Perpetually Single

The End

2009-08-15T22:16:00.002-05:00

It's time for a new chapter.

Ava Mazur has left the building.

Lets face it she wasn't that fun anyways. Mostly she was some blubbering slob getting over the loss of a finance' who wasn't that great to begin with. Its been 3years it time to get on with my life. A longer than necessary grieving process to be sure but we all do things in our own time. The point of the matter is I am no longer perpetually single, I'm single on purpose. I'm happy and writing under this sad address is tiresome.

Welcome Annabelle Tinley the girl in the pink polo.

New Blog Link
http://thepinkpolo.blogspot.com/

The girl in the pink polo

2009-08-15T21:45:00.003-05:00

I've been busy. Not being in school is good for my depression. I feel a bit like a new woman or an old woman depending on how you look at it.

When asked what were the best times of your life most people can narrow it down to a school period. High school or college. I suppose I'm a bit more narrow minded than that. The best time of my life was the summer of 2001. It was the summer after my sophomore year of college. I took a three week spanish class and spent the rest of the time barely working at dominos. I drank with my friends, I ate what I wanted, I took long walks around the little lakes at winona. I purchased a size 14 jeans from gap and paired it with a size XS pink polo shirt from gap. Sure it was a men's extra small but still I've never before or since used an X in my size to indicate smaller. The scale was 179lbs.

Its only been 10 weeks of really doing something about the near 100lbs I've accumulated since that time and the process at time seems dauting. But allready I'm starting to feel like I did that summer long ago. The girl who despite not being a waif got her rump pinched at bars. The girl who would occassionally catch her self in the mirror and smile rather than frown.

Despite it not being my wiegh in day I cheeted and sneeked a look at the scale. 10 weeks down. 10% of my body wieght gone. A staggaring 27.8lbs to be exact. I went from not being able to run a minute without gasping for breath to running for 20 minutes and still being able to physically walk out of the gym without support. I'm scouting potential oportunities to move back to Chicago. I'm becoming that someone that I never thought I could be.

I run. I read more. I listen to music about 10x's as often as I watch TV. I recycle and bring my own bags to the store. I embrace being prissy. I have organic wheat beer in my fridge. I don't care that organic is a crock because I think its charming. Despite still being desperating obese could it be I'm embrassing my inner girl in the pink polo?

I'm taking a rather sloppy approach to my wieght loss. This could either end in horridness or turn out to be the best way to do it. I eat cupcakes, I drink beer and even still sneek the occasional camel light. However instead of doing these things 95% of time its more like 10% and isn't that resonable?

Then today I was reading a book "Diet Girl" which was adapted from a blog. It was the last few pages and after 7 years and half her body weight I read her moment when she realized the was "done" Like in the movies iTunes played the perfect song on cue "Proud" by heather smalls (also known as the biggester loser last season theme song).

I had my toubles with the book. I got a little done with shauna when she got thinner than me and found her other half....well maybe I was more jelous than done. But by the end I realized that I have so much in common with this person. I'm fat, I avoid, I blame...but at the same time I'm so much better than that. I'm so much stronger than that. I will get there. I will fit into clothes at H&M I will be happy.

I allready am.

P.S. Toliet seat situation is worsening. The break has severed clean through. Too cheep to replace.

fatty

2009-07-27T21:21:00.002-05:00

How is it that I am losing weight yet yesterday I sat down on my toilet seat and it broke. If that isn't bad enough this is the second toilet seat my fat ass has broken in the last month. This one was even a premium wood one...split just like that. I have been sitting on toilets all my life two in one month. That's just fucking rediculous.

Jobs

2009-07-25T12:50:00.002-05:00

I spent 2 hours yesterday witting a wonderful suck up coverletter only to find out when I applied for the job that I couldn't attach it (or my resume for that matter). I don't think I have ever been able to actually just attach my cover letter and resume to apply for a job so it makes me wonder why i spend so much time obsessing over it.

Super Fit

2009-07-23T22:59:00.003-05:00

You know you are fat when you are running on the treadmill and your belly roll flops and lands on the emergency stop causing you to come to a screeching halt and almost fall down.

Spagheetti & Bolognese Sauce

2009-07-21T23:31:00.002-05:00

Time to dinner: 25minutes

Ingredients
8oz whole wheat pasta
1 lb lean ground beef
1/4 red onion chopped
1 big green bell pepper (or two small ones)
2 tsp Tastefully simple garlic-garlic....or 2 cloves of garlic minced
1 (28 oz) can diced tomatoes (I like the garlic and olive oil ones)
1 cup loosely packed fresh basil (cut into thin strips)
1 tbsp red pepper flakes
salt to taste

Break apart and brown the beef for about 5minutes
Add the chopped onion and bell pepper continue to cook for another 5minutes
Stir in the tomatoes, basil, salt, red pepper flakes and garlic...cook until slightly thickened about 10minutes
Cook the pasta according to package
Toss the pasta in the sauce

Makes 4 generous servings.
Approximately 8pts per serving

This is my adaptation of the weight watchers recipe "Spaghetti with Quick Bolognese Sauce," as found in Momentum cookbook.

Flight of the concords - I'm not crying

2009-07-21T00:17:00.001-05:00

Reflections of a 28th Birthday

2009-07-21T00:10:00.003-05:00

Gas, Metra and CTA transportation......$60

Lunch at Portillos.....$7

>10 vodka based drinks....$80+ dollars

Ice Cream at 5am.....$3 with "complimentary" ice cream scoop

Breakfast for two at our posh hotel....$60

Fun weekend with friends....Priceless

Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts - Wolf Parade

2009-07-15T18:32:00.002-05:00

I got a hand
So I got a fist
So I got a plan
It's the best that I can do
Now we'll say it's in God's hands
But God doesn't always have the best goddamn plans, does he?

I ain't quite the beauty
Pulls out two guns and shoots at the pretty, pretty view
Gotta keep thinking, things, hunters and kings
To block out the view, I gotta get
New bell to ring
New song to sing
A steady hand to ring
A readiness of things I do
I gotta get a new plan to bring to the people
People I can trick them into thinking anything
Oh rust it just right in the light
It's gold, it's gold

I got
Water and holes in my hands
I'm a digger of holes in the land
It's the easiest way
And you know It's the easiest way

So I go
Lalalalalala

I got water and I got holes, so
Lalalalalala

Sons and daughters of hungry ghosts
I got water and I got holes, so
Lalalalalala

Sons and daughters of hungry ghosts
Lalalalalala

I got a hand
So I got a fist
So I got a plan
It's the best that I can do
Now we'll say it's in God's hands
But God doesn't always have the best goddamn plans, does he?

I can't believe in the guns
I can't believe in the view
I sing, sing
Lalalalalala

I can't believe in those hunter and kings
I got a new plan to bring
I got a new song to sing
And it goes
Lalalalalala

And you know it's the easiest way

Don't worry water bottle I will give thee new life

2009-07-14T17:38:00.003-05:00

You know you are committed to going green when you are on a bicycle ride 3 miles from home and have to stop at a vending machine to get water. You open the water to fill your reusable water bottle and place it back in the handy dandy little holder.

Then as you go to throw away the water bottle you realize that there is no plastic recycling bin.

Look around for options...seeing none you then spend 20 minutes fashioning a water bottle holder out of your bike rack, pants velcro holder and keys.

Ride your bike home and dispose of the water bottle in your personal recycling bin which is two times the size of your garbage bin.

Sunshine on me

2009-07-14T00:06:00.003-05:00

Dear Mother Nature,

I would like to issue a formal complaint about your sun. Your sun has been tormenting me for years. I wear long pants, stay indoors whenever possible, and I lather on the highest spf I can find to try to avoid him but ever single summer he comes up when I least expect it and he burns me. This weekend I was canoeing down the river and he left me with two bright big patches the size of Kraft singles on the tops of my breasts. I find this not only rude but an increadibly inappropriate location for him to leave his mark. All my dreams of cleaveage for my birthday barhopping is ruined. I trust you will reprimand him approapiately.

Sincerly,
Ava Mazur

Catch Up

2009-06-27T02:12:00.002-05:00

Okay so I haven't blogged in 2 months sue me.

Here is what you have missed.

I have tentative imaginary plans to move next spring. The plan is to start mailing my resume to anyone who will take it come January. Why January you ask? I need to work a year post graduation at my job otherwise I have to pay back my tuition reimbursement.
I've taken up jogging. Yes I'm serious. As embarrassing as it is to admit I have to loose 110lbs to be a "healthy" weight. I think its time I get on that. In three weeks I've lost 11lbs and am up to 2.0 miles in 30minutes at a run/walk considering I started at 2.0miles/40minutes not bad. I'm doing a 5k this fall.
I've quit dating for real this time. I need to get my shit together.
I can manage to clean my house for a party in under 4 hours. This is much better than my previously needed notice of one week of vacation time.
My father is actually trying to be supportive of me moving to Chicago.
I love my bike. I got it tuned up, got a rack and bike bags :)
I'm sick of being jealous of people. Now I'm just going to copy for them.
When people ask me about my music taste I say, "indie rock" it may be pretentious but its true. Besides I've always thought myself to be a tad bit pretentious anyways.
I still have Ed's childhood Christmas ornaments hanging in my closet.
Alice and I have started to talk like Richard Simons we are all glass half full...its sickening yet refreshing at the same time.
I sleep at night.
I let myself dream.

I have a vision for my future. I guess everyone does things in their own time. I'm not sure where I will be in 5, 10 or 20 years but I can see it. I never see myself pregnant. Something very odd for someone who wants children. I see Alice & her husband living in an apartment and Cobie and I also living in the same building in separate apartments. I see riding my bike everywhere. I see myself running a marrathon. I will adopt two kids a 4yr old girl and a baby boy from russia. They will kinda be community kids for Cobie and Alice. I don't see a husband.

Now I've never been one to be clairvoyant, however I am one to daydream....and the husband just doesn't happen.... Am I so content with my friends that I can't even imagine someone exists that would whisk me away from them & my imaginary city condo into a little single family home in the suburbs? I suppose its not really relevant at this point. I think I need to do some damage control to turn myself into a suitable human.

Brother

2009-05-03T01:33:00.002-05:00

Guy number two gave me a call this morning and left a message where he left his name and described himself as co-workers brother. Crap. I doubt I would have agreed to go on the date had I known that, but at the same time I was a bit flattered are people tend to be pretty protective of their family members.

We had dinner at hu-hot and conversation was good then headed over to see the soloist. Movies are kinda good for dates, you dont really have to talk and you are close enough so you can smell the guy.

I don't like the way most guys smell. I have a bit of a sensitive nose but to me 90% of the male population smells like a combination of mild BO and old spice. Its not good. Brother didn't smell. This is a bonus.

So after the movie we are chatting and walk out our cars and chat some more....which is all well and good but I hate talking in a parking lot so we go to a restaurant and have a couple drinks and talk for another couple hours.

The goodbyes were awkward (they always are) lots of fumbling and saying you had a good time. No hug or anything . This may have been my fault because I had veered in my walking towards my car. So all in all no fireworks but I had fun. Definitely worth a second date.

P.S. Guy no. 1 is such a tool. I email his saying maybe sunday 2 days ago...he finally emails me today saying no that will work but i will only have about a 1/2 and left his phone number. Screw that. I emailed him back saying since you didnt get back to me I figured you couldnt make it. He has made no effort, so why should I.

Overbooked

2009-05-01T00:03:00.004-05:00

I kinda have two dates booked for Saturday. Before you imagine me excusing myself to the bathroom during dinner and dashing across town to meet the other guy I have instead just decided to cancel one.

Guy 1: Sure he got in first but I'm pretty sure this date is going to be a bust. We were going the email exchange where I ask interesting funny questions...his answers were okay but nothing exceptional. The only thing that leapt of the page at me what his lack of interest in me. Instead of asking me questions he just said answer yours leaving it up to me to carry the conversation. If he can't even do a 50/50 mix in email he would stand a chance to my babble in real life. The only question he asked me was if I would be intimidated by all his female friends. Yeah that has nothign to do with getting to know me as a person. But then again who am I to turn down a coffee invite when I have nothing better to do. So I basically sent him an email saying saturday wont work maybe we should just try another time...(internet talk for "lets be friends")

Guy 2: I don't know his name, I don't know what he looks likes, I know he is a nurse and over 6ft tall. A girl at work wants to set me up.

Guy no.2 wins, I know so little about him there isn't anything to dislike. Besides the there is a human I know that is matchmaking rather than the computer which goes a long way with me.

Date

2009-04-29T22:50:00.002-05:00

So I have a semi-date on Saturday. I don't know much about the guy he asked if I wanted to go out to coffee which I would be totally up for if he lived in Rochester he doesn't. Then I thought I really want to go to IKEA, so before I knew it I said as long as he was okay with 3:30 and somplace by MOA I would be in. I've got nothing better to do anyways.

A new Blog!!!

2009-04-27T01:31:00.003-05:00

I know you just don't get enough of me so I'm starting another blog with my dear friend Alice. It will chronicle my (our) journey to become less of a fat ass. So bookmark the new link it should be interesting. The site is under construction but you will get the point.

A Little Less Fat

Asses 4 Me

2009-04-19T18:44:00.007-05:00

Alice and I were stalking okcupid when I stumbled across this fine bachelor. Laddies I decided to not snatch this one up so he is still available for the pickings

Name: Asses4Me (real screen name) I'm looking for a girl which also isn't easy to do because of my so called "kink" I'd guess 1% of females might be able to handle what I like.

What is the most private thing You're willing to admit here? I love anal sex...you did ask. And no I'm not gay.

What are your favorite movies? Anything with Cary Grant or Bruce Willis

Let's consider Asses4me for a moment. He is obviously on the site for "activity partners" I mean the screen name says it all. So the guy likes anal sex that is fair enough everyone has their thing. What makes me curious is why he feels the need to defend his sexuality in response to his anal sex. Now perhaps if perhaps the most private thing he was willing to admit was he really likes to take it up the ass I would say sure you should say you want a woman with a strap-on and not a guy...well and you would need a screen name that was ass4you. But I guess he wanted to be crystal clear.

Now his movie taste...Cary Grant or Bruce Willis? Realllly? Thats like saying yeah, I love music you know anything like by Mozart or Tiny Tim.

Oh and last but not least the picture. He says he's 26 but he looks about 12, I'm slightly concerned I might be prosecuted for posting such a picture. Notice the background...A sparsely decorated office with a plant. Is he at work? At home watching porn? Whats especially odd is his smile and by the way he is posed it almost seems as if he is unaware of his state of undress.
And quite a state of undress it is. You know when I take my pants off I go all out. I make a decision on or off and I go for it. I certainly dont stop mid-thigh and then rest my hands akwardly on the waistline as if to say...yeah thats good I'm done removing these...people can see my freshly bleached tighty-whities and thats whats really important.

You didn't think I was going to let the vest go unnoticed. I imagine asses4me preparing for his big photoshoot looking at his closet going what to wear...what to wear. Humm I need something that really shows me off I'll just skip the shirt and go for this striking....OLD NAVY FLEECE VEST. Yes perfect.

This guy will never be mistaken for gay...even with the twink hair no homosexual man would ever be caught dead in that half-outfit.

Sober living

2009-04-19T01:06:00.001-05:00

So tonight I went out with an old college pal I haven't talked to for at least 6 years. We had drinks listened to a band and met her brother who I think may have been my chiropractor at one point when my normal one couldn't get me in.

I had three beers. Yes it was on an empty stomach but still. Only three.

I was walking back to my car to drive home when I was reminded of Alices recent almost DUI and I had second thoughts. I lit my cigar I prepurchased so I wouldn't bum cigarettes off people and thought to myslef this is a bad plan.

Smoking my cigar sans friends I went to Amsterdam only because they used to have a gblt happy hour once a month (Rochester is so conservative) so now I'm sitting alone in a bar. Feel sorry for me I don't hve the social skills.

-- Post From My iPhone

I'm getting Married!

