One of my many guilty pleasures is cyber stalking. I do not expect my addiction to go over into real stalking as I am far to lazy, don't care enough and well gas prices and my gas guzzling American made SUV will not allow it. One of my favorite cyber stalking activities is my ex's sister blog, I always found it entertaining and be not being one to break bad habits I would check in on it occasionally to see what was going on in this used-to-not-be-a-stranger's life.

Several months ago I swore off the blog completely (like for real this time) because I was referenced as a soul sucking harpy, which actually kinda makes me giggle a bit. Anyways last night while attempting to relax before my big test today I breezed through all my normal blogs and was left with that one (Ed's-sister blog) I never visit left over in my favorites. Then one I hadn't noticed before all the way at the bottom Ed's old blog.

Angel: You should just delete that
Devil: Click it! Click it!
Angel: No good can come of this...either he is doing great which will just make you jealous or hes doing horribly which will make you feel guilty.
Devil: If hes doing good your still doing better....if hes doing horribly well thank god you dumped the basta-
Angel: I can't believe you are being so mean don't you have a soul?...just leave it be.
Devil: Oh come on its been about 3yrs since you've heard anything...aren't you just the least bit curious?
Angel: Dammit I can't keep up this act anymore....I'm dying over here open the damn thing

CLICK

Disappointment. The blog was dead a couple posts about nothing, but then there was a link for a new blog. I thought it over for all of about 0.003 seconds before opening the new window.

Its a blog about country music....Really? I read a few posts lots of swearing as he makes fun of the songs and well not entertaining to me but its not exactly my demographic.

Other notable things about the blog:

1. I don't remember Ed liking country music
2. His picture doesn't really look like him-Perhaps its an old picture of a country singer and the joke is just totally lost on me.

Labels: Blogging, Boys, Breakups, Ed, Embarassing Stories

I have a meeting at 9am tomorrow...its 2:07am and I'm wide awake. I think there should be an outlaw on Monday meetings before noon I just can't be trusted to be dressed and awake on Monday's before noon.

To cure my insomnia I decided to open up my boards study guide book, after breaking out into a sweet and a mild panic attack I ditched that idea for catching up on my favorite blogs. This has unfortunately inspired me to write my own for the evening. Her blog was 3 embarrassing ex stories, come on who can pass that up.

Little Willy
I met little willy in college. We would IM and flirt. A couple days before moving out my sophomore year we had our one and only date. In my packed up dorm room we watched a horrible movie that was obviously catered to college boys due to the content of drinking and bare breasts. We made out for a bit before he decided to head south of the border. This is when he uttered the phrase..."You like it like that...don't you?" in a raspy trying to be sexy voice but it still came off as a timid question. It started with a giggle but I couldn't stop, before I knew it I was in a full on laugh complete with gasping for air. He did not appreciate the humor in the situation and left in a huff. No loss there. Well years...like 6 or 7 years later I was occasionally chatting with him again from idle boredom. So we decided to get together for a bit of extra curricular activity. He was a big guy about 6'7 with a large build into the evening it became apparent that his growth spurts had hit everything except his genitals. Poor guy little willy was at best 3" and I'm being pretty freaking generous. Well I didn't know how to gracefully get out of the situation especially since I was at my house I couldn't just leave....so things progress and I'm pretty much laying there like a dead fish while he attempts to work his magic. After about 3minutes of that he goes,
Little willy: this isn't really working for you is it
Me: No, not really
Little willy: I'm going to go...
Me: Ok
He dressed and slunk off again in a similar fashion to our attempted college tryst...poor guy I expect to be sued for his therapist bills any day now.

Mr.Marathon
Mr.Marathon and I had a bit of a summer romance. He was a sports guy. He would get up early to run I would sleep in and pick the chocolate out of his granola bars...it was clear the relationship wasn't going anywhere but we stayed together since school was out for summer and we had alot of free time on our hands...oh and the sex was good. One night we at his apartment doing what we always did at his apartment (wink wink) and in mid-pump he stops and let out a high pitched half-whimper half-cry. He proceeds to pant heavily. This is odd I think to myself usually he has more stamina....dammit I'm not done yet....after being frozen for much longer than expected and given the odd nature of the noise that had excaped him I questioned...
Me: Ummm are you ok...?
Mr.M: ugghhh ahh eeee mmmyyy baaack...tears streaming down his face
He extracts himself and crawls over next to me not able to straighten and lay down he flops on his side unable to straighten at the waist....you know what he didn't get up early to run that morning.

