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A Spring in Her Step July 31, 2007 |

Not a very exciting day today. There was an audit at work which I was fortunately to busy to have to deal with. I have to admit a little something though. There is a fellow doing a rotation in my lab and I have a bit of a crush on him. I find myself hanging around the station he is working on much more often than I normally would. It’s odd he’s not really my type. He’s a little dorky has a mole over his eye which is rather distracting and he has way too much product in his hair. But I like the way he talks, well hopefully this is transient I’m sure I’ll forget all about him when he moves on to another rotation in a month.

I took my last hematology test after work, it didn’t go so well. I don’t care I just hope I can pull off a B I just want to get done with school…again. Why didn’t I choose a useful major in the first place?

Well I was supposed to finish up all the worksheets I need for the class tonight but I decided to go out to dinner with my roomie where I saw a woman wearing these...

Absurd I know. Supposedly they help back and heel pain…no I didn’t ask the crazy lady I looked them up online when I got home. I don’t care how comfortable they may be there are plenty of non-ugly comfortable shoes out there just ask my cute new naturalizer mary-janes they are like walking on baby pillows all the live long day. To make matters worse she was wearing navy sweat pant material shortie-shorts and a red poik-a-dot cami...both items not appropriate for her age or body type...then add though shoes... I am by no means a fashionista but this was just unexcusable.

Thinking about shoes got me thinking I should go shopping. Newly charged with the ability to buy glasses without having to pay anything (thank you vision reimbursement) I decided I needed a new pair of sunglasses. I got a bit oversold on the polarized lenses…I cant see my heads up display with them I think I will call back tomorrow and have it changed to regular lenses. Anyways here they are…Ralph Lauren I love anything by Ralph Lauren. I wish my work had a clothing reimbursement.

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Ayelaceacowbee July 30, 2007 |

I made the most horrific discovery today. I was cruising YouTube as I have a tendency to do since I am an addict and came across someone who had posed 3:14 seconds of an ultrasound. I know that may not sound like a lot but to a person like myself with borderline ADHD and little to no interest in children especially ones that can not even throw up on me yet I only made it to about 30seconds where the 4D ultrasound started up and scared the be-jesus out of me.

To make matters worse she is planning on naming the child Gwendolyn and had the song set to “I’m Just a Girl by Gwen Stefani.” Okay first rant if you want to name your child after Gwen Stefani and I can’t really see any reason to why someone would want to do that but lets say you did. Then don’t name her Gwendolyn name her Gwen.

So with my outrage in full swing I go down to the comment section to look for comradely from my fellow man trying to set this woman straight..instead I find this.

“i named my daughter gwenhwyfar(gwenifer) after gwen stefani and also after my friend jenifer.” –nicitomo

Gwenwyfar? Is she serious?

Maybe if I ever have a child I will name it Alicacobie oh wait I wouldn’t spell it like that maybe Ayelaceacowbee. Any child with a name like that is going to have to spell their name to everyone, and he/ she will have to pronounce it over and over until they realize its not a real name but some weird radioactive conjunction of two normal names…and then they will roll his/her eyes let out a heavy sigh and say “you don’t know my mother”

Gwenwyfar I am sorry for your lot in life I hope these hardships are something you can overcome I for one could never be that strong.

Incase you are curious here is the youtube video…I don’t suggest you watch it…I can’t decide if its more boring or disturbing.

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I Would be Skinny but I Have Fat Friends July 29, 2007 |

Unless you have been living in a cave you have probably heard about the article by the New England journal of medicine. In a nutshell it says that obesity is contagious and people that have obese friends are more likely to be obese. If you are really interested in learning more aboutthe facts prior to ready my propaganda this here is the link for the NY times story (I couldn’t find a link for the original journal article)

Well here is what I have to say about this article…no shit. Why do you think anorexics get together, or sports fans? Don’t you choose your friends based on similar interests? You know what my friends like to do watch TV and eat ice cream. And amazingly the majority (ok all of us) have some extra poundage.

My next point as person who is not thin I do not like skinny people. I do not like people telling me I need to order salad; I do not like people nagging me to go the gym. Call it stereotyping but when in a social situation I will strike up a conversation with someone chubby about 5times as often as I would with a thin/fit person. This is normal as human we seek out people that are similar to ourselve it makes us feel comfortable and “normal.”

