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Fricken Frackin November 29, 2007 |

Today was not the best day. I got very upset with a co-worker who was quite frankly being unreasonable. Then my decision was reversed because my someone wanted to leave early to watch the packer game. The same person who made me stay late when I wanted to insanely leave on time because I had plans. Double standards really get me pissy. Well so then I was more than happy when 4pm rolled around and it was time to leave. I go back to my office and grab my purse...hum what is on my $300 coach purse? Then I look into the depths brown stain everywhere! My book is wet and sticky receipts are plastered against the sides. And there at a bottom my coke which was brought for my afternoon break I never got to take. It was mildly dented and there in the center of the dent a crack in the aluminum. An entire can of coke. So I came home and emptied everyone out. My ipod and phone are still in working order so I guess it could be worse. This isn't the type of stain to spot clean so I did something rather insane and popped the whole thing in the washer. We will see how that turns out for me.


WoooHoo November 28, 2007 |

I was talking to YMCA tonight and he officially asked me on a date. He is double checking his schedule but it looks like Saturday will be the day of reckoning. He volunteered to drive to Rochester...I'm in charge of deciding where to do since he doesn't really know the city that well.

So what should we do? Dinner at Whistle Binkies and then Comedy is always a nice choice. Although I have the feeling it will be a lunch affair (less pressure) in which case I am stumped for afternoon actives ideas. Bowling...ish I do that weekly now. Drinks and darts too slutty, Walk around at quarry hill to much nature and too cold. Help me people I need ideas!

Im stoked this is the first time in a loooong time that I can remember being truly excited and hopeful about meeting someone new. I would have to say July with Jewish lawyer was the last time (side note boy that was an awful bubble burst). Anyways yeah Ill keep you all updated. Oh

PS I quit eharmony...too much money. Besides next semester Im going to be waaay busy. SO if things dont work out with YMCA dont expect any fun dating stories for awhile.

PPS. Notice the picture...they are french horns. French kissing, first dates...its like the french horns are kissing. Arent you glad I bring it full circle for you all?

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OMG Im smothering November 25, 2007 |

Blah blah blah insert annoying small talk in here

Ava: im just a jealous person in general
Red: oh
Ava: usually i ignore it though
Red: i cant ignore jealousy
Ava: you a pretty impuslive person in general
Red: i am?
Red: yeah i guess i am
Red: it's just me
Red: u doing anything eventful tonight
Ava: nope
Red: lol
Red: i wanna watch u play
Red: god that was hot
Ava: when did you watch me?
Red: when we were in the middle of a break during sex, dont u remember
Ava: oh yeah i remember
Ava: well if we get together again it would be like that
Red: really?
Red: i just need to be able to afford to come out to you
Ava: im not comfortable being sexual with you

I cant belive Im having to say this again....ewww icky icky icky

Red: what? really
Ava: well you know we arent together anymore
Red: no kidding
Ava: well i dont want to mess around
Red: ok i was just being flirty
Red: I was just curious
Ava: i mean what do you want from me?
Red: a life
Red: a real relationship
Red: i mean a REAL relationship
Red: like living together and everything
Ava: do you really think we can live together?
Red: i dont know
Red: it's hard to say
Red: brb phone

I went invisible after that. Seriously when is he going to get the point. I think Ive told him at least 4 times that we are not a couple. We will never ever ever be having sex again...and no I have no need for you to come live in my house rent free and be a mooch.

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I hope this was a joke November 24, 2007 |

I found this on Craigslist....I did not edit it in anyway

I need a submissive who understands her role is to become my woman and submit completely to my rule. My wife will wear and act like the wives of the 1950s in perfectly pressed dresses and aprons. She will be the perfect home-maker, keeping a spotless house and making delicious and healthy meals for me each night. She knows to open the door before I even take out my keys, with my slippers and favorite after-work beverage in her hands. She will know that dinner is to be served at 6:30 every day, my feet massaged as I catch up on the evening news, cock sucked and cum swallowed before I can even begin my evening. My wife will act as the perfect hostess to my friends and family. She will stand at the edge of the shower holding the towel she carefully warmed, then rush to the bedroom to help me slip into my immaculately laundered and ironed 1000 thread count sheets before drifting off to sleep.

