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Spectacles October 28, 2008 |

Today is a happy day, yes its annual new glasses day. Belmont and Rosa killed my black everyday pair and my purple ones are all bent up due to a 3month temporary misplacement under my bed. After much deliberation I decided on these two frames.
Oslo Frame by Etina Barcelona. If I can't travel to Spain I mine as well purchase overpriced designer glasses from them. And aren't they super cute. I love to color, true I cant wear them with everything but with a black shirt and jeans these will be yow-zer! And aren't the sides totally cute?! I originally looked at a similar pair that were bigger up front and had wider sides this is much more flattering on an Ava. I'm officially nerdy-chic.

I know you are worried about me wearing the above favored pair and clashing with my wardrobe which is filled with color. Have no fear my pets I present to you my neutral pair the Alice frame by Furla. The picture isn't the best, or the right color but its all I can find. My pair is black and the sides look much cooler as they are black with a a white background. Yeah the picture sucks but trust me they are every so fetch.
God I love being visually impaired.

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Smarty Pants |

I've been called a smart ass plenty of times (just ask my parents) but I've never been much of a brain. I can't spell worth shit and I have just about as many blonde moments as Jessica Simpson. Also the one time I was forced to take an IQ test as an adolescent I my results were below average. That's right BELOW average....what a freaking blow. Its amazing I didn't give up right then and start my career as as full time cashier. I didn't score low enough to land me in "special" classes held in the basement of the high school but the fact that numerically I was closer to those than I was to being in the gifted program gave me a little bit of a complex that has followed me well into my adult life.

This paranoia of stupidity is impounded by the fact that I seem to surround myself with very smart people. People that enjoy trivial pursuit because they kick ass at it and can sleep through class and still get a B by just showing up on test days...bastards.

I have never graduated with honors, I have never been part of a special smart people club, I have never been to a special little ceremony to that tell people how smart I am, I've never has a luncheon with important school people or had money thrown at me to enrich my academic experience. I was however jealous every time the person sitting next to me at graduation got a little gold neckerchief or weird chords to dangle about thier neck. I really didn't know what they all represented (I still don't) but I knew I wanted them.

Today was my day to be a bright shining star. I checked my UND email ready to be pissed off by some annoying professor or fuck up with my graduation application but instead I was shocked to find an invitation for the golden key international honours society. Yes an invitation only smart people club invited me...ME?! And the best part way it wasn't even a mistake.

Apparently yours truly in her senior and hopefully finally semester ever at an academic institution has managed to finagle herself into the top 15% of her class (nothing like leaving it until the last minute). Let me tell you within minutes I was handing over my $70 bucks for a lifetime membership and eternal rights to include that little line item on my resume.

When I went to school, and school was my "job" my dad used to always say, "Go be brilliant." An odd thing for a man to say that was accepting of C's on report cards. But today I get to be the smart kid...Today I get say, Hi Dad I was brilliant.

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Poll Time: Living Room Mania October 23, 2008 |

It started with the couch...but now I have decided I need another dog gate, a coffee table, throw pillows, area rug, wine bar (to use as a TV stand) a new TV and window blinds. Offtah. First things first the new pillows. I present to you spoils of TJ Maxx. The square ones have this weird pleating thing on the front which I don't particularly care for so I'm just going to have the backs showing. I was worried they would go with my wall color but they are actually very close to my "neutral" purple.

Now I wasn't planning on buying a rug this second but I have a little problem with spending hours...upon hours browsing crap on amazon. I found this rug and have been slightly obsessed with it for the past 24hours. First of all it isn't some cookie-cutter fake oriental rug which just isn't my style. Also it would fit in the room really well. The purple is the color of my walls, the Burgundy is the color of my picture set, the green is the color of the hallways and entry (both of which are visible from the living room, and the leaves and vines even are similar to a wall candle holder thing I have. I have concerns that everyone else in the world will think its horrible though so I am opening this purchase up to my readers...please vote in the poll below.

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Ava + Credit Card = Danger October 22, 2008 |

My house smells like dog. I've replaced almost all the soft surfaces in the upstairs of my house to try and win the battle of the dog hair. The only ones that remain are my bedspread and my beloved old living room set.

It was lovely. Now it has been chewed up, and nested in. Dog hair interwoven into the fabric so it is impossible to clean. Oh and it smells...a lot. I avoid inviting people over to my house because of the sad state of this furniture and I quite simply can't take it anymore.

