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No. 146 where are you? September 30, 2007 |

I was bored today so I decided to do some demographic information on the town I live in.

The estimated population of the town where I live is 94,027

Then I found this lovely statistic:

“Male householder,” no wife present 1,218
“Female householder,” no husband present 3,645

The under 25 population is 32652 (that leaves my "adult" population to be 61375)

there are 14,999 people in my age group which is about 24% of my adjusted population (we are just going to assume that householders are over 25 its wrong but work with me here)

male householder w/o wife 1218 * 24% = 292 potential mates

So these 292 potential husbands one you weed out the guys who will never committ to marriage, they guys who want to marry other guys, and the ability to not hang a deer in my garage I figure there are probably about half of you left…146. Now I just have to beat out those 875 women to get to you.

You would have thought in a city that has about 95,000 people I would have a little more chance than 146 guys. Damnit no wonder I’m importing from Wisconsin.


Pimp My Ride September 28, 2007 |

Alice: Maybe now that my car is paid off I can pimp it out with spinning wheels

Ava: You mean rims?

Alice: Yeah I guess my car already has spinning wheels

Before: Here is a dramatization of Alice's car

Might I suggest these lovely babies for a breathtaking "After"

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The life of a cub fan September 23, 2007 |

I grew up in Chicago..well kinda Schaumburg. Don’t hate me because I lived in the burbs my love of Chicago is unfaltering and if I won the lottery today my house would be on the market and car would be in drive with nothing but me and my two dogs headed straight for the nearest nothside reality office.

The real tragedy of living in a “northside” attitude home as a child is you are brainwashed over several childhood summers to love three things: 1-Wrigly field 2-The Cubs and 3- Chezzburger chezzburger no pepsi…coke.

I’m currently sitting in bed avoiding my homework and watching the cub’s game. We are in first place 2 ½ games ahead. Sigh hope. It’s the most gut wrenching part. It has been 99 years since a world series win. All due to the billy goat curse.

Most cub fans think the curse will be magically lifted at the 100yr mark. Seems reasonable isn’t it a hard and fast rule that curses have a 100yr expiration date? The problem is the curse didn’t happen in 08. It happened in 1945. That means the 100yr theory would only really work out if we maintained our dry spell through 2045…bummer. I would be 72. My poor father 101. In researching the curse on wikepedia I discovered that the theory is that cub fans must love goats (not just have them around for publicity) in order to break it. So I am here to do my part.

Why I love goats:

1- They hail from Europe just like my family so we are relatives and you always have to love your family

2- Goat hides used to be used for wine bottles. I like wine.

3- Goats eat everything. I hate mowing my lawn. Maybe I can convince the city to keep a couple in my yard. The whole neighborhood would be improved.

4- MMM goat cheese

5-Goats loudly "bleat" when irritated. I wish I could bleat. I just pout and whine.


MMMM Cheese September 20, 2007 |


blonde moments September 19, 2007 |

So in my first order of buisness belmont is home safe and sound. His leg looks pretty icky and his half shaven butt is quite the fashion statment but all things considered I think hes doing well. He has spend pretty much all day sleeping and is taking 10 pills a day so I assume he will be doing quite a bit of sleeping for the next couple weeks. I think Im going to have to get him one of those pill boxes.

In other news I can be such a bubble head sometimes. Incident one. I was collecting belmont from the vet and set my purse and keys in the car. I to free my hands so I could lift him into the back cargo area. I colleced my purse and closed the door. This would have been okay if I would of had my keys IN my purse...unfortunately I left them next to them. I realized the problem as I walked to the drivers side to unlock my door. Sigh my vet is not in town. So I had to call a locksmith from 20minutes away to come and rescue me. $70 dollars later I was on my way home.

Incident two. I was at bowling. I walked up and was about to hurl my ball down the ally when I notice humm the light isnt on...and I here someone saying no no NO!! I look over an a very frightened looking bowling employee is staring straight at me while half bent over fishing a pin out of the gutter. I hang on to the ball slightly loose my balance but I did not fall down or kill anyone.

Incident three. The very next time I am up to bowl I go up to my lane...check for the light...its on we are all good. I throw it right down the middle...very promising. Then the pin gate comes down and the gate bends forward. My ball hits the gate bounces and comes rolling back towards me. All eyes turn to me. The guy I almost took out five minutes ago comes to my aid and resets the lane. He giggled a little.