The Texter
Okay kids I saved the best for last and this is by its own right my own embarrassing story. I don't quite remember how I met the texter but I know it was Internet related. He had recently broken up with his long term girlfriend and I was only a couple months off of my big breakup with Ed so we were a perfect pathetic match for pretending we were okay by prematurely sleeping with one another. The texter was the only younger guy I ever dated and we bridged that weird gap where he was still in college and I was in real life land. We had nothing in common and he had a bad nose. I wasn't really into the F-buddy thing but it served as a way to pass the time. The texter lived about 1.5hrs away and me being the girl that I am refused to bother visiting him. One night when I was at home minding my own business he calls and begs BEGS me to come over. I eventually concede and I head over. Lalala one thing leads to another. Afterwards he doesn't really say anything gets up and goes to take a shower. Odd I think, but whatever. Some time passes, the shower stops and I hear a beep on my phone it was...a text message from him...
The texter: I feel really weird...you should just go.
Umm wtf? I knock on the bathroom door....
Me: Seriously....a text message?
The texter: Blah blah blah this isn't right...blah blah blah
Me: Fuck you!
I gather my crap momentarily contemplate throwing his tv across the room to smash his computer (I did not) and instead left unceremoniously. After getting in my car I promptly called Alice because I wasn't exactly sure how to get back to the highway. Although I do have to give the texter some credit it did end my career in casual sex land...well except for Walmart guy but we all fall off the wagon now and again.

Labels: Alice, Bitching, Blogging, Boys, Breakups, Embarassing Stories, Internet Dating, Stupid People, Thoughts

I know, I've been a total non-blogger lately but I have been very busy trying to do a month and a half's worth of homework in 2weeks...I suck at life. Also my wireless internet has decided to stop working which requires me to be sitting in front of an old tv and on an old couch while on the computer which I can only tolerate for about 20minutes...life is so hard sometimes. Anywhoo so I don't forget these are the posts that are milling about in my mind and I will write later.

1. Urban vs. Suburban...an Ava can make it in the city alone

2. Amanda Palmer in Minneapolis

3. Top 25 songs of the year...new favorites or old flashbacks these tunes rocked my ipod in '08

4. Date Three with JSP and what to plan for date 4

5. Unlikely duo: The curious case of the Fry pan and the laundry soap

Labels: Blogging

So I tried about 3 or 4 new blog templates and finally go them working...the codeine in my cough medicine must have helped. Well as you can tell I just couldn't let go of my old format BUT I did do a little housecleaning.

• Click on the pull tab...you will notice a new section called "Blogs I stalk and you should too!" so click on one and give them a whirl
• Also I've fixed some graphic issues note the swirl at the top just above the most recent post and the graphic at the bottom by the bio.
• Another little thing, instead of "weed wack" in the search box is now says "Ava is super cool"

• Change "Biography" section at the end to mostly be a blog summary
• Actually do something with the "about" section
  

Labels: Blogging

I'm sick of this template. I can't get some of the graphics to work, the font is too small very hard for those of us with little screens to read. Also I think a lot of people don't "get" the pull button...you click on it folks its not that hard. My biggest beef is that its only one column. Sure it makes it look neat and clean but I want a blog roll. At first I didn't care for them but I have found so many other people's blog's through blog rolls I feel its well overdue that I give a little back. My semester shall be coming to a close on Friday and I will have 3 glorious school free week to sit on my ass and do a bit of blog revamping. I flipped through some templates today and am including the links below. Check em out and pick your favorite. Also I'm allow people to vote more than once so if you can't decide you can vote again...don't go crazy though. Poll will be open until Sunday.

• Let's Party
• Foliage
• Aspire
• Classico
• Charcoal

Labels: Blogging, Computers

I have managed to ruin my computer even more. I got home today determined to write up some blogs and after the first sentence in I was already annoyed. My space bar hasn’t been working properly. I have to press the key in the EXACT center of the bar. This is not exactly convenient considering my right thumb and my space bar are good friends…so much so that there is a little warn oval on the lower right hand corner. After suffering though a week of hyper extending my thumb to the center I decided enough was enough. I knew what to do I had done it before. Simply remove another key and swapping the little rubber spring thing. Easy right?

First I chose F9…who uses that key anyway? Not me well the little button was too little so then without really thinking I flipped up the shift key and swapped the part. Problem what the hell I cant get the shift key back on right….I spent 45minutes…yes 45 minutes trying to put it back on effectively breaking both plastic holder bracket and the clip on the key itself.

Now Ava no big deal you are smart enough to have been messing around with the vestigial shift key that is on the right hand side of the keyboard. Well I hate to shatter your perfectionist dream of me but I managed to break the my 2^nd most used key. Oh and the other vestigial shift key has a different type of bracket so I can’t even fix it using that…I quit life.

Photo: by me. You can tell its my actually keyboard because under the key you can see a fine network of entangled dog hairs.

