I'm really starting to hate the smell of paint. Alice and Rory + 1 came over to help me out with the painting buiness. We were very productive finishing both the upstairs bedrooms, the family room and downstairs hallway. It took longer than I expected but I am very happy with how it turned out. I have a few spots to touch up in the spare bedroom but other than that it looks pretty good.
And I now have a put it back together goal of 1 month. I will get pictures up at some point. Right now I'm working on painting some pictures for above my bed. I'm going to have to let the base coat dry overnight.
I'm not very happy that vacation is over, it went by way to quickly. Sometimes work feels like this never ending cycle and I just get kinda bored with the concept that I will have to do it for another 42 or so years before I can retire.
At least I have something to look forward to this weekend. Alice and I are taking a bus to miller park to see the cubs game (or as Alice would say the Brewers game). I do belive I will limit myself to one drink at the stadium as I have hard core quit smoking.
I've been meaning to swear off it completely again...and the stress of school kinda put me into a fairly bad habit. To increase our chances Alice and I are quitting together. We both had our last cigarretts on sunday night (Technically Monday morning). I'm fine when I'm at work but this sitting at home on the computer thing and in the car is proving to be more difficult. All and all I think I'm doing pretty good.
Is it wrong to want to break up with someone because you went through the effort of making dinner and they want rolls with it and don't offer to pick up said rolls on their way over...when really it is the least they can do considering you spent at least 20 bucks on other dinner things?
I think I'm meant to be single forever...that's cool. Alice how do you feel about being in my will for taking over my one-day to-be children'sguardianship?
Today was a good day. I'm virtually stress free. I worked a day today and spend my evening window shopping and feeling up a mac at best buy. I wasn't going to buy one...it wasn't my intention. Lets face it though I've wanted one for the past 3yrs and its time. My little dell barely has any keys left which is significantly affecting my typing speed. After once again seeing the beloved aluminum macbook, it was all I could do to contain myself and prevent an embarrassing public display of affection and love. A short car ride home and handing over virtual wads of cash to apple to give me a product to hold all my virtual stuff.
I've completely abandoned the vacation idea. I'm vacationing in wonderful Rochester, MN in a house (my house) that has been long neglected by too much studying. I measured all the shelving in my closet and browsed the ikea site to pick the perfect boxes for each room then calculated how many boxes would fit on each shelf (I even made diagrams of each closet on note cards) its an illness I know. I'm so excited for a week long of spring cleaning and hopefully once I haul all the crap out of my house I can actually enjoy the nice stuff I've purchased since having a real job. I can't wait to splurge on a label maker!
I imagine many a rendezvous trip to goodwill and the dump. Oh and I'm officially old because I'm pretty convinced I will be picking up price stickers and organizing things in boxes to put in the garage for a summer garage sale.
I talked to jsp, I made plans with Rory to have a double date for brunch on Sunday while I'm in the cities so we can meet each other's beaus. I talked with Alice who gave me a play by play of the tumultuous preparations of some Asian noodles that ended up horrible. Oh and I crocheted.
So my day may not have been glamorous, hipster-esc, or by any stretch of the imagination exciting, but to me it was the perfect day.
I have a meeting at 9am tomorrow...its 2:07am and I'm wide awake. I think there should be an outlaw on Monday meetings before noon I just can't be trusted to be dressed and awake on Monday's before noon.
To cure my insomnia I decided to open up my boards study guide book, after breaking out into a sweet and a mild panic attack I ditched that idea for catching up on my favorite blogs. This has unfortunately inspired me to write my own for the evening. Her blog was 3 embarrassing ex stories, come on who can pass that up.
Little Willy I met little willy in college. We would IM and flirt. A couple days before moving out my sophomore year we had our one and only date. In my packed up dorm room we watched a horrible movie that was obviously catered to college boys due to the content of drinking and bare breasts. We made out for a bit before he decided to head south of the border. This is when he uttered the phrase..."You like it like that...don't you?" in a raspy trying to be sexy voice but it still came off as a timid question. It started with a giggle but I couldn't stop, before I knew it I was in a full on laugh complete with gasping for air. He did not appreciate the humor in the situation and left in a huff. No loss there. Well years...like 6 or 7 years later I was occasionally chatting with him again from idle boredom. So we decided to get together for a bit of extra curricular activity. He was a big guy about 6'7 with a large build into the evening it became apparent that his growth spurts had hit everything except his genitals. Poor guy little willy was at best 3" and I'm being pretty freaking generous. Well I didn't know how to gracefully get out of the situation especially since I was at my house I couldn't just leave....so things progress and I'm pretty much laying there like a dead fish while he attempts to work his magic. After about 3minutes of that he goes, Little willy: this isn't really working for you is it Me: No, not really Little willy: I'm going to go... Me: Ok He dressed and slunk off again in a similar fashion to our attempted college tryst...poor guy I expect to be sued for his therapist bills any day now.
