Dear Mother Nature,

I would like to issue a formal complaint about your sun. Your sun has been tormenting me for years. I wear long pants, stay indoors whenever possible, and I lather on the highest spf I can find to try to avoid him but ever single summer he comes up when I least expect it and he burns me. This weekend I was canoeing down the river and he left me with two bright big patches the size of Kraft singles on the tops of my breasts. I find this not only rude but an increadibly inappropriate location for him to leave his mark. All my dreams of cleaveage for my birthday barhopping is ruined. I trust you will reprimand him approapiately.

Sincerly,
Ava Mazur

Labels: Bitching