It was boredom that lead to furniture browsing. Just to see whats out there so I can be prepared to spend my tax refund the moment it arrives. I'm very picky about furniture and never in a million years did I think I would find the perfect couch. But there it was and it was and CHEEP! It was 35% off! How could I resist? I thought it over for a couple days and today with my previously paid off credit card I charged the sucker. I just couldn't pass up such a deal. Its pretty its modern and although it looks horridly uncomfortable its actually very squishy.

Of course there had to be a complication. Normally when I order furniture it takes months to get in there is always some delay or they ordered the wrong color or something. Anyway they had it in their warehouse in stock and it will be here Saturday!

So what am I going to do with my stinky dog furniture? I cleaned out a space in the garage, I can deal with it when I move. That is of course if I can get the furniture physically out of the living room. I remember that being a real bitch when I had to vacate my upper level for the new floors. These couches don't really like to fit through doorways.

Also I was too cheep to pay the $50 dollar deliver fee for the new couch so I'm going to try and cram it in the back and of my schminivan...and I don't really have anyone to help me on Saturday. This should be interesting.


A new level of pathetic October 21, 2008 |

It was gathering laundry time in the Mazur house. I had a giant pile of miscellaneous scrub parts piled halfway in my nightstand drawer. My nightstand drawer holds a host of items that you wouldn't want your parents seeing.

As I dragged my laundry down the stairs I noticed a condom fall out of my bundle. I'll get that later I thought to myself and went on my merry way. I was sitting on the couch watching gossip girl when roommate comes home. She hangs up her phone picks up the condom and proceeds to give me a hard time (that's what she said) before depositing the condom in my open waiting hand.

Its worse than I anticipated the wrapper was open the condom inside was not wadded up and stuffed back in the package. I made up some spur of the moment lame-ass unbelievable story about the dogs must have found it and chewed up the wrapper.

No this condom was used. Which is bad enough...the saddest part was it was not used during some late night lack of judgment. No this condom was the result of me being too lazy to clean off certain "tools" of the single girl trade. Its much easier to roll off a condom than washing and rinsing, besides I don't need yet another thing taking up space in my dish drainer.


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Spoiled Brat? October 20, 2008 |

Do you ever have one of those days where out of nowhere you totally loose you shit? Maybe its just me. Today started harmlessly enough. A drive back to Rochester, some dvr degrassi, chat with cobie.

Then the phone call from the parents and boom homesick. I've been trying to avoid the truth that all this economy bullshit is going to affect me and my master plan of getting the hell out of Rochester by spring 2010.

You know what I don't believe the stock market and housing market is going to bounce back in a few months and that makes me stuck here. Sorry Obama I know your great and all and I will vote for you, however I do not think you are magic. Yeah...I'm stuck. Trapped....Smothered and alone in Rochester freaking Minnesota.

So there I was bitching to my parents and after the switch to talking to my dad the blubbering started. I waannnaaa coooommmmmeee hoommme! Alice is moving and I'm going to be totally and utterly alone. My grandpa is dying....and I haven't even seen him since august. I'm a horrible granddaughter a horrible daughter, Ill never sell my house Ill be here forever with people that hunt and despise public transportation, they don't even have opera here...anyways I went on but you get the point.

This is pretty pathetic from a 27yr old whom has lived 300+ miles away for the last 9years of her life. You would think I'd be over it....but I'm not.

The Schaumburg house was mentioned...where I continue my blubbering of how i cant afford a 200K house that needs major overhauling (like new electric, and well interior everything). The fact I kinda always knew was confirmed I wouldn't have to pay for the house.

I guess this has been discussed with my grandmother and parents waaay more than I anticipated. Their plan is grandma would move in to them which would make it easier for them to take care of her. Grandma would keep the house (mostly for tax reasons to my benefit) I would pay "rent" which would basically cover the taxes and when the time came I would inherit it and do with it what I wanted.

I guess my grandma isn't crazy about releasing the house to developers that are just going to rip it down to build some schaumburgian mini-mansion and much rather it stay at least more or less physically there.

