Okay so I over reacted. When I woke up this morning there was a txt from jsp telling me not to go to the store and that he would pick up the rolls on his way in. So he missed his manners but made up for it later.

Anyway that is not the point of my story. I am making pot roast for dinner. I growing up in a house with my mother who is an excellent cook I fins most people's version of dishes well...so-so at best. Roast is one of those meals.

Most people make the dire mistake of putting the meat in a crock pot this just makes everything mushy and weird tasting.

The proper way to cook a roast starts with the meat.

• You need half a stick of butter (not margarine) and you rub that baby down. Get it in all the little nooks and crannys until its covered in a gooey fat layer.
• Sprinkle liberally with coarse ground salt and pepper.
• On high heat warm up a pan on the stove top. Put the big hunk of meat in and brown each side for about 1minute each. (it should be dark brown...well seared but not burnt) This seals in the flavor or at least that's what my mom says.

Prepare the pan...

• Drop the meat in the roasting pan.
• Fill the skillet with water to get all the yummies up and dump it the roaster. I usually use about 4-5 cups but it depends on alot of your things, at the end the water should come up about half way on the meat. (keep in mind you are adding veggies so about 1/4 the height of the meat is a good guess at this point, you can always add more later
  
• Add spices to the liquid. I like to use beef bullion, tastefully simple seasoned salt, tyme, and just a pinch of chili spice. (the prepackaged slow cooker spice packets are pretty good but I highly suggest adding the chili spice it gives it a little kick.
  
• Chop up carrots, celery and red potato's.
• Cook at 300 for 4-6 hours depending on how big the roast is...when you press it with a spoon and it easily dents and can be broken up its done.

Gravy time...

• I don't like gravy so I don't make it (if you like gravy...make it yourself)
  
• What I do is take all the meat and veggies out and put the roaster directly on the stove top.
• I boil it down to about half the original liquid volume.
  
• Tada! Good for a drizzel over the meat or veggies...and there is always plenty left over for belmont and rosa's dinner.
  

Labels: Advice, Food, JSP

I went on a shopping spree tonight for my upcomming weekend car-time here and in my usually spirt of unsolicited music advice I give you these jems...

• Mad World, Alex Parks
• Brighter Than Sunshine, Aqualung
• Be Yourself, Audioslave
• Jerk It Out, Caesars
• April & May, David Fridlund
• Matinee, Hurts to Purr
• Breakable, Ingrid Michaelson
• Somewhere Only We Know, Keane
• Nightminds, Missy Higgins
• Jamez Bond, Son of a Bich, Planetakis
• Parade, Pretty Girls Make Graves
• Farewell, Rosie Thomas
• Gravity, Sara Bareilles
• Come Down to Me, Saving Jane
• Bang Bang Bang Bang, Sohodolls
• Lonely Land, Trentalange
• Arivals/Departures, Vox Vermilion
• Psycho, Vox Vermilion

In other exciting news the lovely miss amanda palmer will be comming back to the states and touring with Vox Vermilion (Who have been on my too download list for oh so terribly long). Unfortunately the only tour date during my vacay time will be in the middle of north carolina...oh well maybe she will have more tour dates later (one can always dream).

Oh and little miss insomniac over here got a prescription for ambien...but Im too scared to take it because I dont want to wake up with chicken bones in my bed or my car wrapped around a telephone poll. I figure I will take it when am desperate.

Labels: Advice, AFP, Lists, Music, Shopping

So now and again I like to go in for a pedicure. For some reason whenever I paint my toenails they look like shit. Well anyways seeing as I'm poor I decided to do it myself. Now at the salon I go to you buy your own foot shaver thingy (pictured above) now the little oriental lady who does my nails says don't use it at home! I promised...I lied.

I took a shower to soak my feet and laid out a towel like they do at the nail place, put on a new blade and started out. I slid it across a heel...nothing. So I pressed a bit and swooped it down.

You know the feeling when you cut yourself shaving? You can actually feel the blade run through your skin...it doesn't exactly hurt....but it feel gross. I watch as an excess amount of blood comes rushing out of the bottom of my foot. Like really a lot. I moved my hand to cup the dripping blood.

This is not good. If I bleed on my new rug I'm going to be pissed. Fortunately I had a pair of dirty socks within arms reach (very sanitary) I put on the sock...and stuffed the other one over my heel.

I hop into the bathroom bleed all over the floor, folded and stuck gobs of toilet paper on it and wrapped it with an ace bandage. I've been sitting on the couch and elevating it ever since. I have bleed through the ace bandage but now a good 30minutes later I think it has finally stopped.

So a warning to everyone out there when a little oriental lady tells you not to do something...you might want to listen.

