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An Ode to the Bra

My father loves that old 90s sit-com married with children. There was one episode where Peg's favorite bra was discontinued in a rare show of love Al went out to all these stores and found her bra and bough her a whole slew of them. Well seeing as I'm not married to a gem of a shoe sales man as Al when my favorite sheer wear Lane Bryant bra was removed from the shelves and place on the sales rack I literally picked up ever single one they had in my size. That was two years ago and all but one had worn out.

The only one I had left was ugly black with an odd gold chain and perfume bottle pattern on it. Sure it wasn't a Friday night get freaky bra but it was so comfortable and kept things were they should be kept I didn't care and wore it as much as possible.

Today I was at work when under my right armpit I was viciously stabbed with an under wire. A bathroom trip later I shimmied the under wire back into position which lasted all of 5minutes before it started stabbing me again. I dealt with the pain. Then another hour later stabbing pain in the left armpit...same problem. What the hell both in one day. At least these bras had constant manufacturing processes for both sides to go in one day.

So I took a second trip to the bathroom. Capable of the removal of two wires I would be left with two sagging breasts instead of the alternative un-even perk which would have been the case only an hour earlier. I planned on throwing them away in the private sanitary wastebasket in every ladies stall. Unfortunately either the maintenance team is striking or every woman in the hospital is on the rag because there was no room in that little waste basket and i wasn't about to go pushing it down to make room....ew.

So I figure to myself its 8pm who's going to be around Ill just throw it away in the regular trash can. So with two under wires plainly in hand i waltz out of the bathroom just in time to see two (I'm assuming patient family/friends come into the bathroom). They look at me. They look at the under wires. I feel my face turn a bright flush. I quickly rush over crossing their path to throw them away and with my head down go to wash my hands. The older lady giggles, "Oh, honey she says...we all have those days." I nervously force a laugh and agree. Why do I always get caught doing stupid embarrassing shit?

Rest in peace my perfect sheerwear bras. I don't know why you turned on me in the end. I'm guessing it was so our parting would be less painful for both of us. I still love you, you will be missed and will forever live on in my memory.

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  • Anonymous alice says so:
    9:11 AM  

    ah, stories of rouge underwires. i also carry those wounds. top

  • Anonymous Rory says so:
    9:53 AM  

    this is why i have an emergency bra in my trunk. top

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    5:02 AM  

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