2009-04-14T01:58:00.004-05:00

Via myspace message (exactly as I always imagined it):

hi ,just wanna favour from u ,i m an indian boy nd wanna get settled in usa .so i want to have a contract marrige for that i can pay enough of ..dollars. is.. if u r interested do reply if not i will not msg u again

That's kinda a really big favor...especially with that beard...

Ava's Crafty Corner - Duplicating a pattern

2009-04-13T01:06:00.004-05:00

In a continuation of my dress a wall series I present to you how to match copy something for matching artwork.

Step one: As always pick something simple. Take the cellophane wrapping off of the canvas and unfold it onto the pattern you wish to copy. Trace the patter with a PAINT PEN. No Not a marker or a sharpie...a paint pen and a paint pen only. If you don't own one. Buy one.

Step Two: Place the paint marked cellophane face down...so the paint is touching the canvas. If using multiple canvases make sure they are tightly and evenly spaced. When you have the picture centered use a pencil to trace over the painted lines. The pressure will cause the paint to transfer from the cellophane onto the canvas. The lines will be light and a bit sketchy so be sure to fill in the gaps with your trusty pencil. Here is a picture before filling in with pencil.

.
Step Three: Paint, paint, paint and paint some more. Tada! One thing I learned dark purple wall paint requires about 6 coats....and will never be used for this use again.

Before & After

2009-04-12T03:09:00.006-05:00

Here are some quickie pictures on my bedroom. Notice the icky country blue walls and (allthough it is hard to tell miss-matched knobs on the closet doors. Oh not to mention all the crap in the closet itself.

The after picture is a wee bit missleading. Since there is a giant laundry pile in downstairs, but the point is I got rid of 5 garbage bags full of clothes. Now there is just the process of actually getting them to Goodwill...

The new bedspread has arrived so of course I had to try it out right away. You cant see the new wall color very well, but its on the walls. I decided the flowering on the pillows was a bit too much so I flipped them over to the plain brown which I much prefer. It's a wee wrinkled but that will fix itself in time. I think it will look very nice whenever my new bed frame comes in :)

Ava's Crafty Corner

2009-04-09T00:42:00.007-05:00

I do not think I will surprise anyone when I say I am too poor to buy artwork. I am not an artsy person and the thought of spending hundreds or even worse thousands on some mediocre art which doesn't match my house is well annoying. After millions of hours logged watching TLC's trading spaces I was convinced that even I Ava-Right-Brain-Mazur can adorn her walls for next to nothing.

Now like a master it is time for me to pass the torch.

Supplies

Left over paint that matches the rooms in your house
Pencil
Paint brushes
Canvases (Walmart is cheapest but hobby lobby is better for non-rectange canvases or large sizes). Personally I like the thicker kind that have staples around the edge....I just kinda like how it looks.

Step 1: Find your inspiration. For my bedroom I wanted to match with the bedspread I bought...despite Rory's objections. I thought it would be nice to make a couple flower paintings for the big empty wall and then some leaves for a set above the bed. Once I have an idea I like to go to istockphoto.com to find a design to rip off. My inspiration for these paintings can be found here.

Using my rip-off design with a pencil attempt to kinda match what you are looking at on the screen. Its important to pick a design that is as simple as possible. Avoid circles they are hard to get even...do not attempt anything that is actually supposed to look like something. Abstract is best. If you need more than 2 colors its too complicated. Pick something else.

Step 2: Choose your background paint and paint :P I suggest craft sponge brushes and regular brushes for the detail. Try to avoid your penciled in areas...this way you wont fuck it up later. Since you are using wall paint I highly suggest you do one coat let it sit for about another hour and then do a second coat to ensure full coverage.

Step 3: Fill in your pencil marks with the accent color. Make sure to go over just the edges of your background color so you get smooth lines. For a fun illusion I suggest using the wall color as the accent color this way it almost looks like your have cut-outs in your canvases where the wall is showing through. Go back and touch up lines with background color if needed. Small glad ware is very handy for keeping little parcels of paint throughout your project and for extra protection against dry out use Alice's tip and keep them in fridge.

TaDa! For the price of 9 dollars a wall is dressed. Just wait until you guys get to see them above my new bed dressed with my new comforter...I'm such a hipster.

Time Warp Tuesdays pt.3

2009-04-08T02:16:00.002-05:00

May 9th, 1994

I just don't care. I was talking to Tom about Nichole when all of a sudden Nichole gets mad. Its not like he didn't already know. Well then Nichole said, "I'll tell who you love...."

Well I don't love, I just like him. I don't think someone can be in love unless they share thoughts with them. When you are in love you share the same interests. If you don't just like a boy but love him already when you go into a relationship you have nothing to build on.

Well anyway I wasn't embarrassed so when Tom started listing names he goes, "It couldn't be Blair"

Umm then I said, "Why not?"

I was wondering why it couldn't be Blair. So I like Blair big deal. I never understood why it is such a big secret.

Right now I'm on the bottom bunk at walcamp, a christian camp. Nichole is on the top bunk and jumping up and down, so excuse my handwritting. Nichole can be such a bitch.

We were at square dancing, Blair said, "Do you really love me?" I said, "No" which is true.

Well also today I held a baby lamb that was only 3days old it was so cute. Me, Katie, Nichole and Erin got to go.

So now Nichole supposedly doesn't like Tom, Yhea I realllllyyyyy believe that, she is so full of bull. Now she likes Greg.

****** is now best friends with Erin. ****** cut her hair short, and made a scar on her shoulder. I'm starting to feel she isn't my friend anymore. (Details excluded)

REFLECTIONS

It's not much of a wonder why Nichole and I never seemed to get along seeing as I used every opportunity I could to gossip about her and spill her crushes. In fact its amazing we were ever friends at all.

The other thing I find interesting about this entry and many others is my obsession with boys and who likes who, or who is best friends with who and how all the social cards are falling. I don't remember being obsessed with boys at that age. The only crush I really every remember having was Andy but that may have been before this diary.

I took out just about everything about ***** bad situation and I don't want to air someone elses past that is none of my business. It makes me sad though, sad I didn't understand or have any concept what so ever of what she may have been going through. Sad that even though I didn't out right ditch her I didn't fight to stay friends with her either.

****** and I used to write letters back and forth, the last one I think was shortly after I graduated from college. I lost her address somewhere in my moves and quite frankly I am too lazy to write letters anyway. I remember her last letter she was happy living out east with her boyfriend. She seemed well, she seemed OK. I hope she still is.

Paint & Nicotine

2009-04-08T02:03:00.003-05:00

I'm really starting to hate the smell of paint. Alice and Rory + 1 came over to help me out with the painting buiness. We were very productive finishing both the upstairs bedrooms, the family room and downstairs hallway. It took longer than I expected but I am very happy with how it turned out. I have a few spots to touch up in the spare bedroom but other than that it looks pretty good.

And I now have a put it back together goal of 1 month. I will get pictures up at some point. Right now I'm working on painting some pictures for above my bed. I'm going to have to let the base coat dry overnight.

I'm not very happy that vacation is over, it went by way to quickly. Sometimes work feels like this never ending cycle and I just get kinda bored with the concept that I will have to do it for another 42 or so years before I can retire.

At least I have something to look forward to this weekend. Alice and I are taking a bus to miller park to see the cubs game (or as Alice would say the Brewers game). I do belive I will limit myself to one drink at the stadium as I have hard core quit smoking.

I've been meaning to swear off it completely again...and the stress of school kinda put me into a fairly bad habit. To increase our chances Alice and I are quitting together. We both had our last cigarretts on sunday night (Technically Monday morning). I'm fine when I'm at work but this sitting at home on the computer thing and in the car is proving to be more difficult. All and all I think I'm doing pretty good.

For your consideration

2009-04-02T19:55:00.003-05:00

I bought paint today...God I'm exciting. I've been doing a little pandora listening while working on the spare bedroom, so listen and enjoy.

Opinion

2009-04-02T02:34:00.003-05:00

How do we feel about this comforter.

Half of me says purple & pink big flowers adorable...oh and very affordable.

The other half says: Put in a Hanna Montana CD and redisover what it feels like to be a preteen while buying a cat and never ever ever having a man in your bedroom while it looks like that.

What does it say to you?

Blah

2009-04-02T02:16:00.002-05:00

I wasn't very productive today I had a sinus headache and I think I ate a bad hamburger which is causing me to be flatulent...as well as other things...I fear sharting.

Humph

2009-03-31T04:19:00.002-05:00

Sometimes while sitting on my couch I think I could get a lot done in a day if I wasn't sitting on the couch. I am wrong. You work all day and barely anything gets done. Sucky.

I worked pretty much all day. I took a break about 4 hours in and looked at my progress. The room looked like a disaster. All the cupboards were open, crap all over the counter tops and any surface available. Sigh. I didn't even get the kitchen done and I worked on it for 9 hours. How is that possible?

Anyways I took a picture when it looked its worst so I could do a before and after.

Tuesday's (Realistic Plan): Finish what was on monday's list :)

On the upside I found my camera and a missing anti-virus disc. So happy day progress is being made.

Oh and in a total unrelated not I found something I don't like about my mac...no little card slot to put in my camera memory card. I have no idea were the usb plug is....sigh.

Monday's Plan of Attack

2009-03-30T04:27:00.003-05:00

Okay after my Sunday was wasted its time to get down to business I have 5 vacation days where I need to get something done. I need a plan. I am a big fan of lists, when I do stuff on them I feel accomplished. I like that. So here is tomorrows plan...

Living Room

Remove paper shades, hang curtains, call on back ordered blinds...
Clean off table, gather DVDs from downstairs and put in boxes, gather random books and find a place on the bookcase for them...par down nick nack collection & declutter book shelves.
Re-hang candle thing so its not behind the TV, hang clock above the bookshelves book shelves.
Declutter windowsill....(Ask Carri which plants can be relocated)
Sweep/vacuum floors and carpeting.
Try to clean ottoman...if it doesn't work throw it away

Kitchen

Dishes, counter tops, appliances
Go through mail and all the other miscellaneous "stuff" by the mail
Install a key hook (ahem a nail)
Clear out the dresser in there, move it to the spare bedroom (if too heavy move the drawers to the spare bedroom)
Take everything out of the pantry and put it on the table...make bags for food shelf donation, replace sparingly. Go through small appliances in the same manner.
Take everything out of the cupboards put things back so they make sense...throw away anything that is falling apart or generally crappy.
Wood treatment for tables, chairs and cabinets.
Clean sliding door, wipe down walls
Mop the floor.

Other

Gather & sort laundry
Put away whatever is clean
Make a stuff to buy list
shower & eat
Drink a bottle of wine
Listen to my RATE ME play list

Wish me luck on day 1 of hell week.

A day in the life

2009-03-29T23:02:00.003-05:00

So what does a newly single girl do on her first day of freedom?

Sleep in until 2pm
think about taking a shower
Step into shower but am too lazy to wash hair or actually wash anything get out of shower
put on jeans and t-shirt that were on my floor
warm up leftover roast
play sorority life and pet society on facebook for 3 hours
watch a movie
move some stuff into the garage
sweep garage, realize you are tired leave the pile of leaves in the middle of the garage, don't bother to move the car back into the garage.
sit on the couch and think about cleaning the kitchen which is filled with crap and in your line of vision
talk on the phone to rory
talk on the phone to my dad for an hour and a half and thank your lucky stars that he doesn't ask about that nice guy you are dating...
order a pizza
eat to much pizza
eat some cookies
eat more pizza
mentally complain about being fat
contemplate cleaning bookshelves
sit on the couch some more and wish more people were on line
go on okcupid
regret going on okcupid
feed the dogs
crochet
watch more tv
write a blog

Sure it might look like I'm moping...but really this is my typical sunday :P

Heartbreaker

2009-03-28T20:22:00.003-05:00

So it was bound to happen. JSP has begun to drive me nuts...no there isn't anything wrong with him but there isn't anything right with him either. He likes sports, listens to country, and is well frankly just not my kind of funny. He's a nice guy I will give him that but it was pretty clear that this just wasn't going anywhere.

How do I do it? Email was out, the phone just seemed tacky, making him drive an hour to come to my house seemed kinda bad too but those were the plans for the weekend anyway. So he came over we hung out for a bit...he was supposed to plan the weekend it was his turn. Every time it is his turn the plan the weekend he doesn't have a plan...annoying.

So I look up movie times and we go to see a matinee. We saw slumdog millionaire and it was very good. The energy between us was bad. I didn't want him touching my knee, I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to hear his lame jokes, are see him cracking his jaw in my peripheral vision. I don't know why but anything he said or did drove me nuts absolutely nuts. I just felt uncomfortable.

After the movie we were back on the couch I basically blurted out, "Things just don't seem right between us." I went on to say that I've felt this way for awhile and I just think that by this point feelings should be deepening and they just aren't for me.

Then the tears come (no not me). Great he's crying. I'm sitting there feeling like a big ol' meanie so I go on to explain that he's a really nice guy there just isn't that passion and everything is too calm, did I mention your a nice guy? Blah blah blah...more word vomit.

So then something odd happens he essentially starts breaking up with me. Tells me how I'm a great girl, blah blah blah basically repeats everything I said. Said he wants a friendship, still wants to talk to me, all that stuff.

I offer him a tissue and then he starts to apologize for his tears. And goes into this story about how he never used to cry until like 5years ago and went into this long story about his struggle with depression....

Sigh so I'm feeling bad and I say he can stay for dinner. So we eat he stays for like 3 hours full of awkwardness and then finally leaves. It sucks I could tell he was sad but he wasn't I love you I'm going to miss you sad, it was more, why doesn't anyone love me I'm going to be alone forever sad.

I made the right decision. Now I just wish I had something to do tonight.

Ava Makes a Roast

2009-03-28T12:55:00.004-05:00

Okay so I over reacted. When I woke up this morning there was a txt from jsp telling me not to go to the store and that he would pick up the rolls on his way in. So he missed his manners but made up for it later.

Anyway that is not the point of my story. I am making pot roast for dinner. I growing up in a house with my mother who is an excellent cook I fins most people's version of dishes well...so-so at best. Roast is one of those meals.

Most people make the dire mistake of putting the meat in a crock pot this just makes everything mushy and weird tasting.

The proper way to cook a roast starts with the meat.

You need half a stick of butter (not margarine) and you rub that baby down. Get it in all the little nooks and crannys until its covered in a gooey fat layer.
Sprinkle liberally with coarse ground salt and pepper.
On high heat warm up a pan on the stove top. Put the big hunk of meat in and brown each side for about 1minute each. (it should be dark brown...well seared but not burnt) This seals in the flavor or at least that's what my mom says.

Prepare the pan...

Drop the meat in the roasting pan.
Fill the skillet with water to get all the yummies up and dump it the roaster. I usually use about 4-5 cups but it depends on alot of your things, at the end the water should come up about half way on the meat. (keep in mind you are adding veggies so about 1/4 the height of the meat is a good guess at this point, you can always add more later
Add spices to the liquid. I like to use beef bullion, tastefully simple seasoned salt, tyme, and just a pinch of chili spice. (the prepackaged slow cooker spice packets are pretty good but I highly suggest adding the chili spice it gives it a little kick.
Chop up carrots, celery and red potato's.
Cook at 300 for 4-6 hours depending on how big the roast is...when you press it with a spoon and it easily dents and can be broken up its done.

Gravy time...

I don't like gravy so I don't make it (if you like gravy...make it yourself)
What I do is take all the meat and veggies out and put the roaster directly on the stove top.
I boil it down to about half the original liquid volume.
Tada! Good for a drizzel over the meat or veggies...and there is always plenty left over for belmont and rosa's dinner.

Irrational

2009-03-28T02:04:00.003-05:00

Is it wrong to want to break up with someone because you went through the effort of making dinner and they want rolls with it and don't offer to pick up said rolls on their way over...when really it is the least they can do considering you spent at least 20 bucks on other dinner things?

I think I'm meant to be single forever...that's cool. Alice how do you feel about being in my will for taking over my one-day to-be children's guardianship?

I bought a bed

2009-03-25T21:47:00.000-05:00

So in response to my insanity of taking down my bed...I did something else impulsive and bought a new one.