So in summary yes I believe the statistics but I think they looked at the relationship from the wrong angle. And if you are my friend I will not curse you with the disease of obesity. I have not shoved a hoho down anyone’s throat yet.

P.S. My friends and I are not as overwieght as the ladies in the above picture, but damn I wish I had the virocity to wear a bikini.

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Was it a Date? |

I have been talking to this guy rather sporadically online for the last 5months. I met him on okcupid.com. He’s funny not the funniest person I know but out of the pool of straight males he outranks most. He’s REALLY into birthdays, he celebrated his whole birthday month and pretty much brought it up every time I talked to him. It was a little annoying at first but now I think it’s kinda funny since he did the same thing to me while it was my birthday month. He even called me on my bday and sang on my voicemail.

So I was online on Thursday I think and he asked if I wanted to get together. I was a bit hesitant since my date last weekend was an accepting to my fast on dates and he didn’t live in town. If you live less than 10minutes away from me I will go on a date with you. The worst that can happen is I loose an afternoon or evening that I would have otherwise spent sitting at home by myself.

Birthday offered to make the hour long trip without me even bringing it up and he said it was just meeting as friends. I think this is rather hokey. Who drives and hour to establish a friendship? Maybe I’m just lazy in finding friends.

So we meet at the bowling alley but then discover we are hungry so we got and have dinner first. We went to a Mexican joint. Conversation was easy and he asked a lot of questions. Bill came and I offered to split which he accepted. Of course I didn’t have cash so I said I just pay for the whole thing and he could take care of bowling.

Bowling: We decided to go for the bumpers  Game 1: regular he totally kicked my ass I think it was my 92 to his 138. Game 2: Required bumpers the game got all messed up so we didn’t keep score. Game 3: also required bumpers extra bragging rights for whoever bounced of them more. I learned two things about him he is good at bowling and good at geometry.

Comedy: At 10pm the night was still young so we scooted off the comedy club. By this point he was holding doors and ushering me through by placing his hand lightly on my back. Humm date? I did the reach for the wallet for comedy and he already had his money out. Before the show started he put his arm around me and we cuddled up a bit. The show was good we laughed I learned he clapped abnormally slowly all good.

So I proceeded to drive him back to his car, I didn’t want to invite him over I just wasn’t in the mood for awkwardness or sleepover guests. I realized I was just driving him to his car so I asked him if that was ok if he wanted to do something else that was fine but I knew he had a drive to get back. He agreed it was late but included that he had a good time. So we got to his car and he said he would talk to me later and left. No hug nothing…although that always is a little awkward so I didn’t mind.

This morning when I signed on he im’d me right away thanking me for a fun night. So was this a date?

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Teamwork July 28, 2007 |

Another song that touches the soul...

I present to you Tenacious D playing "Fuck her Gently"


Metamucil, Depends and Glasses July 26, 2007 |

So today I got proof that I at the age of 26 have surpassed my prime of life and my body is beginning a slow and miserable degradation. I’ve always had good vision…notice the ‘had’ I like to call that foreshadowing.

Things that make you go humm: I don’t watch my big tv very often. I like to lounge in bed and watch trading spaces on my tiny 13 inch television which is perched up on a shelf in my closet. One day I notice while in bed that I couldn’t make out what the tv guide channel was telling me…it had always been small and hard to read but I was always able to make due. I decided that I must have been crazy and only someone superhuman could read that in the first place.

Things that make you go humm humm: My friend Alice and I were driving to Chicago to visit Cobie. I didn’t really remember where he lived and I had never personally driven there. So as we are looking at street signs Alice starts calling them out long before I can read them…to the point where I am annoyed. How can she see that? She’s had glasses as long as I’ve known her…her vision cant be that good. It’s simply implausible that she can see those signs before me. I decide to blame it on the fact that I was driving and distracted.

Things that make you go humm humm humm: T.V guide part duo. I was doing laundry and flipped on the T.V. downstairs. My family room is pretty small and my T.V. was pretty big. I turn on the guide to see what’s on. Uhoh that fuzzy…I strain to make the words come into focus. Ok this is not normal.

So I go to the eye doctor today still slightly convinced that I had nothing to worry about because I had crappy televisions…my ophthalmologist was a resident and mighty tasty I could see that much J Apparently he is shocked I have never had glasses and he doesn’t know how I was able to renew my license just over a year ago. To be fair I do remember the vision test being more challenging than I remember.

