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Ex-Etiquette August 25, 2008 |

There is nothing more uncomfortable then talking to or about an ex. Maybe it’s just me but when I’m done in a relationship being friends never seems to work out for me. I would think I could be friends with my ex’s but so far they do not follow the laws of common decency.

What they say: Oh I’m dating this new girl……blah blah blah they go on….but the thing is I have no idea what they say after that first sentence because the only thing flashing in my mind is….

TACKY!!!

It’s not a matter of being over someone or under them I just think it’s inappropriate to bring up your new main squeeze. I usually don’t have one before my ex’s because I don’t care to bounce around like a rubber ball but even on the rare occasion that I am dating someone and still in that we are going to pretend to be friends stage I wouldn’t bring it up. It’s tasteless, rude and boastful.

Also I just plain don't understand what I'm supposed to say to this. If I say great/wonderful/I'm happy for you I'm told I'm sarcastic. If I say I screwed 3guys last Saturday I'm slutty. If I say no no no please take me back I was so wrong...I would be manipulative. All of these responses are slightly lies. I can't think of the right thing to say because I really don't have anything to say at all. I quite frankly don't care so I error on the side of being happy for them. Which I am but that doesn't mean I care.

Perhaps I should just respond with sentences that are equally not important to them. Perhaps I'm happy too I got McDonald's for dinner and they remembered to give me extra napkins!

Of course there are other things to avoid. So I bring to you..things not to say while talking to an ex.
  1. Don't talk about your previous relationship together. That ship has sailed folks, I'm not going to break up with you 30times and I don't want to hear how I'm being unreasonable.

  2. Never ask if I am seeing someone

  3. Don't tell me your new girlfriend/fiance' whatever is pregnant...and even if you don't tell me I would appreciate you dropping off the face of the earth so you don't tell mutual friends who will in turn tell me.

  4. Don't ask me "Do you have my...." No I don't. If I did I would tell you about it. Also if I do have it pick it up yourself. Don't accuse me of steeling you belongings.

  5. Never ask, "Did you ever care at all?" "Do you miss me?" or "Can't we try again?

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Screening My Calls |

I’ve been antisocial lately I’m not exactly sure why but its getting bad. I think the downward spiral of solitude began when my phone started to deteriorate. It requires a series of careful angles, adjustments, and pressures in order to charge. And if by some miracle I get it to charge the battery lasts for about a half hour conversation tops. Oh yeah the phone is also held together by a rubber band and no longer rings.

So occasionally I check my Verizion online account just to make sure I don’t go over my anytime minutes. I only have 450 allotted and have only ever going over during those annoying breaking up with someone months. I checked the bill one day before my closing date…I had used only 42 minutes…42! It’s sad really.

I’ve also noticed I haven’t really been calling people to do things. Last Friday I was perfectly content to craft by myself rather than remove my scrubs to put on real clothes and go do something social. And when I do go and do things it takes a lot to convince myself to do them. I haven’t wanted to go out…even though I pretty much always have a fun time once I get there.

So what’s the deal? Am I just in a rut for the last couple weeks?

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Indecent Proposal August 24, 2008 |

Message Recieved on MySpace:

hi ava, your pics are really beautiful.
i am a 35 m in the twin cities, i am married but looking for a long term affair, thats why my profile is soo empty. i know that sounds bad, but i miss the passion and excitement i should be feeling and its a turn on i guess. i am looking for a girl to have fun with, spoil and pamper, be close to, be my best friend, fall in love with, and of course i love sex and especially kissing.
i can email a pic if you are interested.
hope to hear from you soon, i would rather be there loving and spoiling you than with the wifey :)
david

My Response:
If I wanted an STD I would perfer the excitment of intravenous drug use to sleeping with you. Good luck in all your extramarital affairs.

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Pet Peve No. 1,376 |

There are certain things that people say that make my ears bleed...literally they say the phrase and blood drips out of my cochlea down my ear lobe and onto the floor. Okay maybe not so much literally but you get the point.

Case 1- People skip the word my in relation to objects

Example: I'm going to go ride bike.

There is more than one bike in the world I need to know which one you are ridding.