Mr.Marathon Mr.Marathon and I had a bit of a summer romance. He was a sports guy. He would get up early to run I would sleep in and pick the chocolate out of his granola bars...it was clear the relationship wasn't going anywhere but we stayed together since school was out for summer and we had alot of free time on our hands...oh and the sex was good. One night we at his apartment doing what we always did at his apartment (wink wink) and in mid-pump he stops and let out a high pitched half-whimper half-cry. He proceeds to pant heavily. This is odd I think to myself usually he has more stamina....dammitI'm not done yet....after being frozen for much longer than expected and given the odd nature of the noise that had excaped him I questioned... Me: Ummm are you ok...? Mr.M: ugghhhahheeeemmmyyybaaack...tears streaming down his face He extracts himself and crawls over next to me not able to straighten and lay down he flops on his side unable to straighten at the waist....you know what he didn't get up early to run that morning.
The Texter Okay kids I saved the best for last and this is by its own right my own embarrassing story. I don't quite remember how I met the texter but I know it was Internet related. He had recently broken up with his long term girlfriend and I was only a couple months off of my big breakup with Ed so we were a perfect pathetic match for pretending we were okay by prematurely sleeping with one another. The texter was the only younger guy I ever dated and we bridged that weird gap where he was still in college and I was in real life land. We had nothing in common and he had a bad nose. I wasn't really into the F-buddy thing but it served as a way to pass the time. The texter lived about 1.5hrs away and me being the girl that I am refused to bother visiting him. One night when I was at home minding my own business he calls and begs BEGS me to come over. I eventually concede and I head over. Lalala one thing leads to another. Afterwards he doesn't really say anything gets up and goes to take a shower. Odd I think, but whatever. Some time passes, the shower stops and I hear a beep on my phone it was...a text message from him... The texter: I feel really weird...you should just go. Ummwtf? I knock on the bathroom door.... Me: Seriously....a text message? The texter: Blah blah blah this isn't right...blah blah blah Me: Fuck you! I gather my crap momentarily contemplate throwing his tv across the room to smash his computer (I did not) and instead left unceremoniously. After getting in my car I promptly called Alice because I wasn't exactly sure how to get back to the highway. Although I do have to give the texter some credit it did end my career in casual sex land...well except for Walmart guy but we all fall off the wagon now and again.
New years is my favorite holiday. I always have new toys to play with and with the family get togethers over I am in a good mood in my own house. Since being 21 I can't remember a bad new years...its a friend holiday where I surrounded by the people who are closest to me. The people who will hold my hair if I puke without a lecture and with whom I will point out shady allyway corners perfect for pit stops. Yep its all very glamorous.
For many year's we would ring in the new year in Green Bay which is as far as I'm concerned the liquor capital of the world, but when Heff and Hairnet moved to Nebraska Alice and I were left to improvise our fun.
Two years ago Alice, Rory and I went to lacrosse. Alice spent a couple hours talking cops throwing some guy out in the street she knew into detox....she then drove him home (he didn't live in town) The I think Rory lost her walet. I probably wore bad shoes because I do belive I was alone for a long time. We went home before bar close.
Then last year we attended Cobie's bash at his apartment. We cooked, we drank, I met new people. I talked with them until 5am about utopian health care. I think we drove everyone else crazy.
Although my last two new years were good they lacked that reckless quality which I think is a must-have once a year. No one threw up in a car, no one picked a fight (ahem Alice), no one went missing for hours only to be found trashed at the bar next door. Okay none of that happened last night either but still it was closer.
Alice, George, Bag and I set out for B&K's house. I always forget where they live. It really isn't that complicated I usually get to within a couple blocks of it. There is really no excuse I've probably been to their house 20 times. Sigh. I give up my wandering and call them. No answer. So I call K&E, after being informed to look for a van with ribs written across the side...(true story) I leave the car and begin wandering the street looking in windows.
Upon out arrival we were welcomed with pomegranate martinis, dice and whiskey shots, vodka + fresca (the ORIGINAL citrus beverage), plum wine and mountains of food. The was talking in a cold smoky garage. Shocking stories, work stories, gossip, laughter, snorting and several trips to the bathroom. We played rock band, we snowboarded, counted down the last second of 08'...it was good.
I started the new year right...I woke up with a stomach ache, headache, coal-miner's lung and generally smelly. Just how it should be.
