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Wise Up March 29, 2008 |

I just had a weird flash-back. Here I am sufficiently drunk and doing homework at 3pm on a Saturday when I song comes up on Pandora. I was listening to the Regina Spektor station and what that has to do with amiee mann Im not sure but the song came on. Wise up is not a new song. It has been on various self-burned c.d.'s was on my first I-tunes library and still lives happily on my top-rated list. Perhaps it was the third glass of wine, perhaps it over-influence of religion but this song gave me one hell of a flash back today.



I remember being in my first apartment I would get the date to be fall 2001. I had the major depression thing going. I remember being alone in my first apartment with its little sunshiny bright walls blasting this song and crying while wearing a lemon-lime shaded GAP polo and looking in the mirror in my tiny bathroom that you couldn't outstretch your arms in. I hated my life at that time.

So as the oracle of 2008 here is what I would say to the me of 7 years ago.

  • You will love other people
  • You will love yourself
  • You will currently have and still do have wonderful friends. Love and appreciate them for all they are worth, they are there for the long haul.
  • You don't give your parents enough credit...and you wont change that anytime soon.
  • You do not get your dream job but you are more successful than you anticipated.
  • Go where the wind takes you....you have no idea where you are going and you aren't going to know anytime soon.

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a day at the spa |

I don't like inflating my car tires. They are pretty much always flat. One time I even went out and spent hundreds of dollars on new tires rather than going and inflating them. I own a tire gauge it lives in my kitchen a safe distance from my car and any gas station. This gives me the stand by excuse that I dont have my tire gauge with me. Smiley has been nagging on my flat tires, stressing the importance of gas mileage and probably other things (but I stop listening at that point). My list of excuses was extinguised when we passed a free air sign and I was remined that I could borrow a tire guage from the gas station.

Smiley: It says your Front tires are supposed to be 35, your Rear tires 35 and your Spa tire 60.

Ava: My spa tire?

Smiley: Yeah a spa tire.

I come over to look at the little chart
FRN 35psi
REA 35psi
SPA 60psi

Ava: Do you mean the SPARE tire?

Smiley: Umm maybe

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Whales swim why not me? March 28, 2008 |

I love to swim. And by swim I mean being the annoying way to old 26year old at the deep end of the pool doing handstands and somersaults while people are trying to exercise at the healthy living center. The thought of buying a swimsuit is horrible to most overweight people but quite frankly I don't mind it and look forward to my yearly splurge of buying a suit prior to my beach friendly vacation.

I have noticed in the past couple years that buying a suit is nearly impossible. I've gone to the stores and the plus size rack has about 4-suits

  1. Plain black tankini
  2. Neon Orange/Yellow one-piece with weird blocky parts
  3. Horrid flowered one-piece monstrosity complete with ruffled skirt
  4. weird hybrid of a fake speedo and sewn on leftover from the 80's short men's trunks
The only suit acceptable in public would be no.1 however since I happen to have a long torso the tank portion ends about 2-inches about the -ini...leaving the tummy roll exposed which is quite possibly the worst two inches that could be exposed.

I was determined. I have two cute suits and one speedo type suit I didn't NEED a new suit by by god I wanted one. So I went to the thing that probably made me fat in the first place my friend the Internet and found Always for Me yes I'm plugging get over it.

Anyways bought a way cute suit...and a cute cover up. Now I just need a pair of ridiculous sunglasses complete with head scarf. I am cruise worthy.

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Can I have my pass to study hall now? March 17, 2008 |

I spent my morning sitting on a small stool in the middle of a mostly enclosed glass chamber about the size of a 5-minute photo booth. A small black fan whirred above me and a tube jetted out towards my face so I had to sit uncomfortably leaning backward. A nurse instructed me to exhale into the tube, pant and do many breathing techniques that I prefer to reserve for vigorous sex only.

After this “foreplay” my tube dosed me with what I can only imagine is a temporary very potentate strain of pneumonia. My lungs seemed to cave in on themselves; I coughed and quite frankly began to panic as I wheezed for air. The nurse looks at me calmly don’t worry its normal just wait five minutes.”

“5 minutes?! Is she fucking serious?” If I could hold my breath for five goddamn minutes I would quit my job and become an otter on the California coast.

I continued to gasp, and after the initial panic wore off that this bright smiley nurse would happily sit there and watch me die I got through my five minutes, blew into a tube a few more times and was rewarded with a magic inhaled substance that cured me within seconds.

A couple hours later I was in my doctor’s office: “Well I think the headaches are from oxygen depravation, you have asthma.”

Life sucks. As a kid I dreamed of such a magic diagnosis. I was a chubby kid, athletism was not my forte. I was pretty much exclusively the ABSOLUTE LAST person to show up at the finish line for the dreaded bi-annual mile run. Oh how I wanted to sit with the other chubby, nerdy kids at the sidelines who gripped thier inhalers and waved them at PE teachers prior to getting their study hall passes. Where as I had to “run” well okay walk quickly…kinda quickly....until I ambled my way to the finish.

Now at the age of 26….my dreams came true. Unfortunately it has been a good 9 years since anyone has forced me to run any distance let alone a mile and I don’t think this is a streak likely to be broken. By the way… who the hell gets diagnosed with asthma 3months AFTER quitting smoking? Irony.

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Skip the death but I love taxes March 14, 2008 |


Okay so I don't love taxes but I do love tax refunds. It has been my habit to use my federal refund for something responsible usually school or debt related. But the blessed state refund is to spent on things I really really want to a point of being a "need." For instance last year I spent my refund on a pair of black pearl and diamond earrings, a snow blower and a 30 Gig I-pod video to replace my way overtaxed and outdated pink mini.