So its kinda a win-win-win

Its a good deal I admit. And considering the fact that at best I will only be able to rent my house out...and even if I did sell it with the decline in value there is no way I would have 20% left to put down on a car, let alone a new home. Being in Schaumburg is 1000X times better than here. Its only a 40minute train ride to the city where I can spend my weekends shacking up with Alice and Cobie.

But Ava what about your perfect condo in the city, drinks after work at the corner bar and walking your dogs with their coach collars and leash sets to the conveniently located dogpark where you would inevitably meet the man of your dreams and fall madly in love? (one hell of a run-on) I'm willing to let that go...quite easily in fact. You know what I like to do after work? sit and watch TV. This hardly requires and expensive condo in the city. You know what else I like having a fenced in yard for the dogs so I don't have to walk them. Its a luxury I've become quite accustomed to.

And I'm not getting any younger a weekend in Chicago already makes me feel like I'm 100 and quite frankly I don't fit in with the taxi-taking botox stiletto down-towners. I'm much better with the nordstrom rack suv suburbanites. Hey at least I would be within a 10minute drive to IKEA. There is also that whole kid thing. Much cheaper to ship them off to good suburban schools than pay for pricey private ones so they don't get shot.

Another Schaumburg bonus. No daily parental inquisitions. They are convinced my bubble headed ways will end with a phone call saying they have found my body in multilated and left in a dumpser, raped and being eaten by rats.

Here is the thing though..guilt. Yes my parents have been very generous with me but I have never been one of those kids. I hear about parents putting down payments on houses for their kids or worse yet buying them outright and I roll my eyes and think what a looser. Can't they just grow up and stand on their own two feet? I Miss Ava Mazur am Oh SO much better than them.

I'm headed down old maid spinster ally and my home and job and relative financial "success" is the only leg I have to stand on. So I have my pride. But I'm just not happy here. I know I'm truly not happy here because I love my new job. I love the people, I love being out in the hospital, I love that I'm actually getting to work on projects. But the moment I leave work I realize that's all I have which is really quite depressing.

Maybe its time I swallow that pride, it doesn't seem hardly worth hanging on to.

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Name that tune October 17, 2008 |

Rory was singing/humming that fucker over and over again. I couldn't quite place the tune so I had to ask?

Are you singing that the the melody of brass monkey or my buddy?

For the record it was my buddy.

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Aquamarine |

Rory is visiting from the great white north and we decided to do what all 20-somethings do on a Friday night…watch a movie on ABC family. Tonight’s special feature was Aquamarine. This was quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen however we had to watch the film in its entirety because I was compiling a list of Quotes to give to you my readers so you can groan and laugh without actually having to suffer through 122minutes (including commercials) of this movie.

You scared the salt out of me (shit)

Shell phone (cell)

Oh crabs (crap)

Spoiled rich squid (kid)

I’m sunk

Bubbles in my brain

Swimming down the isle with that blowfish

I need some salt

Who ordered broom service?

Theres something very fishy about that girl

I was such a clam

Finger scales (nails)

She’s gonna pop a tail

Holy mackerel

Starfish are notorious suck-ups

Smart like tuna

The last splash dance

Ben and jerry’s phish food

That barnacle…(bitch)

Think I feel sea sick (love sick)

Let the music carry you like a wave

It’s a total dive

It’s good to have friends with fins

Are you planning to surface anytime soon?

Clear the water with my dad

Bull-shark (bullshit)


Zits and Wrinkles...why should I have to deal with both? |

I was one of those kids in high school who had crystal clear skin. An occasionally monthly blemish might...MIGHT pop-up but in general I didn't worry about it. My skin care regime amounted to shampoo that fell across my face when I rinsed out my hair.

About a year ago at the age of 26 my skin finally decided to go through puberty. I tried washing my face but it never seemed to make a difference in fact it just dried out my skin so it was zitty and flaky. HOT! So I gave up and decided blackheads just made me look youthful.

About 3 months ago that all changed. Enough is enough. This summer my face turned into an oil slick. I had to do daily pimple monitoring and seeing as how I can not leave well enough alone and I turned even the slightest blemish into a giant festering wound.

Enter the best products ever...no its not proactive. I've always been a fan of Neutrogena especially since none of their products have ever made me break out in hives (quite feat in my case). So I invested in their Oil-free Stress Control Acne system.