Nothing burns a hole in my pocket quite like Christmas money. Since it’s a gift I can't pay bills with it or do anything responsible like take the dogs to the vet to get their shots. Nope this money is to be blown as quickly and irresponsibly as possible. Normally a large percentage of my x-mas cash gets spent on new years eve bar and travel expenses but since it seems I will be spending my first ever new years in Rochester (I have lived here 5yrs) and since its a three paycheck month I have more disposable cash than I'm ever used to having.
Seeing as I'm not a save it for a rainy day kinda gal I got to thinking. I could either buy half a computer and put the rest on a credit card OR I could buy a wii. The wii won since the computer is going to be tuition reimbursement with no tuition to turn around and pay gift to myself.
Now I am not a video game person. I didn't have Nintendo as a kid and I've never beat any of the super Mario brothers although I did play them at my friends house. I had been quite happy with the status quo until a bit over a year ago I met my pal guitar hero. I freakin love guitar hero. I have played it for up to 6hrs in a single sitting.
When I realized the perfect gift to myself I had to have it and I wanted it now. So after work I went to Wal-Mart...sold out, target...sold out, other Wal-Mart and other target...sold out...both best buys...you guessed it sold out.
Sigh. I was disappointed. All the running around had made me loose my oomph and I hate...SIMPLY hate calling around to stores to see if something is in stock. Alice however sweet beloved kind Alice took on my mission. Located a wii in her area purchased it for me and will deliver it tomorrow. She even got the extra controller with some game that came with it. To anyone and everyone who will enjoy my wii in the future you have Alice to thank for it.
Rejuvenated in my excitement I set out to researching games. Guitar hero was a given (that was basically the reason I wanted the damn thing in the first place) but a brief late night encounter at Wal-Mart with Alice, Curious and Bag lead me to realize that guitar hero world tour band edition is the game that really brings people together (cue cheesy music and a group hug).
Not that I have parties often....okay ever. But occasionally I have 2 people over which is enough for a band and everyone can play at once without having to take turns (I hate sharing). Once I learned you can play one player on any of the options (guitar, drums or mic) I had to have it. My conveniently located (and open at 11:30pm) Wal-Mart had one in stock. I bought it. Then proceeded to unpack it, assemble it, and place it neatly next to my TV.
It taunts me sitting there. Looking so fun yet I can not yet unleashing its magically joyful addictive qualities. Tomorrow my pretty we will make beautiful music together.
P.S. Its past 3am and I have to be at work at 9am...why is it whenever I have to have my tushy at work in the morning I go to sleep even later than on a regular night?
This Saturday I was soaking in the tub and opening up my January issue of Glamour. When I came across this article: When Should You Sleep With Him? I linked it for your viewing pleasure. Seeing as I may be in the market to do some sleeping I read the article in its entirety. Sorry to burst your bubble but it wasn't very helpful, it basically just said not to soon. Maybe its my analytical side but that's just a little vague for me. If we exclude the first boyfriend all other partners have been admittedly too soon. I would hardly consider myself skanky at least in comparison to my group of friends I'm on the chaste side of average.
I have slept with people for all sorts of stupid girl reasons. Wanting to feel attractive, keep him interested, just plain because I wanted some action. All these are just rather crappy reasons mostly because it all seems harmless beforehand but I must face the facts. I am just not a casual sex kinda gal. Regardless of the status of the relationship after sleeping with someone I feel they should somehow worship the ground I walk upon, even if I still don't particularly care for them. Of course that never really happens so it inevitably doesn't work out.
I was talking with Alice the other night about aformentioned article when I realized what was different about JSP. I don't feel rushed. We are taking the time to get to know each other...to enjoy the courtship period. I think he's going to be around for awhile a distinct difference from any relationship I've ever had. So I feel like I have all the time in the world to get to that next step, and I want to have fun at each one. Sure being 27 while dating a guy for a month with the pinnacle of the sexual relationship being one little closed mouth kiss may not be the norm but I really really like it. It's fun, its suspenseful and it makes me excited. I haven't had so much anticipation since I was 16 and its something I never really expected to get again.
Lets back track for just a second. I forgot to tell you about date #3. It was my first trip to Albert Lea to visit him. Being a Sunday in small town Minnesota while it was slightly snowing there wasn't much going on. So we had a quiet date of lunch out followed by a tour of his town including the house he grew up in and the parking lot that used to be his high school. Although a little on the cheesy side I totally love that kinda of crap. Then we went back to his place, held hands on the couch while watching the house wives of orange county and played sequence. It was nice we relaxed and enjoyed each others company.