As Husband, my role will be to remind my wife on a regular basis of her duties to me. When I am horny, she will know to immediately bend over and offer herself to me. I will always remind her of her lower status and humiliate her for her shortcomings (to train her to please me always). I will beat her for any occasions in which she is disobedient, as she is to learn that she will be my woman forever, 24 hours of every day, for the rest of her life. I want her to feel like the slut that she is, so that she knows what it is like to be a woman, to be held down by someone stronger than her, and then to be invaded on all levels...

I love the idea of 1950s clothing, frilly aprons, high heels, those sexy thigh-high stockings with the little seam down the back, perfectly coiffed hair and a permanent smile on her face. I like the image of walking into the house after a particularly bad day at the office, throwing my briefcase down on the floor. I take two strides into the kitchen where my wife is standing at the sink, and twirl her around. In two seconds, she is on her knees, and my cock is out. Her bright red lips surround the head of my cock as she does her best to swallow every last inch... as her long, long black eye lashes accentuate her big beautiful eyes, which fill with tears each and every time I shove my cock so hard down her throat that it makes her gag…


Im not a druggie but I love me some stoner music November 23, 2007 |

The version I found on youtube kinda sucks...believe me I looked for something better. In the album version its echoee and you cant really understand anything hes saying. And what exactly is the "sensi herb?" Fortunately for my white suburban self I have urbandictionary.com

In this context sensi is an abbreviated version of the urban slang word sensimilia
Definition 1- The seedless female flower of the cannabis plant
Definition 2- Another word of marihuana (that's how they spelled it) mostly used in Jamaica.
Me smoke de sensimilia all day long, ja man!

Slightly Stoopid Lyrics

"Collie Man"

And some man live his life
For profits alone
That very same man
He lives his life all alone
And the road to life
Yes it goes up and down
Doesn't really matter
As long as the music goes on
Hey mister collie man
Why don't you come round no more
Hey mister collie collie man
Don't you hear me troubled call
Hey mister collie man
Look i didn't come to disturb
You best not be come 'round here
Unless you've got me sensi herb
I never needed any
Reason for me to say
Through all them troubled times
Yes me love you any way
And the roughest path
You know the rocky rocky road
You know that
Life and love is a
Heavy heavy load
Hey mister collie man
Why don't you come 'round no more
Hey mister collie collie man
Don't you hear me troubled call
Hey mister collie man
Look i didn't come to disturb
You best not be come round here
Unless you've got me sensi herb
You best not be come round here
Unless you've got me sensi herb

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In search of the holy grail November 22, 2007 |

So about a year ago I subscribed to this podcast called sex is fun. IT IS AWESOME! They talk about pretty much anything related to sex and do so in an informative but casual manner...its like a conversation with friends (cue cheesy music). Anyways every since listening to the show on G-spot orgasms I have been obsessed with having one. I have tried and I have failed.

Today I have succeede...I think. Don't judge me I didn't have to work tomorrow what else was I supposed to do to fill my time. Nothing shot across the room, I did not have to change sheets, I did not levitate from my bed and tangle my hair in the ceiling fan in the throws of passion, and the orgasm by no means lasted for hours.

To explain in detail without being too icky, the orgasm was definitely a bit different. I wouldn't really call it stronger per say..the pulsations were about the same but more releasing and the area of orgasm was bigger (I don't really know how to explain it). I did get a faint need to potty sensation, but it was slight and I did go to the bathroom recently so I doubt there was anything to pee even if I wanted to. So the big question of G-spot ejaculation? Eh maybe. I felt a dribble but not even enough to leave a spot.