I didn't go crazy I got a good sale. Of course I didn't exactly have the money for it but eh I technically had enough, I will just have to rob my "house" fund. That money its supposed to be for home emergencies, and in my book this qualifies. The picture isn't very good of it, the bedspread it hideous and I never understood the point of a bed skirt on a bed with side rails but believe me its going to look good.

I'm now going to lay down, I've felt like crap all day. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me yesterday.

Lucky Bitch

2009-03-24T02:35:00.003-05:00

Well I finally got my official ASCP results in the mail today. I didn't really believe I passed but to my pleasure I got my little piece of paper that made everything official.

Oh here is the best part...you need to get a score of 400 to pass.

My score (drum roll please).....406.

Damn I'm lucky. Mediocrity reigns supreme!

Time Warp Tuesdays pt.2

2009-03-24T02:32:00.000-05:00

Due to popular demand I bring you our second edition to time warp Tuesdays...okay I only got feedback from Alice but that's good enough for me.

April 13th, 1994

My so called best friend N is mad because I wrote stuff about her in my journal (this book) and when I went to get my notebook for Language Arts she told L to read it. So she did and gave it to B (B is a boy) so she was willing to extend my most hidden secrets to anyone, but it had something about her. (HA).

"I'm not obsessed!" She said.

Bull Shit! Well she made me promise not to write about her anymore. I said no. Well she just called...I said, "I thought I'm not your friend anymore."

She said, "I lied."
I hung up.

Then 30 seconds later she called back, the conversation was short. She said, Why did you hand up on me?" I said, "The same reason I'm hanging up now."

Then she called back and just hung up.

P.S. I don't know what the reason was that I hung up.

Where to begin? First of all why did I have it in class anyway? Secondly poor N I'm sure she got a lot of flack for her crushes. Then she comes crawling back and I'm completely bitchy and hang up on her. I guess its good to know that my irrational ways are a long standing tradition.
Also my "most hidden secrets" for goodness sake melodramatic much? And don't get me started on the unnecessary post script...I did that a lot as a kid, and am still tempted to do it now, it shames me.

Snob

2009-03-23T02:43:00.003-05:00

I had a good chat with JSP today. I've had similar chats with the voices in my head on numerous occasions but never quite got up the motivation to do anything about it.

I've realized I'm a friend snob.

Quite frankly I really believe that no one I ever meet can be as fun and wonderful as my current friends. Nope no matter how wonderfully fabulous they may be there is no way they can stack up to my "real" friends. Thusly I never really give them any real opportunity to move up from friendly-acquaintance to PJ's and tub of ice cream friends.

This doesn't mean I'm rude, if they call me I will hang out but I really never go through any effort to foster the relationships and sit pouting up on my pedestal home...alone. This is very inconvenient since I'm clumsy and prone to falling. I need friends around to call an ambulance in the event of such a topple, or laugh at me providing all of my parts are still functioning properly after the tumble.

This is not to say there is anything wrong with the people I've met in my zip code just the opposite they are fun I like them. However I seem to have lost the ability to open myself up. Part of it is paranoia. Which I believe has worsened since the big breakup. I over think. I don't call because I automatically think whoever I might be calling always has something better to do than hang out with me. This is of course not often true. In my un-statistical guess i would say 50% they are doing nothing and another 25% they are doing something I can tag-along with.

Still though the whole process is risky...making new friends is harder than dating. Fine dump me if I have a big ass or won't suck your toes. I can live with that. How do you handle sorry I don't want to be your friend...nope its not your looks...it's your personality...just sucks. I don't think I would take that well. Especially since my personality is the one glimmer of light which my fragile self-esteem teeters on.

All risks aside...I'm out of excuses. School is over, I have time...lots and lots of time. I'm not moving...economy sucks, and will for awhile. I can't wait to start my life anymore. For good or bad I'm in Rochester for the long haul. Instead of living like a vagrant, its time to paint my walls make some phone calls, stock the fridge and fire up the grill.

Revalations

2009-03-23T02:35:00.003-05:00

You know your fat when you move your nightstand for the first time in 3 years and instead of finding a mountain of condom wrappers you see 2 popsicle sticks, a McDonald's napkin, a pair of flip flops and 3 pieces of silverware.

Homeowner Overload

2009-03-22T00:26:00.002-05:00

Today I spent most of my day attempting to make a dent in my massive disorganized library...when I simply couldn't handle another second I took a break to give Belmont and Rosa a walk. They were shocking well behaved.

I figured this little break would put me back into productive mode and get started on cleaning. Well that didn't exactly happen. I went into my bedroom to clear out the laundry and almost had a panic attack.

I hate my bedroom. I hate is so much words can not express how much I destest and loathe every single thing in it. It has country curtains, a shabby chic celling fan, oversized traditional furniture and country blue walls. Its crouded. I hate it.

Much with my living room sometimes I snap and just cant take it anymore. So on a whim I started disembling the bed. I used a fitting sheet to put under the box spring, so It didnt scratch the floor. (I started taking drawers out from everything) I cast away the furniture parts into the hallway kitchen and spare bedroom. It's like a tornado hit.

Great now I have an empty room with a matress and I can't really go to any other rooms upstairs (of course that can be remedied tommorow..im not about to be dragging furniture into the garage in the middle of the night).

Don't worry I have a plan.

Time Warp Tuesday

2009-03-17T00:31:00.005-05:00

I was starting to organize the closet in my upstairs spare bedroom. I stumbled across my very first diary here is the first entry for your idle amusement:

April 12th 1994

Today it was E & T's 13th birthday. E is tall, slender and very popular, T is short and has an appearance that reminds me of a mouse, but N one of my best friends totally loves him she is also obsessed with a base ball player on the cubs he plays 1st base and his number is 17. I would tell you all the facts but its boring. Now you get to know me my name is Ava Mazur, My parents are T and J Mazur. My mothers maiden name is ***. I go to a private school called St. Peter, I'm in 7th grade and I'll be 13 on July 20th 1994. I love horses and I ride at Market Hill Farm on April 24th 1994 I''ll be in a show, I don't have my own horse but I do have other animals I'll talk later.

I have to say I think my introductions have improved...I think I may make time warp tuesdays a regular feature, as flipping through there are some real gems in there. Unfortunately with the magic of face book many of the people talked about in said funny crazy insane entries are face book friends of course I'm the one most likely to succumb to embarrassment.

Sleepless Nights

2009-03-15T23:25:00.002-05:00

After my big test JSP and I set out for the cities we stopped at IKEA on our way in where I purchased:

28 black and white boxes
4 big red boxes
6 big black boxes
4 closet hung shoe caddies
A cotton circle caddy
3 pots
A partrige in a pear tree (okay not really)

We then went to MOA where I reaffirmed that I hate crowds and people but did manage to wedge my way into the apple store to buy some new ear buds.

We then checked into the hotel where I snoozed for about 30minutes before heading out to dinner at old spaghetti factory and the show "How to make love like a minnesotan-sleepless in Shokope" It was hilarious.

Of course the real story starts when JSP and I went back to our hotel room and turned out the lights ;) no its not what you think I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep, blessed sleep. Jsp turned on the tv and I closed my eyes to rest, then I tossed, I turned, I itched and itched some more. Eventually I itched myself to half-awake. Were I realized I was itching and burning all over.

I was allergic to the sheets. I took a shower which helped and slept in my jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. Not exactly comfy, not to mention itching doesn't really go away in a second so residual itching was an issue. No one got a good nights sleep.

PASS

2009-03-15T23:17:00.004-05:00

My weekend started on Friday, I did nothing. I sat across from a pile full of study materials which I ignored. Then early Saturday morning I went and took my test. I sat in cubbie no.3 and finished the test in 45minutes. I'm not one to ponder over questions. Just at it was over and clicked submit I had the smallest glimmer of hope....what if? Then I saw it in bold blue letters PASS I couldn't believe my eyes. I blinked several times, read the fine print and blinked again...it was really there.

I'm still a bit in shock, I'm wondering if sleep deprivation and stress may have caused a computer screen hallucination. I don't feel anymore relaxed, no weight has lifted off my shoulders I'm just waiting for the bottom to drop out. In the mean time I'm going to stalk my mailbox for the next 10 days until a physical certificate produces itself. Then I will believe.

Apple & Ikea

2009-03-10T01:26:00.004-05:00

Today was a good day. I'm virtually stress free. I worked a day today and spend my evening window shopping and feeling up a mac at best buy. I wasn't going to buy one...it wasn't my intention. Lets face it though I've wanted one for the past 3yrs and its time. My little dell barely has any keys left which is significantly affecting my typing speed. After once again seeing the beloved aluminum macbook, it was all I could do to contain myself and prevent an embarrassing public display of affection and love. A short car ride home and handing over virtual wads of cash to apple to give me a product to hold all my virtual stuff.

I've completely abandoned the vacation idea. I'm vacationing in wonderful Rochester, MN in a house (my house) that has been long neglected by too much studying. I measured all the shelving in my closet and browsed the ikea site to pick the perfect boxes for each room then calculated how many boxes would fit on each shelf (I even made diagrams of each closet on note cards) its an illness I know. I'm so excited for a week long of spring cleaning and hopefully once I haul all the crap out of my house I can actually enjoy the nice stuff I've purchased since having a real job. I can't wait to splurge on a label maker!

I imagine many a rendezvous trip to goodwill and the dump. Oh and I'm officially old because I'm pretty convinced I will be picking up price stickers and organizing things in boxes to put in the garage for a summer garage sale.

I talked to jsp, I made plans with Rory to have a double date for brunch on Sunday while I'm in the cities so we can meet each other's beaus. I talked with Alice who gave me a play by play of the tumultuous preparations of some Asian noodles that ended up horrible. Oh and I crocheted.

So my day may not have been glamorous, hipster-esc, or by any stretch of the imagination exciting, but to me it was the perfect day.

Kate Nash - Foundations

2009-03-08T21:09:00.004-05:00

Peace

2009-03-08T21:09:00.003-05:00

I'm sick of studying. So I'm going to do something out of character for me I'm giving up. I have been so stressed lately I'm worried about my grandfather whose mind is going, and is dying of cancer. The medicine they are giving him is slowing things down but its just a matter of time. My little grandmother is being dragged to specialist after specialist and is scheduled for surgery next week to remove her cancer, they seem unsure of what will happen after that. Its just alot.

Then today after a week of anguish and constant studying I took yet another practice test, with no improvement of my score. I'm frustrated, I'm tired and I'm going crazy. Something has to give. So I sat in front of the computer stressed and disappointed thinking, why am I doing this to myself?

The answer is to move back to Chicago, for hopeful job growth, in case I will need it if I don't get grandfathered in during regulatory policy changes (which is unlikely). These aren't very good reasons considering the toll it is taking on me. My brain has shut down I'm quite simply too frustrated to learn.

I will still take my test this Saturday but I'm done preparing for it. I am going in expecting to fail and that is OK. I will enjoy my summer, I will clean my house, I will visit my family and spend time with my boyfriend. I will have a life again. When the snow begins to fall next winter I will open a book again and try at my own pace and if I don't want to do it then that's okay too.

If I do ever decide to try boards again it will be different, less pressure, longer time of studying doing it casually, doing it on my terms. Then if the day ever comes that I decide hey I know this stuff I'm ready...that is when I will apply for a retake. But for now I'm sick of putting my life on hold and I'm going to stop waiting...stop waiting for school to be over, stop waiting for the perfect job to open up in Illinois, stop waiting for the economy to turn around so I can sell my house. Nope its time to just be. And if that means I'm in Minnesota forever its okay. My parents will eventually move here and I will have a family again. I will hopefully have a family of my own one day and not having to move to accommodate one would be nice. This is my house I will decorate it not for resale but for me. I live here I should enjoy it.

I went to church where I was greeted so warmly, it was so nice to leave the house, so nice to remember there are people in my own backyard that are thinking about me and care about me. I went out to dinner. I talked to my parents who were tossing around ideas of where to move out here, and gave me blessings on my decision.

It was a good day. I'm happy. I'm calm. I'm OK.

Now I'm going to push my books under my coffee table turn on the TV and start a blanket for my soon to be cousin. And maybe book a fancy hotel for JSP and I to go to Minneapolis next weekend.

Fix my hole

2009-03-05T00:12:00.002-06:00

I got a panicked call from roomie yesterday telling a tale of water all over the kitchen and it dripping and leaking through the celling in the bedroom below due to a hole in the drain pipe of the sink.

It really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, still though I had to get rid of the water. Fortunately for me the previous owners never bothered to put in a celling in the laundry room when they finished the basement. So there I was teetering on a ladder and shoving a small fan in between the celling joices (I'm not sure if that is the word but that's what I'm going to call them.

Someone should really dust up there, my cleaning lady is so fired.

P.S. T-10 days until boards.

Good news

2009-03-01T21:35:00.002-06:00

The jsp situation has blossomed. I spent pretty much all weekend with him and we had a wonderful time lots of laughs and lots of talking. It was really good. He opened up I opened up and it was good. He took me to meet the fam and I was the little bell of the ball. And his family was super nice. Even though his sisters were skinny and pretty they didnt act like skinny pretty people :P They acted like nice people. It was wonderful.

Inability to love

2009-02-22T21:24:00.002-06:00

Im at an impass with the jsp situation. Its the three month itch. He's a great guy: reliable, responsible, nice, thoughtful, caring, supportive...all that stuff. But as per usual Im having problems with the transition from feelings of like to anything else beyond that. Maybe I just need more time, maybe I need to open up but thats just hard for me to do.

As the dynamics of the relationship changes and the other person gets more attached I begin to pull away. Allthough normally this is my cue to do some kicking the the curb I suppose I'm not quite willing to let this one go. There isnt anything wrong with him!

After my conversation with alice the best I could come up with is he likes sports to much and has a inconsistant snoring pattern.

Im lame.

iTunes how I love thee

2009-02-13T01:51:00.003-06:00

I went on a shopping spree tonight for my upcomming weekend car-time here and in my usually spirt of unsolicited music advice I give you these jems...

Mad World, Alex Parks
Brighter Than Sunshine, Aqualung
Be Yourself, Audioslave
Jerk It Out, Caesars
April & May, David Fridlund
Matinee, Hurts to Purr
Breakable, Ingrid Michaelson
Somewhere Only We Know, Keane
Nightminds, Missy Higgins
Jamez Bond, Son of a Bich, Planetakis
Parade, Pretty Girls Make Graves
Farewell, Rosie Thomas
Gravity, Sara Bareilles
Come Down to Me, Saving Jane
Bang Bang Bang Bang, Sohodolls
Lonely Land, Trentalange
Arivals/Departures, Vox Vermilion
Psycho, Vox Vermilion

In other exciting news the lovely miss amanda palmer will be comming back to the states and touring with Vox Vermilion (Who have been on my too download list for oh so terribly long). Unfortunately the only tour date during my vacay time will be in the middle of north carolina...oh well maybe she will have more tour dates later (one can always dream).

Oh and little miss insomniac over here got a prescription for ambien...but Im too scared to take it because I dont want to wake up with chicken bones in my bed or my car wrapped around a telephone poll. I figure I will take it when am desperate.

loosing my grip on reality

2009-02-12T02:38:00.003-06:00

I'm ubber stressed.

I've spent countless hours working on stupid school unfortunately I've been too sleep deprived to actually remember anything.

I have two grandparents that are sick.

I'm being forced to spend a vacation in Arkansas for a family reunion.

Today after learning that the dates for aforementioned family reunion are STILL not set, working on 3hrs of sleep, taking my und fake board retakes, and finding out I had to stay late at work...I lost it. Oh did I mention I couldn't remember the phrase "sleep deprivation" when trying to describe my state of being. Yeah its bad.

I need a vacation...I really really need a vacation. So I sent my normal Wednesday email to my parents which was basically a 2-page bitch-fest where at the end I said I'm not going to Arkansas I will take a long weekend and come to IL instead. I think this is reasonable.

Do I have money for a trip? Hell no, but fuck that this is America I have a tax return coming....sure that money could go to paying off credit cards, my car, buying the mac that I do so much want. You know what I want more? My freaking sanity.

