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Where is my Umbrella? July 06, 2006 |

There is a little black rain cloud that lives above my head. Wherever I go it follows me. It all began in grade school I friend would be jabbering to me I not wanting to get into trouble again for talking would sit quietly and mind my own business. Ava stop talking! I dont want to remind you again! The teacher would reprimand. I would try to protest since I had not been the one talking but le sigh even at a young age I knew it was hopeless to protest.

I think the problem is that I suffer from a guilty conscience. The moment an authority figure directs their downcast gaze into my direction I crack. I start to confess. It doesnt matter whether I did it or not I just start to spew forth apologies. This has caused me to lead a pretty clean and crime free life. Sure I will indulge in the occasional speeding but thats pretty much the extent of my illegal activity. I dont even steal grapes before buying them.

Today I was reminded of my little black rain cloud as I wrote out a check for $8.00 to the City of LaCrosse, Wisconsin for a parking ticket I received this weekend. Alice, Will and I were going to Piggys for dinner. I was cruising through a pretty full parking spot when Dwight points out a spot I had just passed up. Now I would have been perfectly content to drive around the parking lot in order to drive into the space but I was urged on by my cronies to back into the spot.

I DO NOT back into parking spots as a general rule. I dont know why but I find it to be a very difficult task so I never even attempt it. I really think it may have been my first time trying it. With Jamie and Dwights coaching along with about half a dozen pull up and back adjustments I had backed into the parking spot. We went off to dinner.

Okay on a side note Piggys was great and if you are ever in LaCrosse I highly suggest checking it out. They carried my favorite wine they had a cigar smoking room which smelled like rich along with the most comfortable leather couches. The whole restaurant looked like a mens club library all mahogany and leather.

So after a lovely dinner and glass of wine we return to the parking lot. There is a bright orange ticket on my window. WTF? Jamie and Dwight joke that maybe I got it for backing in. I look around seriously.is it not a spot? I dont get itno other cars have tickets.

I grab the vulgar colored envelope and open it to findParking violation $8.00 Space was backed into.

I announce my crime and all of us burst out laughing. We did investigate and there was a sign about the size of a postage stamp at the entrance of the parking lot. Now this is what gets me there is also a sign that says park only in marked spots (this is a much more obvious rule in my opinion I dont even think a sign for such a regulation would be necessary.)

There were three carsTHREE parked along the curb in the aisle-way these are not marked spots did they have tickets? NO! Oh and get this.there was also a car parked in the little diagonal lined spots that are always next to handicapped spots.ticket? Hello NO!

Ahhh yes I see that Im the hellion here the person who is not blocking traffic who parks in a proper spot within the lines, yes yes I am the one that needs to learn a lesson. This is the life of Ava.

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Does it Smell Fishy in Here July 04, 2006 |

Alice and I had just returned from the casino. We came back to her apartment to find Will hanging out in the living room watching Sarah Silvermans Jesus is Magic For the grand finale she did a song and dance routine with three microphones one for her mouth one for her female parts and one for her bum.

Me: I wish my vagina could sing.

Alice: Mine just has bad breath.

Its funny because its true.