So yeah regular me time 2 minutes this endeavor was at least 30. So was it worth it? I'm exhausted and my writs hurts. Ask me again next time I'm sitting around alone and horny with no place to be in the morning.

Oh and here's a link for the Sex is Fun Podcasts...just in case you need a last minute download for the ride to grandma's house..okay maybe the ride home is more appropriate. http://www.greatsexgames.com/podcast/

Head over Feet November 19, 2007 |

Okay I haven't lost my mind completely. I realize that people I talk to on the phone or the Internet can be completely different in real life. However that been said YMCA is proving to be quite pleasing.

He gave me a ring last night when he was done with work. He's so sing-songy when he talks and a pretty good conversationalist even can get a word in edgewise against me. He will do even better when he figures out I don't mind if he interrupts. Anyways after thinking about my previous "6-things" post it was out main topic of conversation. To the how do you feel about the gays question he passed with absolutely brilliant flying colors. Saying no problem whatsoever. He meets all my requirements. Good job, future, morals. Okay so he doesn't out earn me, I guess I haven't asked but I'm assuming. The point is he talks about saving and paying off his grad school loans...now that is hot.

So after a really good talk I ask to him when do I get to meet you in real life? He sounded excited about it. He is out of town until next Wednesday for thanksgiving but we are going to set something up for the week after that. What am I going to wear...I only have 2 weeks to decide.

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Out of the woodwork November 18, 2007 |

What the hell is up all of a sudden blasts from the past are falling all over me. PS this is my 100th post happy day

Case 1: Red
All of a sudden he has dropped the other chick and won’t leave me alone. He’s practically begging for us to start dating again…it’s not working. Talking about how sweet I am and how he is so sorry and he made a mistake. Actually tried to convince me for an hour to get together this weekend.

Case 2: The nice guy
We had a date sometime this summer…Julyish I think. We went bowling and had bumpers played the how many time can I hit the bumpers game…lots of fun. Went to dinner he paid, and refused to even let me leave the tip…nice. Then went to the comedy club, escorted me by putting his hand on my back arm around me during the show. He was older cute. Well I didn’t hear much of him after that so I moved on. Well we never really stopped talking. And he would occasionally say oh there is an exhibit at the science museum we should go together. My thought I have enough friends that live an hour away, in retrospect he knows I love museums and probably put a lot of thought into it…he was asking me on a date. I completely blew him off I had no clue. So I talked to him a few days ago. I basically told him he’s nice and I like him but I don’t really see a fledgling friendship working from an hour and a half away. Anyways he basically laid it on the line and was like I like you…even said I want you (hey that’s kinda hot). Anyways it didn’t work out for this weekend but I would go out with him. Of course now he probably thinks I'm blowing him off again L

Case 3: The so-so guy
I agreed to meet so-so as friends. He was getting over a failed relationship. Not that cute, some personal issues but whatever. When we hung out I had fun. Then out of the blue his ex starts talking to him again and then he never had time to do anything…no skin off my nose just friends. Although it was flattering to know he had a thing for me. Well today out of the blue he ims me. Tells me he has a dream about me and we were on a date and I looked amazing. Then he said he would like to take me out. I pretty much said we could hang out but I’m not interested in dating him.

Non-Case: Mr.Perfect so far
I’ve been talking to this guy forever. I met YMCA on eharmony. We switched to phone communication about a month ago. He has a graduate degree, good morals. Funny expressionful voice, good laugh. Have I been asked out…no L I guess I was a little sluggish at agreeing to phone communication but I think it’s pretty obvious I’m interested. So should I just ask him? I like to be traditional, I like to be pursued perhaps I will drop some not so subtle hints.


6 things |

I was reading someones post and they were tagged for a blog thing...I dont really understand but im going to post with the same topic.

Basically its 6 things any man who wants to date me should know (but I tend to make them find out the hard way)

1- Morally Im right and you are wrong
You dont pay for internet and use your neighbors wi-fi...Wrong
You keyed your exs car because he cheeted on you....Wrong
This is not to say Im a saint and in actuallity if you keyed your exes car or stole some wi-fi I dont really care. What I care about is you have to admit this isnt the right thing to do...own it and I can deal with it.