I'm very excited I'm going to hopefully (assuming my vay-ca time gets approved) go away for a whole week all by little self at the end of march. This is something I've wanted to do well at least for the last ten years and never have gotten around to doing...there are always bills, there is always something I need at home, something that should be fixed, upgraded or otherwise taken care of. Today this is my priority. I deserve this. And I'm getting it.

So where should I go...?

In the states options....

Corpus Cristi Texas
I know odd choice but Rory brought it up and it doesn't seem bad. I doubt it will be riddled with spring breakers (a risk I am taking for my vacation time frame) its inexpensive, warm enough to sit around and get a sunburn while doing nothing...I like nothing. Cons: Its Texas

Washington DC
Oh the museums I love museums...and quite frankly this was my original plan for a solo trip. Also with my age and neurotic npr listening I've become much more political and it might be nice to take a visit as an "adult" where I might have more appreciation for the place. Cons: I've been there before, and its surprising expensive to fly/stay there.

Seattle Washington
My favorite non-midwest city. I went there my freshman year of college and fell in love. I would like to take more time to explore the city. Con: Maybe I don't love it as much as I remember, and I pretty much took it most of it before in rememberable memory.

Hawaii
Ive been pretty anti-Hawaii but once again lounging and pretty scenery would be nice. Cons: Since Hawaii is so honeymooney I might find myself slitting my wrists in a bathroom, either that or throwing things as some annoying smoochy-woochy couple.

Cruise
Cheep, free food, entertainment, rocking of the ship to lull me to sleep, little day trip activities. Cons: lots of people, possible spring breakers, forced to eat with strangers were I would have to explain I was traveling alone because I wanted to be away from people...of course I will be trapped on a boat with many many people creating an odd circular logic situation.

Hilton Head, South Carolina
Ive been there many times...its relaxing lots of old people on the beach which means I don't feel like a beached whale whale while sunbathing. Cons: I would have to rent a car and its expensive and I don't like driving there so it may require me to cook. Eww.

Warsaw Poland
I know pretty out there. Its surprisingly affordable. And with the hotel+flight combo I was looking for my last night I would have a 24 layover in Amsterdam as a bonus. Warsaw has lots of stuff to do there opera,museums, yummy polish food, zoo, historical crap. Oh did I mention the 5-star hotel with Turkish spa? I'm not sure what it means but it sounds good. Sure I don't know polish...that's not true I can sing some polish Christmas carols and say God be with you (Polish catholic church brainwashing). Language aside everyone should go back to their "homeland" once in there life right? Cons: Parents particularly pops would freak the f' out with his little ppp (priceless polish princess) crossing overseas. On the upside if I was to go international Poland would probably offer the least opposition. Oh and the weather is pretty much the same as here so it will be cold.

Remember Me

2009-02-08T17:56:00.003-06:00

Because Im lame and need my ego stroked now and again I posted a note on facebook for friends to share a memory about me. Now in a quest for eternal documentation and in a hope that one day I will get my blog printed and have it as a coffee table book in a disgusting display of egocentricity (is that a word) I must re-organize these memories from my facebook and put them in my blog. I need a new hobby.

From Rory:

I remember making fruity icecream drinks and inadvertently getting your dog Belmont wasted as we sat in those flimsy pink and blue target chairs on the patio. Or the many road trips where you and Alice tortured me with Cheesy Rap Volumes 1 -7. Or when we first had the brain child to knit our christmas presents and went to that tiny yarn place in ... Read Morethe Winona Mall - and how you tried to teach me to do it but my left handedness prevented anything from happening that remotely looked like knitting but it eventually opened the gates for life time love of a yarn and crochet goodness. Or how you shake your head at me when I take a joke to far - but you're always there if I need to talk about the serious stuff in life. Yep, you rock.

From Heff:

I remember a drunk bonding session on the couch in my basement over anti-depressants. I also remember feeding Hairnet baby food the next morning because I was afraid he was dangerously hung-over, and I thought he might die. I guess that turned into a memory about Hairnet.... Well you get what you pay for.

From Rose (person you guys dont know but a pal from my old job):

well I dont see the comment button on your message but i remember how you were there to take the dogs for a spell due to my unfortunate circumstances. Thats what I call a true friend - helping another out. Thank you Ava for doing that :)

Note to Rose...no problem boblem

How far will ava go for pie?

2009-02-04T12:09:00.004-06:00

I've spent pretty much every second of everyday making flashcards for my boards studying...I've made over 1000 so far. Fun no? Okay so I have had a little fun. I had way to much planned this weekend. On saturday a church brunch, and a date with JSP. Then on Sunday a superbowl party. I ended up clearning my schedule except for JSP who insisted that we go out because I needed a day off. So on Saturday afternoon I dove to Albert lea and met up with jsp where we embarked on a two and a half hour roadtrip for pie.

We arrived at Langes in Pepstone, MN where I got a burger and fries topped off with the best cherry pie alamode ever. Such a roadtrip is quite a bit to ask of a new relationship but we spent the time in the car with the music low and much conversation about (I don't remember what) but it was good.

After lunch we went over the border to Souix Falls, SD and got lost (he refused to ask for directions) after he turned the wrong way on a one way and having 5 cars charging front on to us I enlisted my wonderful ipod gps to route us in. We arrived at the raddison and due to our late check in got upgraded to a suit on the "private access" floor. We actually got to put the key card in the elevator to get to it. AND president Obama stayed there during one of his many campaigning stops. I probably stayed in the same bed as some secret service man.

We settled in watched tv, went swimming, sat in the sauna and ordered room service. JSP planned everything, paid for everything, and pretty much attended to my every whim. It was pretty good :)

It was just the break I needed. Last week was stressful. Between being under the weather, studying, sick grandmothers and general annoyances of life a day off was exactly what I needed. I just can't say how much fun I had. We really just had a fun time together. I'm no officially re-smitten. I guess that nice-guy thing isn't so bad after all.

My Space Message

2009-01-26T03:22:00.003-06:00

One thing I hate (well okay secretly love) about networking sites is getting random messages from people. Take this little tidbit I got today for example...

"wuz up just wanted ask if u smoke green, im bored and all my boys are askeep."

I'm very impressed that he restrained himself from spelling boys as boyz.

Also I am assuming hes talking about marijuana all though I have never heard it called green before (but then again I am tragically uncool).

I'm just curious to how many people he randomly emailed in an attempt to find drugs...that just seems like a bad plan.

Let the studying marrathon begin

2009-01-25T03:50:00.002-06:00

I'm half a bottle into some Reisling. Its 4am. I studied for 5.5hrs today. I'm not sure I have any brain function left to tie my shoes. Good thing I own many shoes that do not require such motor-skill memory or cordination.

Its going to be a long couple weeks.

Klutz

2009-01-22T00:20:00.002-06:00

Somewhere along the genetic line my family lost the graceful trait. My mother falls down the stairs on a regular basis and my father all though typically staying upright is by no means suave. Today I was walking over to sit on the couch. I forgot I had moved my coffee table (with sharp corners) up close to the couch to use as a footrest.

I ran into it just under my knee which shocked me causing me to loose my balance and fall forward thereby hitting my knee again (more specifically my kneecap this time) on my way down catapulted forward by my massive bulk.

It really hurt. Like falling on the couch nauseous in the stomach hurting. I composed myself and went on with my day. Over the course of the day the top of my knee has swollen to a nice lump. It doesn't hurt nearly as badly but I am aware of its presence. What concerns me is while walking up and down stairs today my knee has began making a crunching noise. Well honestly I don't know if I'm hearing the crunching...or feeling the crunching its quite weird. It isn't painful per say but I'm guessing this isn't a good sign. My marathon dreams are dashed.

setbacks & other stuff

2009-01-21T00:23:00.002-06:00

Sigh I had my UND cummulative final you need a 70% to pass...I did not get a 70% I would like to say I'm surprized but lets face facts here folks I didn't study at all for this test. Nope not even one page of notes. And my review semester was a joke. So I have no one to blame but myself. Have no fear though, as I was going through the test everything was familiar I just couldn't place it so I'm pretty sure all that stuff is in my brain somewhere I just have to bring it back to the surface.

I ordered a new study book since the one I am borrowing has the answers marked in it which makes it hard for me to actually use it. I also bought some study cards so hopefully that will help. Either way its going to be a tough month or so...I will get through it I've been through worse.

On the upside work has been good. I've been busy which is nice I like having a bit more work to do than I have time for makes the day go quicker. I talked to jsp today. We have gotten to the point of daily communication, even if it is just a text in passing. We are going to get together again this weekend I forgot how time consuming a relationship can be. Its nice to have something to look forward though, and jsp is certainly not needy so we have a good balance going. (PS notice jsp has earned his own tag)

I also watched the inaguration today. Well I mostly fastforwarded through about 3hrs of it to watch the speeches. It wasnt near as cool as election day but still it was important to be part of the expeience. Hopefully now if I go overseas I wont have to pretend Im canadian.

Cyber Stalking

2009-01-20T12:39:00.003-06:00

One of my many guilty pleasures is cyber stalking. I do not expect my addiction to go over into real stalking as I am far to lazy, don't care enough and well gas prices and my gas guzzling American made SUV will not allow it. One of my favorite cyber stalking activities is my ex's sister blog, I always found it entertaining and be not being one to break bad habits I would check in on it occasionally to see what was going on in this used-to-not-be-a-stranger's life.

Several months ago I swore off the blog completely (like for real this time) because I was referenced as a soul sucking harpy, which actually kinda makes me giggle a bit. Anyways last night while attempting to relax before my big test today I breezed through all my normal blogs and was left with that one (Ed's-sister blog) I never visit left over in my favorites. Then one I hadn't noticed before all the way at the bottom Ed's old blog.

Angel: You should just delete that
Devil: Click it! Click it!
Angel: No good can come of this...either he is doing great which will just make you jealous or hes doing horribly which will make you feel guilty.
Devil: If hes doing good your still doing better....if hes doing horribly well thank god you dumped the basta-
Angel: I can't believe you are being so mean don't you have a soul?...just leave it be.
Devil: Oh come on its been about 3yrs since you've heard anything...aren't you just the least bit curious?
Angel: Dammit I can't keep up this act anymore....I'm dying over here open the damn thing

CLICK

Disappointment. The blog was dead a couple posts about nothing, but then there was a link for a new blog. I thought it over for all of about 0.003 seconds before opening the new window.

Its a blog about country music....Really? I read a few posts lots of swearing as he makes fun of the songs and well not entertaining to me but its not exactly my demographic.

Other notable things about the blog:

I don't remember Ed liking country music
His picture doesn't really look like him-Perhaps its an old picture of a country singer and the joke is just totally lost on me.

The moral of the story my nosy ways didn't dig up any dirt its a good thing on facebook you have to be someone friend to peruse their profile.

3 guys....3 disasters

2009-01-19T02:07:00.005-06:00

I have a meeting at 9am tomorrow...its 2:07am and I'm wide awake. I think there should be an outlaw on Monday meetings before noon I just can't be trusted to be dressed and awake on Monday's before noon.

To cure my insomnia I decided to open up my boards study guide book, after breaking out into a sweet and a mild panic attack I ditched that idea for catching up on my favorite blogs. This has unfortunately inspired me to write my own for the evening. Her blog was 3 embarrassing ex stories, come on who can pass that up.

Little Willy
I met little willy in college. We would IM and flirt. A couple days before moving out my sophomore year we had our one and only date. In my packed up dorm room we watched a horrible movie that was obviously catered to college boys due to the content of drinking and bare breasts. We made out for a bit before he decided to head south of the border. This is when he uttered the phrase..."You like it like that...don't you?" in a raspy trying to be sexy voice but it still came off as a timid question. It started with a giggle but I couldn't stop, before I knew it I was in a full on laugh complete with gasping for air. He did not appreciate the humor in the situation and left in a huff. No loss there. Well years...like 6 or 7 years later I was occasionally chatting with him again from idle boredom. So we decided to get together for a bit of extra curricular activity. He was a big guy about 6'7 with a large build into the evening it became apparent that his growth spurts had hit everything except his genitals. Poor guy little willy was at best 3" and I'm being pretty freaking generous. Well I didn't know how to gracefully get out of the situation especially since I was at my house I couldn't just leave....so things progress and I'm pretty much laying there like a dead fish while he attempts to work his magic. After about 3minutes of that he goes,
Little willy: this isn't really working for you is it
Me: No, not really
Little willy: I'm going to go...
Me: Ok
He dressed and slunk off again in a similar fashion to our attempted college tryst...poor guy I expect to be sued for his therapist bills any day now.

Mr.Marathon
Mr.Marathon and I had a bit of a summer romance. He was a sports guy. He would get up early to run I would sleep in and pick the chocolate out of his granola bars...it was clear the relationship wasn't going anywhere but we stayed together since school was out for summer and we had alot of free time on our hands...oh and the sex was good. One night we at his apartment doing what we always did at his apartment (wink wink) and in mid-pump he stops and let out a high pitched half-whimper half-cry. He proceeds to pant heavily. This is odd I think to myself usually he has more stamina....dammit I'm not done yet....after being frozen for much longer than expected and given the odd nature of the noise that had excaped him I questioned...
Me: Ummm are you ok...?
Mr.M: ugghhh ahh eeee mmmyyy baaack...tears streaming down his face
He extracts himself and crawls over next to me not able to straighten and lay down he flops on his side unable to straighten at the waist....you know what he didn't get up early to run that morning.

The Texter
Okay kids I saved the best for last and this is by its own right my own embarrassing story. I don't quite remember how I met the texter but I know it was Internet related. He had recently broken up with his long term girlfriend and I was only a couple months off of my big breakup with Ed so we were a perfect pathetic match for pretending we were okay by prematurely sleeping with one another. The texter was the only younger guy I ever dated and we bridged that weird gap where he was still in college and I was in real life land. We had nothing in common and he had a bad nose. I wasn't really into the F-buddy thing but it served as a way to pass the time. The texter lived about 1.5hrs away and me being the girl that I am refused to bother visiting him. One night when I was at home minding my own business he calls and begs BEGS me to come over. I eventually concede and I head over. Lalala one thing leads to another. Afterwards he doesn't really say anything gets up and goes to take a shower. Odd I think, but whatever. Some time passes, the shower stops and I hear a beep on my phone it was...a text message from him...
The texter: I feel really weird...you should just go.
Umm wtf? I knock on the bathroom door....
Me: Seriously....a text message?
The texter: Blah blah blah this isn't right...blah blah blah
Me: Fuck you!
I gather my crap momentarily contemplate throwing his tv across the room to smash his computer (I did not) and instead left unceremoniously. After getting in my car I promptly called Alice because I wasn't exactly sure how to get back to the highway. Although I do have to give the texter some credit it did end my career in casual sex land...well except for Walmart guy but we all fall off the wagon now and again.

Facebook Status

2009-01-18T13:47:00.003-06:00

With myspace and now facebook there is a new courting ritual that happens in any dating relationship...the changing of facebook status from single to either "its complicated" or "in a relationship."

I am not a fan of the "its complicated" status. In my opinion this status indicated one of the following:

I'm randomly screwing some person
I've had one date with someone and I'm taking myself off the market because I'm clingy and require announcing the the world that I have achieved of leaving my house on a saturday night.
I am hopelessly in love with someone and they are using me but I don't want to admit that he/she is using me so I'm going to pretend we are on our way to a relationship
My relationship is on the rocks but I'm holding on to it tooth and nail
I don't want to date anyone from facebook to I'm using this status to scare undesirables away (the only proper use of "its complicated"

The real problem with its complicated is this is a transition status. If it goes to in a relationship no big deal but if it goes back to single the inquires tell nothing more that a pathetic admittance of stupidity. I will not use it.

That being said I'm reaching the point with JSP where I'm feeling guilty about my "single" status. We have assumed dates with one another we flawlessly trade paying for tabs without having awkward staring at the check and we assume that saturday's are spent together and no more than a day lapse in weekly communication. So things are good. But last nights date sealed the deal for status change.

We went to Menard's to get a drill bit for putting a hole in my TV cabinet. We browsed after getting what we came there for where he was happily giddy to find they were starting to set up the spring landscaping section. He goes on to gush about how he helped his dad with the yard when he was a kid and likes putting up little potted gardens on his two decks and porch.