Acceptable alternatives:
I'm going to go ride MY bike.
I'm going to go ride YOUR bike. (In which case I would lock up my bike)

If you really don't want to own up to possessing or borrowing a bike (which is ridiculous) I would be willing to accept these phrases:

Last resort alternatives
I'm going to go ride A bike (should be used when going to the gym or rental facility and the specific bike being ridden has yet to be determined)
I'm going to go ride THE bike (really only acceptable when talking with a person who shares ownership of the bike of interest)


Case 2: Borrow

Examples
Will you BORROW me a sweater?
I BORROWED her a sweater.

Acceptable Alternative:
Will you LEND me a sweater?
I LENT her a sweater.

Using borrow correctly:
I BORROWED a sweater from her.
Can I BORROW a sweater? Sure I will LEND you a sweater.
She BORROWED a sweater from me.

The moral: When in doubt use lend, its very underused and usually the more appropriate verb.


Case three: Skipping the word my in relation to family members

I'm going to mom and dads. This one is a little more complicated.

Skipping my is acceptable for parent ownership when talking to your:
Brother
Sister
Or other parents. You can say to your dad...I'm going to send mom flowers for her birthday.

The moral you can only assume they know which mom and dad you are talking about if your listening party also calls that same person mom or dad. Get it? Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a perfect stranger saying, "I'm going to mom and dads for dinner." I would assume they are going to my mom and dads and no ones having dinner with them but me. Back off pseudo-sibling. Do the the world a favor and use the word MY.



The above mentioned grammatical rules have no backing whatsoever. They are quite simply the preferences of the always enlightened, always right Miss Ava Mazur.

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How not to woo a girl August 23, 2008 |

So there was this guy who winked at me (the only one) so seeing my pickings were slim I decided to see where it went.

Ava: Hi how are you? I'm new to this whole match thing so forgive me for a lame introductory email. I was checking out your profile I went to WSU as well, good times :)

J:
Hopefully you day will be a good one. I assume you have the WSU alumni book to search my bio. I loved going to Winona State. Yes good times. Take care and behave.

Ava:
Did you have a good weekend? I went to a bachelorette party, hung out with some friends, did some crafting and tv watching all and all good times.

J:
Weekend was slow, but that's O.K. This one will be monster. It's Gladiolas Days in St. Charles. Combination of street dances,parades, and I'm bartending on Saturday. My brother is the organizer, so we'll help him if/when he needs it. Hopefully you survived your weekend. Take Care and Behave.

Ava:
Oh I'm having a grand ol time. I'm going to a wedding this weekend and I just found out their registry is pretty much sold out so I think I'm going to have to get creative. I have no clue what to get. Right now I'm just hanging out with the pups and watching some TV to unwind after work.

J:
Well, Have fun at the Wedding and please behave yourself. Take care...

Ava:
Are you that worried about me misbehaving?

J:
Don't know. I could trust you. Have a great weekend.

Yeah I pretty much rather watch paint dry than talk to this person. Of course it's nice he can trust me to live my own life which I've been doing quite some time now without his emails constantly reminding me to behave myself. Should I send him and email saying I don't think we are a good fit or should I just never respond again? Oh and I know its not his fault but his name is awful. (Think Tiff's first roommate in college before the big shuffle)

Well I need to go get ready for aforementioned wedding where I should behave myself.

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Things I hate August 22, 2008 |

I usually try to be pretty good about posting on a regular basis. I would like to tell you that I've been busy with work, life or had some accident with my computer. However, none of those are the case. The truth is I signed up for one of those free trails from netflix. The instant movie watch on the computer is mildly addicting. This week I've watched about 5 documentaries, 3 movies, a season of coming out stories, and I'm just wrapping up the first season of dexter. I have done nothing but work and sit in front of my computer. Hopefully this love will fade as I think I'm starting to get bed sores and lose sleep due to my addictions.

Since I'm here though I thought I'd throw you a bone and write a post. My new work unit is big into positive management style. It works for me after all I hate getting yelled at. But since that's the work environment I was "raised" in giving pats on the back to others doesn't exactly come naturally to me.

Email sent to Alice: Things I hate

Sending this email....

"Thank you everyone for working together so well! Its wonderful to be part of a team that really pulls together when things get a bit rocky!"

Its all part of this performance management positive attitude bull. Needless to say kudos are not my forte. But here I mad an effort. It sucks I know. Did you see the exclamation points...that shows I'm enthusiastic...part of my soul died when I sent it...I might need that part later, but no such luck its gone now...gone FOREVER.


Reply from Alice:


"
i also hate doing stuff like that. there are a bunch of exclamation points in there, i can tell you really meant all of that. i hate saying hi to everyone all day long. i just try to avoid eye contact."

