My adventure to depart to Green Bay for the weekend was very last minute. The night before my roommate said she was staying for the weekend and would take care of the dogs so I grabbed my stuff and was out the door.

Originally I was going to stay at Alice's parent's house but after stopping at Hairnet and Heff's house and learning they were going to infamous "club" XS I bailed and stayed with them. I had $15 dollars to my name but we departed and knowing they took credit cards I was confident in my ability to pay for a fun night on the town.

I had so much fun. We played dice I saw some old acquaintances met some new folks that were part of the group and after about 10 shots and five drinks somehow managed to come home with $5 dollars. I'm not exactly sure if I was stealing or perhaps giving blow jobs under the bar but a night out for $10 dollars is priceless regardless of the loose morals it takes to get me there.

And because I'm far to lazy to tell you EVERYTHING that happed I present to you...Random quotes from a drunk night out.

Scene: Very drunk shirtless guy (VDSG) at the bar his eyes are literally just about rolling back in his head. He had already bought a round of shots for my "posse" 15 seconds later..

VDSG: Let me buy you a drink

Ava: Oh, no thank you...you just bought me a shot, I can get this one.

VDSG: I did?

Ava: Yeah, you bought us all shots. -I point down the bar to my group

VDSG: At this point he stumbles a little an leans on a pole for support. "I'm gay."

Ava: Well...its a gay bar... so you've come to the right place!

VDSG: "Yeah I'm gay but...." he stumbles again incoherent mumbling..."Will you have sex with me?"

Ava: exit stage left


Scene: Heff is sitting at the bar when Creepy Alcoholic Guy (CAG) comes up and stands next to him. Oh and you all know CAG he is the one that is usually sitting at the end of the bar with his head down...I don't thing he ever leaves the bar but just passed out in his chair now and again.

Heff: Lights a cigarette and takes a couple drags.

CAG: Are you going to finish that? (Nodding towards the cigarette)

Heff: Well...I AM still smoking it.



Scene: CAG has now started to invade MY space and I am tying to ignore his talking to me. Totally cute wonderful doesn't like to charge me drinks bar tender was flirting with me...well more flirting with my ample bosom. And out of nowhere he reached into my shirt and put two plastic cups in to give me the "Madonna" look...well Madonna but less pointy. So of course this led to many laughs sassy posing and perhaps someone has a picture of it somewhere. CAG comes up grabs a cup and somehow snapped it back at my boob...it was not a pleasant sensation....CAG, ew

Did I mention as the night wore on CAG was taking half-full drinks and pouring them into his glass. My friends and I truly do only go to the finest of establishments.

Scene: After bar close we go to Denny's were everyone is taking joy in trying to set me up with "Mr.Inconvenient" (More on him later). Anyways His friend the birthday boy (BB) was by far the biggest offender

BB: You should sleep with him!

Ava: I am not going to sleep with him.

BB: Aww come on you have to give the boy something

Ava: I don't go around with sleeping with people I just met...well not usually at least.

Heff: Ava's having a bloody Mary

Ava: Heff...Really? (Insert glare of death here)

BB: He can earn his red wings.

Ava: I hate you all.

Labels: Alice, Beer, Birthdays, Boys, Conversations, Drinking, Embarassing Stories, Friends, Stupid People

Message from Alice: I got and invitation Keystone's wedding....do you want to go with me?

Keystone is an odd memory at best. I knew him though Alice and the three of use were the Keystone Light drinking crew of summer a summer long ago and far away. At the time when my relationship with Ed was going from bad to ended and I was in my depressed not-at-all Ava stage. (Which fortunately Alice has since forgiven me for). Anyways its a long story that is not worth going into. Anyways time has past and Keystone has met his "one"...I guess. They got pregnant and had a baby this winter and it seems this august the wedding bells will chime. Me cynical? Okay maybe.

Similar to Alice I got a wedding invitation of my own in the mail...I mean this a little too literally. My lesbian work friends are getting married and I gifted them my blank invitation since they will do more good with them than sitting in my closet. I didn't pay any attention to the envelope but then I opened it and saw the red outer pocket..chili red to be exact with eggshell paper inlay and gold corner adornments.

I plucked out the RSVP card with out much thought and added Alice to my name on the card.

Ava: Sure I'll go to Keystone's wedding with you, your still going to lesbian work friend's with me right?

Alice: Yeah

Ava: It's kinda sad isn't it?