"Well, you are welcomed to landscape my yard anytime you want." I say sarcastically convinced its last thing anyone would ever want to do.

"Oh could I?!?" He gushes then talks about installing soaker hoses in flower beds and removing bushes and transfering plants...I mean really he was excited.

Ladies I hit the jackpot.

We then went to coldstone and got ice cream for dinner and set out to bring the cable box upstairs drill the hole in my beloved cabinet. Now anyone that has attempted to do anything complicated with me knows I can be well....a bitch. I get frustrated and crabby and tend to be snappy blaming the other person in the room for whatever isn't going right.

Jsp measured the cabinet marked the spot for the perfect hole drilled the spot helped to feed the chords through and even knew to stay quiet while I futzed with cables to get everything hooked up and working right. It was a giant success.

After movies cuddling and bellies full of ice cream we were tired. After a bit of careful conversation and feeling out the situation he decided to stay the night were we cuddled into bed. Boy is not known for his forwardness, and although a visit from my less than favorite auntie flow prevented us from "watching a movie" we did get to see some excellent previews...wink wink.

So yes the date was good. He's not perfect. He likes football, he sings along with songs (ugh some being country) and I fear he thinks hes good but these flaws are more than overshadowed by his quirky sense of humor and ability to start cheesy break dancing at a moments notice. Life is good, time to take the flying leap from single to in a relationship.

The update

2009-01-15T02:13:00.001-06:00

So I've been getting tons of inquiries for an update on JSP. I certainly don't want to leave my audience hanging but there really isn't much to say. We were going to get together last weekend but he was sick...miserably sick. Even though he sounded like hell we spent most of our canceled date night talking on the phone.

We even broached the he's to gentalmanly topic. And no he isn't having a extra long herpes outbreak. No I belive he said, "I'm dying over here but I didn't want to rush you." very nice.

He then went on to admit he's a bit rusty to girlisms and is used to girls that are more direct than I. So I clued him in that when I say let's go watch a movie at my place actually means hey baby let's get busy.

Needless to say I'm going to have to be more direct with mr.jsp but that's ok because I do get more forward as my comfort level increases. Oh and I'm getting comfortable.

We have a date for Saturday maybe I'll plan a movie at my place :)

-- Post From My iPhone

I just might die

2009-01-14T01:26:00.003-06:00

So now and again I like to go in for a pedicure. For some reason whenever I paint my toenails they look like shit. Well anyways seeing as I'm poor I decided to do it myself. Now at the salon I go to you buy your own foot shaver thingy (pictured above) now the little oriental lady who does my nails says don't use it at home! I promised...I lied.

I took a shower to soak my feet and laid out a towel like they do at the nail place, put on a new blade and started out. I slid it across a heel...nothing. So I pressed a bit and swooped it down.

You know the feeling when you cut yourself shaving? You can actually feel the blade run through your skin...it doesn't exactly hurt....but it feel gross. I watch as an excess amount of blood comes rushing out of the bottom of my foot. Like really a lot. I moved my hand to cup the dripping blood.

This is not good. If I bleed on my new rug I'm going to be pissed. Fortunately I had a pair of dirty socks within arms reach (very sanitary) I put on the sock...and stuffed the other one over my heel.

I hop into the bathroom bleed all over the floor, folded and stuck gobs of toilet paper on it and wrapped it with an ace bandage. I've been sitting on the couch and elevating it ever since. I have bleed through the ace bandage but now a good 30minutes later I think it has finally stopped.

So a warning to everyone out there when a little oriental lady tells you not to do something...you might want to listen.

Oh and if you don't hear from me tomorrow I've bled to death in my sleep. Send an ambulance and a bunch units of O positive blood.

dream a little dream with me

2009-01-11T21:03:00.003-06:00

I landed on the We channel today. Sunday is wedding central and its a little guilty pleasure of mine to sit on my couch in single girl land and watch other people be happy and start thier lives together. My love of beautiful large weddings has fadded with time as has my love of diamonds. Its just so much money and not worth it. Am I the only girl in the world of her dream man sweeping her off her feet getting married in front of less than twenty people and not having a giant rock on her finger to do it? Maybe.

Allthough my love of diamonds has left my love of sparkle has not. They have so many much less expensive synthetic out there and well they look the same to me. And as a little social bonus no little impoverished children have to die to get them. You can even have these synthetic set in custom platiunm setting (love of platinum has not faded) anyways to all my friends out there if I ever get married I want you to tell my too be fiance that this is the tacori ring is the style I want ripped off and set with some fake jems. A girl can dream can't she.

Age is kicking my ass

2009-01-07T23:50:00.003-06:00

I was in the bathroom at work yesterday washing my hands. I look in the mirror. The light scatters across the top of my head.

"My that one hair is really blond" I say to myself

I lean in closer. REALLY blond.

I separate it from the rest of my hair...not blond white...and wiry.

I pluck it out. A grey hair.

Fuck.

Awesome.

Dissapearing act

2009-01-06T02:58:00.001-06:00

Okay so I've totally sucked about updating my blog but in my own defense my Internet has been out since Christmas. This proves to be quite annoying because that means I only have Internet at work and they tend to frown on blogging durring company time.

So for your benifit I'm typing out this short update via my fabulous (albeit) tiny iPhone. I hate to dissapoint but nothing much is new. New years was super. I hung out in lovely Rochester and went to a party. Many drinks and my first hangover in recent memory. Note to self don't switch from hard liqoir to plum wine at 3am.

In other news I have had two more dates with jsp and he has even taken to asuming we will have plans for the weekend. I take this as a good sign. What I take as a not so good sign is he is still being a perfect geltelman. As alice says by date 7 you should have seen him with at least some clothing removed. I haven't even seen his socks off.

I'm starting to become paranoid. He's interested that much I can tell. He gets major kudos for effort planning paying opening doors all that good stuff. So what's the problem? Lets entertain some delusional senaeios shall we...

He thinks I'm pride and doesn't want to scare me off...possible I haven't been particularilly forward and could stand to step up my own game

After his wildish past he has become a born again virgin...god I hope not

He is having a massive 2 month long case of herpes of the junk...eww

He has some odd body issue: third nipple, tiger striped chest hair, or a little willy

-- Post From My iPhone

Cheers!

2009-01-02T00:07:00.004-06:00

New years is my favorite holiday. I always have new toys to play with and with the family get togethers over I am in a good mood in my own house. Since being 21 I can't remember a bad new years...its a friend holiday where I surrounded by the people who are closest to me. The people who will hold my hair if I puke without a lecture and with whom I will point out shady allyway corners perfect for pit stops. Yep its all very glamorous.

For many year's we would ring in the new year in Green Bay which is as far as I'm concerned the liquor capital of the world, but when Heff and Hairnet moved to Nebraska Alice and I were left to improvise our fun.

Two years ago Alice, Rory and I went to lacrosse. Alice spent a couple hours talking cops throwing some guy out in the street she knew into detox....she then drove him home (he didn't live in town) The I think Rory lost her walet. I probably wore bad shoes because I do belive I was alone for a long time. We went home before bar close.

Then last year we attended Cobie's bash at his apartment. We cooked, we drank, I met new people. I talked with them until 5am about utopian health care. I think we drove everyone else crazy.

Although my last two new years were good they lacked that reckless quality which I think is a must-have once a year. No one threw up in a car, no one picked a fight (ahem Alice), no one went missing for hours only to be found trashed at the bar next door. Okay none of that happened last night either but still it was closer.

Alice, George, Bag and I set out for B&K's house. I always forget where they live. It really isn't that complicated I usually get to within a couple blocks of it. There is really no excuse I've probably been to their house 20 times. Sigh. I give up my wandering and call them. No answer. So I call K&E, after being informed to look for a van with ribs written across the side...(true story) I leave the car and begin wandering the street looking in windows.

Upon out arrival we were welcomed with pomegranate martinis, dice and whiskey shots, vodka + fresca (the ORIGINAL citrus beverage), plum wine and mountains of food. The was talking in a cold smoky garage. Shocking stories, work stories, gossip, laughter, snorting and several trips to the bathroom. We played rock band, we snowboarded, counted down the last second of 08'...it was good.

I started the new year right...I woke up with a stomach ache, headache, coal-miner's lung and generally smelly. Just how it should be.

Next year....back to green bay.

wii

2008-12-30T21:25:00.000-06:00

Nothing burns a hole in my pocket quite like Christmas money. Since it’s a gift I can't pay bills with it or do anything responsible like take the dogs to the vet to get their shots. Nope this money is to be blown as quickly and irresponsibly as possible. Normally a large percentage of my x-mas cash gets spent on new years eve bar and travel expenses but since it seems I will be spending my first ever new years in Rochester (I have lived here 5yrs) and since its a three paycheck month I have more disposable cash than I'm ever used to having.

Seeing as I'm not a save it for a rainy day kinda gal I got to thinking. I could either buy half a computer and put the rest on a credit card OR I could buy a wii. The wii won since the computer is going to be tuition reimbursement with no tuition to turn around and pay gift to myself.

Now I am not a video game person. I didn't have Nintendo as a kid and I've never beat any of the super Mario brothers although I did play them at my friends house. I had been quite happy with the status quo until a bit over a year ago I met my pal guitar hero. I freakin love guitar hero. I have played it for up to 6hrs in a single sitting.

When I realized the perfect gift to myself I had to have it and I wanted it now. So after work I went to Wal-Mart...sold out, target...sold out, other Wal-Mart and other target...sold out...both best buys...you guessed it sold out.

Sigh. I was disappointed. All the running around had made me loose my oomph and I hate...SIMPLY hate calling around to stores to see if something is in stock. Alice however sweet beloved kind Alice took on my mission. Located a wii in her area purchased it for me and will deliver it tomorrow. She even got the extra controller with some game that came with it. To anyone and everyone who will enjoy my wii in the future you have Alice to thank for it.

Rejuvenated in my excitement I set out to researching games. Guitar hero was a given (that was basically the reason I wanted the damn thing in the first place) but a brief late night encounter at Wal-Mart with Alice, Curious and Bag lead me to realize that guitar hero world tour band edition is the game that really brings people together (cue cheesy music and a group hug).

Not that I have parties often....okay ever. But occasionally I have 2 people over which is enough for a band and everyone can play at once without having to take turns (I hate sharing). Once I learned you can play one player on any of the options (guitar, drums or mic) I had to have it. My conveniently located (and open at 11:30pm) Wal-Mart had one in stock. I bought it. Then proceeded to unpack it, assemble it, and place it neatly next to my TV.

It taunts me sitting there. Looking so fun yet I can not yet unleashing its magically joyful addictive qualities. Tomorrow my pretty we will make beautiful music together.

P.S. Its past 3am and I have to be at work at 9am...why is it whenever I have to have my tushy at work in the morning I go to sleep even later than on a regular night?

New Years

2008-12-28T21:30:00.004-06:00

I was inspired by Rory's post so here is my list of this to do / resolutions for 2009.

Get a Mac and organize my music library
Go through all my closets and actually get the donations to wherever I'm donating them too.
Make a list of everything that I need to do to before selling my house
Pay off my car
Pass my MT boards
Create a (groan) landscaping plan for my yard...execute said plan
Visit Hairnett and Heff in Green Bay
Visit Cobie for no reason and with no plans
Crochet a baby blanket for my baby cousin
Start flute lessons
Get my car detailed
Take "after" pictures of my house and organize them in my web album
Go see a play
Go to a concert
Go to a cubs game
Say yes to an invitation I want to say no to
Eat at Old Spaghetti factory
Make homemade macaroni and cheese
Take a community ed class
Sigh make some attempt to go to the gym once a week (starting after boards are over)

P.S. This is my 300th post if I wernt so boring I could totally have a book.

I should market this face

2008-12-26T21:39:00.001-06:00

I'm starting to think my kind face is actual reality. This is quite benificial since I don't like paying speeding tickets and enjoy free stuff. I was on the train today and forgot to buy my ticket at the station. This is midly annoying because if you buy it on the train they charge some kind of lame convience fee.

Anyway so I'm sitting there and digging in my purse when the conductor comes by and asks for my ticket. I look up and tell him I forgot to buy one and asked him the price. He smiles back at me.

"don't worry he says" winks and walks away.

Sure he was probably my dads age but older men have connections...like free trips to Chicago proper.

-- Post From My iPhone

Christmas

2008-12-25T22:11:00.001-06:00

Considering the circumstances I had a very good christmas. So let's get to the good stuff the gifts.

I really didn't get very much presentwise. Some flute music, makeup and nail stuff wine glasses from my parents and some money leftover from thief budget alotment for me. Bushia, money. Grandparents, money. Grab bag, money.

Now I don't mean to complain. As per usual my family was more than generous. The thing is when I get money I don't really buy myself gifts. I make an extra payment or put it in savings. Boring.

I haven't decided what to do with my gifts maybe get started on some laser hair removal. I'm so cool.

some flute music

-- Post From My iPhone

Home

2008-12-25T00:33:00.000-06:00

I made it home. It took me 6hrs where it usually only takes 4.5 but I made it I'm here. Christmas tradition isn't exactly going as usual this year. My Bushia is sick so my parents had traditional perogie dinner complete with wapauteck (I have no idea how to spell it).

Since Bushia is skipping out I got to have a Xmas eve dinner of deep dish spinach pizza which is pretty much something I can only get here. We are also skipping midnight mass and instead spent the entire evening in front of the tv. We watched a Christmas story, saint Olaf choir, and now midnight mass from the vatacin.

Wait let me take away that we. I'm blogging through it and both of my parents are now sleeping in thier respective recliners. This is the way to do church right!

Whenever I come home I am so surprised at the amount of talking that is required when cohabitating with family. Maybe it's just because they don't see me often but really I don't think my family are over talkers.

I for all intents and purposes live alone, I go hours he'll I've gone days without speaking a word and I don't mind it one bit. It's kinds nice they are asleep now I can rest my vocal chords.

Tomorrow it's the extended family which is never complete without asking about my love life and lesbian accusations from my cousin.

It truely is the most wonderful time of the year.

-- Post From My iPhone

Daddy Dearest

2008-12-23T22:32:00.002-06:00

My father is quite possibly the cutest dad alive. This morning I received multiple phone calls (4) and emails (2) to not drive home tonight after work. My dad who had the day off took it upon himself to drive to Wisconsin this morning to test the roads for me. He stopped in Kenosha to open his little plastic bag which contains his cell phone and call my mother to put out the no-travel decree.

So the plan is tomorrow I will see how the roads are and make the call to come home for Christmas or spend my holiday sitting at home with no tree and no presents. Depressing.

Of course on the upside if I do get snowed out I can take a long weekend for new years, hang with Cobie and the family on the weekend so actually that would benefit everyone but still its just not the same.

Stressed

2008-12-22T00:34:00.002-06:00

My date this weekend did not go as planned. Thanks to a lovely mn winter Joe Six Pack (JSP) couldn't get here. He decided to go out and try again to make the trip since the plows had been called out but I told him I would go there since my car is way better for winter driving (4wheel drive ahgh agh agh) I packed some necessities since I doubted that the roads would magically clear by that night.

The weekend has left me...well confused. He was a perfect gentleman. I mean really perfect. Like I slept in the guest bedroom with clean sheets gentleman. Weird. I've never been snowed in and temporarily shacked up with a man who hasn't blatantly tried to take full advantage of the situation. There had been a few shortish making out kisses but really I've seen more action in disney movies.

So by the time I left tonight I was very very "ugh" about the whole thing. Perhaps mr.smitten was not so smitten after all. He requested I give a call when I got home and I did call him shortly after arriving home safely. And that's when true to my own unique style I refused to let well enough alone and I jokingly brought up the topic and apparently I'm the queen of mixed signals (allthough he said it very nicely).

This is not new for me. When I really like a guy I tend to give off the don't touch me vibe. Maybe its nerves maybe its my demanding nature of expecting every guy to know the back of the neck light finger rub is my green light. Perhaps I take my desire to be pursued to the extreme and think i shouldn't have to put myself out there at all. We chatted about it a bit and I think it was good and who knows maybe next time I'll actually attempt to flirt. It's bound to be a train wreck however I do get my highest blog hits from embarrassing romantic disasters so it cant be all bad.

