I know you just don't get enough of me so I'm starting another blog with my dear friend Alice. It will chronicle my (our) journey to become less of a fat ass. So bookmark the new link it should be interesting. The site is under construction but you will get the point.

Labels: Exersize, Weight

Somewhere along the genetic line my family lost the graceful trait. My mother falls down the stairs on a regular basis and my father all though typically staying upright is by no means suave. Today I was walking over to sit on the couch. I forgot I had moved my coffee table (with sharp corners) up close to the couch to use as a footrest.

I ran into it just under my knee which shocked me causing me to loose my balance and fall forward thereby hitting my knee again (more specifically my kneecap this time) on my way down catapulted forward by my massive bulk.

It really hurt. Like falling on the couch nauseous in the stomach hurting. I composed myself and went on with my day. Over the course of the day the top of my knee has swollen to a nice lump. It doesn't hurt nearly as badly but I am aware of its presence. What concerns me is while walking up and down stairs today my knee has began making a crunching noise. Well honestly I don't know if I'm hearing the crunching...or feeling the crunching its quite weird. It isn't painful per say but I'm guessing this isn't a good sign. My marathon dreams are dashed.

Labels: Embarassing Stories, Health, Weight

A couple weeks ago I set out on an endeavor for new jeans. I went to the same place I bought my beloved old jeans. Got the same style, length and size and then another one size smaller. My old pair were a little big but I didn't know if this was because of their age or because I lost a smidge of weight.

Labels: Shopping, Weight

I know its almost halfway through September and I haven't done my monthly boring post about my quest to be normally unhealthy...instead of super-tee-dooper unhealthy. This month was a tough one my goal of only eating out 7times a week yeah it didn't happen at all. When you are out of town EVERY weekend and attended weddings and long weekends with chums its just not happen.

I also have been off the floors at work so sitting at a desk for 8-hours a day wasn't doing me any favors either.

Still that being said I've been continually more cautious, and at least I haven't been eating due to boredom because boredom well it doesn't exist for me at the present moment so thankfully I'm still on track.

Labels: Weight

I know what you all are thinking...Ava what happened to you weekly posts about goals for changing your life and being more active and healthy. Well folks life happened and its also kinda boring to talk about. However the topic has been on my mind and its monthly weight in time. My first long term goal is 20lbs in 6mos. Yeah I know people on biggest looser do that in a week but seeing as I have a little thing called a job and school and needy bulldogs I'm aiming for something a little more realistic. 3.3lbs a month I can do that. We are two months in and I am on schedule GO ME! Also the whole one goal a week thing is too much for me adding on every week whozar I'd have to give up sleeping. So I'm going to try a new method the one goal a month...and each month I'll build on it.

August Goal:
Assuming 3 meals a day...Ava only 3meals a day no second dinners. 2/3 must be eaten at home or prepared at home. That's it the only rule. This is a flexible rule. Say I ate all three home prepared meals on Monday...on Tuesday I'm allowed to go to the cafeteria for lunch and Applebees for after work dinner.

I know this seems like a lame-o rule but I'm a bit addicted weekends are the worst and I will often eat all three meals at a restaurant or drive thru. I'm going out of town this weekend I better save up tokens.

The plan: August has 31 days therefore right now i have 31 little circles in my planner on the month of august...i fill one in each time i eat out...tada.

Also have you voted in the poll yet...do it, do it now...I command you! Click Me to Vote!

Labels: Weight

I am fat. This is not news. And quite frankly I know just about all there is to know about loosing weight. I've done points, I done L.A. weight loss, I've gone to the healthy living center, I've done that place in Winona which is like curves with a diet plan and the mayo learn program...twice. Seen a nutritionist...several times in two different attempts. Here I am today a good 20+ my top weight ever.

I talked to my doctor who basically says there is nothing she can do for me my cholesterol, triglycerides, glucose and thyroid are all normal. It seems despite all my efforts I'm healthy at least on paper. But here is the thing in my latest spiral out of control "more to love" is finally starting to take a toll on me. I have horrible planters fascitis which makes me analyze all shoes for arch support rather than fashion. When at home I wear Birkenstock religiously (I am not a hippie so this isn't exactly acceptable in my mind). My knees hurt after I am forced to exercise...and by exercise I mean more than one flight of stairs, and my back pretty much always hurts. Before I end up seeing the grandcannon in my hoverround something needs to be done.

So the time has come for me to give this another go. Anytime Ive been successful at loosing weight it has been just me. No logs, no meetings or measuring cups just some freaking common sense and a little bit of letting go of my self-loathing. My wieght is a mental thing I hoard it like money, console myself with an extra helping of butter rather than tissues. And wallow in self pitty while watching tv.