Oh and if you don't hear from me tomorrow I've bled to death in my sleep. Send an ambulance and a bunch units of O positive blood.

Labels: Advice, Bitching, Embarassing Stories

This Saturday I was soaking in the tub and opening up my January issue of Glamour. When I came across this article: When Should You Sleep With Him? I linked it for your viewing pleasure. Seeing as I may be in the market to do some sleeping I read the article in its entirety. Sorry to burst your bubble but it wasn't very helpful, it basically just said not to soon. Maybe its my analytical side but that's just a little vague for me. If we exclude the first boyfriend all other partners have been admittedly too soon. I would hardly consider myself skanky at least in comparison to my group of friends I'm on the chaste side of average.

I have slept with people for all sorts of stupid girl reasons. Wanting to feel attractive, keep him interested, just plain because I wanted some action. All these are just rather crappy reasons mostly because it all seems harmless beforehand but I must face the facts. I am just not a casual sex kinda gal. Regardless of the status of the relationship after sleeping with someone I feel they should somehow worship the ground I walk upon, even if I still don't particularly care for them. Of course that never really happens so it inevitably doesn't work out.

I was talking with Alice the other night about aformentioned article when I realized what was different about JSP. I don't feel rushed. We are taking the time to get to know each other...to enjoy the courtship period. I think he's going to be around for awhile a distinct difference from any relationship I've ever had. So I feel like I have all the time in the world to get to that next step, and I want to have fun at each one. Sure being 27 while dating a guy for a month with the pinnacle of the sexual relationship being one little closed mouth kiss may not be the norm but I really really like it. It's fun, its suspenseful and it makes me excited. I haven't had so much anticipation since I was 16 and its something I never really expected to get again.

Lets back track for just a second. I forgot to tell you about date #3. It was my first trip to Albert Lea to visit him. Being a Sunday in small town Minnesota while it was slightly snowing there wasn't much going on. So we had a quiet date of lunch out followed by a tour of his town including the house he grew up in and the parking lot that used to be his high school. Although a little on the cheesy side I totally love that kinda of crap. Then we went back to his place, held hands on the couch while watching the house wives of orange county and played sequence. It was nice we relaxed and enjoyed each others company.

Date #4 is my turn and I think I may be going a bit over the top but that's kinda my style. I figured I'd give him a tour of Rochester. But being that its a boring town and I don't have very much history here to point out to make it tolerable I had to add a bit of pizazz. Well that's when I got in my email an advertisement for plane rides over Rochester where you actually get to fly the plane and you can go pretty much wherever, and the best part was is they must be slow before Christmas because they were offering it for about half price! BONUS! After that we will go to a late lunch and if its not super cold we will go to peace plaza for the winter bizarre for coco and random Christmas crap, if its blustery a movie. Then I'm thinking wine and cheese for a light dinner followed by Saturday night live and hopefully making out during commercial breaks.

As for the chastity belt I think I'm going to keep it for awhile, besides it too freaking cold to bother with shaving my legs.

Labels: Advice, Alice, Boys, Friends, Glass Half Full, Internet Dating, Thoughts

Here it is unpacked and in its natural environment. I really need a t.v.stand the makeshift night stand just isn't going to cut it since my DVD player is laying on the floor...Bonus point What movie am I watching on my new T.V. Alice no cheating since I talked to you just prior to starting the flick.

Labels: Advice, Shopping, TV

Today I called in to work, I slept well but was still feeling rather icky today and decided to take it easy. I watched a little TV and settled in for a nap at about 5pm....I slept until 10pm, as if my sleep schedule isn't messed up enough as it is. Then just before going out for a food run I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. My forehead nose and cheeks were covered in tiny tiny pimples (I'm assuming from the vaporub). Fortunately they are the type that will heal in a couple days if I leave them alone but still quite shocking...in a quick survey I found 17. I have since washed my face twice to try and prevent more from erupting. Consider yourselves warned.

Labels: Advice, Reviews

I am an American and therefore will be spending tomorrow morning in a pop-up booth stabbing a piece of paper with a blunt object. No discrepancies for my ballot.

What your not registered? Well if you are in Rochester or (Minnesota in general) you can register on the day of just make sure to bring a valid ID with your current address. For my Minnesota voters (Click here to find your polling place and to view a sample ballot for your area). I'll be seeing you between 7am and 8pm!

Now I made my presidential, senator and representative decision awhile ago but what about those 20something other offices I have to make a decision on? So I spent a few hours looking them up while watching snl's presidential bash. Gotta set the mood you know.