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Belmont Go Get a Job September 18, 2007 |

I dropped off baby bell for his first surgery today to repair his crucial ligament. Even though the vet said his left knee was more unstable I insisted he do the right knee first because that is the one he has been primarily limping on. Well was his mommy right because when they got in there not only was his ACL all screwed up but he had a tear in his meniscus. Which they said they cleaned up as best as they could I don’t know exactly what can be done in the case of a torn meniscus but I suppose it’s good to know I’m not crazy. So he’s staying the night at the vet’s office and I can pick up my little bundle of fur and stiches tomorrow morning. Where I took the day off so I can dote on him to no end and make sure his pillows are fluffed and water has unmelted ice cubes.

One note on my financial investment on this surgery…its not cheep and I can’t technically afford it. Although my visa can. What I don’t understand is the multitude of people (basically everyone but my parents) that were utterly shocked that I was going to get him the surgeries. Umm hello? I don’t have kids he’s 3yrs old has many happy and healthy years left with me of course I’m going to get him fixed. If a 20yr old breaks a hip you don’t just throw them in a wheelchair and be done with it. I am not a fan of he’s just a dog mentality. He’s more than a puke making, underwear eating garden destroying dog. He’s a pet who sits on the couch with me when I’m sad, cuddles with me when I’m lonely and is a conversation starter when meeting new people at the dog park. That’s worth the price of any surgery.

In case you had some undying curiosity about my Belly’s injuries I have included some anatomy drawings of a knee (Provided by Mayo Clinic). They aren’t stolen if you give them credit right?

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It’s a small world wide web September 17, 2007 |

So I was on mybloglog.com and there is this thing that tells you your recent readers. One of which was Ed’s sister. I thought this to be an obseard coincidence until I realized that I breached my own anonymity by having my log-in for mybloglog to not be my alias ava mazur but my screen name I have used since before I had pubic hair. Sigh old habits die hard. Anyways I go back to the post where I talk about Ed’s sister’s blog see I Wont Go Where Im Not Wanted Note the comment from anonymous “Yep, these things can get very ironic” I can only imagine that person’s Identity.

I can not tell you the self restraint it took to stick to my vow of not reading her blog. Just to see if she said anything about me now that she knows I’m not reading anymore. Of course I can imagine I’m a cameo appearance in her world at best so I doubt she would waste the time. What does matter to me though is if Ed reads my blog. The whole point of the fake names was to protect the innocent. Ed has enough problems he doesn’t need to hear about me dating a bunch of guys. In fact he doesn’t need to hear about me at all. I’ve gotten to the point where days go by when I don’t even think about him or how he has affected my state of being or life. I couldn’t imagine that were possible if I had the temptation of knowing what was going on in his day to day life.

I took a gander at my stats today St.Cloud 76 views. Now I don’t know if this is Ed. It’s doubtful I believe he is living in St. Joseph (or whatever it’s called) but who knows they are close cities and sometimes things don’t come up with the real city they are in. But Ed if you are reading this delete the link. I cant stop you from visiting and actually I dont care if you read it. But I know it wouldnt be healthy for me to read your blog so I can only imagine it wouldnt be healthy for you to read mine. I am just going to hope that your sister kept my blog to herself to spare you and I am talking to no one.

It’s funny how you can go back and read your posts in a whole new light. In general I am pleased with my words though. I don’t think I’ve bashed anyone. Mostly I’ve just whined about how unfair life is to me.

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Crabby September 14, 2007 |

So I was doing some facebook stalking and came across the fuzz. Who is no longer listed as single. Why? Why? Its like he just dissapeared I hate that. I am over it but you know if your not interested in me thats fine just say so. Even if its just one date. Have the freaking balls to send an email saying hey you seem nice but I ust dont feel it. Fine a nice clean end. Then I will delete you off my list so I will never have think about how you are out with someone better than me. And how I will never be good enough to be someone's girlfriend unless there is something tragically wrong with them and they cant get anyone else. So I am comforting myself by sitting on the couch staring at my belly fat and feeling sorry for myself.

Thursday night Red visited. It was okay. I dont remember his teething been so....not so great. Its nothing a good pair of dentures cant fix. We went to a movie and hung out and cuddled a bit. Im starting to feel trapped. I like him I do but I know this is a man I wont marry so I shouldnt lead him on. He's allready getting ubber attached. Its not that Im cold hearted I like to talk to him, I like having someone to call when I get home and share my thoughts with. But this guy has a bit to much drama in his life. His family situation is way messy. His finances horrible, his love of his overpriced ugly orange saturn complete with neon trim around the dashboard not ment to be. He sometimes reminds me of that wanna-be tough guy in highschool.

Life is so much easier when I dont date. There is no one to make me feel bad there is no one to look forward to and be dissapointed about. Is it time to give up? It just doesnt seem fair. There are people that cant seemed to be tolerated by anyone that are married and have nice little families. How do people accept being alone? I feel like I'm on the path to acceptance and thats scaring the hell out of me. I refuse to buy cats.