Date #4 is my turn and I think I may be going a bit over the top but that's kinda my style. I figured I'd give him a tour of Rochester. But being that its a boring town and I don't have very much history here to point out to make it tolerable I had to add a bit of pizazz. Well that's when I got in my email an advertisement for plane rides over Rochester where you actually get to fly the plane and you can go pretty much wherever, and the best part was is they must be slow before Christmas because they were offering it for about half price! BONUS! After that we will go to a late lunch and if its not super cold we will go to peace plaza for the winter bizarre for coco and random Christmas crap, if its blustery a movie. Then I'm thinking wine and cheese for a light dinner followed by Saturday night live and hopefully making out during commercial breaks.
As for the chastity belt I think I'm going to keep it for awhile, besides it too freaking cold to bother with shaving my legs.
Happy date day everyone! JSP will be picking me up at 7:30 so before long I much launch into my pre-date rituals. It began last night, one must always paint the nails the night before because if you get stray nail polish on your cuticles it will come off in the shower the next morning. Shockingly enough my nails are actually at perfect length and my cuticles aren't torn and bleeding so everything is good on that front. The monster zit on my nose which erupted just a few days ago has simmered down to nothing more than a a little smooth pink patch of skin and will easily be invisible with a dab of concealer.
Now the question of the ages what to wear. Since I have no idea what said date day will hold I must look nice but casual. A genre of dress that is most difficult for me. With Alice's guidance dark jeans were chosen for the pants, with nice black shoes to dress them up. After cleaning out my closet a couple weeks ago (like 5 garbage bags of clothes worth) I decided it was a trip to Macy's for the shirt. Where I found a thin black turtleneck sweater with short-ish sleeves. Its well fitting and shows of the girls without looking like one intends to do so :) The perfect plan. I will be taking along my bright blue glasses should I need to see anything from a distance.
The the other decision. The date perfume. Normally I have euphoria by Calvin Klein as my stand-by for such occasions...its a sexy-ish sent. However I've been out of my favorite sent insolence for so long that I don't think I can resist wearing that one. It's much more me anyway.
Well I am off to pluck my eyebrows! Wish me luck tonight.
I'm trying to be a better person. I am by nature a grudge holder...a bad one. I can stew for years over someone who stole my turn at shotgun or a person who smoked the last cigarette in my pack at a bar. However I guess after the Ed disaster I figured grudge holding isn't doing me any favors so I have delved into the realm of a combination denial and acceptance. Basically when something pisses me off I give myself a specific length of time to be pissed over something. The pout timer is set according to the level of unforgivable deception to which I was subjected to.
So here is the story we all know I am obsessed with my beloved Amanda Palmer and purchased my priceless tickets to see her in Chicago and Minneapolis. I bought train tickets for my voyage to the city and took the entire week off to visit with my family, then cobie for the concert then back to visit alice and go the second concert on friday.
Yeah well Cobie called bragging about wonderful Halloween in Chicago with good weather...which is slightly annoying enough in the first place considering I was drinking Riesling out of a pink cat-shaped bottle of wine by myself on a friday night. But I digress this is not the point of my story. He proceeds to tell me that hes going on vacation...the first week of December with Apple. I mention the concert which he conveniently forgot and then dug himself a deeper grave by saying he didn't book it just to get out of it...and then says he pretty much hated the CD (Yeah thats when the pissed metter hit 10). And he had to know it too because I was doing the thats okay with tone and didnt do my normal 3hour "feelings" monologue.
Yeah I didn't think he did it on purpose until that last moment but first lets talk about Apple. I have nothing against her in fact shes okay with me. But you know that girl in high school that was just so much better than you, and you kinda felt like the side kick friend meant to stand around just to make her look better? Yeah well that's Apple. And for some reason Apple with Cobie makes me into some 3yr old jealous kid. Did Cobie ask me to go on vacation...no. Even though I happened to have the entire week off anyway so I could of gone. Then there was that I wasn't trying to get out of it...who says that unless they were trying to get out of it? Perhaps I'm reading to much into it (that is a bad habit of mine)
This evenings incident has transformed into 15yr old crazy Ava well except I have wine, cigarettes and no parents breathing down my neck. Its a small improvement but I'll take what I can get at this point. I'm willing to let this go. I bitched to Alice who is now extra dedicated to attending the Minneapolis show so at least I'm not completely missing out. I've written my blog admitting to everyone I'm an immature jealous baby and now its time to get over it and weigh my options.
I know I will simply start to starve myself (so I'm skinny and adorable), go to med school, cure cancer then become a famous actress and be too busy with all my new super cool rich smart friends and then be too busy to ever hang out with my old friends again...oh well accept Alice I can name the cancer cure after her and I will tell everyone it was because she went to that Amanda Palmer concert with me. (This option although pleasing on paper seems perhaps mildly unrealistic)
Lets get back to reality I will sell the tickets on ebay or just give them to some crazy fan on myspace (that does seem like the more altruistic thing to do). I'm not willing to throw $135 down the toilet for train tickets so I will go home visit my family for a few days and spend the time they are at work studying for my boards. So its not exactly the fun I was hoping for but it does sound like the kind of vacation 15yr old looser Ava would have. I'm done now, time for a new bottle of wine.