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Saturday August 17, 2008 |

My little bachelorette party gift went over well. Of course I had to pay an atm fee and take a cab home and have nothing to look forward to but a 7mile bike with a hang over to pick up my car in the morning...life sucks. Back to my point many people liked my gift....as a result another friend at the party was trying to hook me up with her brother. Not that Im not willing to take offers...speaking of offers check out this match I got on chemistry.com.
Hi my name is nick. i am looking for a nice girl for possible relationship. i am white average weigh brown hair and eyes.looking for white girl black hair blue eyes.fune and easy going.i am shy and little timid.looking for someone to bring the outgoing person out.

Relationship: Seperated
Education: Associates Degree
Income: Less than 25,000
Book movie or concert I've enjoyed: The lost boy it is about vampires I really like monstor movies.

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Don't be envious of my hipster lifestyle August 16, 2008 |













So I got to work a day shift to day thus leaving me with a Friday night and no plans. A single girl leaving in the vast metropolis of Rochester, MN I was swirling with possibilities. Then I came back to reality. I watched an episode of Queen Bee, 2 episodes of Degrasi and made a bachelorette party gift for K & B. Well kinda made. I suppose bachelorette parties normally produce skimpy nighties and vibrators but I just wasn't in the mood to go to naughty stores. So I hit target and their registry. I figured I would get them something for the actual wedding so I went decided to just get a little 3-tierd dessert tray it was cute. I then decided instead of wrapping it to just put a bunch of crap on it people can eat at the party tomorrow. Or they can hide it away and eat it themselves. Here are the fruits of my labor from my Friday night in. I know too cool for words.

Chemistry.com August 14, 2008 |

All right someone needs to take my credit card away. After being thoroughly frustrated thinking about all of this match.com business I have completely beyond any shadow of reason signed up for its more expensive bastard cousin chemistry.com. Of course I all ready like chemistry much better. The guys out of the 10 chosen I had 5 possibles, 3 I'm going to have to think on its and 2 definitely nos.

Did I mention my number one match was a guy I used to work with? Of course he didn't have a picture up but he has an unusual name and I cant imagine there are that many people with that name, his age and working at the clinic. Yeah I don't know what to do with that one so I'm just going to let it sit there for a bit.

This impulse buy was $99.96 for three months. Seriously I'm now broke...its a good thing guys buy dinner for first dates.

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Day 10 - Match.com you are walking a fine line with me |

It's been a long time since I have experienced buyer remorse but my $101.94 6mos membership is already pissing me off.

  • Issue number one: I had a match profile forever ago I must have set it to invisible from before. I did my membership set up my new profile and posted it as viewable. I noticed on day 3 that my 6month guarantee would not be honored because I was invisible for these three days. I've emailed them twice the first time they told me how to check my status...something I obviously already knew how to do since I sent the email in the first place. The second email was to say no I'm not covered and I think you should basically overlook it. They refused I'm pissed. I asked for a customer service number. Quite frankly the thought of being on match.com for an entire year makes me want to kill myself but its become a principle with me.
  • Issue number two: Seriously not one person has contacted me....not one! Yeah I like to sit back and let the men flock to me but I'm realistic so I went and did a bit of winking and emailing. Thirteen guys in total and no one has winked or emailed back. I think this is absurd. I don't think my profile is bad, I'm not horridly ugly, what gives. Could the match makers be taking revenge due to my bitchy emails?
  • Issue number three: Another thing an extra sign up service you can get it basically put on the top of the list to be emailed suggested matches. I did not opt into this one I'm too cheep and well I didn't think I would have a problem getting people to email me. This hasn't been an issue in the past. But I digress, I have never gotten an email with suggested matches...no hints I'm out there on my own.
My friends have had nothing but good things to say about match...why is my experience so sucky? I will stick it out, but I have no plans for the weekend and was hoping to spice up my blog with an old fashioned dating horror story. Sigh, I need advice kids.

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Amen August 13, 2008 |

Who says prayers aren't answered. About a year ago I first listened to the Dresden dolls only days latter I went to best buy and bough both of there albums...like actual CD's at Best Buy whom I hate. This only begins to show my love and devotion. I'm their friend on myspace...I know all the words to ever song ever released, I have a whole bunch of downloaded pictures and Ive watched home made you tube video just because they are set to their music.