I think it will be okay though. When I did talk to JSP he very much reiterated his smitten-ness and admitted his nerves probably got the best of him too so I guess we are in the same dysfunctional boat which is nice place to be.

Chastity Belt

2008-12-15T22:08:00.002-06:00

This Saturday I was soaking in the tub and opening up my January issue of Glamour. When I came across this article: When Should You Sleep With Him? I linked it for your viewing pleasure. Seeing as I may be in the market to do some sleeping I read the article in its entirety. Sorry to burst your bubble but it wasn't very helpful, it basically just said not to soon. Maybe its my analytical side but that's just a little vague for me. If we exclude the first boyfriend all other partners have been admittedly too soon. I would hardly consider myself skanky at least in comparison to my group of friends I'm on the chaste side of average.

I have slept with people for all sorts of stupid girl reasons. Wanting to feel attractive, keep him interested, just plain because I wanted some action. All these are just rather crappy reasons mostly because it all seems harmless beforehand but I must face the facts. I am just not a casual sex kinda gal. Regardless of the status of the relationship after sleeping with someone I feel they should somehow worship the ground I walk upon, even if I still don't particularly care for them. Of course that never really happens so it inevitably doesn't work out.

I was talking with Alice the other night about aformentioned article when I realized what was different about JSP. I don't feel rushed. We are taking the time to get to know each other...to enjoy the courtship period. I think he's going to be around for awhile a distinct difference from any relationship I've ever had. So I feel like I have all the time in the world to get to that next step, and I want to have fun at each one. Sure being 27 while dating a guy for a month with the pinnacle of the sexual relationship being one little closed mouth kiss may not be the norm but I really really like it. It's fun, its suspenseful and it makes me excited. I haven't had so much anticipation since I was 16 and its something I never really expected to get again.

Lets back track for just a second. I forgot to tell you about date #3. It was my first trip to Albert Lea to visit him. Being a Sunday in small town Minnesota while it was slightly snowing there wasn't much going on. So we had a quiet date of lunch out followed by a tour of his town including the house he grew up in and the parking lot that used to be his high school. Although a little on the cheesy side I totally love that kinda of crap. Then we went back to his place, held hands on the couch while watching the house wives of orange county and played sequence. It was nice we relaxed and enjoyed each others company.

Date #4 is my turn and I think I may be going a bit over the top but that's kinda my style. I figured I'd give him a tour of Rochester. But being that its a boring town and I don't have very much history here to point out to make it tolerable I had to add a bit of pizazz. Well that's when I got in my email an advertisement for plane rides over Rochester where you actually get to fly the plane and you can go pretty much wherever, and the best part was is they must be slow before Christmas because they were offering it for about half price! BONUS! After that we will go to a late lunch and if its not super cold we will go to peace plaza for the winter bizarre for coco and random Christmas crap, if its blustery a movie. Then I'm thinking wine and cheese for a light dinner followed by Saturday night live and hopefully making out during commercial breaks.

As for the chastity belt I think I'm going to keep it for awhile, besides it too freaking cold to bother with shaving my legs.

Urban Ava

2008-12-13T23:50:00.000-06:00

Growing up in the burbs one is taught to fear the city. Especially when half of the parental duo grew up in said city, and in not the nicest part…Of course time has passed and after countless trips the “downtown” area my fears have been alleviated although I have never gone alone. The L maps confuse me, I have no sense of direction and my iPhone map application always seems to loose its ability to connect at the most inopportune times (thank you AT&T) so my venture to the concert did have some nerves associated with it.

My anxieties were completely unfounded. I browsed around the loop went to the historic Marshall Fields (which I suppose I should admit is Macy’s but refuse) so many clothing options…so many cashmere sweaters even in my size…frango mints and well just more of everything. I took a cab to my hotel chatted with people in the lobby none of which uttered the phrase “you betcha” or talked about hunting, 4-wheeling, camping or getting their ice shanties ready to put on some god forsaken frozen lake.

The hotel was wonderful in was right smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood filled with three flats and low rise apartments/condos. I walked the block and a half to Jewel and bought overpriced food and wine, stopped to browse at available condos adds in the window of the real estate office and popped in at a bar for a pre-dinner drink.

Home is a funny concept. When I have a bad day…or year I find myself saying I just want to go home, but in my years away from where I grew up the concept has gotten fuzzy. Since my parents have moved to no-where’s Illinois being with them isn’t quite home and Rochester well my stubborn streak never even gave it half a chance. Maybe it was because I was happy about being on vacation or excited to go to my concert but walking through the neighborhood, shopping at Jewel and not saying hi to people as I pass them on the street suited me just fine. I was in a place where my evening entertainment was a cab ride away, any store or restaurant I could ever want to go was here. I was happy, I was by myself but I was where I wanted to be.

On a sleeting Wednesday night in December I was standing on a Wrigleyville street corner hailing a cab and I knew...I knew I was home.

MIA

2008-12-11T21:09:00.004-06:00

I know, I've been a total non-blogger lately but I have been very busy trying to do a month and a half's worth of homework in 2weeks...I suck at life. Also my wireless internet has decided to stop working which requires me to be sitting in front of an old tv and on an old couch while on the computer which I can only tolerate for about 20minutes...life is so hard sometimes. Anywhoo so I don't forget these are the posts that are milling about in my mind and I will write later.

1. Urban vs. Suburban...an Ava can make it in the city alone

2. Amanda Palmer in Minneapolis

3. Top 25 songs of the year...new favorites or old flashbacks these tunes rocked my ipod in '08

4. Date Three with JSP and what to plan for date 4

5. Unlikely duo: The curious case of the Fry pan and the laundry soap

Busy

2008-12-09T16:55:00.002-06:00

Hi friends, I know I have a bit lacking in the blog posting department but I was oh so busy over vacation and now that I'm home again I am overwhelmed with christmas shopping, errands and of course school. I have 10 days until the end of the semester and and 7 tests to take...this should be interesting. I am so grounded.

Amanda Palmer in Chicago

2008-12-05T15:15:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was the day all my dreams came true (what, to melodramatic for you?). The evening started in my hotel room with a bottle of warm asti that I had to drink with ice just to make it drinkable. I got through only two glasses before it was time to go. I slammed a third glass before heading downstairs to catch a cab (note to self warm sparkling wine is barley palatable.)

I arrived and wandered into line 45minutes early. I looked a tad out of place in my cream coat and coach purse but amanda's crowd is a welcoming people and chatted and accepted me even though I was way to preppy for the occasion. I guess they rightfully figured I cant be a complete drone if I want to go to this concert enough that I was willing to stand alone in the cold snow. So many people were dressed up I don't think I have ever seen so much eyeliner or fishnets in my life (and I've been to many a drag shows and Halloween parties). I think I'll dress up for Minneapolis.

After a brief memorial service for the late great AFP (Amanda Fucking Palmer) the doors opened and I made a mad dash to grab a drink and establish myself in the front row to the left of the stage for my wait to continue. Problem...I needed to go to the bathroom. The venue was still relatively empty I could have gone and still gotten pretty close to the front...but I just wasn't willing to give up my primo location, and I didn't have anyone to hold my spot so I figured I would solder on.

Act 1: The Builders and the Butchers
My knowledge of them was their name and a mention to check them out on
AFP's website...I had not done so. I'm usually not one for opening bands I pretty much want to get on with the show that I came to see. Even with my poor attitude these guys managed to rope me in and I really enjoyed myself. When vacation is over and I return back to my normal computer I have every intention of looking them up on iTunes and sending some monetary love their way. Look I even added a video for you to check out...

Act 2: Pony something er' another I don't remember the name.

I local Chicago acting troupe did a surprise performance. It was one of those theater performance that is supposed to make you feel a bit uncomfortable with a reward of making you think and coming to some great realization. I got the weird uncomfortable part but the message was lost on me, I just didn't get it. That being said the performance was still entertaining it definitely held my interest and curiosity, but at the end I was left saying...huh? What just happened here? I wanted to see if something was on you tube to share so maybe someone can enlighten me, but for the life of me I can't remember the whole name except for that it has pony in the title.

Act 3: Zoe Keating

In one word amazing. She is a "non-traditional" cellist who real time builds about what she is playing using her mac which is within reach as her stage partner. It was beautiful, dramatic and very very neat. Words can't really do it justice so watch a video...

The Main Event: Amanda Palmer and the Danger Ensemble

Well as you may have guessed it was amazing! I even became one of those crazy people that screamed and sang along with all the songs. The song selection was excellent including songs from her album and a couple ones that I do not yet have in my itunes collection. She choose two Dresden dolls songs: Coin Operated Boy, which was the song that introduced me to the dolls and Half-Jack one my favorite dolls songs. The evening ended with an encore with two very hilariously wonderful covers.

The danger ensemble did mini-performance pieces during many of the songs and there was always something to watch. Amanda was of course the energy of the night ever exciting and passionate...and even with a sense of humor to boot the whole night was a joy. I added a video of the first act which has admittedly horrible quality but quite frankly I was happy to find anything at all since security guards were steeping on my feet all evening to tackle the folks with video cameras..

The aftermath...my the end of the finale my slammed drinks was turning into a major bladder emergency. I got into the merchandise and signing line but after learning the nearest bathroom was in the balcony and I had run out of "hold it" as an option I regretfully left the line to head to the bar next door where I peed for I swear to go 2 straight minutes.

Fortunately I have a do-over and can wait in line after the show tonight. Tonight I will abstain from over consumption...or any consumption of beverages, have a fully charged camera battery (mine died halfway through), and wear cutsey tights. Here are some photos I did get.

Vacation Update

2008-12-02T15:59:00.002-06:00

Vacation has been progressing nicely. I got to Milwaukee in time for us to make it to the french bistro for dinner. Of course what I ordered wasn't exactly my taste but the creme brule was to die for!

Sunday was spent with my family visiting my grandma, grandpa, two aunts and my little cousins. Kinda sad (because my grandfather is quite ill) but he was having a good day and it was just good to have a visit with everyone. On the way home we got trapped in a snow storm on country road which was not at all fun but then again I didn't have to drive so whatever.

Monday was shopping day with mom, we went to woodfield which was pretty much a bust but then moved on to old navy, nordstrom rack, filens basement, marshalls, tjmaxx and of course beloved ikea and had much more success.

I found the most perfect tv stand at ikea. Its technically a small shelf with glass doors but it will so work. I cant take it home on the train and didn't want to pay shipping so Alice and Rory will be forced to track down furniture parts at ikea with me...well at least it will be fun for me.

Today was a lazy day. My mom and I went out for lunch and are spending the afternoon putting up the christmas tree and other fun christmas decorations. So there is your mini-update.

Tomorrow Amanda Palmer!

Clusterfuck

2008-11-30T20:29:00.000-06:00

Today’s adventure began by over sleeping my alarm and waking up 5 minutes before I was supposed to leave. This is pretty par for the course in my case but fortunately in a rare occasion of preparedness I had everything ready to go. I quickly brushed my teeth let the dogs out and threw on the same shirt I was wearing yesterday. Thank god I had a full tank of gas.

So I arrive in lacrosse only 15 minutes later than I had wanted to which was still 30minutes early for my train. I called Amtrak and to my surprise the train was running on time. So even in my weakened tired starving state I tell Jamie to skip the McDonalds drive through and head straight to the station. About 5 minutes before my train is set to leave they make an announcement something about a broken rail and re-routing and there will be a 10-15 minute delay.

That’s Amtrak talk for expected to be royally pissed off for the rest of your trip. My premonition was rewarded about 20minutes later when the announcement was made that the trains could not be rerouted and busses would come to pick us up.

Then the train rolls in, everyone that was on the train is now in a tiny lacrosse train station, and surrounding the building in the cold outside. Think of a large scale trapped in an elevator scenario. I do not care for crowds especially the type of crowd that develops from a demographic that either has no car or is too cheep to fly.

Then they decide that everyone that doesn’t have a connection in Chicago should get back on the train. Well I wasn’t on the train in the first place but this got me thinking I should be on there. A clearer announcement should have been made but seeing the leadership skills of the Amtrak team made me realize I should probably just go up and ask my specific question. “I am going to Glenview, do I need to get on the train or wait for a bus?’

This seemed like a question anyone in a name tag should have been able to answer but instead I got a convoluted….Well you could get on the train but its going to be more delayed…so you should really wait for the busses. So I went back to the station and (I think) did what I was told to do and waited for the busses….I waited….and waited…for 2hours more hours I waited…with no seat and holding two pieces of non rolling luggage…surrounded by crying children and teenagers with headphones on absurdly loud volumes.

Finally the busses came. There was absolutely no organization. No announcement of people going here on this bus and here on that bus. Nope 5 busses and hoards of annoyed people mobbed the poor bus drivers who had pretty much just been told to show up and were given no direction.

I ask a random bus driver it seems there are Milwaukee busses and straight to Chicago busses. You know what one lonely stop is in-between Milwaukee and Chicago….that’s right god damn f-ing Glenview. Since all the people from Amtrak seem to have disappeared I ask one of the bus drivers who says to go on the Milwaukee one because the Chicago ones are non-stop. Sigh. Milwaukee is before Glenview so how exactly am I going to make that little jaunt?

After enough time had elapsed for me to buy, breed and train a pack of blood hounds I was able to track down a genuine Amtrak employee. Who said I should have gotten back on the train. Okay breaking point reached. I begin my rant…

“First of all I was never on the train….and then when I heard non-connectors should get back on the train I took it upon myself to ask one of your associates. Who told me to wait for the busses…So I’ve been waiting for the busses and here I am at the busses and you are telling me there is no bus for me?!?” My eyes are scoring at him and I am secretly wishing that I had the superpower of shooting lasers out of my eyes to kill…or at least permanently disfigure him.

“Well I must have missed you then. You can take a bus into Milwaukee and then a train to Glenview…” God knows when that train would have been, probably tomorrow. And really an apology would have been nice.

“Never mind, I say Milwaukee is fine I’ll have someone pick me up there.”

Of course my cell phone service in that patch of Lacrosse is pretty dismal and after 7 attempts I got in touch with my parents. “I want you to pick me up at the Milwaukee Amtrak depot, I don’t know where it is and I don’t know what time I will get there.”

So now 4.5 hrs after leaving my house (if I’d driven I would have been home) I am finally on a moving vehicle set to take me to where I want to go…kinda sorta. Next time I have the bright idea of relaxing on a train and napping my way home…slap me (that’s what she said)

Happy vacation Day 1!

Prude

2008-11-29T01:11:00.004-06:00

Date number two was smashing. Since JSP took care of the first date I figure it was my turn to do the grudge work (including picking up the tab) fair is fair I'm liberated. I decided on Newts for dinner were we ordered the same burger (The juicy lucy) and same beer (Miller light). Conversation was absolutely excellent we had a long talk about of all things the Tyra Banks which spurred of topics of religion and gay marriage discrimination. I've really never met anyone so in sync with my political and social views. The almost 2hr dinner flew by and we rushed over the the comedy club for our after dinner activity. The comedians were funny and we laughed had a couple drinks and had an in general good time. After the comedy club we chatted some more and laughed we had that good thing where we would play off each other joking back and forth.

Everything was perfect until the walk to the door. Nerves horrible nerves. The kind that make you buddy-punch dates in the arm. I went for the hug then realized he was going for the kiss and went in too but it ended up being one of those 80yr old grandmother closed mouth kisses. Then I kinda patted/rubbed the top of his head for some odd reason. We are talking just a minor step away from a nookie. To JSP's credit he seemed to find my ridiculousness tolerable if not mildly endearing..so hopefully I can ride that wave into date three.

Jesus Ava...really? So what my deal? Am I just rusty? Am I scared? Is the doorstep end of date kiss simply too high pressure? I like inside first kisses maybe warming up with a bit of cuddling is it wrong to not be ready to kiss him until I've gotten comfortable with holding his hand?