Do you ever have one of those days where out of nowhere you totally loose you shit? Maybe its just me. Today started harmlessly enough. A drive back to Rochester, some dvr degrassi, chat with cobie.
Then the phone call from the parents and boom homesick. I've been trying to avoid the truth that all this economy bullshit is going to affect me and my master plan of getting the hell out of Rochester by spring 2010.
You know what I don't believe the stock market and housing market is going to bounce back in a few months and that makes me stuck here. Sorry Obama I know your great and all and I will vote for you, however I do not think you are magic. Yeah...I'm stuck. Trapped....Smothered and alone in Rochester freaking Minnesota.
So there I was bitching to my parents and after the switch to talking to my dad the blubbering started. I waannnaaa coooommmmmeee hoommme! Alice is moving and I'm going to be totally and utterly alone. My grandpa is dying....and I haven't even seen him since august. I'm a horrible granddaughter a horrible daughter, Ill never sell my house Ill be here forever with people that hunt and despise public transportation, they don't even have opera here...anyways I went on but you get the point.
This is pretty pathetic from a 27yr old whom has lived 300+ miles away for the last 9years of her life. You would think I'd be over it....but I'm not.
The Schaumburg house was mentioned...where I continue my blubbering of how i cant afford a 200K house that needs major overhauling (like new electric, and well interior everything). The fact I kinda always knew was confirmed I wouldn't have to pay for the house.
I guess this has been discussed with my grandmother and parents waaay more than I anticipated. Their plan is grandma would move in to them which would make it easier for them to take care of her. Grandma would keep the house (mostly for tax reasons to my benefit) I would pay "rent" which would basically cover the taxes and when the time came I would inherit it and do with it what I wanted.
I guess my grandma isn't crazy about releasing the house to developers that are just going to rip it down to build some schaumburgian mini-mansion and much rather it stay at least more or less physically there.
So its kinda a win-win-win
Its a good deal I admit. And considering the fact that at best I will only be able to rent my house out...and even if I did sell it with the decline in value there is no way I would have 20% left to put down on a car, let alone a new home. Being in Schaumburg is 1000X times better than here. Its only a 40minute train ride to the city where I can spend my weekends shacking up with Alice and Cobie.
But Ava what about your perfect condo in the city, drinks after work at the corner bar and walking your dogs with their coach collars and leash sets to the conveniently located dogpark where you would inevitably meet the man of your dreams and fall madly in love? (one hell of a run-on) I'm willing to let that go...quite easily in fact. You know what I like to do after work? sit and watch TV. This hardly requires and expensive condo in the city. You know what else I like having a fenced in yard for the dogs so I don't have to walk them. Its a luxury I've become quite accustomed to.
And I'm not getting any younger a weekend in Chicago already makes me feel like I'm 100 and quite frankly I don't fit in with the taxi-taking botox stiletto down-towners. I'm much better with the nordstrom rack suv suburbanites. Hey at least I would be within a 10minute drive to IKEA. There is also that whole kid thing. Much cheaper to ship them off to good suburban schools than pay for pricey private ones so they don't get shot.
Another Schaumburg bonus. No daily parental inquisitions. They are convinced my bubble headed ways will end with a phone call saying they have found my body in multilated and left in a dumpser, raped and being eaten by rats.
Here is the thing though..guilt. Yes my parents have been very generous with me but I have never been one of those kids. I hear about parents putting down payments on houses for their kids or worse yet buying them outright and I roll my eyes and think what a looser. Can't they just grow up and stand on their own two feet? I Miss Ava Mazur am Oh SO much better than them.
I'm headed down old maid spinster ally and my home and job and relative financial "success" is the only leg I have to stand on. So I have my pride. But I'm just not happy here. I know I'm truly not happy here because I love my new job. I love the people, I love being out in the hospital, I love that I'm actually getting to work on projects. But the moment I leave work I realize that's all I have which is really quite depressing.
Maybe its time I swallow that pride, it doesn't seem hardly worth hanging on to.
On Saturday we arrived at XS at 9pm. Wow we are so cool.
But seeing as we had nothing better to do and we knew we would have the place to ourselves we headed out. I brought sixty dollars with me this time :)
We played dice. ALOT of dice. I probably played about 15 rounds and somehow managed to not loose once. Although Hairnet was doing a bit of accidental cheating on my behalf.
