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Inability to love February 22, 2009 |

Im at an impass with the jsp situation. Its the three month itch. He's a great guy: reliable, responsible, nice, thoughtful, caring, supportive...all that stuff. But as per usual Im having problems with the transition from feelings of like to anything else beyond that. Maybe I just need more time, maybe I need to open up but thats just hard for me to do.

As the dynamics of the relationship changes and the other person gets more attached I begin to pull away. Allthough normally this is my cue to do some kicking the the curb I suppose I'm not quite willing to let this one go. There isnt anything wrong with him!

After my conversation with alice the best I could come up with is he likes sports to much and has a inconsistant snoring pattern.

Im lame.

iTunes how I love thee February 13, 2009 |

I went on a shopping spree tonight for my upcomming weekend car-time here and in my usually spirt of unsolicited music advice I give you these jems...

  • Mad World, Alex Parks
  • Brighter Than Sunshine, Aqualung
  • Be Yourself, Audioslave
  • Jerk It Out, Caesars
  • April & May, David Fridlund
  • Matinee, Hurts to Purr
  • Breakable, Ingrid Michaelson
  • Somewhere Only We Know, Keane
  • Nightminds, Missy Higgins
  • Jamez Bond, Son of a Bich, Planetakis
  • Parade, Pretty Girls Make Graves
  • Farewell, Rosie Thomas
  • Gravity, Sara Bareilles
  • Come Down to Me, Saving Jane
  • Bang Bang Bang Bang, Sohodolls
  • Lonely Land, Trentalange
  • Arivals/Departures, Vox Vermilion
  • Psycho, Vox Vermilion
In other exciting news the lovely miss amanda palmer will be comming back to the states and touring with Vox Vermilion (Who have been on my too download list for oh so terribly long). Unfortunately the only tour date during my vacay time will be in the middle of north carolina...oh well maybe she will have more tour dates later (one can always dream).

Oh and little miss insomniac over here got a prescription for ambien...but Im too scared to take it because I dont want to wake up with chicken bones in my bed or my car wrapped around a telephone poll. I figure I will take it when am desperate.

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loosing my grip on reality February 12, 2009 |

I'm ubber stressed.

I've spent countless hours working on stupid school unfortunately I've been too sleep deprived to actually remember anything.

I have two grandparents that are sick.

I'm being forced to spend a vacation in Arkansas for a family reunion.

Today after learning that the dates for aforementioned family reunion are STILL not set, working on 3hrs of sleep, taking my und fake board retakes, and finding out I had to stay late at work...I lost it. Oh did I mention I couldn't remember the phrase "sleep deprivation" when trying to describe my state of being. Yeah its bad.

I need a vacation...I really really need a vacation. So I sent my normal Wednesday email to my parents which was basically a 2-page bitch-fest where at the end I said I'm not going to Arkansas I will take a long weekend and come to IL instead. I think this is reasonable.

Do I have money for a trip? Hell no, but fuck that this is America I have a tax return coming....sure that money could go to paying off credit cards, my car, buying the mac that I do so much want. You know what I want more? My freaking sanity.

I'm very excited I'm going to hopefully (assuming my vay-ca time gets approved) go away for a whole week all by little self at the end of march. This is something I've wanted to do well at least for the last ten years and never have gotten around to doing...there are always bills, there is always something I need at home, something that should be fixed, upgraded or otherwise taken care of. Today this is my priority. I deserve this. And I'm getting it.

So where should I go...?

In the states options....

Corpus Cristi Texas
I know odd choice but Rory brought it up and it doesn't seem bad. I doubt it will be riddled with spring breakers (a risk I am taking for my vacation time frame) its inexpensive, warm enough to sit around and get a sunburn while doing nothing...I like nothing. Cons: Its Texas

Washington DC
Oh the museums I love museums...and quite frankly this was my original plan for a solo trip. Also with my age and neurotic npr listening I've become much more political and it might be nice to take a visit as an "adult" where I might have more appreciation for the place. Cons: I've been there before, and its surprising expensive to fly/stay there.

Seattle Washington
My favorite non-midwest city. I went there my freshman year of college and fell in love. I would like to take more time to explore the city. Con: Maybe I don't love it as much as I remember, and I pretty much took it most of it before in rememberable memory.

Hawaii
Ive been pretty anti-Hawaii but once again lounging and pretty scenery would be nice. Cons: Since Hawaii is so honeymooney I might find myself slitting my wrists in a bathroom, either that or throwing things as some annoying smoochy-woochy couple.

