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Date April 29, 2009 |

So I have a semi-date on Saturday. I don't know much about the guy he asked if I wanted to go out to coffee which I would be totally up for if he lived in Rochester he doesn't. Then I thought I really want to go to IKEA, so before I knew it I said as long as he was okay with 3:30 and somplace by MOA I would be in. I've got nothing better to do anyways.

A new Blog!!! April 27, 2009 |

I know you just don't get enough of me so I'm starting another blog with my dear friend Alice. It will chronicle my (our) journey to become less of a fat ass. So bookmark the new link it should be interesting. The site is under construction but you will get the point.

A Little Less Fat

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Asses 4 Me April 19, 2009 |

Alice and I were stalking okcupid when I stumbled across this fine bachelor. Laddies I decided to not snatch this one up so he is still available for the pickings

Name: Asses4Me (real screen name) I'm looking for a girl which also isn't easy to do because of my so called "kink" I'd guess 1% of females might be able to handle what I like.

What is the most private thing You're willing to admit here? I love anal sex...you did ask. And no I'm not gay.


What are your favorite movies? Anything with Cary Grant or Bruce Willis

Let's consider Asses4me for a moment. He is obviously on the site for "activity partners" I mean the screen name says it all. So the guy likes anal sex that is fair enough everyone has their thing. What makes me curious is why he feels the need to defend his sexuality in response to his anal sex. Now perhaps if perhaps the most private thing he was willing to admit was he really likes to take it up the ass I would say sure you should say you want a woman with a strap-on and not a guy...well and you would need a screen name that was ass4you. But I guess he wanted to be crystal clear.

Now his movie taste...Cary Grant or Bruce Willis? Realllly? Thats like saying yeah, I love music you know anything like by Mozart or Tiny Tim.



Oh and last but not least the picture. He says he's 26 but he looks about 12, I'm slightly concerned I might be prosecuted for posting such a picture. Notice the background...A sparsely decorated office with a plant. Is he at work? At home watching porn? Whats especially odd is his smile and by the way he is posed it almost seems as if he is unaware of his state of undress.
And quite a state of undress it is. You know when I take my pants off I go all out. I make a decision on or off and I go for it. I certainly dont stop mid-thigh and then rest my hands akwardly on the waistline as if to say...yeah thats good I'm done removing these...people can see my freshly bleached tighty-whities and thats whats really important.

You didn't think I was going to let the vest go unnoticed. I imagine asses4me preparing for his big photoshoot looking at his closet going what to wear...what to wear. Humm I need something that really shows me off I'll just skip the shirt and go for this striking....OLD NAVY FLEECE VEST. Yes perfect.

This guy will never be mistaken for gay...even with the twink hair no homosexual man would ever be caught dead in that half-outfit.

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Sober living |

So tonight I went out with an old college pal I haven't talked to for at least 6 years. We had drinks listened to a band and met her brother who I think may have been my chiropractor at one point when my normal one couldn't get me in.

I had three beers. Yes it was on an empty stomach but still. Only three.

I was walking back to my car to drive home when I was reminded of Alices recent almost DUI and I had second thoughts. I lit my cigar I prepurchased so I wouldn't bum cigarettes off people and thought to myslef this is a bad plan.

Smoking my cigar sans friends I went to Amsterdam only because they used to have a gblt happy hour once a month (Rochester is so conservative) so now I'm sitting alone in a bar. Feel sorry for me I don't hve the social skills.


-- Post From My iPhone

I'm getting Married! April 14, 2009 |

Via myspace message (exactly as I always imagined it):

hi ,just wanna favour from u ,i m an indian boy nd wanna get settled in usa .so i want to have a contract marrige for that i can pay enough of ..dollars. is.. if u r interested do reply if not i will not msg u again

That's kinda a really big favor...especially with that beard...

Ava's Crafty Corner - Duplicating a pattern April 13, 2009 |

In a continuation of my dress a wall series I present to you how to match copy something for matching artwork.