I've somehow regressed into pre-teen sex progress. I've turned into a prude. This has never been a problem in the past. Perhaps my year of chastity has turned me into a born again virgin....don't expect an invitation to some cleansing ceremony as this spontaneous regeneration of my hymen was completely unintentional and unexpected.

Black Friday

2008-11-29T00:48:00.004-06:00

I didn't go to sleep Thursday night, I came home from work did my normal avoidance of anything productive save a smidge bit of backing for Saturday's impending departure. Then at 4:16am I rolled out of my driveway and set off for walmart. Now this little miss prissy from prissy town won't even go to walmart on a Saturday let alone black Friday but watching my 12'" t.v. that was bought on a spur of the moment post breakup lack of bedroom TV. After the new couch I moved the tiny TV into the living room which was at best tolerable. I wanted...ahem needed a HDTV a flat screen to match my impeccable style.

I arrived within 3minutes and headed into the TV line. My objective was at 32" flat screen for the low low price of $388 and wouldn't you know it just 2hours later yours truly was the proud owner of the second to late one! And I didn't even get a black eye!

Here it is unpacked and in its natural environment. I really need a t.v.stand the makeshift night stand just isn't going to cut it since my DVD player is laying on the floor...Bonus point What movie am I watching on my new T.V. Alice no cheating since I talked to you just prior to starting the flick.

An Ode to the Bra

2008-11-27T02:39:00.003-06:00

My father loves that old 90s sit-com married with children. There was one episode where Peg's favorite bra was discontinued in a rare show of love Al went out to all these stores and found her bra and bough her a whole slew of them. Well seeing as I'm not married to a gem of a shoe sales man as Al when my favorite sheer wear Lane Bryant bra was removed from the shelves and place on the sales rack I literally picked up ever single one they had in my size. That was two years ago and all but one had worn out.

The only one I had left was ugly black with an odd gold chain and perfume bottle pattern on it. Sure it wasn't a Friday night get freaky bra but it was so comfortable and kept things were they should be kept I didn't care and wore it as much as possible.

Today I was at work when under my right armpit I was viciously stabbed with an under wire. A bathroom trip later I shimmied the under wire back into position which lasted all of 5minutes before it started stabbing me again. I dealt with the pain. Then another hour later stabbing pain in the left armpit...same problem. What the hell both in one day. At least these bras had constant manufacturing processes for both sides to go in one day.

So I took a second trip to the bathroom. Capable of the removal of two wires I would be left with two sagging breasts instead of the alternative un-even perk which would have been the case only an hour earlier. I planned on throwing them away in the private sanitary wastebasket in every ladies stall. Unfortunately either the maintenance team is striking or every woman in the hospital is on the rag because there was no room in that little waste basket and i wasn't about to go pushing it down to make room....ew.

So I figure to myself its 8pm who's going to be around Ill just throw it away in the regular trash can. So with two under wires plainly in hand i waltz out of the bathroom just in time to see two (I'm assuming patient family/friends come into the bathroom). They look at me. They look at the under wires. I feel my face turn a bright flush. I quickly rush over crossing their path to throw them away and with my head down go to wash my hands. The older lady giggles, "Oh, honey she says...we all have those days." I nervously force a laugh and agree. Why do I always get caught doing stupid embarrassing shit?

Rest in peace my perfect sheerwear bras. I don't know why you turned on me in the end. I'm guessing it was so our parting would be less painful for both of us. I still love you, you will be missed and will forever live on in my memory.

Christmas list

2008-11-26T01:25:00.003-06:00

A bonus to being an only child and a spinster is your parents aren't distracted by other people or grandchildren and therefore still take great joy in lavishing you with numerous bundles brightly wrapped presents. Curious about what made it on the list this year?

6 pretty white wine crystal glasses (the kind that sing when you run your finger over the top of them)
DVD of Momma Mia
Soap & Glory Clean on Me Body Wash
Soap & Glory Righteous Butter Lotion
Replacement Sonicare Brush Heads
Apple In-Ear headphones with Remote and Microphone
Amanda Palmer WKAP Book and Vinyl
Bare Escentuals Hydrating Mineral Veil
Bare Escentules Eye Defining Brush
Flute Music Books
Lemon Verbena Petite Air Essence by Agraria (One of those air infuser thingies)
Holidays on Ice, by David Sedaris
Jenny and the Jaws of Life, by Jincy Willett
Children Playing before a Statue of Hercules, by David Sedaris
And a new aesthetically pleasing dog bed. (Well that's more for Bellirosa)

Oh today (well yesterday since its after midnight) is Rosa's birthday. She celebrated her 4th birthday with and extra cup of food, treats, an evening of tennis, roughhousing with bellie and an after dinner nap.

Stupid Stupid Stupid

2008-11-23T23:06:00.002-06:00

I did something dumb today. Well I put my couch on my previously paid off credit card (ie not used to paying the bill and therefore I don't have it set to pay automatically which meant I actually had to do something) Anyways I think to myself...

Self I say its funny I haven't gotten a bill yet. Then self says well maybe you did after all you do have that pile of mail sitting in your kitchen waiting to be sorted. There it was. Due 4days ago. I set it up and paid it online but it wont go through until its 6days late ensuring I'm sure a hefty fee.

Sigh. I suck. Oh well I paid $450 (my minimum is $20) so I'm just going to ignore that little late fee of my bill last month since I'm sure I paid enough to take care of it...that is assuming I even bother to open the bill next month.

In other happier news my dear friend Tiff is engaged. So a special congratulations to her. This guy has seemed like her perfect match from the get-go and I'm thrilled to see her so happy. Hey I'm getting better at this happy-for-people aren't I? Now I have a year to secure a wedding date that is willing to fly to South Carolina for the wedding.

Speaking of dates (my transitions are so smooth I should be on the pickup artist) I talked to JSP today and we had a very pleasant conversation and I am the proud owner of plans for a second date. Of course due to my amanda palmer/family/extravaganza vacation the timing is difficult. I'm going to see if I can flex my time at work and get out a wee bit early so we can get together on Friday night before I leave. I think its good to have the second date within a week of the first...keeps the ball rolling as it were. Hopefully this mount saint helen cold sore of mine will be gone by then.

A Date with JSP

2008-11-22T23:29:00.004-06:00

It was good I wouldn't call it fireworks but it was a first date after all. He was very much a perfect gentleman. He arrived exactly on time. Something I am very much not used to which means when he arrived I was still digging through my closet to find shoes and did not have socks on. While I was getting my purse and other necessary "stuff" he waited patiently at the door and petted the dogs who were well behaved and didn't attack him. I put on my shoes and socks and he held the door open to let me pass through...quite a gymnastic feat considering the size of my entry way. As we walked to his car he compliment my house and said I looked beautiful (I'm such a sucker for compliments). I was pleasantly surprised that he was quite attractive. He only had one little tiny picture. He's just a smidgen taller than me with nice blue eyes...hes slightly balding but has a buzzed hair which looks good on him. (why don't all guys with less than a full head of hair wear that cut) anyways he was in jeans that he picked out himself (that can be fixed) but did wear a very pleasing gray wool coat and plaid scarf....nice.

Once in the car I couldn't wait any longer and asked so what are we doing? With his best straight face he said "country line dancing" he was joking he knows I pretty much hate country music. We were actually going to Victoria's for dinner. Which through a conversation awhile ago he found out was pretty much my favorite restaurant in town. At Victoria's we bonded over a shared love of regular coke and McDonald's. We ate. He put his napkin on his lap and chewed with his mouth closed. Conversation was good and I couldn't remember any real awkward silences.

We spent almost 3hrs at the restaurant chatting away. We decided to head to the movies from there but due to the long dinner we were in that lull between show times so he dropped me off early for the evening. Then he walked me to my door.

I did not punch his shoulder and waited for him to make the goodnight parting move. Then when he started moving in I wasn't sure if he was going in for the kiss or hug so I erred on the side of caution when he came in and did the hug. Since I didn't get lips on my temple or shoulder I'm pretty sure I made the right choice. I wouldn't have objected to kissing him but I think I may be getting a cold sore and being a herpes spreading whore probably wouldn't get me a second date. I also contemplated inviting him in to watch snl since the movie thing didn't work out but I didn't want to seem too forward and give him the wrong idea. (Since when has that been a concern of mine...man I'm getting old). So I parted and said some sentiments to let him know I had a good time and would like to do it again, and he did the same.

Oh and at the disgust of being a total girl I rather not have the first kiss be and akward door front moment. Its just to forced.

So all and all I would call this a success. He wasn't as funny as on im but then again neither am I on a first date. We did share a few laughs over maverick brand cigarettes and he listened intently through all my stories and maintained good eye contact. And considering it was a straight to dinner date which is pretty much super high pressure it was very good. Oh and just to throw it out there I think the two of us would make a cute couple. So yeah I'll keep you updated I'm pretty sure he is quite smitten with me so expect a real life date two in the future. Gosh If this keeps up I'm going to have to start doing kegels again.

Pruning

2008-11-22T15:45:00.003-06:00

Happy date day everyone! JSP will be picking me up at 7:30 so before long I much launch into my pre-date rituals. It began last night, one must always paint the nails the night before because if you get stray nail polish on your cuticles it will come off in the shower the next morning. Shockingly enough my nails are actually at perfect length and my cuticles aren't torn and bleeding so everything is good on that front. The monster zit on my nose which erupted just a few days ago has simmered down to nothing more than a a little smooth pink patch of skin and will easily be invisible with a dab of concealer.

Now the question of the ages what to wear. Since I have no idea what said date day will hold I must look nice but casual. A genre of dress that is most difficult for me. With Alice's guidance dark jeans were chosen for the pants, with nice black shoes to dress them up. After cleaning out my closet a couple weeks ago (like 5 garbage bags of clothes worth) I decided it was a trip to Macy's for the shirt. Where I found a thin black turtleneck sweater with short-ish sleeves. Its well fitting and shows of the girls without looking like one intends to do so :) The perfect plan. I will be taking along my bright blue glasses should I need to see anything from a distance.

The the other decision. The date perfume. Normally I have euphoria by Calvin Klein as my stand-by for such occasions...its a sexy-ish sent. However I've been out of my favorite sent insolence for so long that I don't think I can resist wearing that one. It's much more me anyway.

Well I am off to pluck my eyebrows! Wish me luck tonight.

Expectations

2008-11-22T01:19:00.002-06:00

Its Friday night and with my bottle of wine and a fully charged i-pod I was ready for cleaning. Of course a most of my Friday night cleaning spells go it was short lived. Instead I spent far more time drinking singing and generally wasting time while going through things. Then I settled down to paint my nails in preparation for tomorrows date. I have until 7:30 to prune so as per usual I am procrastinating.

Bad Day

2008-11-19T21:45:00.003-06:00

Oprah says each day you should find things to be grateful for. I like doing this just about as much as I like watching Oprah but whenever I have a truly crappy day (like today was) I in my own sarcastic way think of how things could have gone worse which eventually leads me to see the thinks that did go right. So today for one day only you get a day pass into Ava's coping with life mechanism.

I could of had to make 50 phone calls at work opposed to the 30 or so I made.
I could of had to work a double because no one would come in but instead I only had to stay an hour late.
The dogs could have shit three times in my kitchen instead of two.
I could of had to put air in all of my tires rather than the 3 flat ones that I came out of work to find.
I could have gotten multiple huge zits on my nose at T-3days until date day...but I only got the one. (My nose is currently covered in a thick white layer of Origins out of trouble emergency mask)
I could have been found bawling at work and hiding under my desk. Instead I skipped lunch and bought a chocolate ice cream treat which I proceeded to smudge all over my scrub top so it looked like I rolled around in poo.
I did fill up my gas tank for 25 dollars (1.82/gallon!) and I had less than 1/4 tank to start with.
My nails look nice...I bought a new french manicure kit and I didn't chip even one today and i didn't bite them all down to bloody nubs during my stressful day.
My netflix movies came in the mail today.
I'm really looking forward to reading my book before bedtime.
I got home early enough to have a conversation with jsp.
Belmont and Rosa are looking extra cute and not bothering me.

I feel better now.

Monday Mysteries

2008-11-18T01:43:00.004-06:00

Have you ever noticed that undesirable smells admitting from ones own body never seem as bad as those expelled from someone else? I have taken off leather shoes after a summer rainstorm, I've been known to eat flatulence inducing food and I've even had the unfortunate experience of raising my hand after torturous first period high school P.E. class. It wouldn't call these smells pleasant but coming from me they just don't seem that bad.

So why is it that when I go into a public bathroom and smell the leavings of someone before me I gag and contemplate skipping the wiping of my niceties just to get the hell out of there? And why is the disgust compounded by the sight of racing stripes on the toilet bowl?

Joe Six Pack

2008-11-16T00:56:00.002-06:00

I've been chatting with a boy. Internet dating apparently is a brick wall I haven't slammed my head into enough. I've been talking to Joe Six Pack (JSP) for over a month now and he has managed to not annoy or piss me off in any way...amazing. And today he finally officially asked me on a date and get this being the boy he is driving here (he lives about 45minutes away) and is going to plan the whole thing. This goes over very well with me because then all I am responsible for is trying to find my very underused date mascara and "make me feel pretty" perfume.

So lets meet the bachelor. Bachelor no.976 is a swm, never married, would like children in the future. He likes his parents and has a real job in finance. He balances his checkbook on Saturdays, and pays his own mortgage (hold on I need to change my panties).

He believes 7 out of 10 people are inherently stupid, and thinks the my studying of clinical chemistry is "sexy." He is 5'10, 31 year old and a Scorpio (and yes we are astrologically as compatible as possible...he looked it up too) Under body type described himself as a few extra pounds and believes women should eat.

He enjoys playing poker with his friends, and watching snl. We have spent hours making fun of Sarah Palin. He voted for Obama and admitted having to hold back crocodile tears while watching his acceptance speech. He is flattering in an un-creepy way and for the life of me I have no idea why this one is single but then again I have no idea why I'm single either.

His favorite movie is Bull Durham which combines baseball and a surprisingly large amount of romantic content. He knows nothing about cars and has not given me detailed stats on his mode of transportation. He remembers things I tell him, has talked to his friends about me, and I even got the opportunity to talk to one of these friends who gave him and glowing recommendation.

JSP has potential, I can respect this one he has his shit together. I don't know anything about the date and have agreed to a "surprise" which makes me anticipate it even more. So look for updates next weekend.

P.S. Good day today I've still been doing my weigh-ins and today I checked and I'm down 17lbs right on track for my 20lbs by the end of the year. Go me! One day I dream to be overweight rather than obese :)

Things not to do with Vicks

2008-11-15T00:03:00.002-06:00

Today I called in to work, I slept well but was still feeling rather icky today and decided to take it easy. I watched a little TV and settled in for a nap at about 5pm....I slept until 10pm, as if my sleep schedule isn't messed up enough as it is. Then just before going out for a food run I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. My forehead nose and cheeks were covered in tiny tiny pimples (I'm assuming from the vaporub). Fortunately they are the type that will heal in a couple days if I leave them alone but still quite shocking...in a quick survey I found 17. I have since washed my face twice to try and prevent more from erupting. Consider yourselves warned.

Is the Plauge still in style?

2008-11-13T19:30:00.002-06:00

I love vicks vaporub. I have vicks plug-ins, vicks sented klenex, vicks shower tablets and of course my own personal tub of vicks vaporub. My only dissatifaction with the product is I love it so much I wish I could injest it. I took a tip of slathering the goo on the bottom of my feet to stop my agonizing cough..no dice so I moved to the chest which soothed my muscle pain from coughing but thats it. Still the slight satisfaction was enough to go on an addictive binge.

Feet
Chest
Arms
Nose
Upper lip
Cheeks
Forhead
Neck
Lowerback

Im afraid to lay down because Im prone to leave a greese streak wherever I go. I can no longer be seen because my skin produces a blinding glare. The dogs refuse to be in the same room as me due to the overwhelming odor. I am also starting to entertain the paranoid that I might be flamable (Shiny greesy things usually are). Oh and I'm still coughing.

P.S. In happy news Cobie and I kissed and made up (oh well more txt'd and talked) its good to have life back to normal.