Labels: Blogging, Computers, Embarassing Stories

Dead Butterfly Photo by Lain Cole

I have been on the scout for new blogs to read and came upon a gem called "Breath with me" the blog just started which I like because I could get in on the ground floor. This then lead me to a blog called my perpetually single life. How was I to not click on that surely we were meant to be friends, unfortunately I have nothing in common with the woman at the other end of this blog sit tight...I will get to my point.

Both blogs talked about butterflies in particular the ones located in the stomach. I ask this: Why do these little winged insects hold such fascination with people? At funerals mourner's swear their recently deceased loved ones float by or even dacnce for them. Single women swoon in hot pursuit of a tickling in their stomach to tell them yes he is the one.

I don't buy it.

No one I know well enough to visit me post-mordem would ever be caught dead (no pun intended) spending even a few precious days of there afterlife as a cute colorful bug. And butterflies in the stomach? I think the last time I even got close to that was in high school and I think it was due to the cafeteria food. I have absolutely no interest in pursuing a love that causes feelings that in any way slightly resemble dysentery.

Am I a lost cause? Incapable of love? Destined to die alone without knowing the magic of the Monarch? Classified as one of those girls who "settles"? I don't think so. Is it so wrong to think such giddiness is ridiculous. I want someone to make me laugh, to talk to after a shitty day and eat dinner with. To tell me I'm not a horrible mother when my kid tells me (s)he hates me after giving them a time out. That's my version of love and it has nothing to do with bugs.

Labels: Blogging, Thoughts

I have a confession to make. I was bored today and out of curiosity I did some Internet stalking. It occurred quite by accident as I stumbled across Ed's sisters blog in my favorites on Internet explorer (which I rarely use). I waned to see what happened with her surrogacy stuff and well I didn't get that far.

I read this quote "I'm thankful that he's no longer with the Wicked Witch of the North and has gone back to being his old self." My heart dropped.

Now to be fair its been almost two years since we broke up and it is possible she is talking about someone else besides me, and I do live "south" of them. Chances are she is talking about me. I felt really bad. I wanted to defend myself to tell her my side of the story. But why? Maybe this comment is just proof that I did the right thing not only for me and him but for his family.

The wicked witch comment stung, but not as long as it normally does because well she is wrong. She doesn't have to know it or believe it but its true. I truly believe that those I love know they can count on me for anything. If any of them needed anything I know I would be there as fast as my rendezvous would take me which makes me a good witch. If I have to be labeled as wicked to get the good done so be it.

I am now going to shamelessly toot my own horn. Breaking up with Ed was a loving decision. I decision I was able to make after being destroyed by a bad relationship and in my own deep depression and self loathing. Quite frankly I can be nothing but thrilled that I was able to catalyze the change in his life that has made him a great person and uncle today and I honestly hope that he is able to achieve whatever his goals are in life.

I am happy for him. I am happy for me. I have no regrets.

Labels: Blogging, Ed

So I was on mybloglog.com and there is this thing that tells you your recent readers. One of which was Ed’s sister. I thought this to be an obseard coincidence until I realized that I breached my own anonymity by having my log-in for mybloglog to not be my alias ava mazur but my screen name I have used since before I had pubic hair. Sigh old habits die hard. Anyways I go back to the post where I talk about Ed’s sister’s blog see I Wont Go Where Im Not Wanted Note the comment from anonymous “Yep, these things can get very ironic” I can only imagine that person’s Identity.

I can not tell you the self restraint it took to stick to my vow of not reading her blog. Just to see if she said anything about me now that she knows I’m not reading anymore. Of course I can imagine I’m a cameo appearance in her world at best so I doubt she would waste the time. What does matter to me though is if Ed reads my blog. The whole point of the fake names was to protect the innocent. Ed has enough problems he doesn’t need to hear about me dating a bunch of guys. In fact he doesn’t need to hear about me at all. I’ve gotten to the point where days go by when I don’t even think about him or how he has affected my state of being or life. I couldn’t imagine that were possible if I had the temptation of knowing what was going on in his day to day life.

I took a gander at my stats today St.Cloud 76 views. Now I don’t know if this is Ed. It’s doubtful I believe he is living in St. Joseph (or whatever it’s called) but who knows they are close cities and sometimes things don’t come up with the real city they are in. But Ed if you are reading this delete the link. I cant stop you from visiting and actually I dont care if you read it. But I know it wouldnt be healthy for me to read your blog so I can only imagine it wouldnt be healthy for you to read mine. I am just going to hope that your sister kept my blog to herself to spare you and I am talking to no one.

It’s funny how you can go back and read your posts in a whole new light. In general I am pleased with my words though. I don’t think I’ve bashed anyone. Mostly I’ve just whined about how unfair life is to me.

Labels: Blogging, Ed, Stats