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Feline Squatter

So there I was minding my own business curled up in bed waiting for slumber to fall upon me when I hear a horrible cat screech. It had to be a cat the sound was undeniable.

"How odd I think to myself it sounds like it came from the living room." Before I could even finish my thought more sounds from the living room expelled in a series short grunts as two bulldogs arose from their naps and shuffled about unto the floor to investigate the noise.

I get up turn on the lights to grunt and shuffle myself into the living room...and there they are back on their respective couches staring at me.

There is a cat in my house. I swear I'm not crazy I heard it I was not sleeping, hell I hadn't even turned my light off yet.

But Ava how could a cat possibly get into your house? Well friends I will let you in on a little secret I'm lazy. On nice weather days (as today was) the dogs like to go in an out constantly. It makes me feel like a crack dealer having to open the door that much. Fortunately for me one day Belmont charged head first into the screen causing one side and the entire bottom half to become unaffixed from the frame...so its more like a screen flap rather than a screen door. Anyways it keeps most of the bugs out and the dogs can come and go as the please. I thought it was a genius plan until today.

But Ava your two dogs who aren't used to living with cats surely wouldn't have let a feline go unnoticed in your house when you shut the door about 4hours ago...let alone let said cat hang out in the same room that they have taken over as their sleeping quarters. Well friends my dogs are about as lazy and worthless as I am. When I had them at my parents house (who do have a cat) I don't think they noticed him at all. The big fuzzy thing on the coffee table that hissed at them every time they passed by was about as much interest to them as the coffee table itself.

So there I was 3am...every light on in the house shoes on so the feline couldn't attack my feet. I kneel on the floor, look under the chair (nothing), ottoman (nothing) and then couch...nothing. I didn't here it run. It probably could have fit through the baby gate but I wasn't about to go downstairs looking for it.

I have fear that there is a viscous tiger in my house waiting for me to fall asleep. Its probably a ravid bad-ass cat with no fear it would have to be to just waltz into a house covered in dog hair. Its surely just waiting for me to fall asleep so it can attack.

How dumb am I going to look when I leave a note for the petsitter tomorrow "I fed them before I left. Rosa will need her pill when you feed them in the morning. Oh and by the way I think there is a stray cat in my house. See you Saturday!"

Okay so my window is open and it is possible the cat was outside when making screeching noises but still very unsettling indeed. Alice if you don't hear from me tomorrow call the cops and warn them that they will most likely find me laying in a pool of my own blood and cat fur.

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