Step one: As always pick something simple. Take the cellophane wrapping off of the canvas and unfold it onto the pattern you wish to copy. Trace the patter with a PAINT PEN. No Not a marker or a sharpie...a paint pen and a paint pen only. If you don't own one. Buy one.



Step Two: Place the paint marked cellophane face down...so the paint is touching the canvas. If using multiple canvases make sure they are tightly and evenly spaced. When you have the picture centered use a pencil to trace over the painted lines. The pressure will cause the paint to transfer from the cellophane onto the canvas. The lines will be light and a bit sketchy so be sure to fill in the gaps with your trusty pencil. Here is a picture before filling in with pencil.

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Step Three: Paint, paint, paint and paint some more. Tada! One thing I learned dark purple wall paint requires about 6 coats....and will never be used for this use again.


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Before & After April 12, 2009 |

Here are some quickie pictures on my bedroom. Notice the icky country blue walls and (allthough it is hard to tell miss-matched knobs on the closet doors. Oh not to mention all the crap in the closet itself.


The after picture is a wee bit missleading. Since there is a giant laundry pile in downstairs, but the point is I got rid of 5 garbage bags full of clothes. Now there is just the process of actually getting them to Goodwill...


The new bedspread has arrived so of course I had to try it out right away. You cant see the new wall color very well, but its on the walls. I decided the flowering on the pillows was a bit too much so I flipped them over to the plain brown which I much prefer. It's a wee wrinkled but that will fix itself in time. I think it will look very nice whenever my new bed frame comes in :)

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Ava's Crafty Corner April 09, 2009 |

I do not think I will surprise anyone when I say I am too poor to buy artwork. I am not an artsy person and the thought of spending hundreds or even worse thousands on some mediocre art which doesn't match my house is well annoying. After millions of hours logged watching TLC's trading spaces I was convinced that even I Ava-Right-Brain-Mazur can adorn her walls for next to nothing.

Now like a master it is time for me to pass the torch.

Supplies

  • Left over paint that matches the rooms in your house
  • Pencil
  • Paint brushes
  • Canvases (Walmart is cheapest but hobby lobby is better for non-rectange canvases or large sizes). Personally I like the thicker kind that have staples around the edge....I just kinda like how it looks.

Step 1: Find your inspiration. For my bedroom I wanted to match with the bedspread I bought...despite Rory's objections. I thought it would be nice to make a couple flower paintings for the big empty wall and then some leaves for a set above the bed. Once I have an idea I like to go to istockphoto.com to find a design to rip off. My inspiration for these paintings can be found here.

Using my rip-off design with a pencil attempt to kinda match what you are looking at on the screen. Its important to pick a design that is as simple as possible. Avoid circles they are hard to get even...do not attempt anything that is actually supposed to look like something. Abstract is best. If you need more than 2 colors its too complicated. Pick something else.


Step 2: Choose your background paint and paint :P I suggest craft sponge brushes and regular brushes for the detail. Try to avoid your penciled in areas...this way you wont fuck it up later. Since you are using wall paint I highly suggest you do one coat let it sit for about another hour and then do a second coat to ensure full coverage.


Step 3: Fill in your pencil marks with the accent color. Make sure to go over just the edges of your background color so you get smooth lines. For a fun illusion I suggest using the wall color as the accent color this way it almost looks like your have cut-outs in your canvases where the wall is showing through. Go back and touch up lines with background color if needed. Small glad ware is very handy for keeping little parcels of paint throughout your project and for extra protection against dry out use Alice's tip and keep them in fridge.

TaDa! For the price of 9 dollars a wall is dressed. Just wait until you guys get to see them above my new bed dressed with my new comforter...I'm such a hipster.

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Time Warp Tuesdays pt.3 April 08, 2009 |

May 9th, 1994

I just don't care. I was talking to Tom about Nichole when all of a sudden Nichole gets mad. Its not like he didn't already know. Well then Nichole said, "I'll tell who you love...."