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Prissy Ava Dating a Bad Boy? September 09, 2007 |

Well I had fun on Friday on my date with Red. He was very flattering which I enjoy. I think he was trying to kiss me. I met him in Lacrosse at the movies. He’s pretty cute. red hair, freckles, really nice nose. Okay so he has bad tattoos but that’s about it all I have to complain about. He’s the same height as me good build…sexy :P He’s funny a bit of a bad boy but I really like him. Yes he still has a trailer. What happened to my gold digging ways I guess I’m just a sucker for a guy that sees me as a princess.

Also for my normal reject criteria of country boy he is surprisingly artistic and loves anything having to do with culture. I wouldn’t have to drag this guy to the opera. He’s really into photography and likes my critiques. I’m a little bit in like at this point.

So yeah the fuzz may have forgotten about me but I think red has pretty much blown him out of the water. I can honestly say I’m shocked.

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Date Night September 06, 2007 |

Well I haven’t heard from Fuzz in over a week now so I’m pretty much assuming things have faded out. Eh he was fun but maybe I’m getting used to this dating thing because I don’t really care.

Anyways so there is this new guy. He lives in a trailer…yes I’m serious. He lives about 3hrs away in this little tiny Wisconsin town. He’s funny sometimes and relatively good looking but I can’t say I really see it working out. However after a long week of badgering I have agreed to meet him in Lacrosse tomorrow for dinner and movie.

He wanted to come to my house and spend the night which I told him was frankly unacceptable. I don’t know am I just being petty. Its really the laborer status and trailer that are bothering me here (well and the distance) but if things were to work out I would be in that money “power” position again. I’ve been there before I didn’t like it.

Oh well the worst I can loose is a tank of gas and an evening. Should I wear a skirt?

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Send me to Conference! September 04, 2007 |

So I have been working on this abstract which was due today. Fortunately they extended the deadline so I had time to throw some crap together to send in. I am not so good with the written word. Especially when things like spelling and grammar play a role. So I do what any other lazy friend does ship it over to their English major friend Rory. She did give me a real version of it nice and dry like us scientists like it but here creative flair version was just too good to not share.

The Little Polysaccharides Coupled to Luminex Microsphers.

A Tale of Woe and Woe Not

Authors: The Dorkiest Girl Alive and her friend Ava

A) Rationale: Once upon a time in a land far far away all prepared Pn batches were currently unavailable. They had plans. They had missions in far off tropical islands. They ate ice cream in their pyjammas. Until one day, The laboratory and all of it’s elves worked very diligently to develop a system for comparing previous batches with newly coupled batches. A game show this was not. It was all done in the name of unrequited hunger for more icecream and fudge brownies! In order to determine if the Pn coupling of each polysaccharide performed consistently every one had to spin the wheel of undeterminable misfortunes. I told you this wasn’t a game show. Ensuring a stable assay performance wasn’t always easy but it was imperative for clinicians wishing to compare pre- and post-vaccination specimens. Those poor unadulterated specimens didn’t know what was coming.

B) Methods: 15 test sera samples were sequestered, bonded and run up the river on plastic faux logs. On the previously approved batch the Sera Samples sang songs about dreams and hopes for the utopia of CV and commercially produced PN batches. Oh the hope those little Sera Samples felt that day was unbelievable. The small newly coupled test batch had a much harder time on it’s way to the testing facility. They had no daylight, no river, not even one faux plastic anything. Serum samples were compared by Spearman’s rhos and he was an evil sinister old bat.. The consistency of results that maintained a value above or below the threshold of 5(UNITS), and CV. The Sera Samples jumped with joy and then broke out into the electric slide. Acceptability for standard curve values was the rhythm in their steps and controls were determined by CV only. CV = Happiness. Unacceptable polysaccharides were re-coupled until they were comparable to the previous batch they didn’t even get to eat the cookies. They just had to watch – so not fair. Especially since some where PMS’ing pretty hard core. Using the aforementioned criterion on the planet Luminex the unacceptable polysaccharids fell to there deathbefore being added to the final batch and put into feather production.

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Out on the Town September 01, 2007 |

I park my car and head to the bar.

Skeezy Guy: Hi beautiful

Ava: Hi (curt avoiding eye contact)

Skeezy Guy: If I give you 5 bucks will you give me a ride

Ava: Not bloody likely (exit to bar)

Skeezy Guy: Fuck you Bitch!

So I’m within the refuge of the bar. I’ve been sitting at the bar for about 30 minutes. There are about 9 guys and me. Two tall skinny bleached women walk in they are missing the second half of their skirts. Guys at Bar: Finally we have some ladies here tonight. (One waves them over) Oh this is so and so and so and so….chat chat chat…let me buy you girls some drinks.

Ava: Bartender I need another drink.

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