My plan is to focus on one thing each week and build upon it. No pound or callorie goals. Then on Monday's Ill do my a blog or blog-et about how the week went so you don't have to suffer this on a regular basis...all though I can change the rules at anytime and bore you at my whim. HAHA the power of being the site moderator!

Week 1 Goal: Just because your fat doesnt mean you should act like it.

• Bike or Walk a total of 15 miles
• Go to the healthy living center once..and spend a minimum of 30minutes there (time in the locker room does not count Ava so don't even think about it). No exercise goals while there just physically being there and uncomfortable while Mrs.size2 with her 2.0carrot wedding ring is enough of a goal. Oh and also any mileage at the healthy living center totally counts towards the15mile goal.

I must admit going to the gym is right up there with getting a papsmear on my list of things to do. However I know that I feel better when I am moving. Last year I did pretty good over summer because I could limit my moving around the privacy of my own neighborhood but when the snow fell I went back to sloth-state. This means even though its way easier and less intimidating to exercize at home I have to forcefully integrate the healthy living center into my life...sucky.

However procrastination is my game so I dusted off the bike instead of gathering the equipment and courage needed for the gym. I love riding my bike because I get to sit and I'm less likely to sprain an ankle while ridding where walking is a dicey proposition with my lackluster coordination (lets not even entertain the notion of me running). The problem with biking is I can only imagine how ridiculous I look. Is it better to be a fat slob on a couch watching TV and eating a pint...excuse me gallon of ice cream or be a fat girl on a bike sweaty red and panting. Neither paints a particularly glamorous picture. Fat and sweaty and out in the world I still feel like a looser, but at least not a hopeless looser.

P.S. If anyone says any cute puns about being a "good" looser as in loosing weight I will vomit (of course being stricken with bulimia has been a childhood dream of mine however unpopular that might sound).

Goal Progress: 5.24 mile bike ride

Labels: Exersize, Food, Lists, Weight

I've been a relatively good sport about getting up in the morning for the last 26 years but the words I heard this morning shook me to the core. "Be here at 6:15." Did I hear that right? I can stay late to leave at 6:15pm, I can arrive and 6:15pm in the evening to start my work but expecting me to wake up let alone be dressed conscious and physically present someplace at 6:15am is asking quite a bit.

Don't worry I'm getting prepared its 8:24pm my shades are closed, lights off save the TV and computer and I'm 10minutes into a dose and a half of "Nite time" Night Quill's bastard son. The real dickens of this situation is my bus schedule doesn't really jive with the 6:15 start time so I will actually have to be up and out of the house by 5:20am...which means my alarm clock time has to start with the number 4. Now that is a certain threshold with me. If I every reach 300lbs Ill kill myself and if I have to get up at any time starting with 4 I also want to die. Unfortunately suicide doesn't seem a viable option my house is far to messy.

Labels: Bitching, Weight, Work

I love to swim. And by swim I mean being the annoying way to old 26year old at the deep end of the pool doing handstands and somersaults while people are trying to exercise at the healthy living center. The thought of buying a swimsuit is horrible to most overweight people but quite frankly I don't mind it and look forward to my yearly splurge of buying a suit prior to my beach friendly vacation.

I have noticed in the past couple years that buying a suit is nearly impossible. I've gone to the stores and the plus size rack has about 4-suits

1. Plain black tankini
2. Neon Orange/Yellow one-piece with weird blocky parts
3. Horrid flowered one-piece monstrosity complete with ruffled skirt
4. weird hybrid of a fake speedo and sewn on leftover from the 80's short men's trunks

The only suit acceptable in public would be no.1 however since I happen to have a long torso the tank portion ends about 2-inches about the -ini...leaving the tummy roll exposed which is quite possibly the worst two inches that could be exposed.

I was determined. I have two cute suits and one speedo type suit I didn't NEED a new suit by by god I wanted one. So I went to the thing that probably made me fat in the first place my friend the Internet and found Always for Me yes I'm plugging get over it.

Anyways bought a way cute suit...and a cute cover up. Now I just need a pair of ridiculous sunglasses complete with head scarf. I am cruise worthy.

Labels: Shopping, Vacation, Weight

Picture Stolen From Efikim Gallery.

No this is not a movie review. In fact I haven't even seen the movie "the bucket list" but in my daydreams avoiding the work I brought home tonight I have decided to make my own version.

Now I haven't pre-prepared this so I may have to revise items later. Then again I tend to over analyze so maybe spur of the moment is good for me.