Yeah so you do the math 15 shots plus a shot of absenthe (although I do not believe it was truly absenthe just a very strong liquor market in the us by that name) well and there were of course the maintenance "sipping" vodka cranberries which over the course of 5 hours had to be about 10. This being said MII purchased me a drink, and the shots were provided from dice and still even after all that I spent less than 20 dollars. God its good to have boobs. Now on to what you are really waiting for highlights of the night. This post is significantly more difficult because due to aforementioned over consumption of beverage I remember things in flashes.
I lost miserably at darts (I usually win)
When conversing with one of our "posse" friends that I don't know he told me his name was Zacharia...I did not know this was a joke and continued to call him that all night. No one bothered to correct me. I will from now on if I ever get the opportunity to talk to him again call him Zacharia. It all came together when Alice called him later by his real name on the way home in car...oh well.
I remember man handling our bar tender (all above the belt of course,ok well mostly)...after his invitations to do so.
Most of all I remember being too much information girl when talking to MII. I remember an odd conversation about nipples.
Dancing in my chair because lord knows I wasn't about to do it on the dance floor and be judged.
I remember being in the parking lot filled with people and peeing behind a dumpster. Sometimes its good practice to recapture ones youth.
My adventure to depart to Green Bay for the weekend was very last minute. The night before my roommate said she was staying for the weekend and would take care of the dogs so I grabbed my stuff and was out the door.
Originally I was going to stay at Alice's parent's house but after stopping at Hairnet and Heff's house and learning they were going to infamous "club" XS I bailed and stayed with them. I had $15 dollars to my name but we departed and knowing they took credit cards I was confident in my ability to pay for a fun night on the town.
I had so much fun. We played dice I saw some old acquaintances met some new folks that were part of the group and after about 10 shots and five drinks somehow managed to come home with $5 dollars. I'm not exactly sure if I was stealing or perhaps giving blow jobs under the bar but a night out for $10 dollars is priceless regardless of the loose morals it takes to get me there.
And because I'm far to lazy to tell you EVERYTHING that happed I present to you...Random quotes from a drunk night out.
Scene: Very drunk shirtless guy (VDSG) at the bar his eyes are literally just about rolling back in his head. He had already bought a round of shots for my "posse" 15 seconds later..
VDSG: Let me buy you a drink
Ava: Oh, no thank you...you just bought me a shot, I can get this one.
VDSG: I did?
Ava: Yeah, you bought us all shots. -I point down the bar to my group
VDSG: At this point he stumbles a little an leans on a pole for support. "I'm gay."
Ava: Well...its a gay bar... so you've come to the right place!
VDSG: "Yeah I'm gay but...." he stumbles again incoherent mumbling..."Will you have sex with me?"
Ava: exit stage left
Scene: Heff is sitting at the bar when Creepy Alcoholic Guy (CAG) comes up and stands next to him. Oh and you all know CAG he is the one that is usually sitting at the end of the bar with his head down...I don't thing he ever leaves the bar but just passed out in his chair now and again.
Heff: Lights a cigarette and takes a couple drags.
CAG: Are you going to finish that? (Nodding towards the cigarette)
Heff: Well...I AM still smoking it.
Scene: CAG has now started to invade MY space and I am tying to ignore his talking to me. Totally cute wonderful doesn't like to charge me drinks bar tender was flirting with me...well more flirting with my ample bosom. And out of nowhere he reached into my shirt and put two plastic cups in to give me the "Madonna" look...well Madonna but less pointy. So of course this led to many laughs sassy posing and perhaps someone has a picture of it somewhere. CAG comes up grabs a cup and somehow snapped it back at my boob...it was not a pleasant sensation....CAG, ew
Did I mention as the night wore on CAG was taking half-full drinks and pouring them into his glass. My friends and I truly do only go to the finest of establishments.
Scene: After bar close we go to Denny's were everyone is taking joy in trying to set me up with "Mr.Inconvenient" (More on him later). Anyways His friend the birthday boy (BB) was by far the biggest offender
BB: You should sleep with him!
Ava: I am not going to sleep with him.
BB: Aww come on you have to give the boy something
Ava: I don't go around with sleeping with people I just met...well not usually at least.
Sceen: Alice is on the phone providing a 45minute monologue while trying to get her computer back into working order. She tells me how she selected a fish for her IM icon. I am her while still talking to her on the phone.
Cobie, Alice, 2G and I enter the hotel elevator after closing down Jim's time out, and a slight detour to gorge at dunkin doughnuts. Just before the door closes 3 guys come in. They are obviously in town for the game and also drinking. These are jock guys. Think hair greese and an overwhelming sent of Aqua De Gio.
Alice and I share a knowing look about the guys in the elevator and start to giggle. The giggle grows into laughter. Cobie and 2G look at us like we are crazy.