  • Power Clear Scrub $8.95
  • Toner $7.49
  • 3 in 1 hydrating Acne Treatment $7.99
Yes I know I sound like a commercial but this stuff is inexpensive and magically wonderful. So if you are in the market for a new product buy it. If it isn't successful and they take it off the market I just might die.

All this paying attention to my skin has made me notice something I really do not enjoy and that is the aging process. I have teeny tiny lines around my eyes. Not good. I really wouldn't have gone out of my way to do anything about it but when I went to buy my slut red lipstick I got an anti-wrinkle sample in my free gift. Lancôme 'High Résolution Collaser-5X™' Intense Collagen Anti-Wrinkle Serum. Yeah I know a bit drastic for my case but seeing as I have not hooked a man it seems best to keep this face working its magic. Oh and it works. Anyways I'm almost out so I decide to go look it up online to see how much it will cost to refill my supply.

$65.00 for 1 oz. 1 oz!

Is this crap is made from princess Diana's personally aborted fetuses? I have no clue but I simply cant spend $65 dollars on a ketchup packet's worth of glorified lotion. Maybe Ill change my mind when I'm 30.

So I need suggestions. Or am I the only 27 year old freaking out over the price of wrinkle cream?

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Dear Diary October 15, 2008 |

Happy October 15th it is the middle of the month and therefore seems as good a time as any to sit around and be depressed about celebrate my one year anniversary of chastity. Maintaining my purity has been completely not my choice required a good deal of willpower. However I have managed to maintain my sanity by purchasing enough batteries to provide electricity to not one but two impoverished nations taking up meditation and practicing the ancient art of writing haiku. Hopefully soon I will stumble across an undiseased penis my one true love, with who I can fuck share all my deepest hopes and dreams. Until then I will eat my feelings celebrate the freedom and joy of being single.


Sometimes its actually good to be me October 14, 2008 |

My kind face has struck again.

Alice, Hairnet, Heff and myself leave to go for some post-bar munchies at Subway. We stand in line for what feels like forever. I was last and quite frankly not paying any attention to what was going on behind me. I get a footlong pizziola (quite possibly the least healthy menu item one can procure at a subway) and head to the register.

Ava: May I have the meal please?

Sandwich Artist: Go ahead

Ava: Huh?

Sandwich Artist: Just go ahead and go... (he smiles at me)

Ava: Really are you sure?

Sandwich Artist: Yep have a good night.

Awesome free food. So I go and collect my beverage and chips cool ranch doritos because I like to have bad breath all the time and head to my table.

Ava: Hey guys, I have a question. (looking down all coy and innocent) Did you have to pay for your sandwiches?

They all look at me

Group: Uhhh yeah.

Ava: Looking modest, turning my head slightly and shrugging my shoulders possibly twirling a length of hair between my fingertips. The guy just let me have it.

Alice: You bitch and your fucking kind face.

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Green Bay made me an alcoholic...one woman's story PART 2 |

On Saturday we arrived at XS at 9pm. Wow we are so cool.

But seeing as we had nothing better to do and we knew we would have the place to ourselves we headed out. I brought sixty dollars with me this time :)

We played dice. ALOT of dice. I probably played about 15 rounds and somehow managed to not loose once. Although Hairnet was doing a bit of accidental cheating on my behalf.

Yeah so you do the math 15 shots plus a shot of absenthe (although I do not believe it was truly absenthe just a very strong liquor market in the us by that name) well and there were of course the maintenance "sipping" vodka cranberries which over the course of 5 hours had to be about 10. This being said MII purchased me a drink, and the shots were provided from dice and still even after all that I spent less than 20 dollars. God its good to have boobs. Now on to what you are really waiting for highlights of the night. This post is significantly more difficult because due to aforementioned over consumption of beverage I remember things in flashes.

I lost miserably at darts (I usually win)

When conversing with one of our "posse" friends that I don't know he told me his name was Zacharia...I did not know this was a joke and continued to call him that all night. No one bothered to correct me. I will from now on if I ever get the opportunity to talk to him again call him Zacharia. It all came together when Alice called him later by his real name on the way home in car...oh well.

I remember man handling our bar tender (all above the belt of course,ok well mostly)...after his invitations to do so.

Most of all I remember being too much information girl when talking to MII. I remember an odd conversation about nipples.

Dancing in my chair because lord knows I wasn't about to do it on the dance floor and be judged.

I remember being in the parking lot filled with people and peeing behind a dumpster. Sometimes its good practice to recapture ones youth.