I am written a prescription for spectacles. No contacts for me. I am very special because I have an astigmatism in both eyes that goes in apposing directions. I giggle at the word astigmatism because I just recently learned it was one word and not simply A STIGMATIM. So I am concentrating very hard on not laughing like a buffoon and not paying attention. Apparently the opposing thing is important and I can’t wear contacts because of it.

Ok so now on top of being single and old I also have to be nerd. But check out my cool new frames they should be here in 10-14 days and then I will have the gift of sight and be able to see them too. And yes the bottom ones are purple.

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Songs for the Sorrow July 23, 2007 |

Dresden Dolls


you can have washington i'll take new jersey
you can have london but i want new york city

i should get providence i've got a job now
los angeles - obvious - that's where you belong now

you can have africa asia australia
as long as you keep your hands off cafe pamplona

we can split germany right down the middle
you'd hate it there anyway
take berlin and well call it even

you can take all of the carry-on baggage
i'll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language

and if we find out that we have any children
we'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends

you call it over and i call you psycho
significant other?
just say we were lovers and we'll call it even
we'll call it even

i am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered
disgused as a hero to get past your borders
i know when i'm wanted i'll leave when you ask me to
mind my own business and speak when i'm spoken to

i am the tower around which you orbited
i am not proud i am just taking orders
i fall to the groud within moments of impact
i hit back if hit
and attack if attacked

you get route 2 between concord and lexington
i want mass ave from the sqaure to my apartment

and if we should meet through some misunderstanding
ill be very sweet very patient and forgiving
(now get off my side of the state)

and if we should meet one another in passing
despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding
(there must be some kind of mistake)

we'll raise high our white flags and say hi and shake hands
declaring the land we're on unamerican

we'll call it even

i am the tower around which you orbited
i am not proud i am just taking orders
i fall to the groud within moments of impact
i hit back if hit
and attack if attacked

i am an accident waiting to happen
i'm laughing like mad while you strangle the captain
my place may be taken, but make no mistake
from a little black black box i can say without shame
that you've lost
do you know what you've lost?

so take whatever you'd like
i'll strike like the States on fire
you won't sleep very tight
no hiding
no safe covers

make your bed and now lie
just like you always do
you can fake it for the papers but i'm on to you....

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Toast to a New Day |

Last night was rough. This whole Ed conversation has worn on me. I was up until 4ish last night and did not at all hear my alarm go off this morning. I rolled over in bed saw the time and finally got in about four hours late. Actually I probably wouldn’t have slept at all if it weren’t for “Sport.” I had briefly dated him for a couple months this spring. We had an amicable breakup he was still healing from his ex and also moving a good 5 ½ hours away. He has also suffered a broken engagement and even though his fiancée was more bitch than sick-o he can relate to me better than anyone else I know.

This was actually the first real conversation we had since the breakup and I remembered all the things I liked about him. He has a fragile soul and a good heart and can recognize mine as the same. He understands my unrealistic hopes, my optimism and my utter despair when things invariably turn out horribly.

When I returned from work I did an impulse stop at World Market to browse and ended up in the wine store. I love wine. I love the bottles, I love the glasses, I love sitting on my chair reading a book and having a glass. Here is the problem I have a palate of a 4year old. I only like dessert wines, to be fair I usually have it as dessert so I like to think its okay. My favorites are icewine…something my wallet doesn’t much appreciate but today I deserve it.

Todays selection 2004 Jackson-Triggs Proprietors Reserve Vidal Icewine 187ml, a steel at $19.99. Im going to listen to my Dresden Dolls drink my wine and fall in love with myself and my life again.

“This Icewine displays rich tropical aromas of papaya, mango and apricot. Bold fruit flavours balanced with fine acidity caress the palate and conclude with an exquisite silky finish." –Wine Globe

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Dead Dogs and Exs |

Almost four years since I knew the truth about my ex I had it validated today. I got my closure. Ed has been iming me. Usually it was just once a month or so checking in but lately it’s been every time I’m online. I’m not exactly comfortable with this arrangement but I don’t say anything. Today he tells me that he’s been talking with his therapist a lot about people he’s hurt and making amends.

So he makes amends for when we broke up and he said he would hurt himself even though I said that would hurt me. FUCKER! That’s what he has to make amends for? I am not standing for that. On my list of grievances that didn’t even make the top 20 actually I had pretty much forgotten about that.

