I went to the Ultra Lounge last Friday because they had a drag show and it was "gay bar night." When I go out to the bars I pretty much exclusively attend gay bars because quite frankly I hate to be hit on. It might not be so bad if the hot doctor out for happy hour with his friends shot a gaze my way but I always get hit on by the creepy alcoholic guy in the corner that is older than my dad. Tonight the gay bar did not prevent the creepy pick-up occurrence.

So I'm standing to the side watching the show and this guy passes and looks at me I smile because it's just a knee jerk reaction this was by no means an attempt to invite him over. He walks over to me an instantly invades my space. He's a large black man not at all attractive wearing a far to small white mesh muscle-T and he completed the outfit with a gold medallion that swung low to his chest he may have had a Taz tattoo I'm not sure.

Taz: Hey is your boyfriend here?

Me: (tries to avoid eye contact) Ummmm no

Taz: You know I just got outta prision?

Me: Oh that's nice (sacasm in full force)

Taz: Well if you knew why I was in prision you wouldn't worry about it

I've now decided its best not to engage and I stand there

Taz: I was in for assault of a woman. I busted her guts out.

OK I NEED TO LEAVE NOW

Taz: You see Im ruul big and I showed her my cock and she still wanted it so I gave it to her and it buster her guts out.

Me: Yeah I gotta go to the bathroom (Ava exit stage right)

Ok now what exactly was trying to be accomplished with this guy's story…first of all I have no intentions of having this person penis anywhere close to a position of touching any part of my person let alone busting anything out. Am I supposed to be impressed? I understand a large manhood is desirable but really what girl would ever want one that big? And if you did have one that large I highly doubt you would be bragging about it to strangers in a bar.

I know you will be shocked but I did not go home with him…I guess his line didn't work tonight. I hope Rosey Palm doesn't turn him down.

Labels: Stupid People, Weight