Things to do before I kick the bucket

1- Take two months to tour the following countries: Italy, Great Britain, France, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Poland, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Iceland. 3 weeks: Japan & China, 3 weeks: Australia & New Zealand. I would stay in low budget hotels and take the train...visit museums and eat at local cafes I think I can do it for $50,000.

2- Clean out my entire house and sell anything that I do not love (get rid of that chair I don't like anymore) or need (have not touched in the past month). Any exceptions or keepsakes must be able to fit in a cedar chest, donate or throw away what did sell. Move into a new house that's small, paint every room a different color and actually decorate it to be mine!

3- Compile all my blogs and my journals into a physical book. Have it bound and printed. Put it in a safety deposit box.

4- Write a letter to everyone that has made a difference in my life. To thank them for everything they have done for me. I have passed up so many opportunities to thank people that have helped me in life. Find as many addresses as I can, and send the letters.

5- Shop at co-op, don't make or eat anything made by someone else for 1 full month. (Only visit the produce, dairy and meat sections). If its in a box, bottle or in a restaurant its off limits.

6- Be a mentor or parent to a child. Foster, adopt, have my own whatev.

7- Fix into a size 12...without sucking in after eating a large meal (i.e. a comfortable size 12)

8- Do something amazing for my parents.

9- Give $1,000 dollars anonymously to someone who needs it

10- Read up on at least 10 religions, write what I like and don't like from each one. When I'm done write my final draft of my own beliefs.

Labels: Babies, church, Death, Dreams, Family, Food, Friends, Thoughts, To Do Lists, Weight

Unless you have been living in a cave you have probably heard about the article by the New England journal of medicine. In a nutshell it says that obesity is contagious and people that have obese friends are more likely to be obese. If you are really interested in learning more aboutthe facts prior to ready my propaganda this here is the link for the NY times story (I couldn’t find a link for the original journal article)

Well here is what I have to say about this article…no shit. Why do you think anorexics get together, or sports fans? Don’t you choose your friends based on similar interests? You know what my friends like to do watch TV and eat ice cream. And amazingly the majority (ok all of us) have some extra poundage.

My next point as person who is not thin I do not like skinny people. I do not like people telling me I need to order salad; I do not like people nagging me to go the gym. Call it stereotyping but when in a social situation I will strike up a conversation with someone chubby about 5times as often as I would with a thin/fit person. This is normal as human we seek out people that are similar to ourselve it makes us feel comfortable and “normal.”

So in summary yes I believe the statistics but I think they looked at the relationship from the wrong angle. And if you are my friend I will not curse you with the disease of obesity. I have not shoved a hoho down anyone’s throat yet.

P.S. My friends and I are not as overwieght as the ladies in the above picture, but damn I wish I had the virocity to wear a bikini.

Labels: Science, Weight

I went to the Ultra Lounge last Friday because they had a drag show and it was "gay bar night." When I go out to the bars I pretty much exclusively attend gay bars because quite frankly I hate to be hit on. It might not be so bad if the hot doctor out for happy hour with his friends shot a gaze my way but I always get hit on by the creepy alcoholic guy in the corner that is older than my dad. Tonight the gay bar did not prevent the creepy pick-up occurrence.

So I'm standing to the side watching the show and this guy passes and looks at me I smile because it's just a knee jerk reaction this was by no means an attempt to invite him over. He walks over to me an instantly invades my space. He's a large black man not at all attractive wearing a far to small white mesh muscle-T and he completed the outfit with a gold medallion that swung low to his chest he may have had a Taz tattoo I'm not sure.

Taz: Hey is your boyfriend here?

Me: (tries to avoid eye contact) Ummmm no

Taz: You know I just got outta prision?

Me: Oh that's nice (sacasm in full force)

Taz: Well if you knew why I was in prision you wouldn't worry about it

I've now decided its best not to engage and I stand there

Taz: I was in for assault of a woman. I busted her guts out.

OK I NEED TO LEAVE NOW

Taz: You see Im ruul big and I showed her my cock and she still wanted it so I gave it to her and it buster her guts out.

Me: Yeah I gotta go to the bathroom (Ava exit stage right)

Ok now what exactly was trying to be accomplished with this guy's story…first of all I have no intentions of having this person penis anywhere close to a position of touching any part of my person let alone busting anything out. Am I supposed to be impressed? I understand a large manhood is desirable but really what girl would ever want one that big? And if you did have one that large I highly doubt you would be bragging about it to strangers in a bar.

I know you will be shocked but I did not go home with him…I guess his line didn't work tonight. I hope Rosey Palm doesn't turn him down.

Labels: Stupid People, Weight