I don't like concerts....I will go if I'm invited but never have I wanted to see a group bad enough to actually purchase a ticket on my own and go. The Dresden dolls has changed all that for me. I've looked at the tour dates nothing but Europe, I actually was thinking I wanted to schedule my backpack through Europe around seeing then and then like magic I saw on their my space new us tour dates added...and I looked it up.

They are playing in Milwaukee on Thursday and Chicago on Friday, i have a cubs game to go to in mil wake on that Saturday...the heavens have smiled down upon me.

I think i will go to the Chicago date because then I can drive down Thursday and cobie would go with me he could save a ticket ticket to get to the game and life would be good. I could go crazy and buy tickets for both.

A high! Cloud nine I'm on and then reality came crashing down on me. What do all these colors mean? Purple is the Dresden dolls, blue is just Amanda Palmer...either of which I would go for and then there is red (the color of all the us dates) that's the World Inferno Friendship Society...what in the hell is that? The male part of the duo (the drummer) drums for them. I have no Idea who they are and I'm certainly not willing to drive all over and take my precious PTO time for them.

Yeah there is no God

Photo of the World Inferno Friendship Society

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Weekend Fun August 11, 2008 |

Ava has been a busy girl the last couple weekends and I quite simply haven't had the time to blog about all of my goings on so today's post will be a marathon of catching up.

Last weekend:

Saturday I went to Keystone's wedding it was lovely. A country club ceremony (which usually would make me puke) but it was intimate they wrote their own vows which they stumbled through complete with several laughing breaks. The food was good free beer and all and all a good time. Of course that was mostly because Alice was there and we could console each other on being single and fabulous.

Sunday started out on a sour note Alice, Curious, Bag and I were ready to set out for Lallapoloza however we were 3tickets short. The website was failing to email the tickets and there was no phone number to be found. Figuring we couldn't go wrong with a day trip to Chicago we set out for the 5hour drive anyway. We stopped at an Asian market in elk grove and then went to smoke which had the best mac and cheese ever...the BBQ its known for was pretty good too.

When we got to the lake shore the ticket situation was solved and we were in. I think I'm getting a little old for music festivals because the amount of people pot, BO and teenage stupidity was a bit annoying but then again I was sober. We only got to take in two shows: Gnarles Barkley and Kayne West. Now I'm not a big Kayne West fan but live and on his home turf the guy was awesome. Alice has since made me listen to him a lot and he's starting to grow on me even more.

On to this weekend adventure:
Wednesday evening we set out for Nebraska to visit Hairnet and Hef (Cobie was flying in to join us on Friday)...boy is that a horribly long and boring drive and that doesn't even mention the entire state of Iowa which for some reason drives under the speed limit and has construction cones on half the roads for no reason. Highlights of the trip:

  • Getting spam postcards at a rest-stop
  • Playing taboo...3 times
  • Alice talking about Garbage pail kids in her sleep
  • Realizing I forgot my Driver's license and all I had was my old expired one
  • Making fun of the home schooled kid across the street who had to play by herself
  • Going to a backyard Nebraska wedding....so many bug bits but they had a keg of Stella
  • Winning darts at the most horrible gay bar...red states are not known for their gay bars I guess
  • Getting invited as another Platonic date for a wedding (Cobie's sister is getting married)
  • Dreaming with Cobie about backpacking in Europe this spring (Stay tuned for a full post)
  • Getting yelled at by that mean lady downstairs that said we were being loud on a Saturday night (get a life)
  • Cherry Vodka with fresca and sprite
  • I whunt a cinnamon whun and a regular whun
  • wii Steven Tyler looks even scarier when animated
  • Electric Feel by MGMT
  • Sharing a tiny purple velvet blanket with miss bed hog Alice....it's better than a towel though.
  • Jackie Pants

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Onion Pie August 07, 2008 |

I hate onions. I’ve always hated them and presumably always will. I order my McDonalds cheeseburgers without onions and if I get one tiny disgusting dehydrated confetti sized onion on my sandwich I will spit it out (even if its inappropriate to do so) and refuse to touch the infested burger again.

Alice: Would you like a bite of my onion pie?

Ava: OH GOD NO!

I wonder where she got onion pie from…we just went to McDonalds I bet she ordered a bun with nothing but onions and ketchup…my stomach begins to turn. Ewww onion pie. Wait a second I was in the car she ordered a double cheese burger. Minutes pass.