In researching The School Board Member Director 7 I came across the meet the candidate questioner for Marcia Matz. I wouldn't want this woman anywhere near a school, let alone leading one. My goal is not to be a reporter if you want the whole story you can visit my inspiration (To see the source and check out your options click here) but I promise you the quotes I'm pulling are real...

Candidate Marcia Matz - Seat 7

1. Why are you running and why should the business community Support you?
I am running because I want to. Why should the business community support me? Never gave it any thought.

Really? Usually people give a reason why they want to...love of children, learning, god woman give me something here. And if you didn't give any thought to the people you have to work with and get funding from you are going to have a real tough 4yrs.

2. What are the four primary issues facing ISD 535 in the next five years? If elected how
would you address these issues?
I don't know, however, common sense dictates that one would address the issues to the best of ones ability and expect to have people mad at me because they disagreed with what I choose to do.

She doesn't know much does she. But even though she doesn't know what the problems are she has enough common sense to fix them. Just look at how much common sense she has in answering these questions.

3-The school district is looking at a several million dollar deficit in 2009 which the school
board will need to tackle soon after the November election. If elected what skills do you
have which will assist in addressing this enormous task?
I have the skills of having lived on a budget and I know that when your income falls short of expectations, you have to cut out the extra things and go with the basic needs. I believe the various booster clubs should hold fund raisers to supplement those programs that have their
funding reduced or cut.

Oh yeah those extra things left over after last years cut. When they reduced the budget by 20%, I'm pretty sure they gave up the gold plated football helmets last year. But have no fear we will just make them sell magazines and cookies door to door. That will raise the 10million.

4-What two specific ideas do you have on reducing the deficit?
Ideas to reduce the deficit, spend less, or hold fund raisers to increase the funding that the budget doesn't cover.

Spend less very specific.

5) We know the landscape of the workplace is changing. We have more people age 65+ in the workforce and we will continue to see our community diversify in race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic background. What do you feel are the three most critical issues we need to
address in regards to workforce?
I don't understand how this applies to schools

Oh shes right community has nothing to do with schools. We shouldn't teach tolerance and acceptance in school. We shouldn't trouble our precious cookie-selling children with responsibilities of an aging community and increased poverty. No the increased gangs, violence, drug use and hate crimes has nothing to do with falling graduation rates or unsatisfactory preparation for college. No sir that outside community world stuff has nothing to do with schools or education. Oh and workforce? I guess we dont send our kids to school to become part of the workforce, and changes in the workforce certainly have nothing the do with staffing the school. Who needs teachers anways... I mean seriously?!

6- What is your opinion of the Districts five year plan to help eliminate the achievement gap?
I know from experience that some students would rather "just pass" than to worry about higher grades. The gap is not very big in Rochester. A determination should be made as to weather the students in this gap are there because they need academic help or by choice.

Um I don't think she read the plan. I think the "just pass" mentality is what they are trying to tackle. And weather it be from lack of motivation (maybe just maybe due to some of that nasty outside stuff that doesn't affect schools) or poor teachers blaming the kids really doesn't fix the problem.

7-Additional comments
I am new to the area, I have not "taken sides" because I don't know what the sides are. I have little sympathy for people who are upset that the re-drawing of district lines may have their child attending a different school than they planned, if you want the child in a specific school, move into that district.

Yeah its just so easy to move with this economy (oops my bad crazy outside and business stuff that doesn't apply just keeps popping up). Also when you moved to the "good side of town" so your little prince or princess could go to the good school instead of the racier parts of town and then the district changes the rules on you...Id be pissed too and I'm not even a parent. Not to mention that education and schooling is more than academic, it is social, it is security.

Anyways what she was supposed to do in this section is win me over with her spirit to have our children succeed. To keep our schools safe. To make changes to education fiscally and curriculum wise.

I beg of you if you are one of those voters who chooses a pretty name amongst a mass of strangers...please please please (I'm literally on my knees here) don't pick this one. And if you don't want to look it up and want a name to remember in this category MICHAEL BAKER was by far my favorite.

Go Obama - Biden

Go Frankin

Go Waltz

Good luck tomorrow kids!

Labels: Advice, Babies, Moral Outrage, Politics, School, Stupid People, Thoughts

I was one of those kids in high school who had crystal clear skin. An occasionally monthly blemish might...MIGHT pop-up but in general I didn't worry about it. My skin care regime amounted to shampoo that fell across my face when I rinsed out my hair.

About a year ago at the age of 26 my skin finally decided to go through puberty. I tried washing my face but it never seemed to make a difference in fact it just dried out my skin so it was zitty and flaky. HOT! So I gave up and decided blackheads just made me look youthful.