"Why are you guys laughing?" Cobie questions Alice still laughing, "Ava farted" "I did not!" I whine...but what could I say after that. I couldnt say we are laughing because we are trapped in an elevator with a bunch of guidos.
Alice, Cobie, Cobie'sRoomie and I are going to head up a day early for the cubs game in Milwaukee and yours truly took the responsibility for booking the hotel room. So I logged on to priceline average price $168, so I give a total low ball bid of 50bucks and would you believe it they took it! Part of me is excited part of me is kicking myself in the ass because maybe they would have taken less but $64 dollars (including all those crazy fees) for the downtown Hilton sounds like a pretty sweet ass deal to me. These people should really start paying me a commission.
Ava has been a busy girl the last couple weekends and I quite simply haven't had the time to blog about all of my goings on so today's post will be a marathon of catching up.
Last weekend:
Saturday I went to Keystone's wedding it was lovely. A country club ceremony (which usually would make me puke) but it was intimate they wrote their own vows which they stumbled through complete with several laughing breaks. The food was good free beer and all and all a good time. Of course that was mostly because Alice was there and we could console each other on being single and fabulous.
Sunday started out on a sour note Alice, Curious, Bag and I were ready to set out for Lallapoloza however we were 3tickets short. The website was failing to email the tickets and there was no phone number to be found. Figuring we couldn't go wrong with a day trip to Chicago we set out for the 5hour drive anyway. We stopped at an Asian market in elk grove and then went to smoke which had the best mac and cheese ever...the BBQ its known for was pretty good too.
When we got to the lake shore the ticket situation was solved and we were in. I think I'm getting a little old for music festivals because the amount of people pot, BO and teenage stupidity was a bit annoying but then again I was sober. We only got to take in two shows: GnarlesBarkley and Kayne West. Now I'm not a big Kayne West fan but live and on his home turf the guy was awesome. Alice has since made me listen to him a lot and he's starting to grow on me even more.
On to this weekend adventure: Wednesday evening we set out for Nebraska to visit Hairnet and Hef (Cobie was flying in to join us on Friday)...boy is that a horribly long and boring drive and that doesn't even mention the entire state of Iowa which for some reason drives under the speed limit and has construction cones on half the roads for no reason. Highlights of the trip:
Getting spam postcards at a rest-stop
Playing taboo...3 times
Alice talking about Garbage pail kids in her sleep
Realizing I forgot my Driver's license and all I had was my old expired one
Making fun of the home schooled kid across the street who had to play by herself
Going to a backyard Nebraska wedding....so many bug bits but they had a keg of Stella
Winning darts at the most horrible gay bar...red states are not known for their gay bars I guess
Getting invited as another Platonic date for a wedding (Cobie's sister is getting married)
Dreaming with Cobie about backpacking in Europe this spring (Stay tuned for a full post)
Getting yelled at by that mean lady downstairs that said we were being loud on a Saturday night (get a life)
Cherry Vodka with fresca and sprite
I whunt a cinnamon whun and a regular whun
wiiStevenTyler looks even scarier when animated
Electric Feel by MGMT
Sharing a tiny purple velvet blanket with miss bed hog Alice....it's better than a towel though.
Ok so I shouldn't of had this conversation while guzzling a bottle of wine but there it was 2hrs in with birthday. After countless dating horror stories I spilled my guts. Admitting I wouldn't mind dating him and I got the lets just be friends card.
REALLY after two un-dates and almost two years of conversation inviting me everything from the museum trips to biking excursion I got a big ol' rejection.
No darlings I am not crying in my wine in fact I think this is just what I needed to get off my duff and enter back into the dating world.
I'm fabulous here is a list
I have pretty eyes
I have wonderful hair
I'm funny
I'm successful
I'm smart
I'm creative
I have kick ass music taste
I'm honest
I'm accepting
So yeah Im the best person pretty much anyone will know and despite the post I'mrelatively modest to boot.
So the moral card in hand its time to hit the match.com seen expect a myriad of horrid date posts and maybe if I'm lucky some posts that are make you want to puke from mushyness. As Alice would say..if its a disaster at least you get a good story out of it.
I talked to birthday today who im'd me (way to go on not iming him even though upon logging in you immediately saw him on your list). He wished me a happy bday and offered a song.
Okay I admit I kinda waited by the phone....but during my waiting period I talked to my mom, my dad, Alice and Cobie...and i don't answer call waiting.
So I was going to bed somewhat annoyed that said birthday phone call was not made. How annoying I thought, why say your going to do something when your not. I would have never cared had he not said anything but the fact that he didn't follow through...red flag, red flag.