Ava: Onion Pie?

Alice: Huh? No OATMEAL Pie…

Ava: MMM I like oatmeal pies

Match Profile - A call for editiors August 04, 2008 |

All right 100+ dollars later I am the proud owner of a 6mos match.com subscription, and as a bonus if I'm such a looser that i don't find love in 6mos they will give me 6 more months of false hope and torture for free! Okay enough of Debbie downer. IT IS SO SLOW at work today. So I whipped up my profile. I haven't published it yet I wanted to get some feedback first, so Ive kinda sorta copied it into here...although the formatting is rotten so ignore that. Please give me suggestions.

MyUserNameHere
We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. -Tom Robbins

27-year-old woman Rochester, Minnesota, United States
seeking men 27-37 within 25 miles of Rochester, Minnesota, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: None
Want kids: Someday (2)
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: A few extra pounds
Height: 5'9" (175cms)
Religion: Spiritual but not religious
Smoke: No Way (okay hush I don't smoke that much and its not an issue to avoid it)
Drink:Social drinker, maybe one or two

In my own words

for fun: Fun is all in the company. It’s very rare for me to turn down a day trip or a little adventure to the zoo, museum, or the movies.

my job: I'm an Assistant Supervisor in the Laboratory Medicine Department and Mayo. I usually work evenings m-f.

my education: I have a B.S. in Allied health and will be completing a second B.S. in Medical Technology this December.

favorite hot spots: I tend to frequent independent restaurant and enjoy trying new types of cuisine to broaden my horizons. Victoria’s is my stand-by for a nice dinners and Whistle Binkies for catching up with friends and relaxing with a drink.

favorite things: My favorite thing to do is hang out on my deck set up the grill and have some friends over. When the weather isn’t as nice I like to curl up on the couch and catch up with some reading or catch a movie.

last read: “When you are Engulfed in Flames” by David Sedaris. It’s actually I humorous book, composed of little short stories inspired by his life. I tend to read mostly non-fiction memoirs and biographies.

About my life and what I'm looking for

I’m a down to earth girl who doesn’t like to take herself too seriously and laughs in just about any situation (as long as it’s mostly appropriate). I have my mature and responsible side when it comes to work and finances but on the weekend I like to kick back and have a little fun. Be it a weekend in Chicago or a barbecue on my deck catching up with friends I always like to have something to look forward to when the work week ends. I’m not much of a bar-goer, waking up the next morning with a headache and an empty wallet just isn’t that much fun for me anymore. I’m at a stage in my life where I’m having a lot of fun, I have wonderful friends and am happy where things are but I know there is more out there for me so I thought I’d jump back into the dating pool (I even left my floaties at home).

I’m looking for someone who is willing to take things slow and let things unwrap naturally into either a friendship or a relationship as time progresses. I don’t believe that dating or love is something that should be rushed I rather slow down and enjoy ever second of it. So if you enjoy the little adventures in life and have a zany sense of humor let get together!



So that's it, please leave comments I could use the advice. I didn't include all the boring list stuff at the end. I could use help in particular with my attention grabber headline. I like the quote and goes with the rest but I'm a little unsure about it. Also I only posted two pictures, my main one is the one what is on my blogger profile from a couple months ago...everything else was too old to include. Next weekends project get some new pictures while I'm out and about in Nebraska.

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Seriously August 02, 2008 |

Ok so I shouldn't of had this conversation while guzzling a bottle of wine but there it was 2hrs in with birthday. After countless dating horror stories I spilled my guts. Admitting I wouldn't mind dating him and I got the lets just be friends card.

REALLY after two un-dates and almost two years of conversation inviting me everything from the museum trips to biking excursion I got a big ol' rejection.

No darlings I am not crying in my wine in fact I think this is just what I needed to get off my duff and enter back into the dating world.

I'm fabulous here is a list

  • I have pretty eyes
  • I have wonderful hair
  • I'm funny
  • I'm successful
  • I'm smart
  • I'm creative
  • I have kick ass music taste
  • I'm honest
  • I'm accepting
So yeah Im the best person pretty much anyone will know and despite the post I'm relatively modest to boot.

So the moral card in hand its time to hit the match.com seen expect a myriad of horrid date posts and maybe if I'm lucky some posts that are make you want to puke from mushyness. As Alice would say..if its a disaster at least you get a good story out of it.

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