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The girl in the pink polo

I've been busy. Not being in school is good for my depression. I feel a bit like a new woman or an old woman depending on how you look at it.

When asked what were the best times of your life most people can narrow it down to a school period. High school or college. I suppose I'm a bit more narrow minded than that. The best time of my life was the summer of 2001. It was the summer after my sophomore year of college. I took a three week spanish class and spent the rest of the time barely working at dominos. I drank with my friends, I ate what I wanted, I took long walks around the little lakes at winona. I purchased a size 14 jeans from gap and paired it with a size XS pink polo shirt from gap. Sure it was a men's extra small but still I've never before or since used an X in my size to indicate smaller. The scale was 179lbs.

Its only been 10 weeks of really doing something about the near 100lbs I've accumulated since that time and the process at time seems dauting. But allready I'm starting to feel like I did that summer long ago. The girl who despite not being a waif got her rump pinched at bars. The girl who would occassionally catch her self in the mirror and smile rather than frown.

Despite it not being my wiegh in day I cheeted and sneeked a look at the scale. 10 weeks down. 10% of my body wieght gone. A staggaring 27.8lbs to be exact. I went from not being able to run a minute without gasping for breath to running for 20 minutes and still being able to physically walk out of the gym without support. I'm scouting potential oportunities to move back to Chicago. I'm becoming that someone that I never thought I could be.

I run. I read more. I listen to music about 10x's as often as I watch TV. I recycle and bring my own bags to the store. I embrace being prissy. I have organic wheat beer in my fridge. I don't care that organic is a crock because I think its charming. Despite still being desperating obese could it be I'm embrassing my inner girl in the pink polo?

I'm taking a rather sloppy approach to my wieght loss. This could either end in horridness or turn out to be the best way to do it. I eat cupcakes, I drink beer and even still sneek the occasional camel light. However instead of doing these things 95% of time its more like 10% and isn't that resonable?

Then today I was reading a book "Diet Girl" which was adapted from a blog. It was the last few pages and after 7 years and half her body weight I read her moment when she realized the was "done" Like in the movies iTunes played the perfect song on cue "Proud" by heather smalls (also known as the biggester loser last season theme song).

I had my toubles with the book. I got a little done with shauna when she got thinner than me and found her other half....well maybe I was more jelous than done. But by the end I realized that I have so much in common with this person. I'm fat, I avoid, I blame...but at the same time I'm so much better than that. I'm so much stronger than that. I will get there. I will fit into clothes at H&M I will be happy.

I allready am.

P.S. Toliet seat situation is worsening. The break has severed clean through. Too cheep to replace.

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  • Anonymous alice says so:
    11:49 PM  

    as much as it pains me to say this...

    that was beautiful. top