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Dinner in the Bay October 12, 2008 |

Scene: Day two of Green Bay festivities. Mister Inconvenient Impossibility (MII), Heff and Hairnet decide to step outside for a smoke.

Hairnet: Why don't we just smoke in here (there was a bar which allowed smoking inside the restaurant...Wisconsin truly is a magical state)

Ava: (Seeing MII already exiting the building and I was entering through the door myself) "Nah, I rather be outside then I don't have to talk strangers who I don't like.

I turn to the side of the door and was surprised to see not Hairnet and Heff but a group of about 5 strangers filing out behind me each of them turned to look at the unsocial bitch they were passing by. It was then when one of the women turned around and patronizingly rested a hand on my arm and with her best straight face said,

"Why hello how are you?" She couldn't help but crack a smile before she turned and walked away. That is a stranger I wouldn't mind talking to.

And now for something completely different...Jokes told during a smoke break: oldies but goodies.

Why do fat women give such good head?
Because they have to

Whats the difference between a Mercedes Benz and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Mercedes in my garage

What do you get when you stab a baby in the head?
An erection

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Mister Inconvenient Impossibility |

You know I am not so lucky when it comes to fate. I have resigned myself to being entirely too peculiar to be appreciated by any male that has an affinity for the opposite sex. And I'm picky. I've tried to be more flexible but I guess I'm just not willing tone down the authentic me. Not to mention that the first thought that flashes across my mind when I meet available guys is "what a tool."

Enter Mister Inconvenient Impossibility (MII).

I was at XS with my chums and part of the imported group was MII. Tall, not skinny, cute, nerd glasses, smart, funny and oh so fits in with my group of people. Well I suppose my friends are his friends so that's a given. We chatted we flirted. I was well quite frankly too drunk. Like stupid college kid drunk. So my filter was even more porous that usual however MII still for some unfathomable reason seemed to take a liking to me.

So you are expecting me to gush and giggle now. Name our future children, imagine our engagement and pick out colors for the wedding. Believe me I would want nothing more than to sicken you all with a the fairytale romance of perpetually single Ava Mazur finding Mister Right...well lets be realistic Mister Possibility. But as you will notice this man is named Mister Inconvenient Impossibility more specifically he lives over 11 hours away, in Ohio.

I would like to say our small weekend connection ended with a kiss and exchanged emails where we could chat and be friends...you never know were something might lead which would make him Mister Snowballs Chance in Hell.

But no it ended with him being realistic which really only pisses me off because I didn't get the opportunity to be realistic first.

Although honestly I guess I'm not really realistic. Despite my best efforts I do have hope in general of finding someone and don't like to throw away leads all willy nilly. I would take a snowballs chance in hell over impossibility any day.

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Green Bay made me an alcoholic...one woman's story |

My adventure to depart to Green Bay for the weekend was very last minute. The night before my roommate said she was staying for the weekend and would take care of the dogs so I grabbed my stuff and was out the door.

Originally I was going to stay at Alice's parent's house but after stopping at Hairnet and Heff's house and learning they were going to infamous "club" XS I bailed and stayed with them. I had $15 dollars to my name but we departed and knowing they took credit cards I was confident in my ability to pay for a fun night on the town.

I had so much fun. We played dice I saw some old acquaintances met some new folks that were part of the group and after about 10 shots and five drinks somehow managed to come home with $5 dollars. I'm not exactly sure if I was stealing or perhaps giving blow jobs under the bar but a night out for $10 dollars is priceless regardless of the loose morals it takes to get me there.

And because I'm far to lazy to tell you EVERYTHING that happed I present to you...Random quotes from a drunk night out.

Scene: Very drunk shirtless guy (VDSG) at the bar his eyes are literally just about rolling back in his head. He had already bought a round of shots for my "posse" 15 seconds later..

VDSG: Let me buy you a drink

Ava: Oh, no thank you...you just bought me a shot, I can get this one.

VDSG: I did?

Ava: Yeah, you bought us all shots. -I point down the bar to my group

VDSG: At this point he stumbles a little an leans on a pole for support. "I'm gay."

Ava: Well...its a gay bar... so you've come to the right place!

VDSG: "Yeah I'm gay but...." he stumbles again incoherent mumbling..."Will you have sex with me?"