We had a very adult conversation after our un-date...basically saying yeah we liked each other but the distance...total drag. And at least for me starting a relationship long distance is just halfway crazy...not real. So we agreed we like our undates...no pressure, friends who go on dates but don't do the after date activities. If its meant to be it will work itself out down the road...and quite frankly I'm more than willing to go with the flow at the moment.
Well back to the point...I was getting ready for bed. Humm I wonder what Alice's message said when she was on the call waiting....listening...
What 2 unheard messages?
And there he was message number two no talking just a very thoughtful birthday song sung with grander like he was performing for the opera...albeit poorly.
So I headed to Lacrosse for my super awesome birthday shenanigans. The festivities were to be held on Saturday July 19th, a day premature but logistically best for the observation of such an occasion. Much like Washington's birthday is observed on a Monday to give children and people with cushy jobs a three day vacation.
Just so you get the full effect I will start at 12am...I arrive downtown, Alice is drunk and convinces me and Rory to meet her at a bar. Normally I would not object but seeing as I had left in a hurry I was still wearing my lovely burgundy scrubs complete with sensible white crocks. I had half a beer and played cards while Alice flittered about.
After the bar we got to Alice's where she set us up with a movie and passed out. Alice is frugal which is endearing in most cases, however its less endearing when it comes to her "air conditioning" which consists of a fan that used to isolate. I keep my thermostat set at 70 and pay the bill almost gleefully in summertime. It is a luxury I have come to require. I'm convinced the heatstroke lead to my headache and resulting insomnia. The movie was over at 4am, I checked my facebook and myspace then settled for some quizzes on okcupid. After taking a quiz on lucid dreaming ability I ended up on wikipedia which entertained me until the sun rose at about 6:30am and I was finally ready for bed.
I slept until 1:30pm listened to NPR while reading my book and ate a tomato sandwich for lunch. At 5:30 we were finally dressed and went to buzzard billy's for blackened chicken salad and a side of french fries with the best ranch dressing ever.
We then went to G & S's house because they have air conditioning & cable and watched T.V. until 11:45. It was then that my dream of going out died swiftly with an impromptu trip to McDonalds. I should have been having a free birthday shot or ringing a bell at some college bar but instead I was ordering a no.2 no onions minutes before closing and not caring that the poor schmucks serving me were most likely annoyed that they had to clean the grill yet again before frolicking off to fun and frivolity. Even though that was me only 5years ago.
So am I upset that my birthday bash was well...totally lame? No, not really because I'm not the 5yrs ago me. I would feel stupid ringing a birthday bell (although truth be told I've never rang one). I don't want people singing to me at restaurants and I don't really even care that I can get a free entree if I bring 3 other diner's with me for my birthday meal.
Ava's birthday observed started when I turned 21 and was a good summer excuse to get together and do something a little outside the ordinary. Over the years it has made up all the trauma left from never getting to sit in the birthday chair at school or passing out cupcakes to my classmates. But maybe its time to move on.
Today I am 27. I have the feeling each birthday leading up to 30 is going to be hard for me. Not that I feel any younger than that age in fact if I got to pick my age non-chronologically I would probably choose early 30's but its a reminder...of how my life is off balance.
In some ways I feel ahead of the curve: family relationships, friends, job, financial stability, mental security all that sort of stuff is good.
Then the sad lame Ava pops up where I realize that relationship-wise I may as well be 15. Really no improvement, no hopefuls. And each time I log into some wretched networking site and see a photo of a friend's baby or or a couple hugging in front of a sunset on their honeymoon I can't help but thinking. Did I totally miss the bus?
I'm told these things all happen on different time tables. I'm told I'm smart, funny, caring, hell even beautiful once in awhile but these people are my friends. I can't help but blame myself...at least a little. I find myself saying if you just lost the weight, if you didn't cry at every animated movie, if you didn't flick off that guy that cut you off in traffic, if you didn't waste so much time dating the wrong people, if you weren't as successful, if you didn't like weird music or documentaries or talking about random articles on wikipedia, you would be that girl in front of the sunset.
But in truth most of these things I really don't want to change. Which makes me feel a bit destined for a life of being perpetually single. Am I too stubborn to change? Is there really room in my life for another person? Would I even give Mr. Right a chance? My honest answer is no. Even if he showed up on my doorstep tomorrow I would probably dismiss him and not even know he was there in the first place. This is what makes me sad.
I have not answered my phone or checked my messages since last Tuesday night. This was partially on purpose I was home and busy and partially because my phone is on its very last legs and I'm having trouble getting the battery to charge. When I finally got around to checking my messages this afternoon I had:
5 messages from Alice
1 from my insurance agent
2 from my mom
1 from the mayo blood donors center
1 party invite for a bond fire
It seems that the world managed just fine without...well except for maybe Alice.