Well I don't love, I just like him. I don't think someone can be in love unless they share thoughts with them. When you are in love you share the same interests. If you don't just like a boy but love him already when you go into a relationship you have nothing to build on.

Well anyway I wasn't embarrassed so when Tom started listing names he goes, "It couldn't be Blair"

Umm then I said, "Why not?"

I was wondering why it couldn't be Blair. So I like Blair big deal. I never understood why it is such a big secret.

Right now I'm on the bottom bunk at walcamp, a christian camp. Nichole is on the top bunk and jumping up and down, so excuse my handwritting. Nichole can be such a bitch.

We were at square dancing, Blair said, "Do you really love me?" I said, "No" which is true.

Well also today I held a baby lamb that was only 3days old it was so cute. Me, Katie, Nichole and Erin got to go.

So now Nichole supposedly doesn't like Tom, Yhea I realllllyyyyy believe that, she is so full of bull. Now she likes Greg.

****** is now best friends with Erin. ****** cut her hair short, and made a scar on her shoulder. I'm starting to feel she isn't my friend anymore. (Details excluded)


REFLECTIONS

It's not much of a wonder why Nichole and I never seemed to get along seeing as I used every opportunity I could to gossip about her and spill her crushes. In fact its amazing we were ever friends at all.

The other thing I find interesting about this entry and many others is my obsession with boys and who likes who, or who is best friends with who and how all the social cards are falling. I don't remember being obsessed with boys at that age. The only crush I really every remember having was Andy but that may have been before this diary.

I took out just about everything about ***** bad situation and I don't want to air someone elses past that is none of my business. It makes me sad though, sad I didn't understand or have any concept what so ever of what she may have been going through. Sad that even though I didn't out right ditch her I didn't fight to stay friends with her either.

****** and I used to write letters back and forth, the last one I think was shortly after I graduated from college. I lost her address somewhere in my moves and quite frankly I am too lazy to write letters anyway. I remember her last letter she was happy living out east with her boyfriend. She seemed well, she seemed OK. I hope she still is.

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Paint & Nicotine |

I'm really starting to hate the smell of paint. Alice and Rory + 1 came over to help me out with the painting buiness. We were very productive finishing both the upstairs bedrooms, the family room and downstairs hallway. It took longer than I expected but I am very happy with how it turned out. I have a few spots to touch up in the spare bedroom but other than that it looks pretty good.

And I now have a put it back together goal of 1 month. I will get pictures up at some point. Right now I'm working on painting some pictures for above my bed. I'm going to have to let the base coat dry overnight.

I'm not very happy that vacation is over, it went by way to quickly. Sometimes work feels like this never ending cycle and I just get kinda bored with the concept that I will have to do it for another 42 or so years before I can retire.

At least I have something to look forward to this weekend. Alice and I are taking a bus to miller park to see the cubs game (or as Alice would say the Brewers game). I do belive I will limit myself to one drink at the stadium as I have hard core quit smoking.

I've been meaning to swear off it completely again...and the stress of school kinda put me into a fairly bad habit. To increase our chances Alice and I are quitting together. We both had our last cigarretts on sunday night (Technically Monday morning). I'm fine when I'm at work but this sitting at home on the computer thing and in the car is proving to be more difficult. All and all I think I'm doing pretty good.

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For your consideration April 02, 2009 |

I bought paint today...God I'm exciting. I've been doing a little pandora listening while working on the spare bedroom, so listen and enjoy.

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Opinion |

How do we feel about this comforter.

Half of me says purple & pink big flowers adorable...oh and very affordable.

The other half says: Put in a Hanna Montana CD and redisover what it feels like to be a preteen while buying a cat and never ever ever having a man in your bedroom while it looks like that.

What does it say to you?

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Blah |

I wasn't very productive today I had a sinus headache and I think I ate a bad hamburger which is causing me to be flatulent...as well as other things...I fear sharting.