Ava: exit stage left

Scene: Heff is sitting at the bar when Creepy Alcoholic Guy (CAG) comes up and stands next to him. Oh and you all know CAG he is the one that is usually sitting at the end of the bar with his head down...I don't thing he ever leaves the bar but just passed out in his chair now and again.

Heff: Lights a cigarette and takes a couple drags.

CAG: Are you going to finish that? (Nodding towards the cigarette)

Heff: Well...I AM still smoking it.

Scene: CAG has now started to invade MY space and I am tying to ignore his talking to me. Totally cute wonderful doesn't like to charge me drinks bar tender was flirting with me...well more flirting with my ample bosom. And out of nowhere he reached into my shirt and put two plastic cups in to give me the "Madonna" look...well Madonna but less pointy. So of course this led to many laughs sassy posing and perhaps someone has a picture of it somewhere. CAG comes up grabs a cup and somehow snapped it back at my boob...it was not a pleasant sensation....CAG, ew

Did I mention as the night wore on CAG was taking half-full drinks and pouring them into his glass. My friends and I truly do only go to the finest of establishments.

Scene: After bar close we go to Denny's were everyone is taking joy in trying to set me up with "Mr.Inconvenient" (More on him later). Anyways His friend the birthday boy (BB) was by far the biggest offender

BB: You should sleep with him!

Ava: I am not going to sleep with him.

BB: Aww come on you have to give the boy something

Ava: I don't go around with sleeping with people I just met...well not usually at least.

Heff: Ava's having a bloody Mary

Ava: Heff...Really? (Insert glare of death here)

BB: He can earn his red wings.

Ava: I hate you all.

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Lame October 09, 2008 |

Sceen: Alice is on the phone providing a 45minute monologue while trying to get her computer back into working order. She tells me how she selected a fish for her IM icon. I am her while still talking to her on the phone.

Ava: Swim little fishy swim!

Alice: You make me feel bad thoughts

Ava: You make me cut myself

Alice: You make my mom drink

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a busy day at the office |

Due to the overwhelming letters (none) I have decided to answer everyones burning question...Ava where are you all day. I present to you my desk...notice 5yr old computer. What did you do at work today? Well I dressed my mascot Buba up for Halloween. He lives on top of my file cabinet. Those mardi gras beads are his every day gems oh plus I cant seem to get them off.


How much is 700 billion? October 07, 2008 |

700 billion dollars is a lot of money its such a big number that I had to look up how many zeros were in that number. $700,000,000,000 in case you were curious. (9 zeros in a billion, 11 in 700 billion).

God that's a lot. So what does this mean to you and me. Mr and Ms. Taxpayer?

This lead me to another question...how many people are in the us? According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, the resident population of the United States, projected to 10/03/08 at 22:00 GMT (EST+5) is

305,325,555 (Ill round up because I'm giving that way)

700,000,000,000 / 305,325,555 = $2292.64

And we all know it will be more than that because a lot of those included in the population don't pay taxes...like babies, children, persons with part time jobs and are in school (well they pay taxes just not much). Then there are all the adults that would not pay the retired, disabled or otherwise unemployed.

So yeah my contribution will probably be more that $2292.64 but really this extra payment nastiness is really just salt in an open wound. My life savings in my 403b (basically the same thing as a 401k is DOWN 24% (the last time I was brave enough to check). I am fortunately young and fluffy and will be forced to work for the next 40 something years so I figure I can scoop up a bunch of stock that will go eventually and make me a happy girl.

Of course then there are the people like my parents...much bigger nest egg much less time to recoup....must suck to be them.

Now I'm just curious am I going to be getting a bill in the mail? Or is Washington just putting this expense in that little black box call the national debt? Like that will never come to bite us in the ass.

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Another benefit to being an only child October 06, 2008 |

Eve: My little sis is getting married?

Normal person response: Oh that's wonderful, who's the guy? Have they set a date...you must be so EXCITED!!!!

Ava: Oh man....that sucks. I'm sorry.

Eve: Yeah the dresses are burnt orange because its her fiances favorite color.

Ava: Gag. Sorry my cup which used to runeth over with joy for others is now just filled to the brim with cigarette butts.

Eve: I don't have a boyfriend...I don't even have a date.

Ava: Do what I do present yourself as being simply to busy having fun living the single life to be tied down to a blood sucking mate. I'm hoping that lie can sustain me until I'm 30.

