. -I point down the bar to my group

VDSG: At this point he stumbles a little an leans on a pole for support. "I'm gay."

Ava: Well...its a gay bar... so you've come to the right place!

VDSG: "Yeah I'm gay but...." he stumbles again incoherent mumbling..."Will you have sex with me?"

Ava: exit stage left


Scene: Heff is sitting at the bar when Creepy Alcoholic Guy (CAG) comes up and stands next to him. Oh and you all know CAG he is the one that is usually sitting at the end of the bar with his head down...I don't thing he ever leaves the bar but just passed out in his chair now and again.

Heff: Lights a cigarette and takes a couple drags.

CAG: Are you going to finish that? (Nodding towards the cigarette)

Heff: Well...I AM still smoking it.



Scene: CAG has now started to invade MY space and I am tying to ignore his talking to me. Totally cute wonderful doesn't like to charge me drinks bar tender was flirting with me...well more flirting with my ample bosom. And out of nowhere he reached into my shirt and put two plastic cups in to give me the "Madonna" look...well Madonna but less pointy. So of course this led to many laughs sassy posing and perhaps someone has a picture of it somewhere. CAG comes up grabs a cup and somehow snapped it back at my boob...it was not a pleasant sensation....CAG, ew

Did I mention as the night wore on CAG was taking half-full drinks and pouring them into his glass. My friends and I truly do only go to the finest of establishments.

Scene: After bar close we go to Denny's were everyone is taking joy in trying to set me up with "Mr.Inconvenient" (More on him later). Anyways His friend the birthday boy (BB) was by far the biggest offender

BB: You should sleep with him!

Ava: I am not going to sleep with him.

BB: Aww come on you have to give the boy something

Ava: I don't go around with sleeping with people I just met...well not usually at least.

Heff: Ava's having a bloody Mary

Ava: Heff...Really? (Insert glare of death here)

BB: He can earn his red wings.

Ava: I hate you all.

Labels: Alice, Beer, Birthdays, Boys, Conversations, Drinking, Embarassing Stories, Friends, Stupid People

Tonight was a long overdue happy hour. I haven't been out with "the boys" in months and it was nice to see that I showed up with no accompaniment and upon walking in the door was greeted by droves (ok 4) people. Oh and whats better apparently I won some raffle thing for a free night at the Kahler.

What am I going to do with a free hotel stay where the hotel is 3miles from my home I have no clue...maybe I'll have a wild ecstasy and sex party. Of course I have no idea how to procure either ecstasy or sex so maybe a plan B is in order.

Either way back to the story. Normally I have a 2drink happy hour max but I was feeling spicy tonight and having a good conversation with a friend about his torrid love affair so I went for a third.

Shortly after finishing my drink the crowd started to filter out and regretfully it was time to go home. By no means am i drunk but going over my normal Ava-imposed limit made me paranoid. I get in my car and go to make a left hand turn.
The light turns yellow...
out of the corner of my eye I see a cop I begin to break..
Dammit I'm in the middle of the intersection
I speed up
The light is red....

CRAP CRAP CRAP

I stare in my review mirror, no lights. Then I realize I'm in the wrong lane, no problem Ill just go around the block. I turn...he turns, I turn again...he turns again...I turn, turn, turn and finally loose him.

Of course by this point I have absolutely no idea where I am. I drive around aimlessly until I find a street I recognize. While I'm straining trying to see the road signs I COMPLETELY run a red light...not a yellow light turning red...like a really been red for a long time light. Nice real nice.
So I dart my head around no cars, none. Thank goodness I didn't kill anyone.

I turn on Broadway and all of a sudden sirens are everywhere 2 cop cars and a fire truck. I turn off my radio..this is it I think the jig is up. No one seems to be getting over but I switch to the right lane even though they are blocks behind...i keep pulling over and realize I am in a turn lane. The cops turned the other way. I'm now driving around a parking lot for no reason.

I head back home where another cop sirens blaring comes from the other direction and turns on my street. They are coming for me there are probably 10 cop cars in my driveway ready to arrest me for my 3beers. He also zooms past me.

My 3mile trip home took about 20minutes.

I would just like to whoever got in a hell of a lot of trouble tonight because you saved me a ticket.

P.S. Date from the other night emailed me shortly after my post yesterday...yeah I know I'm supa dupa fly.

Labels: Beer, Boys, Drinking, Embarassing Stories, Fuzz

I was forced to camp as a child. My dad was raised in the city and I think it was some sort of late stage rebellion that turned him into a wilderness man or maybe its his dislike of showering...either way every spring and fall the three of and the dog filled into a tiny leaky tent where it was always unseasonably cold and rained for the entire three day weekend.

