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Metamucil, Depends and Glasses

So today I got proof that I at the age of 26 have surpassed my prime of life and my body is beginning a slow and miserable degradation. I’ve always had good vision…notice the ‘had’ I like to call that foreshadowing.

Things that make you go humm: I don’t watch my big tv very often. I like to lounge in bed and watch trading spaces on my tiny 13 inch television which is perched up on a shelf in my closet. One day I notice while in bed that I couldn’t make out what the tv guide channel was telling me…it had always been small and hard to read but I was always able to make due. I decided that I must have been crazy and only someone superhuman could read that in the first place.

Things that make you go humm humm: My friend Alice and I were driving to Chicago to visit Cobie. I didn’t really remember where he lived and I had never personally driven there. So as we are looking at street signs Alice starts calling them out long before I can read them…to the point where I am annoyed. How can she see that? She’s had glasses as long as I’ve known her…her vision cant be that good. It’s simply implausible that she can see those signs before me. I decide to blame it on the fact that I was driving and distracted.

Things that make you go humm humm humm: T.V guide part duo. I was doing laundry and flipped on the T.V. downstairs. My family room is pretty small and my T.V. was pretty big. I turn on the guide to see what’s on. Uhoh that fuzzy…I strain to make the words come into focus. Ok this is not normal.

So I go to the eye doctor today still slightly convinced that I had nothing to worry about because I had crappy televisions…my ophthalmologist was a resident and mighty tasty I could see that much J Apparently he is shocked I have never had glasses and he doesn’t know how I was able to renew my license just over a year ago. To be fair I do remember the vision test being more challenging than I remember.

I am written a prescription for spectacles. No contacts for me. I am very special because I have an astigmatism in both eyes that goes in apposing directions. I giggle at the word astigmatism because I just recently learned it was one word and not simply A STIGMATIM. So I am concentrating very hard on not laughing like a buffoon and not paying attention. Apparently the opposing thing is important and I can’t wear contacts because of it.

Ok so now on top of being single and old I also have to be nerd. But check out my cool new frames they should be here in 10-14 days and then I will have the gift of sight and be able to see them too. And yes the bottom ones are purple.


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