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Smells from childhood October 05, 2008 |

Do you remember when you were a kid and you would blow up those rubber balloons. Oh how you loved those balloons. But when you blew them up they has that gross smell and left that....balloony taste in your mouth.

Belmont's farts smell like balloons.


I try not to be a bitch but I'm not a very good actress October 04, 2008 |

The following letter was written to my professor regarding her incompetence. I tried my best to be nice...it was a challenge and resulted in the entire letter being written in code. For your reading pleasure I have included my true intentions in italics below the original letter.

Dear __________,

Thank you for sending test 1. I have completed the study guides for this test about 3weeks ago and wanted to wait and take the quizzes as a review when studying for exam 1 once it became available. I can see where it may be confusing to see someone requesting a bunch of tests when they haven't taken the quizzes. I assure you these quizzes will be completed prior to taking the written exam.

Thank you for getting off your lazy ass and sending me one fucking test 19 goddamn days after you said you would mail it. Especially since I have already emailed you 3times on the issue and cc'd your boss. Oh and no I didn't take the quizzes since I had no idea when I would actually have to study the material. I'm an adult with a job and I really feel no need to waste my precious time to study something twice just because you are so helplessly incompetent. Ill get to them when I fuckin feel like.

I have actually completed all the study guides for CLS480 and am now starting on the second study guide of CLS481. And the lack of tests is proving to be very problematic for me. Is there a particular course where exams are done and ready that I should switch and work on?

Look lady this one test really isn't going to cut it. I'm totally done with CLS480 I have I think one more to go but for christ sake this woman moves at the pace of molasses. And really I had to exaggerate a little to prove my point here...to be fair if I didn't have pneumonia for the last week I would have had them done.

I understand that the study guide semester is switching from a one test/final per course to several tests per course. Although I think this is a worthwhile effort from a student perspective if the tests are unavailable it just gives us more work (2 steps forward then switch gears to move back and study for a test on a completely different subject).

So I'm just curious why the hell did you go and switch the program when you didn't have the tests done. And when your realized it took you a month to write one test have you yet come to the realization that maybe just maybe this was a bad idea to roll out? This is a major dysfunctional pain in the ass that I shouldn't have to deal with. This is yet another service I am disgusted that I actually paid for.

I am very concerned about my personal completion of these classes. There are 14 total tests for me to take this semester and seeing as its over 1/3 over and I have not been able to take one, I'm in a bit of a panic. If tests continue to be unavailable what will be done to ensure the students finish their work and graduate on time?

I just want to let you know I have no intention of taking the fall because you are completely incompetent. I will be the biggest pain in the ass you have ever known. And I'll be damned if your moronic actions are going to keep me from finishing in December because I swear I simply don't have another semester of dealing with crap like this left in me.

Thank you-

Go get off your ass and do something

Ava Mazur

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I can't belive I paid for this |

Bad Chemistry Profile: Maybe if I collect enough of theses I can get my money back.

"I am happiest when I am completely alone. I don't enjoy people. The fact that I am a person offers a persistent dilemma. Even so, I am happiest when there are no people around me. Is there a life which allows me complete physical isolation from human contact? That's my dream."

Whats most frightening about this profile is I don't think he was joking...the guy goes on to describe his favorite books, religious preferences, friends, etc. the rest was all very normal. But with an intro like that who else but me really read on to the individual question answers?

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Facelife October 03, 2008 |

So I tried about 3 or 4 new blog templates and finally go them working...the codeine in my cough medicine must have helped. Well as you can tell I just couldn't let go of my old format BUT I did do a little housecleaning.

  • Click on the pull tab...you will notice a new section called "Blogs I stalk and you should too!" so click on one and give them a whirl
  • Also I've fixed some graphic issues note the swirl at the top just above the most recent post and the graphic at the bottom by the bio.
  • Another little thing, instead of "weed wack" in the search box is now says "Ava is super cool"
So even though no one (and I mean no one) voted for keeping this template tough luck. I'm in for the long haul. Keep tuned I have ideas.
  • Change "Biography" section at the end to mostly be a blog summary
  • Actually do something with the "about" section


Ava Mazur for President October 02, 2008 |

Ava Mazur – Presidential Write in

"Because what use is an election season if I havent alienated all of my friends."