Since the horrid camping of my youth I have usually avoided the outdoors at all costs. Last year I went camping for my birthday and also for a week vacation in Colorado...pretty hard core for me.

This weekend was the wedding celebration for K & B. There were bags, das boot and lots and lots of food. Of course there was setting up in the rain...having everything I own smell like campfire and nature. Bugs, dirt and BO.

I have to say that coming home to a scrub and facial was majestic.

Labels: Beer

So I headed to Lacrosse for my super awesome birthday shenanigans. The festivities were to be held on Saturday July 19th, a day premature but logistically best for the observation of such an occasion. Much like Washington's birthday is observed on a Monday to give children and people with cushy jobs a three day vacation.

Just so you get the full effect I will start at 12am...I arrive downtown, Alice is drunk and convinces me and Rory to meet her at a bar. Normally I would not object but seeing as I had left in a hurry I was still wearing my lovely burgundy scrubs complete with sensible white crocks. I had half a beer and played cards while Alice flittered about.

After the bar we got to Alice's where she set us up with a movie and passed out. Alice is frugal which is endearing in most cases, however its less endearing when it comes to her "air conditioning" which consists of a fan that used to isolate. I keep my thermostat set at 70 and pay the bill almost gleefully in summertime. It is a luxury I have come to require. I'm convinced the heatstroke lead to my headache and resulting insomnia. The movie was over at 4am, I checked my facebook and myspace then settled for some quizzes on okcupid. After taking a quiz on lucid dreaming ability I ended up on wikipedia which entertained me until the sun rose at about 6:30am and I was finally ready for bed.

I slept until 1:30pm listened to NPR while reading my book and ate a tomato sandwich for lunch. At 5:30 we were finally dressed and went to buzzard billy's for blackened chicken salad and a side of french fries with the best ranch dressing ever.

We then went to G & S's house because they have air conditioning & cable and watched T.V. until 11:45. It was then that my dream of going out died swiftly with an impromptu trip to Mc Donalds. I should have been having a free birthday shot or ringing a bell at some college bar but instead I was ordering a no.2 no onions minutes before closing and not caring that the poor schmucks serving me were most likely annoyed that they had to clean the grill yet again before frolicking off to fun and frivolity. Even though that was me only 5years ago.

So am I upset that my birthday bash was well...totally lame? No, not really because I'm not the 5yrs ago me. I would feel stupid ringing a birthday bell (although truth be told I've never rang one). I don't want people singing to me at restaurants and I don't really even care that I can get a free entree if I bring 3 other diner's with me for my birthday meal.

Ava's birthday observed started when I turned 21 and was a good summer excuse to get together and do something a little outside the ordinary. Over the years it has made up all the trauma left from never getting to sit in the birthday chair at school or passing out cupcakes to my classmates. But maybe its time to move on.

Today I am 27. I have the feeling each birthday leading up to 30 is going to be hard for me. Not that I feel any younger than that age in fact if I got to pick my age non-chronologically I would probably choose early 30's but its a reminder...of how my life is off balance.

In some ways I feel ahead of the curve: family relationships, friends, job, financial stability, mental security all that sort of stuff is good.

Then the sad lame Ava pops up where I realize that relationship-wise I may as well be 15. Really no improvement, no hopefuls. And each time I log into some wretched networking site and see a photo of a friend's baby or or a couple hugging in front of a sunset on their honeymoon I can't help but thinking. Did I totally miss the bus?

I'm told these things all happen on different time tables. I'm told I'm smart, funny, caring, hell even beautiful once in awhile but these people are my friends. I can't help but blame myself...at least a little. I find myself saying if you just lost the weight, if you didn't cry at every animated movie, if you didn't flick off that guy that cut you off in traffic, if you didn't waste so much time dating the wrong people, if you weren't as successful, if you didn't like weird music or documentaries or talking about random articles on wikipedia, you would be that girl in front of the sunset.

But in truth most of these things I really don't want to change. Which makes me feel a bit destined for a life of being perpetually single. Am I too stubborn to change? Is there really room in my life for another person? Would I even give Mr. Right a chance? My honest answer is no. Even if he showed up on my doorstep tomorrow I would probably dismiss him and not even know he was there in the first place. This is what makes me sad.