I was going to try to paraphrase but that’s just too hard here is the conversation minus the real names of course.

Me: i guess of all the things that i would expect you to make amends of that isnt the one i would pick

Him: Well

Him: I have apolgized for the porn thing, and the going to Florida thing

Him: that doesnt mean they are all ok now

Him: I just needed to say it

Me: you have never truely appoligized for the "porn" thing

Him: Maybe not

Me: youve never truely admited it

Me: at least not to me

Me: maybe not to yourself

Him: Ava

Him: I'm sorry that I had a sickness, that I allowed it to continue without getting help, and I am sorry that you were subjected to it

Me: first of all noone ever has "had" a sickness

Me: second of all you never validated or admited to what i saw

Him: You saw it, it was true....I lied to you that day because I was ashamed

Me: the nature of it?

Him: Yes

Him: the nature of it

Him: I'm sorry, I really just meant to say hi tonight

Him: I didnt mean to drop this all on you :-(

Me: No this was good, Ive wanted to hear that for a long time

Me: but now you have to let me go

Him: Do you mean, not talk anymore

Me: yes

Me: ed you were bad when you were with me

Me: IM part of that old life

Me start your new one and let me start mine

Him: Ava

It’s and odd thing tonight. I’m a mess and this is the best I can describe it. Say you are eight and your old childhood dog is sick. And you dad says oh fido is going to live on a farm now so you say goodbye and your sad and you kinda know that fido is dead. Then three years later your mom tells you that they just had fido put down he wasn’t on some magic farm to cure him. Yes you have gotten over your beloved dog and yes you kinda knew what happened. But knowing the truth to be just as bad as you imagined it makes it real.

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Dorothy Gale July 22, 2007 |

am so tired. It’s been a bit of a weekend from hell. I had a 3-day weekend to celebrate my bday. I took off after work on Friday to Madison to meet this boy I’ve been talking to online. I was actually quite smitten with him drawn out long conversations every night that sort of thing.

The date went pretty well. I had fun he has a bit of a temper on him about stupid things but I think he just doesn’t like to be polite to people who don’t deserve it something I quite frankly wish I did more of. After several drinks we end up making out in front of the bar (tacky I know) and then went back to his place for more making out and talking. Not a bad kisser but he did have a bit of garlic breath. So then things got weird. I wanted to go to bed and he didn’t go with. Who does that? I wasn’t going to sleep with him but I could go for more making out and talking just in a more comfortable place but he stayed up and read. The next morning he barely talked to me it was odd. So yeah my high expectations were dashed…typical.

My cable and internet has decided to go out. I’m a bit lost. I’ve been without internet for days and I need to catch up on important things like checking the blogs I read and myspace and talking to my fake friends that I know basically nothing about besides their screen names. Belmont (my dog) is sick after my very log weekend complete with driving and birthday camping I came home to a house filled with dog poop and puke complete with a curt note from my pet sitter. I’ve cleaned it although I can’t get him to do anything but drink water, he won’t even eat the rice I made him. Maybe I can convince him to eat in the morning.

I’m really quite pathetic I don’t know how to entertain myself anymore. I don’t want to read anything I own sometimes I wish there was a Barnes and Nobel connected to my living room. Most likely Id just pick up some trashy magazine with anorexic Nichole Richee and her pregnant belly that bulges less than my double chin. I want culture. I want to not notice my internet is out because I’m too busy reading classic literature and painting to ever get around to going online.

I want to write poetry. I have written one poem since being required to do so school. It’s bad. I was drunk and very upset when I wrote it one of those unreturned love situations. I actually want to go and read it just to reconfirm it was bad but quite frankly I’m just too lazy to go dig up my old journal.

I’m much better with lists than poetry so here is what I want to do in the next 2years.

1- Apply for a promotion at work

2- Be able to close my old pants…that’s a good 50lbs

3- Pay off my car

4- Pay off my credit cards

5- Finish school and pass boards

6- Get a job in Chicago that is not a step down (lateral is just fine)

7- Buy a crappy condo in Chicago that has one bedroom and a balcony.

8- Sell basically everything I own which is not alive or have sentimental value.

9- Start over

Starting over has such a negative connotation. I don’t want to run away I have nothing to run away from. I have a good job and a nice home in a safe decent town. I’ve just decided it just isn’t me. Chicago is where I belong. I’ve gone out on my own and now its time to go home.

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