About 3 months ago that all changed. Enough is enough. This summer my face turned into an oil slick. I had to do daily pimple monitoring and seeing as how I can not leave well enough alone and I turned even the slightest blemish into a giant festering wound.

Enter the best products ever...no its not proactive. I've always been a fan of Neutrogena especially since none of their products have ever made me break out in hives (quite feat in my case). So I invested in their Oil-free Stress Control Acne system.

• Power Clear Scrub $8.95
• Toner $7.49
• 3 in 1 hydrating Acne Treatment $7.99

Yes I know I sound like a commercial but this stuff is inexpensive and magically wonderful. So if you are in the market for a new product buy it. If it isn't successful and they take it off the market I just might die.

All this paying attention to my skin has made me notice something I really do not enjoy and that is the aging process. I have teeny tiny lines around my eyes. Not good. I really wouldn't have gone out of my way to do anything about it but when I went to buy my slut red lipstick I got an anti-wrinkle sample in my free gift. Lancôme 'High Résolution Collaser-5X™' Intense Collagen Anti-Wrinkle Serum. Yeah I know a bit drastic for my case but seeing as I have not hooked a man it seems best to keep this face working its magic. Oh and it works. Anyways I'm almost out so I decide to go look it up online to see how much it will cost to refill my supply.

$65.00 for 1 oz. 1 oz!

Is this crap is made from princess Diana's personally aborted fetuses? I have no clue but I simply cant spend $65 dollars on a ketchup packet's worth of glorified lotion. Maybe Ill change my mind when I'm 30.

So I need suggestions. Or am I the only 27 year old freaking out over the price of wrinkle cream?

Labels: Advice, Reviews

My kind face has struck again.

Alice, Hairnet, Heff and myself leave to go for some post-bar munchies at Subway. We stand in line for what feels like forever. I was last and quite frankly not paying any attention to what was going on behind me. I get a footlong pizziola (quite possibly the least healthy menu item one can procure at a subway) and head to the register.

Ava: May I have the meal please?

Sandwich Artist: Go ahead

Ava: Huh?

Sandwich Artist: Just go ahead and go... (he smiles at me)

Ava: Really are you sure?

Sandwich Artist: Yep have a good night.

Awesome free food. So I go and collect my beverage and chips cool ranch doritos because I like to have bad breath all the time and head to my table.

Ava: Hey guys, I have a question. (looking down all coy and innocent) Did you have to pay for your sandwiches?

They all look at me

Group: Uhhh yeah.

Ava: Looking modest, turning my head slightly and shrugging my shoulders possibly twirling a length of hair between my fingertips. The guy just let me have it.

Alice: You bitch and your fucking kind face.

Labels: Advice, Food

Dear Ava,
Lately I've been having extreme mood swings and more road rage than normal - what's the best cure for getting rid of the grumpies?
-Hostile and Angry with morons who don't know how to merge.

Dear Hostile and Angry-

Dealing with the stupidity of others is often quite frustrating. I find the best way to cure a bad mood is liquor...no not beer hard liquor. Next time before you take to the highway I suggest a couple of shots of vodka...or if you like like smell of pine sol gin should do the trick. If you aren't calm enough to ignore the morons after that you should pack some heat (MN does have a conceal and carry law). Now I'm not one to condone extermination...especially after the whole Holocaust thing, but shooting bad drivers is more like exercising your god given right to hurry along natural selection.

Cheers-
Ava

Labels: Advice

So I've always had a little bit of an obsession with Dear Abby. I like giving advice even if its bad advice. So I would request questions from all of my 2 loyal readers but to avoid the disappointment of having no one answer me I have decided to make up my own questions based on my stat counter search terms...which are not at all related to the content of my blog.

Today's search term "Ugly accept being alone" I imagine this persons question would go something like this...

Dear Ava,
I am a 37 year old female virgin. I have been single all my life. I weigh 300lbs, have long stringy hair which I cut myself and have a problem with acne...face and body. I don't believe in bathing as it upsets the earth god. In my spare time I read cat fancy magazine and follow men around the grocery store. How can I learn to accept that I will have to be a single parent to my 5 Persian cats?
-Catnipwhore in Ontario

Dear Catnipwhore-
It sounds like you need to invest in some proactive and a hooker. You need to get that virgin thing taken care of. Your weight can be used as an advantage download some Double-Stuffed Plumper's to get to love you body. Now we need to work on a little thing...I call crazy. Get an exorcism and take a shower (in whichever order you would like). Drown your cats and donate your magazine subscription to your local hospital's allergy department. Now your a decent enough human being and you can love yourself...even if you can't get anyone else to do it.

Labels: Advice