2- Love me love love my friends
If you dont like gay people, if you think its icky or wrong that simply isnt going to fly. If you cant stand cobie giving his man of the moment a kiss goodbye or hear about two of my friends having sex in the shower you arent going to last.

3- Strap me down and dominate me
vanilla sex can be fun. Lovey dovey owwey gooey romanitc "making love" is sweet and has its place but for heavens sake lets have a little fun. I am a hornball I like sex and I like variety. Lets make out in an elevator or do a little inapropriate touching in a not so crowded theater. Make a cheesy line and play a little student teacher. You dont have to be serious you just have to have fun.

4- Get a life
I cant make you happy. I cant stop your depression, your addictions or your lonliness. In fact I dont want to. I dont want to fill your social calander I just want a place in it. You need your own family and friends. If you depend on me for everything you will drive me crazy

5- Mr.Money Bags
No I dont care about the balance in your checking account but I do care that you know what it is. Pay your bills, save for something. Have a job and a future.

6- Make me laugh until I pee
Watch a cheesy movie....make fun of my ugly socks and laugh when anyone farts.

Time Zones November 17, 2007 |

I decided to head to lacrosse this weekend for a little bit of fun. Im WAY overdue. I last night after waking up I had no clue how to determine what time it was. Here is a list of what Alice's clocks said when I work up this morning:

11:59 Bathroom
8:19 I-home
9:35 Living Room wall clock
9:59 Alarm Clock
10:44 Bedroom stereo

For the record the time was 9:35.


Truth November 03, 2007 |

So im minding my own buisness helping a friend write a letter to her no good ex and we end up doing a little myspace viewing. There at the top of the lists is a bulletin posted from Red. Yeah I know i should have deleted him...thats not the point. Well the bulletin said he had a new blog about about some chick (not me) he did have a small snipit on his myspace one...

"ok, all you guys were right, i was a moron to ever think that this chick was normal. Man, was i off...i cant even begin to tell you how stupid i feel or how used. One day she wants to kill me, the next as sweet as pie..omg she was so sweet to me all day, we kept talking and getting along so well and then i drive my ass to her place pick her up and she's as cold as ice...all the way to my place...she says practically nothing. She gets to my house and wont even let me touch her, which is normal for us to do. But no she is just standoffish and stubborn..whatever amber. And then, her fatass bf calls her at my place and she answers, she talks to him in my house when she knows how i feel about it. How fucking disrespectful is that? Not only that but after i finally lose it and start yelling at her, she laughs in my face and throws the mistakes i ever made at me...FUCK YOU AMBER. Well i've come to the decision, shes now officially gone out of my life for good. I've deleted all our pics, everything. It's all gone. I want nothing to do with this bi-polar chick, i keep finding the crazy ones...i must be doing something wrong here."

Yeah so Im pissed right? Okay I was and I did spend a good hour trying to find his blog on youtube. Didnt find it. I did call him...twice. The second time leaving a very cival message saying I saw your bullien Im not call to yell I just want to know the truth. Then I did something that even surprized me. I left a message on his myspace blog. I basically wished him luck, said you will find the right girl someday and I hoped his heart would heal.

The thing is if Im right and im not sure I am but there was a girl who stayed with him while we were still together....who left her significant other. He complained about her said awful things about her....I knew something was up. He cheated. His drama earlier? Im sure its lies...to cover up whatever he was doing.

Will I ever hear from Red again? I doubt it. Do I care...well not really. You know I can sit here in my pretty suburban house not saving the white trash cheeting boyfriends of the world and feel pretty damn peachy about it.

It is not my job to save people who have no respect for me and no interest in saving themselves. So Red good luck to you. For Ed it took me 5yrs to get him out of my life. You were done in the month. So the next Red or Ed that comes around. Im hoping he doesnt get a second date.

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