Candidate Demographics
Age: 27
Platform: Independent
Experience: Voted in 2 in two presidental elections…otherwise none
Home state: Minnesota by way of Illinois

Ms. Mazur you have been accusing of being a Republican by Democrats and the Democrats accuse you of being a Republican. Why don’t you just pick a side?

I rather not, there is no party I completely identify with so why rope myself into only one option? I rather choose my stance issue by issue.

Do you kill unborn babies on the weekends?

No, but I fully support the right of others to do so. I have never been a poor scared knocked up 14 year old so I really don’t feel qualified to take that option away from her. I do believe in counseling and support for those mothers that would like to give their baby up for adoption…in fact I would like to take some ones unwanted baby. (Prefer no drug additions please). Also on that note I'm a big fan comprehensive sex education and free easily attainable birthcontrol for teens and young adults.

Where do you stand on gay marriage?

Marriage belongs in a church not at city hall. I think marriage as a government institution should be abolished and should be replaced with civil unions entered into by two consenting adults (regardless of gender). If you really want to get married find a priest.

Where do you stand on Iraq?

Ooopsie poosie we really don’t belong there at all. Let’s exit as swiftly and gracefully as possible.

Drilling in Alaska?

Call me crazy but it might be nice to have once state that we haven’t totally tapped. Besides by switching to domestic oil we are just putting a band-aid on the oil issue. Leave Alaska alone.

Going green?

I’m no saint. I have a SUV that gets 18miles/gal, I run my air conditioning like its going out of style and sometimes I throw away recyclables in the trash. Does this make me a horrible person perhaps, but it also makes me your average American. In order for people to really change you have to make being un-green either a pain in the ass or just too expensive. Here are some of my ideas:

  • A Dollar deposits on every plastic bottle (bringing you own bottle and hitting the fountain seems a lot easier doesn’t it)
  • Government subsidized or free recycling and you have to pay a certain dollar amount per pound of garbage.
  • More trains, and more public transportation in general.
  • 1 billion dollar contest for who ever can get an actual working green family car (must fit 4 adults and a golden retriever) along with luggage for a 3-day camping trip. No gas and it can get up to 90mph.
  • Solar power and windmills (windmills are pretty).
  • Get all that packaging off the shelves. Is it really necessary for my cereal to have a bag in a box…cant they just print the label on the bag?

On the bailout:

I would like to live in a country where corrupt companies close and industry that does a good job stays open and takes over their business. They were stupid enough to lend people who couldn’t afford it that money so tough. The loans that are still in good standing can be purchased by other mortgage companies. This is not a place for the government.

What about all those people who are loosing their homes because of predatory lenders?

Umm when I bought my house I got this pretty little contract that told me the terms of my loan…I looked at MY budget and knew I could afford it. If you sign on the dotted line you should have done your homework. I don’t think the government should bail you out either. Go get an apartment save your money and try again later.

On government health care:

I’m not for all inclusive government health care but a sliding scale for the uninsured is a must. There should be coverage for pre-existing conditions and no dropping someone if they get sick. In part of this health care organizations need eliminate waste from their systems, streamline care reduce the patient run around and everyone wins.

On Student Loans:

Government loans for all part or full time students regardless of their income or their parent’s income. Loans require the student to maintain a 3.0 GPA. Repayment begins one year after the student is no longer in school and monthly payment is based on the student’s annual income from the previous year. No payments required for those living below the poverty line. Much like welfare proof that a person is attempting to find a job is required.

Is it true you are harboring illegals under your bed?

No. Last time I checked America was a nation of immigrants. Let’s make it possible for people to come in legally. Those who are illegal and causing trouble send them to jail or to their original country. I’m not saying immigration should be a cake walk it was hard on great-great-great-grandpa Mazur. I’m not one who believes in squashing cultures but I do think that part of being in America requires a bit of conforming. We need your face on a driver’s license so we can tell you are really you. No one is required to get a driver’s license if your religious conviction is so strong you refuse you can take the bus. You probably should know some English. I don’t like inconveniencing the majority for the benefit of a few. Do I have a problem with Spanish being everywhere? Heck no there are lots of people who speak Spanish that is not really a minority in my eyes. So if you are employable, have a clean criminal record, want to pay a bunch of taxes and can communicate effectively come on over, and welcome to America.

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