Labels: Alice, Beer, Birthdays, Depressed, Dreams, Drinking, Food, Friends, Glass Half Empty, Thoughts, Work

Saturday I slept in until 10:30, showered and discovered I had forgotten both toothpaste and deodorant. Which caused me to buy little travel sized ones at the hotel gift shop for twice their retail value. I got to the zoo a little early with no problem those detours are much easier to follow in daylight. Work friends had more difficulty, so i entered the zoo parked myself on bench and read my book while overlooking the swan lake. It was a perfect day to go...75, sunny and not a hint of humidity.

I've always loved zoos. My father and I would take yearly trips at or near Christmas eve. I've only recently be reintroduced to zoos in the summer, its busier, stinkier, but everything is open and you get to catch all the special summer goings on.

I also like taking pictures and there are endless opportunities. Unfortunately I was not smart enough to charge my battery so it died after only about ten pictures. So what was my favorite part of the zoo trip? The butterfly garden. Yeah I know I've been giving butterflies a bad rap but they had a nice little guide so I could identify them and the garden area was just gorgeous! The chrysalises were all on display and labeled and butterfly's were everywhere you had no trouble finding the ones on the list.

After 6hours of walking around we were pretty well spend and went to the embassy suites hotel. Very nice and excellent customer service... seriously EXCELLENT. It was a little pricey but well worth the added cost. There was a open bar happy hour for two hours which we participated in I got 2-screw drivers.

We then went to the liquor store to stock the fridge and bought a pack of cards and then freshened up a bit before dinner. Instead of driving around buzzed we partook in the hotel's restaurant which was 20% off since we were staying there. We had crab cakes and a warm goat cheese tart and anti-pasta platter. For my main course I had a barley risotto with mushrooms and something else in the sauce we suspect is nutmeg, Gorgonzola cheese and beef medallions. The meal was rounded off with a layered chocolate cake with Baily's and creme filling. Divine.

Back at the room I cracked open a fat-tire beer and we played go-fish and 500, then preceded to have cigarettes off the tiny balcony in our non-smoking room. The door only opened about 3-inches, just enough for you to stick your hand out. We caught up chit chatted about the people I used to work with and eventually on to the theories of friendship, love and family. I was a perfect weekend.

Photos: by me

Labels: Beer, Drinking, Food, Friends, Vacation, Work

Message from Alice: I got and invitation Keystone's wedding....do you want to go with me?

Keystone is an odd memory at best. I knew him though Alice and the three of use were the Keystone Light drinking crew of summer a summer long ago and far away. At the time when my relationship with Ed was going from bad to ended and I was in my depressed not-at-all Ava stage. (Which fortunately Alice has since forgiven me for). Anyways its a long story that is not worth going into. Anyways time has past and Keystone has met his "one"...I guess. They got pregnant and had a baby this winter and it seems this august the wedding bells will chime. Me cynical? Okay maybe.

Similar to Alice I got a wedding invitation of my own in the mail...I mean this a little too literally. My lesbian work friends are getting married and I gifted them my blank invitation since they will do more good with them than sitting in my closet. I didn't pay any attention to the envelope but then I opened it and saw the red outer pocket..chili red to be exact with eggshell paper inlay and gold corner adornments.

I plucked out the RSVP card with out much thought and added Alice to my name on the card.

Ava: Sure I'll go to Keystone's wedding with you, your still going to lesbian work friend's with me right?

Alice: Yeah

Ava: It's kinda sad isn't it?

Alice: I suppose...Seems you have to be a lesbian or get knocked up to get married around here.

The funny thing is I'm not sad. Normally I would feel pathetic or lonely...but the only feeling I could muster is thinking this is kinda a sad state of affairs. As if the little camera crew that lives inside my duct work looked in spying on me and would shake their heads at the pathetic lump adding a best friend "date" to not one...but two weddings.

Sometimes its odd for me to not feel bad about something. Two weddings, two good friends finding people they will someday (probably soon) marry. And when I think of it all I do is shrug. This is not to say I don't have occasional twinges of jealously...but that is too strong of a word its more of an anticipation for my time one day. I'm less concerned about the time table which is very not-at-all Ava like but in a good way this time.

Photo by We the Living

Labels: Beer, Conversations, Drinking, Friends, glbt, Rory, Thoughts

Cobie and I rose early in the morn to meet daddy for dinner before departing. We dinned in a quaint Chicago neighborhood restaurant kinda like the type they have on seinfield. We drove to Lincoln, NE on the trip Cobie must have sent about 30 text messages I was more than a little annoyed but we got to the hotel and met up with my friend “hairnet” we all went to Brewskis where we had a very angry waitress. I had my first taste of Fat tire Beer very tasty.

Labels: Beer, Cobie, Vacation