Cruise
Cheep, free food, entertainment, rocking of the ship to lull me to sleep, little day trip activities. Cons: lots of people, possible spring breakers, forced to eat with strangers were I would have to explain I was traveling alone because I wanted to be away from people...of course I will be trapped on a boat with many many people creating an odd circular logic situation.

Hilton Head, South Carolina
Ive been there many times...its relaxing lots of old people on the beach which means I don't feel like a beached whale whale while sunbathing. Cons: I would have to rent a car and its expensive and I don't like driving there so it may require me to cook. Eww.

Warsaw Poland
I know pretty out there. Its surprisingly affordable. And with the hotel+flight combo I was looking for my last night I would have a 24 layover in Amsterdam as a bonus. Warsaw has lots of stuff to do there opera,museums, yummy polish food, zoo, historical crap. Oh did I mention the 5-star hotel with Turkish spa? I'm not sure what it means but it sounds good. Sure I don't know polish...that's not true I can sing some polish Christmas carols and say God be with you (Polish catholic church brainwashing). Language aside everyone should go back to their "homeland" once in there life right? Cons: Parents particularly pops would freak the f' out with his little ppp (priceless polish princess) crossing overseas. On the upside if I was to go international Poland would probably offer the least opposition. Oh and the weather is pretty much the same as here so it will be cold.

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Remember Me February 08, 2009 |

Because Im lame and need my ego stroked now and again I posted a note on facebook for friends to share a memory about me. Now in a quest for eternal documentation and in a hope that one day I will get my blog printed and have it as a coffee table book in a disgusting display of egocentricity (is that a word) I must re-organize these memories from my facebook and put them in my blog. I need a new hobby.


From Rory:

I remember making fruity icecream drinks and inadvertently getting your dog Belmont wasted as we sat in those flimsy pink and blue target chairs on the patio. Or the many road trips where you and Alice tortured me with Cheesy Rap Volumes 1 -7. Or when we first had the brain child to knit our christmas presents and went to that tiny yarn place in ... Read Morethe Winona Mall - and how you tried to teach me to do it but my left handedness prevented anything from happening that remotely looked like knitting but it eventually opened the gates for life time love of a yarn and crochet goodness. Or how you shake your head at me when I take a joke to far - but you're always there if I need to talk about the serious stuff in life. Yep, you rock.


From Heff:

I remember a drunk bonding session on the couch in my basement over anti-depressants. I also remember feeding Hairnet baby food the next morning because I was afraid he was dangerously hung-over, and I thought he might die. I guess that turned into a memory about Hairnet.... Well you get what you pay for.


From Rose (person you guys dont know but a pal from my old job):

well I dont see the comment button on your message but i remember how you were there to take the dogs for a spell due to my unfortunate circumstances. Thats what I call a true friend - helping another out. Thank you Ava for doing that :)

Note to Rose...no problem boblem

How far will ava go for pie? February 04, 2009 |

I've spent pretty much every second of everyday making flashcards for my boards studying...I've made over 1000 so far. Fun no? Okay so I have had a little fun. I had way to much planned this weekend. On saturday a church brunch, and a date with JSP. Then on Sunday a superbowl party. I ended up clearning my schedule except for JSP who insisted that we go out because I needed a day off. So on Saturday afternoon I dove to Albert lea and met up with jsp where we embarked on a two and a half hour roadtrip for pie.

We arrived at Langes in Pepstone, MN where I got a burger and fries topped off with the best cherry pie alamode ever. Such a roadtrip is quite a bit to ask of a new relationship but we spent the time in the car with the music low and much conversation about (I don't remember what) but it was good.

After lunch we went over the border to Souix Falls, SD and got lost (he refused to ask for directions) after he turned the wrong way on a one way and having 5 cars charging front on to us I enlisted my wonderful ipod gps to route us in. We arrived at the raddison and due to our late check in got upgraded to a suit on the "private access" floor. We actually got to put the key card in the elevator to get to it. AND president Obama stayed there during one of his many campaigning stops. I probably stayed in the same bed as some secret service man.

We settled in watched tv, went swimming, sat in the sauna and ordered room service. JSP planned everything, paid for everything, and pretty much attended to my every whim. It was pretty good :)

It was just the break I needed. Last week was stressful. Between being under the weather, studying, sick grandmothers and general annoyances of life a day off was exactly what I needed. I just can't say how much fun I had. We really just had a fun time together. I'm no officially re-smitten. I guess that nice-guy thing isn't so bad after all.

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