Alice: I suppose...Seems you have to be a lesbian or get knocked up to get married around here.

The funny thing is I'm not sad. Normally I would feel pathetic or lonely...but the only feeling I could muster is thinking this is kinda a sad state of affairs. As if the little camera crew that lives inside my duct work looked in spying on me and would shake their heads at the pathetic lump adding a best friend "date" to not one...but two weddings.

Sometimes its odd for me to not feel bad about something. Two weddings, two good friends finding people they will someday (probably soon) marry. And when I think of it all I do is shrug. This is not to say I don't have occasional twinges of jealously...but that is too strong of a word its more of an anticipation for my time one day. I'm less concerned about the time table which is very not-at-all Ava like but in a good way this time.

Photo by We the Living

Labels: Beer, Conversations, Drinking, Friends, glbt, Rory, Thoughts

Well I knew it was only a matter of time until the next gay-comment happened and today was my day to say something. Hottie Jake (see above) was on Ellen today while I was in the break room. Surprisingly enough they didn't bring up Ellen (maybe they don't know) but rather broke back mountain.

A: Oh I just cant look at him the same after I saw broke back mountain
B: YOU ACTUALLY SAW THAT!
A: Yeah, I saw it, it was horrible!
B: My husband wouldn't even let it in the house....

Ava: I saw it and LOVED it, a heartbreaking love story always gets me.

A & B simultaneously turn and look at me slack jawed...

Ava: Why wouldn't your husband let it in the house? (I ask acting totally dumb)

B: Oh well he knows that people like that are out there but ugh to see it.

Ava: (visible shrug) I guess I just never saw it as a big deal, well I gotta get back to work.

Okay so I'm not going to wait up all night for a noble peace prize or anything but at least I said something.

Photo by Ungaro

Labels: Conversations, glbt, Moral Outrage, Stupid People

I'm not a person who is easily offended. I love a good racist, gay or dead baby joke but people who aren't joking make me about eighteen degrees of uncomfortable.

I was at work today having break with a couple co-workers. The two ladies are obviously friends. They both live in the country a smidge outside of Rochester and are middle aged.

A: Did you see the new benefits updates?

B: No

A: They now have a plan where you and your spouse can just be insured instead of having the whole family plan, its cheaper.

B: Oh...probably spouse or "partner" she said the word like it might infect her with gay-disease.

A: Of course(groans and rolls eyes) What's next?

I was pissed. I wanted to stand up and act like I didn't notice their sarcasm... Whats next? Hopefully gay marriage I would say, hopefully couples not afraid to hold hands on the street or kiss at a table on valentines day. Then spurt off on how its so wonderful that we work for a place that has such benefits because other people aren't as lucky.

I didn't, I sat staring down at my oatmeal.

Now I probably wouldn't be quite as keyed up if this was the first incident. However only weeks earlier the same two and a nurse were in the break room as a news story came on about the recent approval of gay marriage in California.

The ladies squirmed. Saying that's just not right, and I hope it never comes here. Going on to joke how they would never be caught dead going to a gay wedding.

True they aren't saying all gays should be killed or anything but the obvious disregard to homosexual relationships really razzes me. I was willing to let the marriage thing slide since it is a newishly and hot topic but just blatantly throwing their disgust into a conversation about health care seems very unnecessary.

Should I have said something? Probably...and next time
I will. I doubt I will change any minds but at best I will get them to mind their P's and Q's around me and at worst I'll be labeled as that "queer girl" its a label I can live with.

Photo: From Slap Upside the Head

Labels: Bitching, Conversations, glbt, Moral Outrage, Stupid People

Sceen: Smiley and Ava are sitting down to thier second dinner of the evening.

Smiley: (looking down at her bowl of soup) Isnt each can of soup like 3 servings

Ava: 2.5...so like you, me and a 5 year old child should eat that as one meal

Smiley and Ava look down at the rather smallish bowl of soup

Smiley: See I think of one bowl of soup as being a meal

Ava: I think of a bowl of soup and a 5 year old as a meal.

Labels: Conversations, Food, Smiley

Alice: Maybe now that my car is paid off I can pimp it out with spinning wheels

Ava: You mean rims?

Alice: Yeah I guess my car already has spinning wheels

Might I suggest these lovely babies for a breathtaking "After"

Labels: Alice, Conversations, Embarassing Stories