I found it!

2008-11-12T20:45:00.004-06:00

I have found the one and only reason to live in nowhere minnesota...It hardly seems worth it.

(Picture taken Saturday 11-8-08)

Book it

2008-11-10T21:49:00.006-06:00

Much like the American Idol Kelly Clarkson, I am "Miss Independent." -That was a joke folks stick with me here.

Today I booked my hotel for the Chicago Amanda Palmer show. No I didn't book some prissy (ahem safe) Michigan Ave room. Nope two star nothside for me. The good side its literally one itty bitty mile from my concert and two blocks from Wrigley and at $125 the price tag was tre' chic. It doesn't look too bad so hopefully I wont return from my stay with a raging case of scabies. Now I just have to figure out how to take the bus/L from union station to get there. I shall figure that out later. Besides worst care scenario I can use my savings to splurge on a cab.

The other problem is the dad factor. Do I blatantly lie? Daddy dearest will be mental at the thought of his little bubble-headed princess navigating the city alone, staying in a hotel without a doorman and going to a concert where I think he figures (and rightfully so) I will be drunk beyond sensibility. Regardless of what he says I will go (for christ sake I'm 27) and the only person that would really suffer from such a disclosure is my saintly mother who will have to hear him suffer in 40 decibel "silence" all while calling local hospitals until 8am the next morning when my mother will finally lift the ban on calling me. So full disclosure is probably not the best idea for this situation, but I'm not very good about lying...especially to my parents...especially without getting caught :P I think the best tactic will be to spring it on them at the last minute. I'll think on it.

Aside from all this I'm very proud of myself. I'm excited, I'm going alone on a little adventure... now if I only knew how to dress goth so I could fit in with the concert goers.

Ava version 2.0

2008-11-07T22:39:00.002-06:00

Before I even graduated high school I entered a doctor's office who told me I wouldn't have children...well that's not exactly true they said if I wanted them sooner-rather than later was the method to go with (at 27, sooner has passed and my doctor stamped date is years expired). Now at the age of 17 the news although shocking never really bothered me until my mid-twenties, the baby making years where my friends facebook pictures abruptly turned from drinking photos to cloudy blob ultra sounds and pictures of juniors first smile. I want one.

Okay I don't want one today, but the progress of others has me thinking about my own mini-me and my own life situation. I really fell in love with the idea of adoption. It has that altruistic quality and having a child with my gene pool has become quite unimportant to me. Especially if I never find a husband adoption is definitely my baby-making method of choice. But I still had a romance with the child of my own idea has never quite gone away when I think of ever getting married. Granted I have no prospects at this point but I would like to think at one point I'll find someone well suited to me. And that half-me-half him mutant baby with daddy's nose and mommy's eyes not to mention the kid is required to get my kick-ass personality...is something I admit still saddens me a bit.

I went for my regular checkup at my doctor a few months ago, 6mos before the appointment I stopped taking all my medications that were supposed to "fix" my hormone issues. Frankly in my opinion they weren't doing shit so why bother paying for them. She checked my levels and everything...EVERYTHING was normal. Humm weird (for me). But I really hadn't give it much thought.

Then today I was sitting at my desk...I was crabby, I had found three (albeit tiny) zits on my face and my stomach hurt allot...wait cramps. Rosa parks had rode her bus into town yet again. I circle the little date on my checkbook calendar as I was taught in jr. high although I still don't understand the point of it. And I noticed something strange. 28days, cycle before 29 days, and the one before it 28days. 3 in a row. I've never even had one 28 day cycle before before. Normal its all normal.

Have I been magically been cured? Is the thought of a mini-Ava no longer an impossibility? It's something I gave up a decade ago...maybe I was too hasty.

a remember forever day

2008-11-05T23:01:00.003-06:00

There are not many remember moments that I've had in my short life. Sure I have personal ones but I'm talking shared history. I wasn't around to remember when I heard JFK was shot but I do remember September 11th.

I was living in my first apartment, A old Victorian split into efficiencies. It was my third year of college and I was sleeping in a twin size bed adorned with a white comforter with purple flowers. Cobie called me that morning and told me the news. In my sleepy state I thought it was a mix up with overworked air traffic controllers. I didn't know a world of terrorism and after hanging up with Cobie I turned on the news to see the second tower crash live stream before my eyes. I remember disbelief I remember the 19'inch Sanyo television with the curved front screen that made me realize America wasn't as loved by the world as I had been told in my youth. It not a happy memory but its a day where my life changed. And a moment I remember uniting me with all the others that crowed around the big screen in Crisco Commons. A day where classes were canceled and we weren't happy about it.

Last night in an unexpected way I got that feeling, but in a happy way...a way of hope for the future. I wanted Obama to win. I voted for him, but I was surprised in the way at about 10pm they announced it and I smiled, after McCain's concession speech and as Obama graced the stage I felt it. I felt the hope, he had a glow a confidence. I trust this man, I believe in him. I am proud to live in a country who's number one isn't some old white guy. I believe this is a turning moment in history. Most of all for the first time in my adult life I believe.

Where I was when Obama was elected: I was sitting on my new leather couch in my living room in my first house. I watched CNN on my 13 inch RCA television. I was talking to Alice and a JSP (Joe Six-Pack) on yahoo messenger. I saw Jesse Jackson being pissed, Oprah with tears in her eyes and a people crammed into Grant park shouting YES WE CAN!

Rockin' the Vote ala Rochester

2008-11-03T22:42:00.008-06:00

I am an American and therefore will be spending tomorrow morning in a pop-up booth stabbing a piece of paper with a blunt object. No discrepancies for my ballot.

What your not registered? Well if you are in Rochester or (Minnesota in general) you can register on the day of just make sure to bring a valid ID with your current address. For my Minnesota voters (Click here to find your polling place and to view a sample ballot for your area). I'll be seeing you between 7am and 8pm!

Now I made my presidential, senator and representative decision awhile ago but what about those 20something other offices I have to make a decision on? So I spent a few hours looking them up while watching snl's presidential bash. Gotta set the mood you know.

In researching The School Board Member Director 7 I came across the meet the candidate questioner for Marcia Matz. I wouldn't want this woman anywhere near a school, let alone leading one. My goal is not to be a reporter if you want the whole story you can visit my inspiration (To see the source and check out your options click here) but I promise you the quotes I'm pulling are real...

Candidate Marcia Matz - Seat 7

1. Why are you running and why should the business community Support you?
I am running because I want to. Why should the business community support me? Never gave it any thought.

Really? Usually people give a reason why they want to...love of children, learning, god woman give me something here. And if you didn't give any thought to the people you have to work with and get funding from you are going to have a real tough 4yrs.

2. What are the four primary issues facing ISD 535 in the next five years? If elected how
would you address these issues?
I don't know, however, common sense dictates that one would address the issues to the best of ones ability and expect to have people mad at me because they disagreed with what I choose to do.

She doesn't know much does she. But even though she doesn't know what the problems are she has enough common sense to fix them. Just look at how much common sense she has in answering these questions.

3-The school district is looking at a several million dollar deficit in 2009 which the school
board will need to tackle soon after the November election. If elected what skills do you
have which will assist in addressing this enormous task?
I have the skills of having lived on a budget and I know that when your income falls short of expectations, you have to cut out the extra things and go with the basic needs. I believe the various booster clubs should hold fund raisers to supplement those programs that have their
funding reduced or cut.

Oh yeah those extra things left over after last years cut. When they reduced the budget by 20%, I'm pretty sure they gave up the gold plated football helmets last year. But have no fear we will just make them sell magazines and cookies door to door. That will raise the 10million.

4-What two specific ideas do you have on reducing the deficit?
Ideas to reduce the deficit, spend less, or hold fund raisers to increase the funding that the budget doesn't cover.

Spend less very specific.

5) We know the landscape of the workplace is changing. We have more people age 65+ in the workforce and we will continue to see our community diversify in race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic background. What do you feel are the three most critical issues we need to
address in regards to workforce?
I don't understand how this applies to schools

Oh shes right community has nothing to do with schools. We shouldn't teach tolerance and acceptance in school. We shouldn't trouble our precious cookie-selling children with responsibilities of an aging community and increased poverty. No the increased gangs, violence, drug use and hate crimes has nothing to do with falling graduation rates or unsatisfactory preparation for college. No sir that outside community world stuff has nothing to do with schools or education. Oh and workforce? I guess we dont send our kids to school to become part of the workforce, and changes in the workforce certainly have nothing the do with staffing the school. Who needs teachers anways... I mean seriously?!

6- What is your opinion of the Districts five year plan to help eliminate the achievement gap?
I know from experience that some students would rather "just pass" than to worry about higher grades. The gap is not very big in Rochester. A determination should be made as to weather the students in this gap are there because they need academic help or by choice.

Um I don't think she read the plan. I think the "just pass" mentality is what they are trying to tackle. And weather it be from lack of motivation (maybe just maybe due to some of that nasty outside stuff that doesn't affect schools) or poor teachers blaming the kids really doesn't fix the problem.

7-Additional comments
I am new to the area, I have not "taken sides" because I don't know what the sides are. I have little sympathy for people who are upset that the re-drawing of district lines may have their child attending a different school than they planned, if you want the child in a specific school, move into that district.

Yeah its just so easy to move with this economy (oops my bad crazy outside and business stuff that doesn't apply just keeps popping up). Also when you moved to the "good side of town" so your little prince or princess could go to the good school instead of the racier parts of town and then the district changes the rules on you...Id be pissed too and I'm not even a parent. Not to mention that education and schooling is more than academic, it is social, it is security.

Anyways what she was supposed to do in this section is win me over with her spirit to have our children succeed. To keep our schools safe. To make changes to education fiscally and curriculum wise.

I beg of you if you are one of those voters who chooses a pretty name amongst a mass of strangers...please please please (I'm literally on my knees here) don't pick this one. And if you don't want to look it up and want a name to remember in this category MICHAEL BAKER was by far my favorite.

Go Obama - Biden

Go Frankin

Go Waltz

Good luck tomorrow kids!

And now for something completely different

2008-11-02T01:40:00.003-05:00

Last nights post was admittedly a disaster. Note to self drunk blogging is worse than drunk txting because you don't have a character limit. I've heard people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones...although I've never been a fan of washing windows so I tend to be a bit careless with my stone throwing. (okay I'm putting a stop to the cliches)

So in the spirit of communication, and disgusting venerability lets do this thing. Cobie is my oldest dearest friend. I know he didn't overbook on purpose. I was angry and hurt mostly because I interpreted his misbooking as a fact that he wasn't as excited to see me as I was to spend some time with him. (Which looking back now I'm not sure I don't even belive that....I tend to be a blonde when it comes to dates too) And hell if I had to choose between Manhattan and a concert I'm not crazy about I'd fuckin' choose New York anyways. And to totally switch gears on you, I'm disappointed that he feels he has to walk on eggshells for me and that's made me realize I don't spend enough time just relaxing and having fun with him.

My friendship with Cobie is different. I can't explain why but I trust him, he is special to me and more than anyone when he has joys and sorrows I feel it. I don't spend enough time telling him how much I value him as a person, I don't spend enough time empathizing with him. However I do spend far to much time letting him see my bad side, my vunerable side, my unedited side. (shocking I know but I do edit). I'm a user. Cobie doesn't get to see the good side, the happy side, the ways I change because I trust him enough to see the mess underneath. He must have a very shady view of me which is completely my fault. He is patient, he helps. When I went through the Ed disaster he told me what no one else would. I see the changes in him though. I see him happy, I see him smart, I see him excited about his career and school, I see him living the life he wants. Which requires a certain amount of bravery. I'm not jealous of cobie though (said notoriously jealous Ava) with cobie I'm just plain proud. And for me to make that switch in emotions its gotta count for something.

To Cobie:
You are special. You are what I imagine a sibling to be. I am thankful I have you in my life. You are eternally my friend, and you are so not getting rid of me that easily. Forget Gwen its time you got to know Gwendolyn. I'm willing to stomp my stinking pride, I owe you. I love you. I'm sorry. Take your time. I'll wait. Your worth it.

P.S. 15yr old Ava took a hike, I'm back to my old self and booking a hotel room so I can go to my concert. Sure I may be going alone but I prepare to be drunk enough to fake being gregarious.

P.P.S: Signing the letter Ava didn't sit well with me. Sometimes if your going to go vulnerable you mine as well go all out.

A word or a thousand about last night's post

2008-11-01T15:40:00.002-05:00

So I'm in the doghouse and rightfully so. I made quite the boo-boo with yesterdays post.

I posted it before talking to Cobie this morning after I had cooled down. Didn't Oprah say to write these things and then burn them? I suppose posting them on the internet is about 1000xs worse than sending it.
Cobie is a good person and a good friend and even if the concert is something that wasn't tops on his list to go to even in my unrational state I did know its not something he would go out of his way to overbook on purpose.
I'm not psychic and I shouldn't expect him to be either. There was no way for him to know I had taken the week off, and there was no way for him to know I took a long weekend for newyears to go to (albeit groan) Michigan.

Self Improvement is better left to Oprah

2008-11-01T02:36:00.003-05:00

I'm trying to be a better person. I am by nature a grudge holder...a bad one. I can stew for years over someone who stole my turn at shotgun or a person who smoked the last cigarette in my pack at a bar. However I guess after the Ed disaster I figured grudge holding isn't doing me any favors so I have delved into the realm of a combination denial and acceptance. Basically when something pisses me off I give myself a specific length of time to be pissed over something. The pout timer is set according to the level of unforgivable deception to which I was subjected to.

So here is the story we all know I am obsessed with my beloved Amanda Palmer and purchased my priceless tickets to see her in Chicago and Minneapolis. I bought train tickets for my voyage to the city and took the entire week off to visit with my family, then cobie for the concert then back to visit alice and go the second concert on friday.

Yeah well Cobie called bragging about wonderful Halloween in Chicago with good weather...which is slightly annoying enough in the first place considering I was drinking Riesling out of a pink cat-shaped bottle of wine by myself on a friday night. But I digress this is not the point of my story. He proceeds to tell me that hes going on vacation...the first week of December with Apple. I mention the concert which he conveniently forgot and then dug himself a deeper grave by saying he didn't book it just to get out of it...and then says he pretty much hated the CD (Yeah thats when the pissed metter hit 10). And he had to know it too because I was doing the thats okay with tone and didnt do my normal 3hour "feelings" monologue.

Yeah I didn't think he did it on purpose until that last moment but first lets talk about Apple. I have nothing against her in fact shes okay with me. But you know that girl in high school that was just so much better than you, and you kinda felt like the side kick friend meant to stand around just to make her look better? Yeah well that's Apple. And for some reason Apple with Cobie makes me into some 3yr old jealous kid. Did Cobie ask me to go on vacation...no. Even though I happened to have the entire week off anyway so I could of gone. Then there was that I wasn't trying to get out of it...who says that unless they were trying to get out of it? Perhaps I'm reading to much into it (that is a bad habit of mine)

This evenings incident has transformed into 15yr old crazy Ava well except I have wine, cigarettes and no parents breathing down my neck. Its a small improvement but I'll take what I can get at this point. I'm willing to let this go. I bitched to Alice who is now extra dedicated to attending the Minneapolis show so at least I'm not completely missing out. I've written my blog admitting to everyone I'm an immature jealous baby and now its time to get over it and weigh my options.

I know I will simply start to starve myself (so I'm skinny and adorable), go to med school, cure cancer then become a famous actress and be too busy with all my new super cool rich smart friends and then be too busy to ever hang out with my old friends again...oh well accept Alice I can name the cancer cure after her and I will tell everyone it was because she went to that Amanda Palmer concert with me. (This option although pleasing on paper seems perhaps mildly unrealistic)

Lets get back to reality I will sell the tickets on ebay or just give them to some crazy fan on myspace (that does seem like the more altruistic thing to do). I'm not willing to throw $135 down the toilet for train tickets so I will go home visit my family for a few days and spend the time they are at work studying for my boards. So its not exactly the fun I was hoping for but it does sound like the kind of vacation 15yr old looser Ava would have. I'm done now, time for a new bottle of wine.