I was very pleasantly surprised this payday when checking my balance and finding the once a year 800+ thank you for being an American and overpaying bonus. I waited a whole 3 days before going crazy at Target today I spent $485.00 of my refund. The rest is going to a new scrub wardrobe and some nursing shoes so I can fit in with the cool kids at my new job.

  1. $34.98: X-Tall Pet Gate with swinging door so I don't have to take the gate down every time I want to go downstairs or alternatively try to jump it and fall to my death a carpeted half flight below.
  2. $249.99: Bose computer speaker system to replace my stereo from high school connected to my laptop by a tape on a cable (yes I am serious).
  3. $7.98: Three Twelve packs of regular non-diet coke in a can
  4. $149.00: Hover Floor Vac which vacuums wet and dry and can be used on all my upstairs flooring surfaces (wood, tile and linoleum).
  5. $6.84: Hoover Floor Cleaning Solution
  6. $4.79: Clorox Wipes
  7. 13.79 impulse bottle of wine after turning into the liquor store at a stop light.
Getting drunk, listening to loud crystal clear music and walking barefoot on my floors without crap getting stuck to my feet....Priceless!

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My Bucket List March 06, 2008 |

Picture Stolen From Efikim Gallery.

No this is not a movie review. In fact I haven't even seen the movie "the bucket list" but in my daydreams avoiding the work I brought home tonight I have decided to make my own version.

Now I haven't pre-prepared this so I may have to revise items later. Then again I tend to over analyze so maybe spur of the moment is good for me.

Things to do before I kick the bucket

1- Take two months to tour the following countries: Italy, Great Britain, France, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Poland, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Iceland. 3 weeks: Japan & China, 3 weeks: Australia & New Zealand. I would stay in low budget hotels and take the train...visit museums and eat at local cafes I think I can do it for $50,000.

2- Clean out my entire house and sell anything that I do not love (get rid of that chair I don't like anymore) or need (have not touched in the past month). Any exceptions or keepsakes must be able to fit in a cedar chest, donate or throw away what did sell. Move into a new house that's small, paint every room a different color and actually decorate it to be mine!

3- Compile all my blogs and my journals into a physical book. Have it bound and printed. Put it in a safety deposit box.

4- Write a letter to everyone that has made a difference in my life. To thank them for everything they have done for me. I have passed up so many opportunities to thank people that have helped me in life. Find as many addresses as I can, and send the letters.

5- Shop at co-op, don't make or eat anything made by someone else for 1 full month. (Only visit the produce, dairy and meat sections). If its in a box, bottle or in a restaurant its off limits.

6- Be a mentor or parent to a child. Foster, adopt, have my own whatev.

7- Fix into a size 12...without sucking in after eating a large meal (i.e. a comfortable size 12)

8- Do something amazing for my parents.

9- Give $1,000 dollars anonymously to someone who needs it

10- Read up on at least 10 religions, write what I like and don't like from each one. When I'm done write my final draft of my own beliefs.

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Teeth, Smoking, and dying people March 05, 2008 |

No I don't have anything interesting to say so don't get too excited. I bought a new teeth whiting kit. I occasionally do this, it usually happens after sitting in a meeting for an excessively long amount of time and staring at peoples teeth. I got a kit from Rembrandt, you put the little molds in hot water and they actually shape to fit your teeth so that's cool. Also white teeth will be a major bonus to the who not smoking thing.

Speaking of not smoking it has been pretty easy to keep with it since the most contact I get with smokers is passing them in the street. The real test happened this weekend. Rory came and visited. Shes an old school smoker, even gave me my first puff of a cigarette at a house party. She has cute back since then but there still were the smoke breaks, but I held firm. I must admit even though it smelled bad, and I know its awful for me the temptation was there. Sigh its pathetic though. I know if I have just one Ill be right back to where I started. So yeah be proud of me.

On the job front I'm getting more and more excited about my new job. I have my official transfer date of April 16th. I have heard nothing but good things about the area and about my new supervisor. She has been very nice and seems excited to have me. The only lingering issue I have is the dying people thing. The team serves the intensive care patients....intensive care patients usually means things aren't going there way. Of course many people get better but odds say I'm going to have to deal with knowing and probably seeing someone die at some point. I'm such a cry baby. But supposedly empathy is a gift so maybe I can give it away.

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The Job Offer March 01, 2008 |

Its been a rough couple days. I got a job offer on the job I didn't want, and a rejection on the job I really wanted. I have effectively avoided homework, laundry and all cleaning activities relating to bathroom and floors for the last 7 days.

So its decision time: The offer is for an Assistant Supervisor position of the Vascular Access Team

What is the vascular access team you ask? Well I will tell you, they are the people that go around to intensive care units and put in iv needles and draw blood out of those tricky plastic things that hang out in there.

But Ava isn't it true you work in a high complexity laboratory you have no experience with patients and you drew blood for school and haven't touched a vein to a needle since? Umm yes.

Ava isn't it true you hate anything to do with drawing blood and you would be supervising people who not only draw blood but do it in challenging situation? Umm I guess

Okay so the job sounds ridiculous for me, but to give it a fair shot I had to weight the pros and con's.

Pro: Evening shift, I hate getting up early. Plus usually evening shifts are more laid back unless you are a cop or work for the ER. Also if I do loose my mind and go to grad school it would be a very good schedule.

Con: I don't know how to draw blood (well) this is mostly on purpose.

Pro: MONEY. I would get a 9.2% raise and then another raise in June for another 4.5% or more. That's a lot of money....way more than I would get with a quality II job.

Con: Lots of Intensive Care work...dying people. I don't like dying people, I'm a crier.

Pro: Parking and scrubs

So I took it. You know if I can handle my current position (without completly loosing my mind) I can get over this blood business.

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